My Wife Chose Her First Love, So I Chose My Country

One month before we were supposed to go home, my wife secretly changed our immigration application.

Her friend tried to talk her out of it.

Just because Noah Mason is in the UK, you secretly switched your destination? Your husband has his heart set on going back to China. He even got his acceptance letter from the Chinese Academy of Sciences. You think he'll agree to this?

"Wasn't the whole point of studying in the States so you could both go home and contribute someday?"

My wife shook her head gently.

"Theo loves me. Once he sees I changed the application, of course he'll come to the UK with me."

"Noah is all alone out there. China doesn't need one more person, but Noahhe has no one else."

I stood there for a long moment, feeling everything and saying nothing, then turned and walked away.

If she was choosing to chase love, then I would choose to keep chasing my dream.

A month later, when the plane touched down, she called me in a rush.

"Theo, have you landed abroad yet?"

I looked at the Chinese red banners drifting in front of me, and my heart surged.

"I've been here a while."

I was standing outside the door of my new lab.

Georgina Fisher's voice came through again.

"Martha, if you've really made up your mind, then at least tell Theo the truth. What if he genuinely doesn't know?"

Martha shook her head.

"He's been talking about going home for years. It's the thing he cares about most. There's no way he hasn't noticed I changed the application."

"Besides, if I told him face to face, you know how he ishe'd push back. Why put myself through that?"

Georgina didn't understand.

"You know he'll be angry, and you still went behind his back?"

Martha let out a sigh.

"I didn't have a choice. Noah's alone, and he's sick. I can't just leave him."

A small, certain smile pulled at the corner of her mouth.

"Theo gave up Cambridge for me once. Ask him to give something up again, and he'll fall in line. He always does."

She said it so lightly.

As if every sacrifice I'd made was simply owed.

Georgina's voice carried a thread of suspicion.

"Don't tell me you still have feelings for Noah Mason."

Martha paused. She didn't answer right away.

After a moment, her voice drifted out, unhurried.

"When it comes to him, I have no resistance."

"Then what does that make Theo?"

I wanted to ask that too.

Martha exhaled, long and slow.

"He's the perfect husband on paper."

Suitable.

Not loved.

She didn't need to spell it out.

Georgina's brow furrowed deeply.

"Martha, you can't have it both ways. Be careful you don't end up losing everything."

Martha smiled, full of confidence.

"Georgina, you just don't get it."

"A woman should be a little greedy. Otherwise, what's the point?"

She took a sip of her coffee, perfectly at ease.

"Theo's always been the sensible type. His whole world is his researchhe's not the kind of man who gets jealous or makes a fuss."

"Noah's different. He gives me romance. He's charming. With him, I actually know what it feels like to be swept off my feet."

A flicker of satisfaction crossed her face.

"A woman has different needs. Surely you understand that."

"And what about your duty to your country? Don't you have any regrets?"

Martha's brows pinched together.

"I'm really not being selfish. I need to take care of the people closest to me first."

"Everyone has regrets in life. But Noah is the one regret I refuse to carry."

Georgina shook her head and said nothing more.

I'd heard enough. I turned in silence and walked home.

I remembered the first time I met Marthaan academic conference in Boston.

She was on stage giving a presentation. The last slide of her deck read:

"I hope that one day, I can bring my research back to China."

Back then, there was still light in her eyes.

That single line was why I fell for her.

We were both Chinese American, but our hearts had never left China.

I thought we shared that dream.

She'd already let it go. She just never told me.

The only place she wanted to be was wherever Noah Mason was.

That night, she came home late.

I was already in bed. She stood on the balcony, talking on the phone.

"Noah, don't worry."

"Mm, all the paperwork's been submitted"

"I promise, I'll be there"

The call went on and on, and her voice had a tenderness I'd never once heard directed at me.

In the middle of the night, she turned over and mumbled something in her sleep.

"Noah I miss you"

I smiled bitterly in the dark.

I used to be a heavy sleeper.

Apparently I'd been missing a lot of honest words.

The next morning, Martha left early.

"Don't forget to submit your paperwork."

Her eyes darted, a flicker of guilt, but she didn't linger for even a second.

On the desk sat a stack of immigration documents.

Hers were already gone. Only mine remained.

