When My Mind Stayed Six, I Chose Divorce

To save my husband, William Delgado, I ran into the blast site eight months pregnant.

A falling crystal chandelier struck my head, and my mind was frozen forever at six years old.

So when William placed our baby into the arms of a company intern, right there in front of me, I spent a full minute trying to work it out.

"Will, this isn't this our baby? Why are you giving her a different mother"

The man spoke without any change in his expression.

"If you hadn't offended Mr. Matthews, Astrid wouldn't have had to stay an intern this long."

"And besides, a girl can't be the Delgado heir. Sooner or later she'll be married off to be someone's wife. Better to give her to Astrid as compensation. It saves a lot of money too."

I didn't cry. I didn't make a scene. I still hadn't worked out what those words meant.

Compensation? Was he tossing our child aside like an object?

When William saw that I wasn't fighting back, his tone softened, and he ruffled my hair with that doting touch.

"Be good, Bella. A Delgado has to be clever, exceptional. In your condition now you'd teach the child all the wrong things."

A choking pain twisted through my heart.

The man seemed to have forgotten that I'd only become less clever. I hadn't lost my memory.

And then it came clear to me. My husband was willing to push his own wife into the abyss to please another woman. There was a word for that. Cheating.

And this marriage, rotted through with betrayal, deserved to end.

The hospital room door banged open, and a snow-white kitten sprang straight into William's arms.

The man stroked the pet against his chest, his voice careless.

"Astrid pays attention to the little things, and she loves children. She's better suited to being that child's mother than you are."

I knew the woman he meant.

Astrid Pruitt had been my closest friend in college. I was the one who got her in at the Delgados as an intern.

The cat in William's arms wouldn't settle. It leapt onto my hospital bed.

It landed a solid kick right on my belly, where I'd just had surgery.

The sudden stab of pain made me gasp.

Before I could even react, the cat hair left on the blanket and sheets set off a string of sneezes.

My eyes filled at once.

William paused for a moment.

"Sorry, Bella. I forgot you're allergic to cat hair."

He quickly had someone carry the cat out.

"You know I've been swamped with work lately. It's normal to forget little things."

I didn't say anything. A choking bitterness flared up inside me.

Back when he first learned I had a severe allergy to cat hair, he gave his staff strict orders.

None of the household help cleaning the house were allowed to keep animals.

He even disinfected himself from head to toe before coming home every day, terrified that some stray cat's fur clinging to him would make me uncomfortable.

Back then I laughed at him for making such a fuss over nothing.

But William told me, serious and earnest, that he loved me, and that was why he didn't want me hurt in any way.

And now I sat quietly looking at the few strands of cat hair still left on the sheets, my heart torn to pieces.

If he let that cat appear here, didn't that mean he didn't love me anymore?

"Astrid's going to be raising the baby, so she won't have time for the cat. It's just a small allergy. I've already had the doctor prescribe you something for it"

"She's helping you raise your child, after all. You should be grateful."

I tried to take in what he was saying.

I didn't understand why he thought letting Astrid Pruitt raise my child was a kindness.

Not only would my child call her mother, I was supposed to thank this woman for the gift of raising her.

"William, you're giving our child to your little mistress does that count as cheating?"

William's face went rigid. A flicker of guilt, rare for him, came and went in his eyes.

"Bella, you don't understand at all. Astrid is just a subordinate I have high hopes for"

I instinctively shrank away from the hand he reached toward me.

I had no idea that this one motion would push William over the edge.

"Isabella Butler, do you really think you're a six-year-old?"

"Let me tell you, all I want is a clever heir!"

"And you? Forget clever. You can't even give me a son!"

I was frightened of him. Great fat tears rolled down my face.

William's voice cut off abruptly. His throat worked once.

He suddenly reached out and ruffled my hair with that doting touch, a different man entirely from the one who'd just lost control.

"A girl can't be the Delgado heir. Sooner or later she'll be married off to be someone's wife. Give her to Astrid as compensation. You owe her that."

