Breathing Fee to Live in My Own Home I Cut Ties

1: 1

The SATs were over, and Mom bought my little sister a new phone.

She hugged Rosamund tight, eyes rimmed red.

My precious girl. You've finally made it through.

Dad gave her a motorbike, waving a hand grandly.

Once you're in college, you can go wherever you want.

Then it was my turn, dragging my heavy bags in, and Mom held out the QR code like it was business.

"Baggage hauling fee, five hundred. Storage fee, five hundred."

"And from now until you leave for college, room and board here, two thousand."

"Three thousand total. Scan to pay, or sign an IOU?"

...

Head down, I quietly took out my phone and scanned it, the way I always had.

Since I was little, Mom and Dad had raised me and my sister as a control group.

Rosamund got the lift-her-up treatment.

Endless new clothes, more allowance than she could ever spend.

Private school her whole life.

I got the independence treatment.

For as long as I could remember, I'd been signing IOUs every day.

Room fees, food fees, water and electricity fees.

Every day, Mom itemized everything connected to me into a bill.

And I paid my debts by scavenging trash to sell.

"Any charges left unsettled that day become an IOU, with interest deducted at the bank rate."

"Overdue debt means losing the right to stay in this house and your food guarantee."

At five, I couldn't haul enough trash, and I came up thirty dollars short.

Mom smashed my rice bowl and dumped my food into the garbage right in front of me.

Then she threw me, crying and screaming, out of the house.

I slept the night under a bridge.

And watched my parents drop a million dollars to rent out an entire amusement park.

For my sister's birthday.

At seven, to save up for tuition, I went to school and scrounged for bottles at the same time, wearing myself out.

I got so hungry my blood sugar crashed and I collapsed in the street.

But when Mom finally showed up, her face was cold.

"Sign the IOU for the medical bill first. Then you can get in the ambulance."

At nine, the school held a parents' meeting.

Mom and Dad crowded around my sister.

And I kept my head down, holding back tears, while classmates sneered that I was a mongrel nobody wanted.

My mom said, flat and cold,

"Attending a parents' meeting is a hire contract. I charge by the minute."

I cried and got down on my knees to my classmates, borrowing money from anyone I could.

Just so Mom would sit in my classroom with me for one minute.

But she took the loose change I'd gathered in my hands and bought my sister an ice cream bar.

Then she rounded on me, furious.

"Can't you see Rosamund's sweating in the heat? What kind of big sister are you?"

"All you think about is your own vanity, you don't even care whether your family lives or dies. You're an ungrateful little wretch."

Then her voice turned businesslike.

"You don't have enough commission right now. I can't accept your hire."

After that.

I never again talked back to my classmates' mockery.

All these years, whenever I called out how unfair it was.

Mom and Dad would scold me like I was a hopeless disappointment.

"You ungrateful thing. Who do you think we're keeping these accounts for, day after day, working ourselves to the bone?"

"It's all to raise you to be independent! Learn now how hard money is to earn, and you'll take fewer wrong turns later."

"Otherwise, once you're out in the world, no one's going to coddle you."

I heard it so many times that I stopped expecting anything at all.

And just as I numbly pulled out my phone to pay.

My mother changed course.

"If you give up Ridgemont and go to community college with your sister, you don't have to pay today."

She scooped Rosamund up, doting, her voice soft.

"Rosamund is our pampered treasure. She's not some thick-skinned dirt-poor thing like you."

"Studying somewhere unfamiliar, all on her own, she needs someone to look after her."

"Go with her to community college and I'll give you three hundred a month for living expenses, plus another two hundred as a nanny fee."

Beside her, my sister smiled, pleased with herself.

"Tilda Simmons, you'd better treasure this chance."

"Five hundred is more than you'd earn scavenging bottles for a whole month."

I lowered my eyes, something bitter turning in me.

"But I scored a 709. I'm the top scorer."

"I don't want to go to community college."

My dad's face darkened, and he said sternly,

"A high score doesn't make a person worth anything."

"Comparing yourself to others, chasing vanity at your age. What does that look like?"

"Go to community college and taste what life is like at the bottom. It'll temper your will! That's how you'll go further out in the world."

I looked at them, and all at once my heart went cold to the bottom.

I was their real daughter too.

Why could everyone only ever see Rosamund Simmons?

While I was the one who could be sacrificed at any moment, everything of mine.

My mother met my dead, empty stare, and guilt flickered across her face for a second.

Then she hardened again.

"What's with that long face, who's it for? So a big sister looks after her little sister, what's wrong with that?"

"It's what you're supposed to do anyway, and now you even get paid for it. What have you got to complain about?"

"Change your college choice right now. Don't take the deal and act put-upon, or you can hand me that three thousand."

My sister smiled wider, feigning envy.

