The Spring I Gave You A Ghost Wife's Last Goodbye

In the fifth year of our marriage, I died saving Neil Butler.

The only thing I left him was our four-year-old son.

After that, Neil raised our boy alone, living day by day on nothing but memories of me.

Until he met Lucy Simmons, who pursued him relentlessly.

No matter how many times Lucy confessed her feelings, Neil turned her down gently.

"I promised Rachel Armstrong I'd love her forever. She's the only wife I'll ever have."

I watched from the side.

Praying silently that he meant every word.

But it wasn't long before everything changed.

Lucy threw herself into a burning building to save our son, and fell into a coma.

Neil forgot everything else. He knelt at her bedside, begging her to wake up.

Lucy didn't wake.

But somehow, against my will, I found myself pulled into her body. I opened her eyes for her, and the first thing I saw was Neil.

He didn't recognize me.

He just choked back tears and confessed.

"Lucy, I love you."

For a second, I thought I'd misheard.

Then Neil said it again.

"Lucy, I love you."

"I already told my parents. Once you're out of danger and fully awake, we'll start planning the wedding."

"Thank God you're okay..."

He pressed my hand against his cheek, gazing at me with something close to reverence.

I didn't know how to tell him I wasn't Lucy.

I was his wife. Rachel.

And I had no idea how to face the fact that he had truly fallen in love with Lucy Simmons.

When I didn't respond, panic flickered across his face, and he started apologizing.

"I'm sorry, Lucy. I was wrong before. I'd already fallen for you but I was too afraid to admit it."

"I swear, from now on, I'll love you with everything I have. Okay?"

Those words were identical to the ones he'd said when he proposed to me.

Back then, I'd clung to his arm, laughing, teasing him:

"Then it's a deal! If you ever have a change of heart, I won't forgive you even after I'm dead!"

And now, that moment had actually come.

All I could do was dig my nails into my palms, swallow my tears, and force the words out.

"But I'm not Lu"

Before I could finish, someone burst through the door.

"Mom! You're finally awake!"

My whole body went rigid.

I watched as my son's small frame crashed into me, his eyes swollen and red from crying.

His warmth seeped through me, and the sheer force of the joy was so overwhelming that my voice shook.

"What... what did you call me?"

"Say it again. Please?"

It had been so long since Kent Butler had called me Mom.

But before he could say it again, Neil covered his mouth and corrected him gently.

"Kent, you can't call her that. Miss Lucy hasn't agreed to marry Daddy yet."

"She's not your mom right now."

Those words hit me like ice water. Reality snapped back into focus.

Right now, I was "Lucy Simmons."

Even Neil hadn't noticed anything was off.

How could a child possibly know that I was his real mother?

My nose stung without warning.

I lowered my head and tried once more to explain.

"The truth is, I really am Kent's mo"

Neil misunderstood. He seized my hand, eyes bright with excitement.

"So you're saying yes? You'll marry me?"

I froze, about to shake my head.

But Kent threw his arms around me first.

"Yay! Does that mean Miss Lucy is gonna be my mom now?"

I looked at the joy shining in both their faces.

The truth sitting on the tip of my tongue dissolved into nothing.

In the three full years since my death, this was the first time the two of them had been this happy.

They truly loved Lucy.

As for me...

A woman who'd been dead for three years, no matter how unwilling, how could she take away the happiness they wanted?

My eyes burned. I turned my face away before they could see and nodded.

"Okay."

I didn't know when I would disappear.

Since the only person they wanted to see was Lucy,

then I would give them exactly that.

When they heard my answer, father and son threw their arms around me at the same time.

Neil's voice cracked again.

"Lucy, thank you..."

"Thank you for forgiving me. And thank you for being willing to be Kent's mom."

Kent was still so little. All he knew was to burrow deeper into my arms, echoing his father's thank-yous.

I caught their scent, and the world tilted.

After all these years, they still smelled like gardenia.

It used to be my favorite scent.

I'd always bought that same gardenia detergent to wash their clothes.

Kent would cling to my legs whenever I hung the laundry out to dry, nuzzling against me:

"Mommy smells so good! So, so good!"

And Neil would always tell me:

"Every time I catch that gardenia on you, it makes me feel like everything's going to be all right."

It was a scent that belonged to the three of us alone.

Now they carried that same scent while holding another woman's body.

The revulsion rose in me, sharp and wordless.

I pushed them away and held my breath.

"What's that smell on you two? It's way too strong."

Neil lifted his sleeve and sniffed, then went rigid.

Kent answered for him.

"It's gardenia! Daddy said it was Mommy's fav"

Before he could finish, Neil clapped a hand over his mouth.

"Just regular detergent. If you don't like it, we'll switch to something else tomorrow."