"Once your body recovers, we can have a son."

"I'll pour everything I have into raising him, give him all of the Delgado fortune."

William's voice was gentle, and yet he showed not the slightest concern for that newborn daughter.

He rubbed at his brow wearily and let out a sigh.

"Astrid is the new mother I handpicked for our daughter. She's nothing like those women who'll crawl into a bed for money or status."

"Be good, Bella. Stop being unreasonable. I really have thought of a lot for you and the child."

I stared blankly at the man in front of me, and all at once I was back in that night eight years ago.

My brother, ten years younger than me, had hidden in my room to sneak a cigarette, and accidentally set my bed on fire.

By the time I woke, I was already trapped in a sea of flames.

To stay alive, I had no choice but to jump from a window three floors up.

I was lucky. Thick snow caught my fall.

But when I dragged my broken body over to my parents and my brother, who had already escaped, all I got was the hatred blazing in my mother's eyes, and her curses.

"You little wretch, are you trying to get us all killed? And smoking, too, how dare you. Why didn't the fire just burn you to death!"

I tried to explain, but the words had barely left my mouth before my father's hand slapped them back in.

He pointed at the burned, ruined clothes hanging off my body.

"Look at the state of you. A girl with no shred of virtue left. What man would ever want you after this?"

"This house burned because of you, so from now on, even if you have to go out and sell yourself, you'll pay that money back double!"

I heard those words for so long, so long that I began to doubt myself.

Even later, after William rescued me, I would still shut myself in my room every day.

I would take a small knife and slash at random over the burn scars on my arm.

Just to scrub away those "stains."

That was the first time William ever lost his temper with me, and the ache he couldn't hide showed in those ink-dark eyes.

"Isabella, you listen to me. None of this has anything to do with you. You didn't start that fire. It's all that pack of selfish, son-favoring people deliberately brainwashing you!"

"Don't listen to anything that hurts you. They don't care at all what happens to you. They only care about themselves!"

My heart felt like it was being squeezed in a huge hand, a dull, smothering pain spreading through it.

I couldn't help pressing my hand softly to my chest.

William, so now you've become just like those people too, caring only about yourself?

I forced down the bitter, aching pain inside me and spoke to him.

"William, I want a divorce."

That was something he taught me, too.

When you feel uncomfortable, you leave.

William went still for a moment, but it was quickly replaced by a face full of scorn.

"Divorce? Isabella, with the mind of a six-year-old, who do you think would ever want you once you left me?"

"Don't be foolish, Bella. The only thing waiting for you if you leave my protection is being snatched by those people and used to threaten me. But Bella, you know I can't give up what's rightfully mine every single time just because you throw a tantrum."

The ring of a phone suddenly cut through our argument.

William took the call, and his face turned serious.

"All right, I'll bring her there right away."

He hung up, his gaze landing on me.

"Astrid says she accidentally cut herself on a cherry pit. I have to go see her."

He rubbed his brow wearily.

"Bella, you know my heart and I will always belong to you. She's just a child. I'll have Astrid bring her over more often so you can see her, that's all. Stop making such a fuss over nothing."

I watched him standing there, anxious to rush off and rescue Astrid, and my heart felt pierced through by countless silver needles.

He only remembered to go to the injured Astrid, never knowing that today was also our tenth wedding anniversary.

William once said he would never forget this special day.

We first met in a freight elevator.

Back then William wasn't yet the formidable Mr. Delgado.

He'd been so hungry he stole a bite of his brother's bread, and his stepmother chased him with a broom, beating him.

The twelve-year-old boy fled into the freight elevator, and the next second someone threw the power switch.

No one knew that in that cramped little space, besides William, there was also me, hiding inside because I'd wandered off to play.

"Don't cry, big brother. I'm here with you."

He cried very quietly, but I could feel his small body trembling with fright.

To comfort him, I gave him the only thing I had on me, a ring with a faint glow to it.