"You're so lucky, sis. Change a few little words and it turns into money to spend."

"Not like me. After I graduate I'll still have to find a job and earn my own money."

The moment my mom heard that, her face filled with tenderness.

"Silly girl, this family can afford to keep you comfortable your whole life."

My dad transferred over fifty thousand dollars on the spot.

"Take it, spend it. Tell Dad if it's not enough."

"A girl's greatest security is being raised rich with a safety net under her. Only workhorses have to go looking for their own grass to eat."

Something ached in me.

So it turned out they knew perfectly well how to love a child. They just didn't love me.

"Hurry up and change it. We're taking your sister shopping, don't waste our time."

My mom nagged at me, out of patience.

"Dragging your feet at everything, making the whole family wait on you alone. You really are a lost cause."

But in the next second, my fingers moved.

Her phone chimed with a transfer notification.

Ding! $3,000 received.

I wasn't going to change my college choice. And I didn't want this family anymore.

2: 2

The smile froze on my mother's face.

"Tilda Simmons! Have you no shame at all!"

She hurled the phone straight into my face.

The sharp corner opened a thin line of blood across my cheek.

"Over some hollow name-brand college vanity, you won't even give an inch for your own sister."

"Your father and I raised you all these years for nothing!"

My father's face went hard too, his voice thick with disappointment.

"Eighteen years of raising you, and this is the stone-cold heart we get."

He jabbed a finger at the door and barked,

"Get out!"

"Since your wings are strong enough now, don't set one foot back inside this house again!"

Rosamund nestled into the couch, a smug little smile she couldn't hide tugging at her lips.

She had always loved watching me get scolded, watching me forced to cave.

I kept my eyes down. The ache in my chest had long since gone numb.

For as long as I could remember, I'd heard this kind of blind, twisted scolding until it was worn smooth.

"Fine. I'll go."

I answered quietly, dragging my suitcase around toward the door.

But then my mother let out a cold laugh.

"Since you won't step aside for Rosamund."

"Then let's settle the whole account."

I turned back and stared at her, dead inside.

"From the moment you were born. Eighteen years."

"Every breath of air you've taken in the Simmons house gets a charge on it."

My mother's voice didn't hold a trace of warmth.

"Paid in full, all at once. One hundred thousand."

A hundred thousand!

Two light little words, slammed down hard on my already broken heart.

My throat ached. "Breathing. You're charging me for breathing?"

"What else?"

She said it like it was the most natural thing in the world.

"Nothing in this house is free. What makes you think you get to breathe for eighteen years for nothing?"

"If you don't want to go to community college with Rosamund, then pay the hundred thousand in full."

My father cut in beside her, his voice unyielding.

"We fed you, gave you a roof, all these years. Is a hundred thousand really too much to ask?"

"This is your last chance. Don't be an ungrateful little brat about it."

I looked at the two cold, heartless people in front of me.

The last small flame of family feeling in my chest went out completely.

So this was what I was in this house.

Even being alive was a debt I had to work off.

"I don't have the money."

My voice came out hoarse.

"No money?"

My mother scoffed and pulled out a contract.

"Then sign an IOU."

"At the bank's highest interest rate. Paid off within one year."

She kept her eyes locked on my face the whole time she spoke, like she was waiting for something.

I didn't cry. I didn't argue.

I pressed every ounce of hurt and injustice down and held it there.

I silently took the pen she held out and signed my name.

"Miss the deadline, and I take you straight to court."

Her stare was ice-cold, cutting.

"I'll put a default on your record. Then good luck ever getting a job!"

"Fine."

I turned and walked toward the door.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught my mother making an online payment.

Using the three thousand I'd just transferred to buy Rosamund a pair of gold earrings.

"A coming-of-age gift for my precious daughter."

"Whatever other people's kids have, my daughter gets to have too."

I looked down at my shoes, already worn through, and my patched old school uniform.

My mouth went bitter.

Same blood. Same flesh and bone.

My sister was the treasure.

And I was the outsider who had to pay for the air she breathed.

To clear that sky-high IOU, and scrape together the tuition for Ridgemont, I found a restaurant that came with meals and a bed, and took a part-time job.

Waiting tables, washing dishes, hauling out the trash, working until my back wouldn't straighten and I still didn't dare stop.

Then, out of nowhere, a gentle figure caught hold of me.

"Tilda?"

It was Jude Delgado.

Something in my chest warmed, and the weight of those endless days eased for a moment.

Jude was the reason I'd been able to grit my teeth and keep going.

Three years of high school.

He would slip bread into my bag when no one was looking, would step in front of me and drive off the classmates who bullied me.

Would crouch in the blazing sun collecting plastic bottles with me, would get me through the most humiliating stretch of my life.

We'd promised each other long ago that we'd test into Ridgemont together.

