The Glitched System's Fake Hate

Every time I kissed my boyfriend, he shoved me away with a scowl. But his ears would flush a deep, burning red.

When I snuck my hand into his at the movies, he would weakly pull back before slipping his fingers through mine.

Everyone called our relationship completely one-sided. I knew better. He was utterly obsessed with me.

He loved my clinging. He loved my touch. He just did not know how to say it.

Then I brought him water while he was playing hoops. His friend laughed.

"Your high-maintenance girlfriend is here again."

Julian did not say a word. He reached out to take the bottle. That was when I heard it.

A voice inside my head.

Him: [So annoying.]

My hand froze mid-air. He furrowed his brows at me.

"What's wrong?" he asked.

The voice drifted into my ears again.

Him: [Why hasn't she screwed off yet?]

I stared at him. The plastic bottle crinkled in my grip. I tossed it straight into the trash can.

"Nothing. Just passing by. Keep playing."

Chapter 1

The sweltering bleachers turned freezing the second those words left my mouth.

Tyler stood right next to Julian. Even he caught the sudden chill. Tyler glanced at Julian's darkened face, then at me. He quietly pulled his t-shirt off his shoulder and slipped it on.

I turned on my heel and walked away.

My ponytail whipped around in a clean arc. It was a good show, but I could not fool myself. One more second in front of them and I would have cracked.

The breeze rustled the dead leaves on the ground. I stomped on them. They crushed under my sneakers. Julian's impatient glare played on a loop in my head.

He wasn't playing hard to get when he told me not to come to his games. He actually meant it.

I looked like a complete idiot. Following him around like a lost puppy, bringing him drinks over and over again. All this time, he just wanted me to screw off.

Julian and I had been dating for a year. This was the very first time I doubted his feelings.

Hearing his inner thoughts was a shock.

The realization that he secretly despised me knocked the wind out of my lungs.

A dull ache bloomed behind my ribs.

I dragged my feet all the way back to my classroom. I slumped over my desk. Every ounce of energy drained from my bones.

A quiet gasp rippled through the room. I lifted my head. Julian stood in the doorway.

Was he not busy playing hoops? Maybe he realized he messed up. Maybe he came to coax me out of my bad mood.

I sat up straight. He walked toward me, clutching a neat notebook in his hand.

"The notes you asked for yesterday," he said.

He did care about me. I reached out to take the book.

Him: [So stupid.]

My fingers stopped in mid-air. I looked up at him.

Julian was gorgeous. He had this cold, magnetic face. His personality was even icier. He barely spoke two words a day.

I used to think he was just reserved. Every time I clung to him, he frowned. But his ears would turn crimson. His heart would pound against my chest.

I really thought that was love. I thought he was just a faker. A guy hiding how crazy he was about me.

Now three degrading, hateful insults had just poured straight from his mind. My lungs tightened.

It suddenly hurt to breathe.

I reached over and grabbed the notebook sitting on my lab partner's desk. The class rep always took perfect notes. I pulled the corners of my mouth up into a stiff smile.

"Never mind. I already borrowed some."

Julian knitted his brows. He looked confused. He was at the top of the class rank. He never needed to take notes for himself.

But I was struggling with certain subjects, so he learned how to write them down just for me.

Normally, when he handed me his notebook, I would throw myself into his arms. I would brag about him at the top of my lungs.

"Who has the most caring, hardworking boyfriend in the world?" I would say.

Chapter 2

Every time I did that, his ears would burn red. He would press his lips into a thin line and stay quiet. I would lower my voice and answer for him. "Madison's boyfriend."

But the truth was, every time he handed me his notes, he was calling me an idiot in his head.

My fingertips went cold. Julian stood rigid in front of my desk. Neither of us said a word.

His grip on his notebook was tight. His knuckles were bone white.

I held my lab partner's notebook. I stared back at Julian in dead silence.

Colin pushed up his glasses. "Your boyfriend has a better class rank than me. You should"

I did not want to hear him call me "so stupid" again in his head. I cut Colin off. "I am using yours."

I turned back to Julian. "Class is starting. You need to leave."