William listened to me clumsily telling corny jokes, trying to make him laugh, and somehow his emotions miraculously settled.

He wiped the tears from the corners of his eyes, his gaze falling on the small ring on his finger.

And he made me a solemn vow.

"Bella, one day I'll buy you a ring bigger and brighter than this one!"

After that, William became the only light in my life.

I clung to him like a plaster you couldn't peel off, and he loved it, spoiling me to the skies.

William said I had given him a chance to be reborn, so he even chose the date I saved him for our wedding day.

No one could have imagined he'd marry me, a fallen heiress.

Not even me.

"William, are... are you sure you haven't made a mistake? My family isn't what it used to be..."

He bought the largest diamond ring in the city and slid it onto my ring finger with his own hand.

Then he took my hand and pressed a gentle kiss to the diamond.

"That's right. So now it's my turn to protect you, my little princess."

When William went and registered our marriage without permission, he put Old Mr. Delgado in the hospital for a solid week.

Chairman Delgado made him kneel in the study and nearly broke his legs.

Even the wealthy families he'd once turned down stopped giving him the time of day.

And still, he threw me a wedding for all the world to see.

There in the wedding hall, he took my hand without a trace of hesitation, his eyes so full of feeling it nearly spilled over.

"Bella, do you know? From the day we met in that elevator, you became a part of my life."

"You used to ask me why Crestford has no spring. But to me, you are my spring."

"I, William Delgado, would give up anything in this life, if it meant growing old with you."

Back then, I believed him.

Because I was too sensitive, when William learned I was carrying a girl and didn't dare tell him, he bought an entire villa, cleared out luxury boutiques and toy stores, and hired the best designer to build a "castle" all her own for the daughter who hadn't even been born yet.

Just to prove to me that he loved our baby, girl or boy.

And because I was too sensitive, the William of now could dress up his own affair as nothing more than my fantasy, all of it in my head.

I stared blankly out the window at the withered branches of the plane tree, as if my feelings for William had reached their end too.

Until the text alert on my phone cut through and pulled me back.

Miss Butler, the family portrait session you booked has been completed. Please follow the platform's instructions and pay the balance within the set time~

Reading it, I frowned, confused.

The family portrait was something I'd barely managed to book a week before my due date, hoping to take it with William once the baby arrived.

But the child had already been handed over to Astrid. How could the session possibly be "completed"?

I was about to argue with them when my eyes landed on a post in my social media feed.

In the photo, William stood in a suit, straight-backed, gazing down tenderly at Astrid and the baby in his arms.

Astrid wore a white dress, smiling bright and radiant.

The next few were candids of the two of them coaxing smiles out of the baby, and one of them locked in a deep kiss.

The last one Astrid must have taken herself: William sitting on the sofa, a spread of glistening, translucent fruit in front of him, beside a little stack of cherry skins.

The caption read: William may rule the world out there, but at home he's still this gentle and attentive.

A sharp ache flared in my chest, and my nose stung.

Once upon a time, that tender, careful side of him had become someone else's bragging rights.

For a moment, only one thought was left in my head.

Divorce. I had to get away from him.

Choking back a sob, I dialed a number.

"Christopher Butler... take me away..."

"Really? Sis, you're finally willing to see me? About what happened back then, I... never mind, I'll explain when we meet. You find your documents first, I'll arrange everything to get you out of the country right away!"

I hung up and checked myself out of the hospital alone.

After searching the bedroom for a long while, I finally sent the original of the photo to Christopher, and only then thought about stepping out for some air.

Downstairs, laughter and chatter drifted up.

William had brought Astrid home.

"You little troublemaker, don't pull Mommy's hair."

"William, don't scare the baby."

Watching the two of them on the sofa, so perfectly matched, it was as if I were the shameless intruder.

Astrid heard the movement upstairs and quickly set the child down, getting to her feet.

"Bella, you're home..."

I came down the stairs and looked the girl over carefully.

Astrid was more confident, more dazzling than she'd been in college.

