His Love Meter Hit Zero the Day I Almost Died

1: 1

When I was twenty, I hurt my brain saving my boyfriend, Charles Fox.

After that, I could see a love meter floating above his head.

A steady, unchanging 100.

I was certain he was the person who loved me most in all the world.

Until the day of the wedding rehearsal, when I fainted and was rushed to the hospital.

I stumbled onto Charles pinning my best friend, Alice Simmons, against the wall at the end of the corridor, kissing her until his lips bled.

"Allie, I love you, and you love me. Why can't we be together?"

Alice's eyes were red as she shoved him back with all her strength.

"Charles, stop pushing me."

"Don't forget, Linda Sullivan saved your life. You can't do this to her."

Charles's eyes filled with tears, his voice thick with pain and anger that had nowhere to go.

"Just because she saved me, I'm supposed to hand over my whole life's happiness to her?"

"I'd rather have died in that car crash!"

Alice couldn't hold back anymore. She threw herself into Charles's arms, crying.

In that moment, the number above Charles's head changed.

It dropped from 100 to 50.

I pulled my mouth into a small smile and slid the report that read "brain cancer" into my pocket.

So it turned out that halving someone's love was the work of a single instant.

If that was how it was, then I didn't want this relationship anymore.

I stood at the corner, watching them kiss like they couldn't bear to let go.

Charles's hand was locked around Alice's waist.

The rehearsal wedding ring was still on his ring finger.

The name engraved inside it, he had carved with his own hands too.

Alice rose on her toes and pulled Charles back into her arms.

The bridesmaid's corsage on her wrist felt like it was mocking how slow I'd been to see it all.

Three hours earlier, at the wedding rehearsal, she'd warned Charles with red-rimmed eyes.

"If you ever do wrong by Linda, I'll haunt you even as a ghost."

"Do you hear me!"

Charles's eyes had welled up, and it was a long time before he nodded.

Now that I thought about it.

Those thirty seconds he'd paused had been full of regret and reluctance.

But back then, it was Alice herself who'd introduced Charles to me.

And it was Charles who chased me for a whole year before I said yes.

They'd had countless chances to be together, so why did it have to be now?

I crouched miserably in the corner, and it wasn't until my feet went numb that they noticed me.

Charles's eyes were full of tenderness as he helped me up.

"Linda, why don't you have shoes on again?"

Only then did I realize I'd come out barefoot.

At home, I never liked wearing shoes either.

Every time, Charles would tuck my feet against his chest, terrified I'd get cold.

But now, after catching sight of the loneliness on Alice's face, he hesitated.

"Linda, wear my shoes."

As he bent down to change my shoes, the number above his head jumped again and stopped at 45.

Five less again.

Only because my existence had made Alice sad.

I pressed down the sourness rising in me, pushed Charles away, and left without looking back.

I thought that as long as I didn't turn around, I wouldn't have to see anything.

But the glass door of the ward reflected the two of them anyway.

Alice walked ahead with her head down, sullen and unhappy.

Charles hurried after her and carefully gathered her into his arms.

Alice trembled, but she didn't refuse.

In the end, the two figures merged into one.

My nose stung, and my head ached badly.

My mind was full of the doctor's words.

He'd said my condition gave me only a 50% chance of surviving the surgery.

And even if I survived, I'd be left with memory loss.

Before, I'd been so afraid.

Afraid I wouldn't come off the operating table.

More afraid that I'd forget Charles and Alice.

But now, all at once, it felt like a relief.

Death, memory loss, either one.

Both were better than this.

I took out my phone and sent the doctor a message.

"I agree to the surgery. Please schedule it as soon as possible."

2: 2

Twenty minutes later, they came back.

Keeping just the right distance between them, as if nothing had happened at all.

But I still saw it at a glance, the kiss mark half-hidden along Alice's collar.

Charles had a habit. No matter how caught up he got, he never left marks on the body.

Back when I used to cling to him and beg, he stopped me every single time.

And now he'd broken his own rule for someone else.

Even though I knew there was nothing they could have done in that little stretch of time, my heart still wouldn't stop aching.

All I could do was pull my eyes away in a panic and force myself not to think about it.

"Lindy, you must have been waiting forever."

"Allie bought you chicken soup. Drink it while it's hot."

Charles opened the soup and moved to feed it to me out of habit.

Then something seemed to occur to him, and his hand stopped short.

Of course I knew. He was keeping his distance to avoid looking bad.

And Alice, just as she had countless times before, took it from him without a word passing between them.

"Charles, move aside, you're all thumbs, you don't have the first idea how to take care of a sick person."

"Lindy, you really have to have a talk with him about this later."

Charles let out a soft snort.

"Says who. I'm great at taking care of people. One of these days you'll find out."

The two of them started bickering again, back and forth, neither one giving an inch.

A scene I once thought completely ordinary looked now like flirting dressed up as banter.

I lowered my head, mortified, my eyes falling on that bowl of chicken soup with cilantro floating on top.

I don't eat cilantro.

Charles knew that. Alice knew it too.

