They Called Me Worthless Until I Rose

1: 1

After my little sister got into a four-year university, she posted in the family group chat.

From now on I'm a university student. You and me, we're worlds apartI'm the sky, you're the dirt. So you'd all better learn your place!

My mom just took it as a joke and wrote back.

Okay, okay. Lily's a big-shot university student now.

But Lillian Barnes wasn't done. She kept typing.

"Mom, we may come from the same roots, but a community college isn't the same thing. When you message me, you'd better file a request first. I don't want my university friends seeing it."

Then she turned on my dad.

"Dad, same goes for you. Community college is community college, a real degree is a real degree. From now on I'll do things properly, and you should do things at your community-college level. That way you won't drag me down."

Just as Lillian's aim swung toward me,

I gave a cold laugh and dropped my acceptance letter into the chat first.

"Sorry to break it to youI got into a master's program. There's a difference between a bachelor's and a master's. You're not qualified to message me."

...

After the college admissions results came out, my sister Lillian, who had grinded through twelve years of school, seemed to lose her mind overnight, showing off her acceptance letter to everyone.

Still, I could understand it.

After all, both my mom and dad only finished vocational school.

And me... I didn't have the talent. No matter how hard I worked, all I managed was a public community college.

I'd even failed the community-college-to-university transfer exam last year.

So now, seeing Lillianwho by all rights should have ended up in a community collegesomehow outperform herself and land a spot at a private for-profit university, my parents and I were genuinely happy for her.

Just as my mom was setting out a whole table of food to give Lillian a proper celebration, a message came through in the family group chat, the one with just the four of us.

To all my community-college relatives, I'm a university student now. Our stations in life are different these days, but for the sake of all those years together, I'll still drop by and see you now and then.

My parents and I looked at each other.

My mom stared at the screen for a long moment before she finally got a word out.

"What is Lily even saying? Is she talking in her sleep?"

Dad frowned, lost in thought, then laughed. "She must be over the moon about getting into a four-year school. She's just teasing us."

I gave a couple of polite laughs, but something about it left me uneasy. Still, I didn't make much of it.

By seven that evening, the dinner my mom had spent all afternoon cooking had gone cold, and there was still no sign of Lillian. That was when my mom couldn't hold back.

"Should we call Lily? But she's out of high school now. Will she think we're being too strict?"

I shook my head, helpless.

"Mom, if you keep spoiling her, Lillian really is going to think she can do whatever she wants."

Dad thought it over for a moment. "You're right. She's only nineteen. Some things still need to be reined in."

With that, my dad called Lillian.

The second she picked up, all of my dad's resolve drained right out of him.

"Lily, didn't you say you'd be home for dinner tonight? Your mom, your sister, and I made you a whole table of your favorites to celebrate. Why aren't you here yet?"

From the other end came a roar of music and Lillian's irritated voice.

"Dad, community college and university are two different paths. I'm a university student now. You're a vocational-school guystop trying to manage me."

The words landed, and for a moment none of us had anything to say.

My dad recovered, then forced the humble tone back into his voice. "Lily, Dad knows you're a hotshot university student now. But even university students come home, right?"

"Dad, I know. I'll still swing by now and then to check on you community-college folks. We university students do love the occasional visit to the little people, after all."

My dad opened his mouth to say something more, and I just took the phone from his hand and hung up.

"Dad, you still don't get it? Your precious daughter doesn't want anything to do with you."

My mom clutched his hand, anxious. "Jason Barnes, what's gotten into Lily? You don't think she's been scammed, do you?"

I shook my head. "Scammed? Mom, did you not hear how loud the music was on the other end? She's out clubbing!"

2: 2

Once I said it, I picked up my chopsticks and just started eating. I had no interest in getting involved with Lillian's business.

My parents, on the other hand, spent the whole meal with their hearts in their throats.

"Bertie, your sister's out clubbing. What if she runs into some bad person?"

"Right, she's only nineteen. She's never seen how ugly the world can get."

I kept helping myself to food. "So what do you want to do? Go to the bar and find her?"

Neither of them answered. But I knew. Their silence meant yes.

After all, Lillian was the treasure they cradled at the very center of their hearts.

As for me, I wasn't exactly mistreated, but I only ever got what I was owed and nothing more.

Wanting anything beyond that? Not a cent.

That was why, four years ago, when the SAT scores came out, mine were high enough for a four-year university, and my parents said it was only a private for-profit school, the tuition was too steep, and I'd be better off at a public community college.