I tapped Colin's book. "I have what I need. You do not have to take notes for me anymore."

A shadow fell over Julian's eyes. He pressed his lips together, dropped his notebook on my desk, and walked out of the room.

"Lover's spat?" Colin leaned in. He had a knowing smirk on his face.

I wanted to laugh. My throat felt tight. Julian barely spoke. It was impossible to have a real fight with him.

"Do you think Julian actually likes me?" I asked.

Colin's expression shifted. "The girls in our class say he does not look like he is into you. They say you are just the one clinging to him."

I had heard that exact gossip for over a year. I never let it bother me. When nobody else was watching, Julian treated me well. He was so good to me that I thought he just struggled to show his feelings.

I really believed he loved me. Now, I stared at the notebook he left on my desk.

The certainty in my chest crumbled.

I had after-school cleanup duty today. I was in a terrible mood. I dragged my feet for half an hour and barely swept a third of the floor.

By the time Julian appeared in the doorway, the rest of the school was empty. He walked toward me in total silence and took the broom right out of my hands.

Him: [So slow.]

His inner voice was sharp. The pure disgust in his tone made my blood hot. I reached back out to snatch the broom.

"I will do it myself."

He straightened his back and glared at me. Impatience burned in his dark eyes. A heavy weight settled over my lungs.

"Madison, why are you upset today?" he asked.

Him: [So annoying.]

I stared at his perfect face. I took a slow, shaky breath. I did not answer him. I threw a question right back.

"Julian, do you hate me?"

The crease between his eyebrows deepened. "No."

His mind stayed quiet. No voice drifted into my ears. I could not tell if I was relieved or devastated.

He unzipped his bag and pulled out a boba cup for me, just like he always did. He finished sweeping the floor. Then he grabbed my backpack, and we walked out of the building together.

The walk home was suffocatingly quiet. Before today, I would have been bouncing around him. I would have told him he looked hot and ranted about everything that happened in class.

I would have slipped my fingers into his palm when he was not looking. I would have watched his ears turn red as his grip tightened around my hand.

Today, my chest just felt hollow.

"What is wrong with you today?" Julian's voice broke the silence again. He sounded incredibly irritated. A layer of dark frustration clouded his usually calm eyes.

"Nothing."

The silence stretched out again. Finally, I looked at him.

"Julian, does waiting for me after school every day annoy you?"

There was so much more I wanted to ask.

Did my relentless pursuit annoy him? Did holding his hand, kissing him, and clinging to him every single day annoy him?

Chapter 3

Julian shook his head. But his agitated inner voice drilled straight into my ears.

Him: [So annoying. Why did she ask?]

So it was annoyance.

I reached out and pulled my backpack off his shoulder. I forced my lips into a stiff smile.

"Okay. But I am getting a little annoyed."

If he would not admit it, I would not ask anymore.

His muscles locked up. He stared at me in dead silence.

"You do not have to wait for me after school anymore," I said. "Go home early."

I patted his shoulder and turned away.

A long moment later, a hand clamped around my wrist. Julian's face was drained of color. He locked his eyes on mine.

"I can walk further away. You walk your way, I will walk mine."

Him: [So annoying. I hate this.]

Julian really was a faker.

I used to think he loved me but pretended not to. Now I knew the truth. He despised me, yet he acted like he could not bear to let me go. I could not figure him out.

"Suit yourself."

His footsteps shadowed me, keeping a careful distance. I reached my front door and instinctively turned around.

Before today, I always planted a huge kiss on his cheek before leaving.

"See you tomorrow, handsome boyfriend!" I would say.

He always looked around, terrified someone might hear. Thinking back, I definitely forced it on him.

I just raised my hand and gave a little wave.

As I shut the door, the light in his eyes seemed to die.

I went to my room and opened my browser.

[Should I end a relationship if my boyfriend does not love me?]

[Ten signs he is actually into you.]

[Do cold guys struggle to express feelings, or do they just not care?]

I stared at the screen until Julian's chat box popped up.

[Typing]

I had been searching for answers for hours without finding a single solid one. It was already past nine.

I normally would have FaceTimed him by now. I would have told him what my mom cooked and asked if he missed me being away for half an hour.