I gathered the paperwork and went to the consulate.

The visa officer was an elderly Chinese American woman, reading glasses perched on her nose, somewhere past sixty.

She studied my documents, then looked up at me.

"You're going back to China?"

"Yes."

"You're a scientist?"

"Yes."

She was quiet for a moment. Her eyes reddened.

"Thirty years I've been at this window. I've watched so many people leave from hereCanada, Europe, you name it."

Her voice trembled slightly.

"But someone going back to China from the United States that's rare."

She stamped the page without hesitation.

"Welcome home."

My nose stung.

When I was small, my grandfather used to tell me the same thing.

"No matter how far you go, never forget the road that leads home."

Arthur James had been gone for over a decade now.

His grave was in China, in a small county town in the south.

I hadn't been back to visit him in ten years.

This year, I was goingcarrying my dream, carrying everything my research had built, going back to see him.

That evening, Martha came home carrying a bag.

"Theo, I got you a present."

It was a small sculpture of the University of Cambridge, the school crest engraved into the base.

"Look at thatyou've always had a connection with the UK. You even landed that Cambridge exchange spot back then. Shame you never got to go."

My fingers slowly curled tight.

Back then, I'd been offered a two-year exchange at Cambridge.

It was the opportunity I'd dreamed of.

Their aerospace engineering program was ranked top three in the world.

My advisor had told me plainly.

"This kind of chance doesn't come twice. Go, and your entire academic horizon changes."

I was thrilled. I started packing.

Then, a month before I was supposed to leave, Martha came down with acute appendicitis. The surgery was minorthree days in the hospital, a month to recover, and she'd be fine.

But she held on to me.

"Don't go. Juststay here with me."

I hesitated.

"But this chance might not come again"

"You'll have other chances."

She cut me off, irritation already sharp in her voice.

"I'm sick right now. You're really going to just leave me here?"

In the end, I stayed.

And that rare opportunity went to Noah Mason.

Funny how perfectly it all lined up. Noah needed that spotso she cleared the way. Noah wanted to be in the UKso she threw away every dream she ever told me we shared.

And now she'd used that sculpture to remind me.

*You can finally go to Cambridge.*

She didn't know. That sculpture wasn't a gift. It was a blade.

I didn't pick up the thread. Just kept sorting through my things in silence.

The trash can was piling up with the wreckage of uswedding portraits, sample invitations from the ceremony, boarding passes from the honeymoon, all of it heaped together like debris.

"You're throwing all of this away?"

She sounded confused.

I'd treated every one of those things like something precious.

I kept my voice flat, my hands still moving.

"Too much stuff. Some of it has to gocan't hold on to everything."

A small frown crossed her face, as though she'd caught something beneath the words.

But she didn't move. She didn't reach into the trash to pull anything back out.

I pointed to a box in the cornereverything Noah had ever left behind with her. Old photos of the two of them. A scarf he'd given her. Letters in his handwriting.

"Those too?"

She panicked instantly, rushing over and clutching the box to her chest.

"You can't throw these away!"

Then she caught herself, realized how that looked, and forced an awkward laugh.

"These are Noah's things. I'll bring them back to him later."

When she said it, her eyes stayed on my face, expectant.

As if she were waiting for me to ask *where*.

I didn't ask. Just gave a flat "Oh."

The silence stretched. She shifted, uneasy, and finally ventured a question.

"Theo, have you been following up on the immigration paperwork?"

"I have."

"So... you've submitted all your documents?"

"Submitted."

She exhaled, a small smile of relief.

"Good."

I gave her nothing else.

Just tossed more things into the trash.

We started dealing with the house in the United States.

Martha started sharing apartment listings overseas on her social mediaplaces she was browsing, places she was dreaming about.

Friends left comments.

*Already picked a place? We'll come visit once you're settled.*

I didn't like any of the posts. Didn't comment.

Ten years in that house. Every corner still held something of us.

On the living room wall hung a map of Chinawe'd put it up the day we moved in. She'd wrapped her arms around me then.

"When we go home, let's visit all of these places."

She'd pressed red pushpins into dozens of spots.

"These are the space cities. We'll go to every single one."

The map was still there. The red pushpins were still there.

But the woman who'd said those words had already forgotten.