And now it was Lillian's turn, with scores that just barely scraped the four-year line, and suddenly she got to pay a fortune for the privilege of calling herself a university student.

I hadn't bothered to fight it back then. Either way the outcome would've been the same.

I hadn't even finished my food when my mother couldn't sit still any longer and set down her bowl and chopsticks.

"No, I can't stand it. Let's go find her right now."

I sighed. "Is it really that urgent? At least let me finish eating."

She shot me a look, exasperated, like I was a hopeless case. I knew there was no getting out of it, so I put down my chopsticks and followed them.

The moment we reached the bar, I wanted to turn right back around.

I wouldn't call myself some model kid, but I'd always thought of myself as pretty obedient, and places like this, all neon and smoke, were places I went out of my way to avoid.

And now, of all things, I was setting foot in one for the first time to welcome my university-student sister.

My parents were even worse off, already covering their noses, bracing themselves over and over.

"Is Lily really in here?" my mother asked. "This place looks so seedy. Lily's a good girl."

My father sighed. "Maybe we heard wrong. Let's go in and look. Best case, she's not here at all!"

I was the only one shaking my head off to the side. That rock music blaring on the phone earlier, if not this bar, then some other one just like it.

I crept in behind my parents. The scruffy young crowd around us was blowing clouds of smoke, and someone actually held one out to my mother.

"Auntie, you're out clubbing at your age? Wanna try?"

She scoffed and hurried past, frowning.

We scanned the place. It was nearly impossible to spot one person in all that neon, but

Today, Lillian was simply too hard to miss.

She'd bleached her hair blonde and stood in the most conspicuous spot in the bar, shouting into a mic.

"All my fellow university students! Tonight belongs to us, the university crowd!"

I covered my face. It was pure humiliation.

My parents kept opening their mouths and stopping, exchanging looks for a long moment before turning to me.

"Bertie, you should be the one to go get your sister down. This is too embarrassing."

I smiled and waved a hand. "I'll pass. A moment this glorious for the family, I'll leave to the two of you."

Too mortified to lift their heads, they edged sideways up onto the stage and grabbed hold of Lillian's clothes.

"Lily, come with us now. What do you think you look like!"

Lillian rubbed her eyes, and when she saw it was our parents, she burst out laughing.

"Mom, Dad, what are you doing here? This is a party for us university students. You and my sister, three community-college dropouts, showing up here is way too embarrassing."

The crowd of oddly dressed kids around her joined in, egging her on.

"Yeah, old man, old lady, we're all university students. You standing here is really 'a chicken among cranes,' isn't it?"

"Come on, there's an academic barrier between four-year and community-college folks. How could they possibly follow our refined conversation!"

"It's not that we look down on community college. It's just, the gulf between us is something a community-college student would never even notice."

3: 3

Mom and Dad stood up on that stage looking like they wanted the floor to open and swallow them, and they kept shooting me pleading looks.

I climbed onto the stage, grabbed Lillian by the hair, and started dragging her out.

People around us moved to stop me.

"Who do you think you are? Community college dropout, right? Where are your manners?"

"Yeah, dragging Lily around like that. You break her, and a broke community-college nobody like you is gonna pay for it?"

I gave a thin smile. "This is your business how? If I can't afford it, are you going to foot the bill?"

That shut them up on the spot. The only sound left was Lillian yelping in pain under my grip, with Mom and Dad hovering beside us going, easy, easy.

I acted like I couldn't hear a word of it.

With a spoiled, brainless little wrecking ball like this, one who can't tell good from bad, I've never bothered to hold back.

Once we got home, Lillian threw herself facedown on the couch and sobbed.

"Bertie, you're just a lousy community-college washout. Who are you to grab me like that? You're not worthy!"

I rolled up my sleeves, ready to go again, but Mom and Dad blocked me.

Dad hurried over with a bowl of blueberries and started feeding them to Lillian one by one.

"Lily, your sister only wants what's best for you. Getting into college doesn't mean you forget where you came from."

Lillian turned her face away, her voice thick with tears.

"Dad, I got into a real university. I haven't forgotten where I came from. If anything, the rest of you are the ones who never rose above community-college level!"

Mom rushed to dab at her tears with a tissue. "Lily, you can't talk like that. We're your elders!"

"Mom! Get this straight. A bachelor's degree is a community-college degree's strictest father! From now on, you'd all better show me some respect when you see me."

Hearing that, I just stared, stunned.

Twelve years of school, and now the world had flipped upside down. Now our parents were supposed to call her their elder?