A different person entirely from the insecure girl I'd first met, the one who hadn't even owned a suitcase and had carried a few burlap sacks to school.

Back then the other girls in class called her a "country bumpkin," and the boys, seeing that she was poor but had a pure, pretty face, set traps for her, even drugged her, meaning to force her into humiliation.

To save her, I'd taken a knife to the back from those men, and yet I'd kept her pinned safely beneath me as if I couldn't feel a thing.

Later I encouraged her, told her not to feel small.

When I ran out of money I still split my own meager living expenses with her.

Before long her parents came up from the countryside and found me, calling me a slut, saying I was deliberately keeping their daughter from landing some rich, handsome man.

Because of all that, William never had a kind word for her.

"A grown woman, with no judgment of her own? Bella, you're just too kind."

But later, William suddenly began seeing Astrid often.

He even started, on my own birthday, comparing the two of us without thinking.

"Astrid is obedient and sweet, she's never fought anyone for anything, and yet you've always been wary of her, always made things hard for her."

"It's my fault for spoiling you all this time, raising you to be not even half as considerate as Astrid."

Now my eyes settled again on the couture gown Astrid wore, the jewelry on her, understated but every piece clearly worth a fortune.

That confidence of hers, William had given it to her.

"Bella, don't read too much into it. I'll only stay a little while and then go."

Astrid stepped forward to take my hand, and I pulled away from her at once.

The warm smile froze on her face.

"William said the baby's just been born, so it's best to take some photos to remember it. We only just finished, we're just resting here a moment, we won't get in the way of you and William..."

"Astrid," I cut her off, "do you think stealing my child and taking a family portrait with my husband is something to be terribly proud of?"

Astrid's face went blank for a beat, and then her eyes filmed over with tears, the very picture of a wronged woman.

William frowned and shifted her behind him.

"Bella, haven't I taught you better than this? When we have guests, you mind your manners. How can you have forgotten even the basics?"

"And the state you're in right now, even if you went to a photo studio, you wouldn't be any help with the baby. You'd just give me one more thing to worry about. Don't be so difficult."

So being rude to a mistress was bad manners now?

The sting in my chest sharpened, and my throat went tight and dry.

You're the one who told me. When you meet selfish, bad people, walk away.

I slapped the divorce papers I'd drawn up down in front of William.

"William, we're done here."

He glanced at the agreement on the table and gave a short, contemptuous laugh.

Then he picked the document up.

A moment later, the contract I'd written out in black and white was two paper airplanes.

He pressed them into my hands and ruffled my hair hard.

"All right, all right, it's all my fault. Take these two paper airplanes as my apology, okay? Stop making a scene."

I stood where I was, staring dumbly at the planes in my hands.

He hadn't taken a single word of what I'd just said seriously.

I threw the planes hard to the floor, turned, and ran upstairs to pack.

Behind me came the sound of him soothing Astrid.

"She's a child, she doesn't know what she's saying. Don't take it to heart."

The bedroom door slammed shut behind me, cutting me off at last from that voice and its barbs.

Swallowing down a chest that had ached past the point of feeling, I opened the closet.

What met my eyes was a row of clothes I had never seen before.

"Sorry about that, Bella. Will moved your clothes to the guest room."

A bright voice rang out behind me.

I turned, and met Astrid's contemptuous stare just as her tone shifted.

"Bella, do you have any idea how lucky you are? You married a man as rich and devoted as Will, and not even contraceptives could stop you from carrying his child."

The envy in her eyes was nearly spilling over.

"We both came from ordinary families. So why do you get to climb so high, while I have to grovel and pass myself around as a mistress to one disgusting man after another, all for money?"

I stared at her, frowning, and suddenly thought of those few boxes of vitamins she'd pressed on me back in college.

So it had never been gratitude. It was poison meant to ruin me.

Ten years married to William with no child, and it was because of her.

The woman in front of me suddenly smiled, gloating.

"Forget it, no point explaining to an idiot like you. Don't worry, I'll be sure to raise that little bastard well for you."

