Twenty Years Too Late: She Begs Me Now

That July, we were filling out college applications.

My childhood sweetheart threw away the plan we'd made together and went off to a community college to be with the poor kid instead.

Jude's family doesn't have much, she said. He's always been a little insecure about it. I can't stand the thought of him going somewhere strange all on his own.

I looked at her for a long time. Then I nodded and said nothing.

That same day, I accepted my offer from a university abroad and walked into the airport alone.

Twenty years later, I'd become one of the top bridge designers in the world, invited home by my country to design a bridge. And there she was again.

She was wearing a cleaning uniform, looking at me, her lips working without sound.

"You are you doing all right?"

I nodded calmly, stepped around her, and walked into the conference room.

The moment the door closed, I heard her crying, low and choked, holding it back.

The meeting ran three hours, and by the end we had a rough design plan for the bridge.

Chief Designer Chavez smiled. "Mr. Lyons, the welcome dinner's all arranged. Don't you dare turn me down again."

When he'd picked me up at the airport, he'd mentioned the welcome dinner, and I'd naturally declined, saying work came first.

Now that we had a preliminary plan, he brought up the dinner again, and this time I wasn't going to refuse.

Walking out of the conference room, the first thing I saw was Kirsten Henson standing in the corner.

She started to come forward, but she saw the crowd of people around me and shrank back.

"Mr. Lyons, go rest at the hotel first. I'll send someone for you tonight."

I nodded and watched Chavez lead his people away.

Only after they'd stepped into the elevator did I turn to Kirsten.

"Did you need something?"

She froze, then answered in a fluster, "No. It's nothing."

The hallway by the elevator went quiet.

I looked at her. The cleaning uniform didn't fit. Her hair was dry and gone yellow, her hands thick with calluses, her cheeks hollow, her lips pale.

Twenty years.

She'd changed so much.

If we hadn't grown up together, I never would have recognized her.

A full minute passed before Kirsten clenched her fists hard, as if working up her nerve.

She lifted her head and looked at me.

"Mick Lyons, would you walk with me for a bit?"

"Sure." I agreed without hesitating.

Because twenty years is long enough. She'd faded in me until she was only a shadow, and nothing about her could stir me anymore.

We went into the emergency stairwell and started down the stairs.

Kirsten spoke first. "Mick, I never got to congratulate you. A top bridge expert now, in the whole world. You made your childhood dream come true."

"These twenty years couldn't have been easy for you. Oh, do you want to know how mine went?"

"Not that it's anywhere near as exciting as your story, I'm sure."

She looked at me expectantly when she finished, like she was waiting for me to ask.

I only shook my head. "It wasn't easy, but it wasn't all that exciting either. Just an ordinary life, quiet days."

Kirsten stopped short. She pressed her lips together hard and forced a smile. "Right. Ordinary days, a quiet life. That's already plenty to be grateful for."

"Anyway, I won't keep you from getting back to the hotel to rest. I've still got work to do. Goodbye."

With that, she left like she was fleeing.

I watched her back, and my thoughts drifted to twenty years ago.

You want to go to community college with Jude Simmons? I stared at Kirsten across from me, unable to believe it.

She said, Yes. And I want you to come too.

Are you out of your mind?

More than ten years growing up side by side, and it was the first time I'd ever shouted at her.

Kirsten, get a grip!

Jude comes from a poor family, fine. You can help him. But not if helping him means throwing away your own future.

You got a near-perfect SAT score. You could get into almost any school in the country, and you're going to community college for him? Are you planning to carry him for the rest of your life?

Kirsten frowned. Mick, how can you say that? I just don't want him going somewhere strange all alone. When did that turn into carrying him for the rest of my life?

Yes, I know you mean well. But I don't think a degree matters. What matters is what you can actually do.

I told you this because I wanted your support. I wanted you to come with me, not talk me out of it.

Mick, you're really disappointing me.

Kirsten, don't be upset. Jude, standing beside her, patted her hand first, then turned to me.

Mick, you've got way too much of a prejudice against community college.

I've already looked into it. The school I'm applying to has a name for itself across the country. It's no worse than a four-year college.

No matter how good it is, I said coldly, the paper you walk out with still says community college, not a bachelor's degree.

Jude had nothing to say to that.

Enough! Kirsten's face hardened. Community college this, community college that. Mick, if you don't want to go, I won't force you.

I only blame myself for caring too much about growing up with you, for thinking you'd support me no matter what.

Jude tugged at Kirsten's hand and said quietly, Kirsten, that's too harsh.

Kirsten glanced at him and drew a deep breath.

Mick, if you don't want to lose what we've had since we were kids, then apply to the same school as me and Jude.

At that, I was silent for a moment, then suddenly spoke. Are you in love with him?

Panic flickered in Kirsten's eyes. What are you talking about?

Ha, Mick, you really know how to joke.

Jude laughed loudly, gripping Kirsten's hand, and threw me a look of challenge.

And Kirsten let him hold her hand, not the slightest discomfort on her face.

Seeing that, how could I not understand.

More than ten years growing up together, and it couldn't outweigh three years of him dropping in out of nowhere.

Ha.

How ironic.

And how pathetic.

Hah I let out a breath, fighting with everything I had to keep the tears from falling.

Kirsten, I'm not going to community college. I have my own dream, and I won't change it for anyone. Not even you.

Kirsten's face turned ugly. Fine. Then I'll wait for the day you make your dream come true and become somebody.

She snorted in anger, pulled Jude around, and walked off, their voices carrying back to me on the wind.

Kirsten, maybe Mick just said that out of anger. Don't take it to heart. Applications aren't closed yet. We'll try talking to him again in a couple of days.

Talk to him about what? If his dream means more to him than I do, then from now on he's nothing to me.