They just didn't have the attention to spare.

I went to set the soup off to the side, and my hand bumped into Alice's by accident.

The scalding soup spilled across the back of her hand, leaving it red and swollen.

I'd barely started to check how badly she was hurt when Charles shoved me away.

"Linda Sullivan, if you don't want to drink it, fine, but don't throw some spoiled little tantrum!"

"Are you okay? Does it hurt?"

I froze where I was, at a loss.

It was the first time he'd ever called me by my full name.

I dropped to the floor in a graceless heap, wanting to explain and not knowing what to say.

All I could do was watch Charles carefully dab medicine on Alice's hand, while the sourness in my chest bubbled up again.

That tender, pained way of his used to be for me.

But now it belonged to someone else.

The pain in my head swelled beyond anything I could hold back, and I couldn't stop myself from coughing up a mouthful of blood.

It sprayed bright red across the front of my clothes, glaring against the fabric.

Alice threw herself toward me, but before her hand could reach me, Charles pulled her back up.

"Linda Sullivan, aren't you tired of the tomato-juice act yet?"

As he said it, the love meter above his head dropped to 25.

I gave a bleak little smile, the taste of blood in my mouth growing heavier and heavier.

Somewhere along the way, whenever my head hurt too much, I'd started coughing up blood.

I didn't dare tell Charles, and I didn't dare see a doctor.

I was afraid that if I died one day, it would break his heart.

Later I learned to fake coughing up blood, copying tricks from online.

At first, Justin Fox would hold me and cry until he was shaking, begging me hoarsely never to leave him.

And now, all that was left was cold indifference.

I had succeeded. I really had.

But the place where my heart was still hurt so much.

I swallowed the froth of blood in my mouth as hard as I could, but no matter what I did, there was always more.

Seeing that I wouldn't speak, Charles shook his head in disappointment, gathered Alice up, and strode out.

It wasn't until the door clicked shut that I realized my face was already soaked with tears.

I wiped at them clumsily, reminding myself over and over that I wasn't allowed to cry.

I was going to die anyway. What did any of it matter?

3: 3

After they left, I slipped away to my mother's grave.

When Mom died, I was sent to the group home.

There, the only friend I had was Alice Simmons.

I would never forget how, when no one else would even look at me, she was the only one willing to talk to me.

When the other kids bullied me, she'd secretly save her own dinner roll and give it to me.

Later, she brought her own best friend, Charles Fox, into my life.

Countless times I thanked heaven for giving me the best friend and the best love in the world.

But now, all of it had become a joke.

I didn't understand. Why had the life I built so carefully rotted into this?

That day, I sat before the cold headstone from dusk until dawn.

And I still had no answer.

As the sky began to lighten, Charles found me.

Linda, so now you've learned to run away from home too. Do you have any idea any idea

He didn't finish, but I understood his panic.

He held out a woman's coat, carrying a faint scent of gardenia.

It was the scent Alice loved.

I looked at that coat, clearly a size too big, and my nose still stung despite myself.

The truth was, what was between them hadn't been hard to notice.

Over these past years, more and more things a size too large had appeared in our home.

From clothes and shoes to perfume and jewelry.

Even this wedding ring on my ring finger.

I used to think he was just careless.

But when I really thought it through, hidden inside all that carelessness, time after time, was his love for Alice that he could never have.

I said nothing. I only raised my hand, pulled off the ring, and gave it back to Charles along with the coat.

I don't need it. I won't need any of it anymore.

Charles's face darkened at once, the last shred of his patience gone.

Linda! How much longer are you going to make a scene!

Is that your goal, to have me and Allie circling around you?!

I lifted my head and looked at him, my eyes rimmed red.

I'm not making a scene.

I just

I wanted to say that I only wanted to let the two of them be together.

But he'd already lost the patience to hear me out, and gave up completely.

Linda, do whatever you want.

With that, he turned and walked off, leaving me alone.

The cold wind cut through my thin clothes, and I curled my lips in a bitter smile.

This time, he didn't notice I had no shoes on.

Barefoot, I made my way down the hill, one step at a time.

I didn't reach home until my feet were raw.

But there, in the pitch-black stairwell, I heard familiar voices.

It was Charles and Alice.

Charlie, we can't!

Lindy is my best friend. I can't betray her.

Alice's voice was thick with tears, full of a reluctant, swallowed-down regret.

Charles's eyes were red with aching, his voice frantic.

Allie, I want you to stay with me forever. I want a baby that's ours!

We can go tell Lindy, beg her to forgive us. She's so kind, she'll surely bless us!

Slap!

The sound of Alice's slap rang out, painfully sharp in the stairwell.

Charlie, calm down.

But having hit him, she softened again.

Charlie, let's just let today be our last goodbye!

After today, we'll never see each other again, all right?

Crying, she rose onto her toes and kissed Charles.

Hidden in the shadows, I watched them slip so easily into our wedding suite.

Through the gap in the door they hadn't closed, Alice lifted her flushed face.

What if Lindy comes back?

Charles was breathing hard, desire heavy in his voice.