Neil explained it away, careful, measured, watching my face the whole time.

By the next day, the scent was gone.

Replaced by a fruity fragrance. The kind I used to hate.

And Kent kept tugging at my sleeve, asking if I liked it.

I looked at that small, eager face.

I lied and nodded, and told myself one more time to let go of the past.

I wasn't Rachel anymore.

I had to play the part of Lucy, and play it well, until the day she came back.

Slip in quietly. Slip out the same way.

That way, I could still fool myself.

At least in my memories, our little family would stay perfect, untouched.

For Neil and Kent now,

"Lucy's" feelings mattered most.

Because they thought "Lucy" wouldn't like it,

Neil took off his wedding ring on his own. A pale band of skin remained where the gold had been.

Because they thought Lucy wouldn't want to see anything connected to Rachel,

Kent tucked the keepsake locket I'd made with my own hands inside a drawer and never wore it again.

Slowly, methodically, father and son erased every trace of me from their lives.

And all I could do was watch.

A few days before I was discharged, my period came. I lay curled on the hospital bed, shaking from the cramps.

Kent climbed up and wrapped himself around me, pressing his warm little body against my stomach to ease the pain.

Neil called in to work and drove home to make me a pot of warm lotus seed porridge, the same recipe he'd always made.

Everything was exactly the way it used to be.

But I knew they still hadn't recognized me.

Neil lifted the spoon to my lips.

"Come on, drink it while it's hot. You'll feel better once it's in you."

It was only sweet, warm porridge. But somehow it stung my eyes until I couldn't see.

I turned my face away. "I don't want it."

Neil's hand froze around the spoon. His voice went tight.

"Isn't this your favorite? Why don't you want it all of a sudden?"

"Is your stomach bothering you?"

He was already turning to call for a doctor.

My words stopped him cold.

"Neil, I'm allergic to lotus seeds. I've never touched this stuff."

"The person you're thinking of... who is she?"

The dead hope inside me flickered back to life.

God, I wanted him to see the truth so badly.

I wanted him to piece together the clues and realize he still loved me.

But his lips trembled for a long time, and in the end, he said nothing.

I wasn't allergic to lotus seeds.

But in my memory, Lucy was. She'd told Neil about it more than once.

And he'd forgotten.

Did that mean some part of his heart still belonged to me?

Kent looked back and forth between us, then tugged on Neil's sleeve and whispered.

"Daddy, the one who likes warm lotus seed porridge is Mommy."

Heat rushed behind my eyes. I bit down hard on my lip and turned away.

I couldn't name what I was feeling.

Neil set the bowl down and pulled me into his arms, apologizing over and over.

"I'm sorry, Lucy... I forgot."

"Rachel used to love this. Every time she was on her period, I'd make it for her and she'd be happy for the rest of the day."

"I just haven't adjusted yet. I'm really sorry."

"Give me a little more time. I promise I'll memorize everything you like and forget Rachel completely. Okay?"

I bit through my lip and let the taste of blood sink all the way down to my heart.

Fine. Let it go.

Stop hoping. Stop torturing yourself over Neil Butler.

I leaned against his shoulder and nodded. "Don't let it happen again."

Kent wriggled over too, his little voice soft and earnest. "I'll keep an eye on Daddy from now on. I'll make sure he remembers everything about Mommy."

The two of them kept their word.

They never got "Lucy's" preferences wrong again.

After I was discharged, Neil brought me home.

In the years since my death, I'd stayed by their side as a spirit, watching over them.

I knew Neil couldn't bear to throw away anything I'd left behind. He'd kept the house exactly the way it was and refused to let anyone change a thing.

Once, Lucy had the nerve to come over uninvited and toss out the bead art project I'd been halfway through making with Kent. Neil lost his temper completely.

Afterward, he went digging through the trash himself, not caring how it looked, and sat down with Kent to piece every bead back together before returning it to its spot.

But now...

I looked around the living room.

The bead art on the entryway shelf was gone.

The vase I'd bought for the coffee table had vanished.

And the family portrait that should have been hanging on the living room wall, the one of the three of us, had been taken down.

Only a few nails remained, marking where something had once hung.

Every trace of me had been erased. Completely.

The hollowness in my chest was unbearable.

The words left my mouth before I realized I was speaking. "This house... a lot of things are missing."

Neil wrapped his arms around me from behind and said softly,

"You're right."

"This house is missing a woman to call it home."

"Lucy Simmons, will you marry me?"

A diamond ring appeared before my eyes.

Even though I'd known this day would come, I couldn't stop the trembling deep inside.

Should I say yes?

If the real Lucy were here, she would say yes without hesitation. Wouldn't she?

My thoughts were still tangled in knots.