Kirsten

Don't ever say his name in front of me again.

Their backs grew smaller and smaller, and I couldn't hold it in any longer. The tears came.

My thoughts drifted back to the present. I reached up, rubbed my wet eyes, and suddenly laughed.

Strange. I'm indoors. How did sand get into my eyes.

I turned and walked into the bathroom, deciding to splash some cold water on my face and clear my head.

I came out of the restroom and headed down to the lobby on the first floor, and then I heard Kirsten's voice.

"Let go of me."

I turned to look and saw her being dragged by the arm by some scruffy man.

I studied him for a moment before I placed him. It was Jude. I turned to leave. Whatever was going on between them was none of my business.

But Kirsten spotted me and called out.

"Mick!"

Then she wrenched herself free of Jude, rushed to my side, and grabbed my arm, pleading.

"Mick, help me."

Before I could say anything, Jude came sauntering toward me, a cigarette between his fingers.

"Well, if it isn't my wife's little childhood sweetheart, Mick Lyons. When did you get back? Already cozying up to my wife, are you?"

I frowned.

Twenty years gone, a man in his thirties now, and Jude hadn't matured an inch. If anything, he was worse than before.

"Mick, help me." Kirsten clung to my arm and begged again.

I looked at her and shook my head. "This is between the two of you. It's not my place."

The color drained from her face, tears welling in her eyes. "Mick..."

"Get over here. Now." Jude roared. "You think just because Mick Lyons is back you can get away from me? You're my wife."

Kirsten flinched, and her grip on my arm tightened hard.

"No. I'm not going. I want a divorce."

I stared at her, startled.

I didn't know what had happened between her and Jude over these twenty years, but the thought lasted barely a second before something bitter turned over inside me.

They were husband and wife. I was the outsider. How they'd spent those twenty years had nothing to do with me.

"What did you just say?"

Jude flung his cigarette to the floor.

"You worthless little bitch. Hook up with your old flame and think you can divorce me? I'll beat the life out of you."

He reached out to grab a fistful of Kirsten's hair.

"Ah!"

She shrieked in terror and scrambled to hide behind me.

Inside, I let out a breath. However little I felt for her now, I couldn't just stand there and watch her be beaten in front of me.

I blocked Jude and said coldly, "Hitting a woman isn't something a man does."

He looked at me, then at Kirsten cowering behind me, and suddenly laughed.

"Mick Lyons, you really are hopeless, aren't you. Twenty years, and you still haven't forgotten her."

"Fine. I'll do you both a favor. Hand over five hundred grand and I'll divorce her. I'm sick of her anyway."

My face darkened. "If you can't talk straight, keep your mouth shut."

Jude gave a short scoff, pulled out another cigarette, and lit it.

"You've got three minutes to think it over. Otherwise I call the police and tell them you abducted my wife. I'll make it front-page news."

"Tsk, tsk. World-class bridge designer barely back in the country and already stealing another man's wife. Mm, that's a nice headline."

"Mick Lyons, what do you think?"

At that, my eyes went colder still.

Thud!

Kirsten suddenly dropped to her knees in front of me, sobbing.

"Mick, I'm begging you, just agree to him. Otherwise he'll beat me to death."

She lifted her head and looked at me through her tears.

"Mick, I regret it so much. Twenty years ago I should have listened to you. With a community college degree, I hit a wall everywhere I looked for work. All I could get was cleaning jobs, the dirty, exhausting kind."

"And him!"

Kirsten pointed at Jude, who was standing there smoking. "Before I married him, he promised he'd work hard and take care of me. But after the wedding, all he did was drink or go out playing cards with a pack of good-for-nothing friends."

"When he ran out of money he'd come to me for it, and when I wouldn't give it to him, he'd hit me. He's beaten me until there isn't a single part of me left unbruised."

As she spoke, she pushed up her sleeve, baring the scars and the purple-black marks on her arm.

My pupils contracted, and something in my chest twisted hard. But it lasted only an instant before I was calm again.

She chose this road herself. Having chosen it, she had to live with where it led.

"Mick."

Kirsten clutched at the leg of my trousers, her pale face streaked with tears.

"You're the only one who can save me now. I swear, from now on I'll stay by your side forever, always. I'll do anything you say."

I shook my head and pried her fingers loose one by one. "Kirsten, I can't help you, and I won't help you."

"Do you remember what you said to me twenty years ago? That there was nothing left between us."

"Today, I'm giving those same words back to you."

With that, I turned and started toward the door.

"No! Mick, you can't be this heartless to me."

Kirsten's cry rose behind me, and then Jude's cursing followed. "Shameless piece of trash. He thinks you're used goods, he doesn't want you."

"Hand over the money you made today, or I'll beat you to death."

My steps stopped. In the end, I didn't look back.

Kirsten was Kirsten. I was me.

Twenty years ago she had cut the bond between us with her own hands.

Even so, it still cast a shadow over the welcome dinner that evening.

Seeing that I was in low spirits, Roderick asked, "Did something happen?"

I was about to shake my head when a wave of reporters suddenly poured in, jostling their way up to me, their microphones nearly shoved into my face.

"Mr. Lyons, after more than twenty years, are you still unable to let go of that old love?"

"Mr. Lyons, is Ms. Henson the reason you came back to the country this time?"

"Mr. Lyons, Ms. Henson is already married. Are you trying to come between her and her husband?"

"Mr. Lyons"

""

The questions came one after another, and I stood frozen. Then, as if I'd sensed something, I turned sharply toward the corner of the banquet hall.

Kirsten was still in her cleaning uniform from that afternoon, and the look in her eyes was pure hatred.

She mouthed the words at me:

"If you won't save me, I'll drag you down to hell with me!"