She won't. I left her at the cemetery. This early there's no bus, she can't get back.

When we're done, I'll go pick her up.

Then the door closed.

And I could just make out the number above Charles's head.

Only 10 left.

And my heart sank with it, down into a bottomless frozen pit, shattered until there was nothing left of it.

I bit down hard on my lower lip, letting the taste of blood spread through my mouth.

In the end, unwilling to accept it, I still dialed Alice's number.

It was picked up fast, the way it always was, only the voice on the other end carried a breathlessness she couldn't hold back.

Lindy, where are you I'm so worried about you

And underneath that coquettish panting, there was even the sound of Charles's own sighs of release.

In that instant, I couldn't hold it back any longer and started to gag.

I retched until my whole body went weak, then stumbled away.

That day, I don't know how long I walked. I only know that when I looked up, the sky had gone fully dark.

All at once, I sensed a few sleazy-looking men trailing behind me.

Their eyes clung to me, and my scalp prickled.

I quickened my pace, and they closed in too, their footsteps clear and distinct in the empty alley.

Fear all but swallowed me. My hands shook uncontrollably as I instinctively called Charles.

One ring, two rings

Pick up! Please pick up!

It finally connected!

Charles's voice was lazy, thick with impatience.

What do you want now! Linda, you are really exhausting!

I had no time to mind his words. I was so tense my voice was shaking.

Someone's following me, I'm at

Before I could finish, he cut me off roughly.

Enough! Linda! Can you stop acting out! One minute you're running away from home, the next you're saying someone's following you!

Is there any point making up lies like this? I'm really tired!

The tears came pouring out, and I begged into the phone in despair.

Charlie! Don't hang up! I'm telling the truth! Please, come save me

Beep! Beep!

The busy tone came, the call cut off without mercy.

When I called again, all I got was the cold message that the phone was switched off.

In that moment, despair flooded over me like a rising tide.

I slumped down to the ground.

The footsteps by my ear drew closer and closer, while my consciousness scattered bit by bit.

In the end, I couldn't hear anything at all.

4: 4

When I opened my eyes again, I was in a hospital.

Charles noticed I was awake before anyone else. He rushed to the bedside, his face heavy with a guilt too thick to melt.

Linda, you're awake!

His voice was hoarse. He reached out to touch my face, then froze halfway.

Linda, I'm sorry. I really thought you were just throwing a tantrum.

I promise, I'll never leave you on your own again.

I looked at him weeping and at the number dropping to 5 above his head, and suddenly it all felt so fake.

I didn't say a word. I couldn't even be bothered to lift my eyelids.

Then the door opened.

Alice walked in, carrying a cup of warm water.

In her other palm lay a single white pill.

Linda, what's done is done.

Take this morning-after pill, and everything willbe okay.

When I still didn't answer, a catch crept into Alice's voice.

Linda, don't worry. No matter what happens, Charles will marry you.

Charles, right?

Charles lifted his head and looked at her, his eyes crowded with too many tangled things.

A long moment passed before he spoke.

Linda, let's go get our marriage license today.

At that, I couldn't hold back a cold laugh.

Can the two of you stop pretending?

If I'm pregnant, doesn't that just clear the way for you two?

Charles and Alice glanced at each other, both stunned.

The truth was, before all of this, I'd already been ready to let them have each other.

But now, all I had left for them was hate.

Charles went white as paper and instinctively tried to explain.

Linda, it's not like that. We were only

But the words caught in his throat, as if something had lodged there, and not one of them came out.

I couldn't be bothered to listen to their excuses. I yanked the needle out of the back of my hand and braced myself against the bed to get up and leave.

Thud!

Alice suddenly dropped to her knees in front of me.

She snatched the glass off the table beside her and smashed it hard against her own forehead.

The glass shattered.

Blood ran down her forehead and stained her eyes red.

She didn't seem to care at all. She reached out and clutched the hem of my clothes.

Linda, I'm sorry!

It's my fault. Hit me, curse me, whatever you want, but none of this is Charles's fault.

I'll leave right now. I'll never show my face in front of you two again.

Charles pulled Alice into his arms, aching for her, the alarm and pain in his eyes impossible to hide any longer.

Allie, are you okay? Does it hurt?

Why would you do something so foolish

When he looked at me again, the guilt was gone without a trace. All that was left was gritted teeth.

Linda Sullivan, you really are an ungrateful animal, no matter how well anyone treats you!

Allie must have been blind back then to ever help someone like you!

I slid down onto the floor, watching the number above his head hit zero completely, and laughed until the tears poured down.

Someone like me?

What kind of person am I?

I deserved to be betrayed by the two of them together, is that it?

In that moment, all the love and all the friendship went up in smoke.

I looked up at the person in front of me without a shred of hesitation left.

Charles, let's break up.

Charles started to say something, but the attending doctor cut in as she walked through the door.

Linda, get ready. Surgery in half an hour.

If you have anything to say, say it now. You mightnot come off the operating table.

Charles's pupils shrank.

What do you mean?