Neil held up the ring, walked to me, and lowered himself to one knee.

"Lucy, I'm serious."

The next second, a crowd of people burst out from the other rooms. Confetti cannons went off with a bang, filling the air with streamers as everyone cheered at the top of their lungs.

"Say yes! Say yes!"

For one fleeting moment, I thought I'd been transported back in time, to when Neil had proposed to me.

There had been just as many people then, showering Neil and me with blessings, wishing us forever.

Neil had done the same thing back then, too, declaring his love in front of everyone.

He thanked Lucy for lighting up his world. He thanked Lucy for pulling him out of the abyss.

And he thanked Lucy for saving his child. Our child.

"Rachel was the love of my first half of life. But Lucy, you are the redemption of my entire existence."

"Marry me."

The light refracting off the diamond cut straight into my eyes.

I knew Lucy would say yes.

I knew I should accept.

But in that moment, I couldn't force out a single word.

What woman on earth could hand her husband over to someone else with her own two hands?

I couldn't.

Neil's parents noticed I still hadn't moved. They approached me with reddened eyes, their voices careful and coaxing:

"Lucy, we understand. Any woman would have reservations about a man who's been married before."

"But ever since that woman passed, Neil has been a shell of himself. It wasn't until he met you that he started to seem alive again."

"All any parent wants is for their child to be happy. We just want Neil to move on from the past and truly live."

"Lucy, will you grant us this one wish?"

I stared at my former in-laws, and the air wouldn't come.

Even they had accepted Lucy without a second thought.

Neil's friends crowded around me too, telling me not to worry about his past.

"Neil's the loyal type. Once he falls for someone, he's all in. You never have to worry about him having a change of heart."

I stood rooted to the spot, dazed, the corners of my mouth twitching into something that wasn't quite a smile.

All in.

Never a change of heart.

Then why did he stop loving me?

My fingertips had gone numb with cold.

I knew I had to make a decision.

I held out my hand to Neil and forced the words out with everything I had.

"Yes. I will."

His eyes lit up. He grabbed my hand and slid the ring onto my finger.

It sat heavy on my ring finger.

But somewhere inside me, something had gone hollow. Completely, irreversibly empty.

The crowd around us clapped with tears in their eyes, offering their congratulations.

Kent ran circles around us, beside himself with joy.

"Yay! Mommy and Daddy are together! I have a mommy again!"

Neil pulled me into his arms, laughing and crying at the same time.

"Once you've fully recovered, we'll have the wedding."

"I promise, I'll give you a wedding you'll never forget..."

I stood there like a puppet on strings, the corners of my mouth pulling into a stiff, mechanical curve.

"Okay..."

The word barely left my lips.

Two people burst through the door and shouted at Neil.

"What wedding? We don't consent to this!"

I flinched, snapping back to reality as I stared at them.

Dad... Mom?

Kent ran over and threw his arms around them, beaming.

"Grandma! Grandpa! I'm going to have a mommy again!"

The color drained from my parents' faces, their expressions darkening like a storm rolling in.

"What do you mean, your mommy?"

"The only mother you have in this world is Rachel!"

My mother strode forward and slapped Neil across the face.

"You insisted on dragging Rachel along on that hiking trip. And when the car accident happened, she was the one who shielded you with her own body!"

"She was our only daughter! She wasn't even thirty! And she died for you!"

"What did you promise us at the funeral?"

"You said you'd stay faithful to Rachel for the rest of your life! You said you'd raise Kent right!"

"My daughter hasn't even been gone that long, and you're already looking for a new wife?"

"Then what was my daughter? What did she mean to you?"

"How do you think she'd feel, watching this from wherever she is?"

"Let me make this crystal clear: if you think you're remarrying and giving Kent some stepmother, over my dead body!"

I looked at my parents' weathered faces, the deep lines carved into their skin, the gray streaking through their hair.

The ache in my chest was unbearable.

In this whole world, they were probably the only ones who still cared about how I felt.

Neil kept his head down, silent. The memory of the accident that killed me must have surfaced, because his face was nothing but guilt and helplessness.

His mother and mine went at each other immediately.

"My son is in the prime of his life! He mourned your daughter for years. Why shouldn't he be allowed to move on?"

"Kent needs a mother right now. What's wrong with remarrying? Didn't you see the boy wants a new mom too?"

"Are you people trying to drive my son and my grandson into the ground?"

My mother's face went white with fury, her finger trembling as she pointed at the woman.

The next second, her eyes rolled shut and she collapsed.

My heart lurched. I rushed forward, caught her in my arms, and the word tore out of me before I could stop it:

"Mom!"

In the chaos, no one registered what I'd said.

No one except Neil. His pupils blew wide, and he stared at me like the ground had shifted beneath him.