"Theo, what do you think of this place? Right on the River Thames. You can see the London Eye from the balcony."

She watched me, testing.

I gave a quiet "Mm."

"Places back in China probably aren't bad either."

She froze. A flicker of confusion crossed her face.

"Theo, you don't like the UK?"

"Sure I do."

Her expression eased.

"Nice enough for a few days' visit."

She froze again.

She was about to say something when her phone rang.

A video call from Noah.

"Martha, my foot really hurts. I can't move..."

His brow was creased, his whole expression crumpling into something pitiful and small.

"What happened?"

Martha shot to her feet, voice tight with alarm.

"I missed a step going downstairs. Fell down the whole staircase..."

"I'm all alone here... there's nobody who can even get me to a hospital..."

Noah shook his head, the crease between his brows deepening.

"Don't move. Don't you dare move. I'm booking a flight right now."

She was already reaching for her bag when she turned to look at me.

"Theo, Noah hurt his foot. I need to go check on him."

Her eyes darted between urgency and guiltwatching me, reading me.

She was testing the line.

Testing whether I'd finally snap.

But I was calm. I just nodded.

"Okay."

She didn't seem to expect me to agree so easily. A flicker of surprise crossed her face.

"Then the rest of the immigration paperwork, can I leave that to you?"

I nodded.

"Sure."

Something shifted in her expression, maybe a trace of guilt.

"Theo, you're the best."

She came over and took my hand.

"Think about itthis is actually better, right? I'll go ahead and get everything set up, so you won't have to scramble when you get there."

She seemed relieved to have found herself a reasonable excuse.

"I'll wait for your update. I'll pick you up at the airport."

I pulled my hand free. Still calm.

"Go take care of it."

I turned and went back to packing.

Her hand hung in the air, frozen midreach.

Then another message from Noah lit up her phone.

"Martha, did you book your ticket yet? I think my foot's swelling up"

Without another thought, she threw a few clothes together and headed straight for the airport.

The next day, Noah posted on social media.

In the photo, Martha was wearing an apron, head down, chopping vegetables.

The caption read: "Chinese food today! It feels so nice having someone cook for you."

It hit me like something physical, a blow right under the ribs.

She could cook.

Ten years in the United States, and I'd been the one cooking every single meal.

That winter I came down with a feverthirty-nine degrees, burning through me for two straight days. I hadn't eaten a thing.

"Martha could you make me some congee? Just a bowl, anything."

She'd been texting Noah. She frowned when she heard me.

"I don't know how."

Eventually, she pulled on a coat, reluctant.

"I'll go grab you something from the restaurant downstairs."

I waited forty minutes.

What I got back was a bottle of cold milk and a burgercarried in after she'd already eaten her fill downstairs.

That kind of cold goes deeper than fever. It settles somewhere it doesn't leave.

Then later, I talked myself out of it.

Everyone has strengths and weaknesses.

I shouldn't ask too much of her.

Now I finally understood. She'd never been unable to cook.

She just never wanted to cook for me.

The house, the car, the bank accountsall of it gone. Ten years of building a life, compressed into a few boxes, a few documents, a few wire transfers, all within a single month.

I sorted through her things one by one and shipped everything to her.

Three days later, Martha called.

"Theo, I got the luggage. When's your flight?"

She hadn't even noticedeverything in those boxes was hers. Not a single thing of mine.

I kept my voice flat.

"Three days."

She sounded excited.

"I'll pick you up at the airport! Send me your departure time."

"Oh, and Noah's already decided he wants your braised pork ribshe's been going on about it since he heard you're coming. Honestly, I've been dying for them too."

I said nothing.

I hadn't even arrived, and they'd already lined up my duties.

"Theo? Did you hear me?"

"I heard you."

"Then it's settled! I'll pick you up, and we'll go grocery shopping together."

I didn't respond.

She hung up anyway.

As if my agreement was a given.

Three days later, I stood in the departure hall at Boston Logan International Airport.

Martha sent a voice message.

"Theo, Noah's in the hospitalsomething with his stomach, it came on fast. I have to stay with him."

"Just take a cab back to the apartment when you land."

I didn't reply.

After a while, she sent another message.

"Theo, why aren't you answering? Things are really hectic here, I can't come pick you up."