Mom and Dad didn't seem to know how to argue back either. All they could manage was an awkward laugh.

Seeing that no one answered, Lillian tipped her already-raised chin even higher.

"Of course, if I ever need something in the future, I'll still come to you for advice. We university students may be a cut above, but we're not too proud to ask questions of those beneath us."

"And you, Bertie. When we're out in public, stop putting your hands on me all the time. A community-college student laying hands on me is a subordinate defying her betters!"

I frowned.

So now I was dragged into this too, this little struggle session turning on me?

I smiled. "So what you're saying is, from now on, only a university graduate has the right to discipline you at home?"

Lillian scrambled up off the couch and made a point of standing on the cushions, looking down at me from a full head above, and patted the top of my head.

"That's right. Sister, 'the immortal lays a hand upon your crown and grants you long life.' I've already reached a peak you'll never touch, but you can always keep working to close the gap between us."

I gave a thin laugh, yanked her back down, and slapped a lavish sheet of paper down in front of her.

A master's program acceptance letter from Harborview University.

"A bachelor's is a bachelor's, and a master's is a master's!"

"So you tell me, does a master's candidate have the right to discipline a lousy little bachelor's like you?"

4: 4

Lillian's face went dark in an instant.

She'd been standing on the couch, but her bravado drained away bit by bit, and she stumbled down and came over to me.

Disbelieving, she picked up the acceptance letter, looked it over, then held it up and measured me against it.

"Come on, Bertie, you're joking. Someone who couldn't even pass the transfer exam, how could you possibly get into a master's program?"

"On top of that, a community college student getting into grad school? Please. Stop waving a fake acceptance letter around trying to fool everyone!"

Even Mom and Dad were looking at me with suspicion now.

Mom frowned and pressed a hand to my forehead. "No fever. So why has she lost her mind?"

Dad rested his chin on his hand and let out a helpless sigh.

"Bertie, your mom and I understand. Lily got into a bachelor's program and you can't stand it. But faking an acceptance letter to trick us, that's going too far."

"Trick you?" I laughed.

"You think all of this is me lying to you? What would I even get out of it?"

"Plenty!" Lillian looked at me, smug. "Bertie, I've got a prestigious bachelor's degree, and you're just a community college grad. Bet that's eating you alive."

"And you've always had to be one step above me since we were kids. But the gap between a bachelor's and a community college diploma is one you'll never cross in this lifetime. So? Isn't it just killing you?"

"Huh? Envy you?" I looked at the blond girl in front of me with something close to pity.

"Envy that snappy hairstyle of yours? That shade of blond went out of style ages ago."

"Or envy you for getting to go to a four-year school? Sorry, but I think you've forgotten. I had a spot at one too, back then. Mom and Dad just weren't willing to pay for me."

"Oh, right. So I should envy you for having parents who'd actually pay your way. But things I can't have, I stop wanting. And parents who never had room for me in their hearts, most of all."

Mom and Dad's faces went dark at that.

Mom clutched her chest. She'd probably never imagined I would say something like this.

After all, the way they saw it, I'd always been the good daughter.

My whole life, I'd never gone against a single thing they wanted. Even when it came to picking colleges for the SATs, I did exactly as they said.

All those years, I'd grown up along the path they laid out for me, into a child who backed down from everything, who never dared to fight, never dared to grab for anything.

I gave an indifferent little smile and looked at the three of them.

"Don't you think you look ridiculous, with those expressions, that attitude? What gives you the right not to believe me?"

Lillian burst out laughing. "Bertie, you ask what gives us the right? Someone who couldn't even pass the transfer exam, how could you possibly get into grad school!"

"Exactly, Bertie. When we're not good enough, we have to own it. You sure you didn't just get scammed?"

So this was how my own parents saw me.

"Then you don't remember why I failed my transfer exam?"

The moment I said it, the room fell silent. Mom, Dad, and Lillian traded glances.

They knew better than anyone that my transfer exam failed not because of anyone else, but because of them.

It was the night before the exam, when they took Lillian out to a restaurant and brought me back the leftovers.

It was the morning of the exam, and that glass of milk they gave me in the name of love.

But I'm lactose intolerant, and that milk was three days past its expiration date. They just didn't want to waste it on Lillian, so I got the honor instead.

It was that same morning, when they knew there'd be traffic and still sent me out to buy Lillian's breakfast, so that by the time I reached the testing center the exam had already started ten minutes earlier, and I nearly wasn't let in.

Every last piece of it was almost laughable.

These were my so-called loving parents.