This was the first time in a year I did not blow up his phone.

The typing bubble bounced for five or six minutes. He never sent a single word.

I really was just an annoying, clingy nuisance.

I turned off my screen. A comment from my search flashed in my mind.

[Do guys ever reject a pretty girl pursuing them?]

The top answer was brutal.

[Never. Even if they hate her, they won't turn down a pretty girl throwing herself at them.]

I pushed my front door open the next morning. Julian was standing there, just like always.

Faint dark circles bruised the skin under his eyes.

Our eyes met. He held out my breakfast. The nightmare I had last night flashed in my mind. I left my hands at my sides.

"I already ate. Keep it for yourself."

The familiar, hateful words drifted out of his head again.

Him: [So annoying.]

I did not want to hear his mind ever again.

I trudged ahead. Julian shadowed me a few paces back.

Tyler bounded up from behind and shattered the suffocating silence.

"Jules! Let's play hoops after school!" Tyler threw his arm over Julian's shoulder. "I saw you two from a block away. Why aren't you glued to each other today?"

"No." Julian shoved Tyler's arm off and looked at me. "We are going to the movies tonight."

My footsteps stuttered. I almost forgot today was Wednesday.

Julian was icy, but I was relentless. Weekend dates were never enough for me. Every Wednesday, I dragged him out to fool around.

Chapter 4

Intertwining our fingers in pitch-black theaters. Stealing kisses on tiptoe in haunted houses.

Seeing his face burn red, his fingertips trembling with excitementit always made me so happy. I thought my boyfriend was obsessed with me.

Now, that love was just a sick joke.

Him: [So annoying.]

Right on cue, his inner voice leaked out again after he offered to take me to the movies. Dating someone you didn't like must be a real drag.

I turned and gave Tyler a tight smile. I didn't even spare Julian a glance.

"It's fine. I have plans tonight anyway. You guys go have fun."

Fingers clamped down on my arm. Julian gripped my wrist hard.

"What plans?"

Him: [So annoying. I'm sick of this.]

I took a deep, shaky breath. I ripped my arm out of his grasp and covered my ears.

"Go play your game. Mind your own business."

I wished I could shut off that damn voice in my head. I was sick of it, too.

All color drained from his face.

But Julian actually bailed on the basketball game. The second the final bell rang, I spotted him standing outside my classroom door.

He stared quietly at the floor. I had no idea how long he had been waiting there.

The walk was dead silent. His inner voice kept spamming my brain.

It was just a constant loop of so annoying, so annoying, so damn annoying. He was driving me insane.

Then we ran into his friend at the movie theater.

Tyler grinned and leaned in to inspect our tickets. "A romance movie? Jules, why don't you take Maddie to a horror movie or something?"

Julian scowled and shoved him away. "Why are you here?"

Tyler winked playfully. "You bailed on hoops, so I got bored. I asked a girl out to the movies, too. This one"

He glanced at the romance movie poster and gave a teasing smirk. "Should've bought tickets for this one. It has kissing scenes."

"Oh right, I always see Maddie clinging to you and kissing you. What's it feel like?"

My stomach churned. I furrowed my brows.

Julian's voice dropped to a freezing temperature. "Felt nothing. None of your business."

Tyler's joke was annoying, but Julian's "felt nothing" froze the blood in my veins.

Then, an even crueler voice echoed in my mind.

Him: [Disgusting.]

Disgusting. Was he talking about me or Tyler?

I stared at Tyler. He was Julian's childhood friend. That meant the disgust was definitely aimed at me.

Kissing me was disgusting? I stared down at the movie ticket in my hand and forced a bitter smile.

I still remembered our first kiss. It happened right here in a movie theater.

We were sitting in the pitch-black darkness. I leaned in to whisper about the plot. When I turned my head, I caught him staring right at my lips. His eyes were shining in the dark.

I didn't hold back. I kissed him.

Julian was cold and distant, but his lips were incredibly soft. His hot breath almost melted me.

It was just a simple press of our lips. But we stayed like that for five or six minutes. Neither of us pulled away.

Julian swallowed hard. When the movie ended and the lights flicked on, his face was burning redder than mine.