"If I'm going to feed her her whole life, she'll have to pay me back something, won't she? How about taking clients at three? I know quite a few men who are into that. Want me to film it for you so you don't pine yourself sick?"

I couldn't listen to another word. I slapped her hard across the face.

"Get away from me! I will never let you take my child!"

I ran out of the room, and just as I reached the top of the stairs Astrid caught up with me.

A whisper followed: "An idiot's so easy to set off."

Then Astrid grabbed my wrist and flung herself backward.

What came next was the bruising thud of her back striking every step on the way down.

That was the scene William saw when he raced to the foot of the stairs.

His pupils contracted sharply, and he rushed to Astrid's side, calling her name over and over.

As if he were about to lose her in the next breath.

It was the first time I had ever seen William come undone.

Astrid's lips parted weakly. Her voice was small, but it landed perfectly in my ears.

"Bella, as long as it makes you happy... I'd do anything..."

The accusation came down on me out of nowhere and pinned me where I stood.

I'd just opened my mouth to defend myself when I saw he had already gathered Astrid up and was striding away.

The things she'd said to me still seemed to be ringing in my ears.

I looked at the baby lying on the sofa, and my eyes burned.

My phone buzzed. It was Christopher.

*Sis, the tickets are booked. Do you need me to come get you?*

I rubbed my dry, stinging eyes and sent him my location.

Once, I'd told myself the child still carried William's blood after all, that he would never mistreat her.

But now, I didn't dare gamble on it.

By the time I appeared in the living room again, one hand dragging a suitcase and the other holding the baby, the family doctor who'd been called over had already finished examining Astrid.

The next moment I met William's black eyes, cold enough to frighten.

He planted himself in front of me, barely holding back the fury inside him.

"Isabella, you wanted a divorce, didn't you? Fine. You'll get your wish!"

He snatched the suitcase out of my hand, hard enough that it nearly took me to the floor with it.

"Everything you have, I gave you. The child and your things stay. Get the hell out, go wherever you want!"

It was only when he reached to wrench the baby out of my arms that he met my eyes, stubborn and brimming with tears.

His movement stopped, and his face softened a little.

"Bella, all these years you couldn't get pregnant and I never blamed you. You finally did, and it was a girl, and I didn't hold that against you either."

"All these years, do you really not know how much pressure I carried to marry you? Would it make you happy to have everyone laughing that the Delgados have no heir, and are raising a half-witted little heiress on top of it?"

"Stop making a scene. Once you've given me a son, I'll love you the way I used to, hold nothing back, give you everything you want."

The eyes he turned on me were flooded with ardent love.

Watching him like this, I felt my stomach turn over.

From the moment he chose to play "child trafficker," every tender thing between us had been a lie.

I held the baby tighter and stepped back, wary down to my bones.

William's cold eyes fixed on me, his face darkening by the second.

In the end all of it broke loose in one shout.

"You really can't bear to give up this little waste? Fine. I'll let you keep it until you've had your fill!"

Just then a sharp scream tore out of the next room.

A maid stumbled out of the suite, her face drained white.

"Mr. Delgado, Miss Pruitt just took a delivery, and it's... it looks like... a dead cat."

William frowned on reflex.

"Didn't I have Astrid's cat sent somewhere else to be kept? Why would there be any other animal in this house?"

Before the maid could answer, Astrid came running out of the room barefoot.

She burrowed into William's arms as if she'd found her shelter, trembling, crying like rain on pear blossoms.

"Will... I just upset Lily, and I thought I'd order her an iced latte to make up for it... I never imagined the delivery bag had a cat's body in it..."

"And... and there's more..."

She turned suddenly frantic, looking up at William, nearly breaking apart as she spoke. "The ones who used to torment me are back... it's them... they sent me a threatening letter!"

The menace around William grew heavier, his thin lips pressed into a hard line, his eyes sharp.

The next second, that gaze, cold enough to kill, landed on me.

"It was you?"