He looked like he had been ravaged. I laughed so hard my stomach hurt. I buried my face in his chest and stayed there until the theater emptied out.

Ever since then, I used our movie dates as an excuse to put my hands all over him. Under my training, Julian had become an expert at kissing. Whenever I reached out, he would instinctively lift the hem of his shirt and let me touch his abs.

But the truth was finally out. All those racing heartbeats and heavy gasps? He was just feeling absolutely sickened.

Him: [Disgusting. So dirty.]

Chapter 5

As if confirming my worst fears, his inner voice drifted into my head again.

It was the quietest movie date we ever had.

He kept staring at the side of my face. His gaze felt burning and confused. I turned my head. Julian's eyes lit up.

I held out the bucket of popcorn.

The light in his eyes instantly died.

The credits rolled. We walked out of the theater in dead silence.

"You should head home first." I looked over at him.

He had his head down, lost in his own thoughts. "I have plans. I will go home by myself later."

"Who?" He snapped his head up. His breathing sounded heavy.

"My lab partner. You don't know him." I pointed toward the street. "I thought you were skipping the movie, so he asked me to go buy some books with him."

His fingers clamped down on my wrist. His voice was hoarse. "What books? I will go with you."

They were study guides to help my grades. A genius like Julian did not need them. He would just think I was stupid, exactly like he did with the notebook.

I dreaded hearing another piercing insult drift out of his mind. I shoved his arm off.

"No need. Just go home."

Julian went completely silent. We stared at each other. Then a bright voice rang out behind us.

"Julian? You came to the movies too?"

I turned around. A pretty girl was looking at us with a surprised smile. She seemed incredibly close to Julian. She rattled off names of people I had never heard of.

Julian barely reacted. He just gave her a curt nod and said goodbye.

I had no idea who she was. If this happened yesterday, I would have secretly pinched his waist and demanded to know her name.

But that "so annoying" echoed in my skull again. I kept my mouth shut.

The silence dragged on. We were almost at the bookstore when Julian suddenly stopped.

"That girl back there," he said. "Aren't you going to ask about her?"

I blinked. I played along. "Who is she?"

That only seemed to make him more frustrated. His breathing hitched. A dark hostility settled over his eyebrows.

"Just like Tyler. We grew up together."

I nodded. A bitter wave of acid washed over my chest.

But then I remembered the truth. Julian did not even like me. I had absolutely no right to be jealous.

"Childhood friend. That's nice."

The air between us turned toxic. I could literally hear his knuckles cracking. Then his voice invaded my head again.

Him: [So annoying. Why is she so stupid? Completely useless.]

I stood there for two seconds. The back of my eyes burned.

"Julian."

He scowled at me. That word "disgusting" played on a loop in my brain.

If he just thought I was stupid, annoying, or a nuisance, I probably could have kept loving him just for his face. But knowing he felt physically sick every time I touched him? I could never muster the courage to kiss him again.

I looked him dead in the eye. I laid it out, word by word.

"Let's break up."

Time stopped. Something inside Julian's dark eyes shattered.

"What?"

Colin poked his head out of the bookstore. "Madison! I've been waiting forever. What took so long?"

I did not want Colin to see my red eyes. I hurried inside the shop.

I did not expect Julian to follow me.

He trailed behind me in dead silence. His inner voice kept drilling into my skull.

Him: [Why?]

Him: [So annoying.]

Him: [Why is she so stupid?]

Chapter 6

I quietly finished buying my books. I treated him like invisible air.

Colin leaned in. "What happened with you two?"

I glanced at Julian. He was standing a few feet away. His face was pitch-black. His tall frame blocked out half the light from the bookshelves.

"Nothing much. He doesn't like me. So we broke up."

Him: [I hate her.]

Oh. Not just doesn't like. He hated me.

I never thought Julian actually hated me before. But looking back now?

Every time I kissed him, he scowled. Every time I rambled on, he gave me the silent treatment for hours. The signs were always right there.

Colin looked at me, then glanced over at Julian in the distance. He smirked.

"Breaking up is a good move. I didn't think he liked you either," Colin said