I froze without thinking. It hadn't even crossed my mind that any of this could be pinned on me.

But William wore the look of a man already certain.

"Only you know how to let people into the complex, only you know Astrid keeps a cat, and that she's staying here with me now."

I listened, disbelieving, as he stacked the charge on me, and forced out an explanation.

"It wasn't me. I don't even know where that cat is."

He let out a cold laugh.

"You think if you drive Astrid out, I'll just let you have your way and keep this child? Isabella, no wonder you're in such a hurry to leave. You really have schemed for everything."

His words dropped into my ears, and the heart already sour inside me went a few degrees colder.

I'd chosen to leave because I didn't want to keep tangling myself in this.

"I'd like to see how many days you can keep this little waste alive without me!"

In the end William threw the baby and me into the basement.

Damp seeped down the corner of the basement walls, faint light leaking through the gaps in the boards, like a cage there was no escaping.

This was the space we'd once planned to turn into a play paradise for our daughter.

The half-assembled toys were heaped in a corner, long since gathered with dust.

Just like the love between William and me, discarded long ago.

He gave the order to the bodyguard behind him.

"Until she realizes her mistake and hands the child over willingly, no one is to let her out!"

The basement was pitch black, a chill wind moving through it.

It set my heart shaking with fear I couldn't hold back.

But William showed no sign of softening. After all, he still had to comfort his frightened sweetheart.

Once it was done, he walked out without looking back.

The dark hid the tears at the corners of my eyes.

I felt around on the floor for a few small toys and clumsily soothed the baby in my arms, who had already cried herself breathless.

I don't know how long it took, but the room slowly went quiet.

I used the phone William had forgotten to take and called my brother.

"He's locked me in the basement. I'm so cold."

William used the security cameras to track down the few thugs who had once tormented Astrid, and only after he'd reported them and had them taken away did he remember me, shut in the basement.

He leaned back on the sofa and rubbed wearily at the space between his brows.

"Has she admitted she was wrong?"

The butler's voice shook a little.

"Mrs. Delgado and the young miss vanished an hour ago."

"Vanished? What do you mean?"

William still had his eyes closed, and he let out an indifferent cold laugh.

"The whole basement has only that one door, and I posted a full five bodyguards on it. A fool who understands nothing, with a baby that only knows how to cry, how could they vanish into thin air? Don't joke with me."

He waited a long while for the rest, but the assistant beside him said nothing.

He opened his eyes, looked at the faintly trembling figure at his side, and something tightened in his chest.

A sickening rush of panic took over his mind.

He stood, pushed the assistant aside, and walked alone to the basement, kicking the door open.

Inside, there was nothing but silence.

He had a flashlight brought in, but even after searching every corner, he never saw the faintest shadow of me.

William knitted his brows, an unreadable emotion in those deep eyes.

"She's still hiding somewhere in this house."

"Lily's timid. In a room this dark she can't even walk straight. She couldn't have gone far."

Before he finished, his body had already gone rigid.

That was it. He knew his wife was timid, afraid of the dark.

And still he had locked her, with his own hands, into a place like an abyss.

William suddenly thought of the freight elevator years ago, when he asked me why I told jokes with my back turned to him, and the next second met my eyes brimming with tears.

In that moment he finally understood that I was afraid too.

The heartbeat that had skipped years ago caught up now.

The image in his mind shifted.

It was the first time he'd burst into my home with the police.

Because of the fire, my father had whipped me with a belt until the skin split open.

I had curled into the corner, my teeth biting down hard on my lip, refusing to make a sound no matter how much it hurt.

Only two silent trails of tears down my face declared the fear and the wronged ache.

In that moment the fury that flared up almost swallowed him whole.

From then on he swore he would never let me suffer again.

Then William thought of what he himself had just done, and regret tangled with panic took over his reason.

Just then the assistant came running in from outside, wiping the sweat from his forehead.

"Mr. Delgado, we've checked every camera. Mrs. Delgado... she really is gone."