Start college side by side.

And now it was finally about to come true.

His eyes softened on me, his voice full of ache.

"I heard you're... staying in some temporary dorm?"

"It's a rough crowd around here. You need to be careful."

"Leave your things at my place for now."

His gaze was earnest. "It'd be a real mess if your acceptance letter got lost."

I was so grateful I nearly cried.

"Thank you, Jude."

He smiled gently. "Don't worry. I've got everything handled."

That night, I collapsed onto the hard board bed in the dorm.

Then my phone buzzed.

It was a post from Rosamund.

In the picture, she was editing something in the college application field.

And in her hand was my ID!

The caption was gloating and smug.

The valedictorian's my little maid now. This is the kind of clout a girl like me pulls.

Below it, Jude had commented: Whatever my baby wants, my baby gets.

I felt like I'd been dropped into ice, shaking all over.

3: 3

"Jude!"

I called him, my voice cracking.

"What gave you the right to hand my ID to Rosamund? You know exactly what my family is like!"

On the other end, Jude's voice was as gentle as ever.

But there was a strange coldness under it.

"Tilda, try to be reasonable."

"It's too dangerous for Rosamund to go somewhere far away on her own. It's not like home out there. She'd have to do her own washing, her own everything."

"She's just a girl, no one to look after her. How could she stand it?"

My heart bled. My voice shook. "And me? Am I not a girl too?"

He went quiet.

"Enough. You grew up with an independence upbringing."

An edge of impatience crept in. "Aren't you already used to living rough?"

"Rosamund is different. She was raised pampered. When has she ever known hardship?"

"It's just looking after your own sister. It's not hard. Don't be so selfish."

I swallowed the pain and let out a bitter laugh.

"Jude, you know I scored a 709."

He paused, and pity came into his tone.

"You want Ridgemont? Then wait until Rosamund graduates."

"By then I can tutor you. Get yourself an online degree, just for show, and that'll do."

"Once we're married, I'll take care of you for the rest of your life. It won't matter where you went to college."

The pain made me laugh, laugh until I was shaking.

So the salvation I'd believed in all this time was a lie.

He, too, thought I could only ever be an accessory to Rosamund.

I hung up.

I bolted out of the restaurant dorm like a madwoman.

My ID stolen, my application tampered with. I had to get to the admissions office and correct my records before the deadline.

This was the one way out I'd clawed my way toward for eighteen years!

But I'd barely reached the lobby doors when I ran straight into a group of people.

My parents. Rosamund.

And Jude, his fingers laced through hers.

My father held up a thick stack of cash and swept his arm wide.

"It's my daughter's birthday today. We're renting out the whole restaurant!"

Jude chimed in with a smile.

"Rosamund's the queen today. Keep her happy and there's two hundred in tips for every one of you."

The waitstaff around them erupted.

I hid where my parents couldn't see me and listened to the envy pouring out on every side.

"God, that's beyond spoiled!"

"Handsome boyfriend, wealthy family. A little princess, no question about it!"

"What a close family. They must have earned this kind of blessing in a past life."

It hit me slow, and then all at once.

Today was my birthday too.

And no one remembered.

My eyes drifted to my own wrist without meaning to.

A faded red cord.

Last year, on my birthday, Jude had tied it there with his own hands.

He'd sworn it then, so sure of himself.

"Every birthday from now on, I'll be right beside you, until the day I die."

That old vow was nothing but a joke now.

The moment our eyes met, the color drained from Jude's face.

He fumbled to let go of Rosamund's hand.

"Tilda..."

I didn't answer. I turned and left.

But I'd only just rounded the corner.

A huge force slammed into my back, into my side.

Rosamund.

I fell before I could catch myself.

My palm split open on the edge of a step, and blood came at once.

The pain sent a cold sweat over me.

Hearing the commotion, my parents rushed straight to Rosamund's side to soothe her.

Not one of them spared me a glance.

Rosamund buried herself in our father's arms and sobbed, all wounded innocence.

"I only wanted to invite my sister to celebrate with us..."

"But she just threw herself down and started screaming."

"Did I do something wrong? Is that why she'd frame me like this..."

One breath, and black was white.

My parents' faces darkened.

My mother raised her hand and struck me across the face, hard.

"So young and already using these filthy tricks, hurting your own family!"

"Did everything you ever studied rot in your gut?"

"I didn't."

I forced the words through my teeth. "She ran into me on her own."

"Enough! Rosamund was raised lifted up, given everything she ever wanted."

"Why would she hurt herself? Just to frame trash like you?"

My father jabbed a finger at my face, disappointment all over him.

"You've got a perfectly good home and you won't come back. Out here playing the pitiful waitress. Who are you trying to guilt with this act?"

"Apologize to your sister. Now!"

I had no hope left, and still my heart ached.

Rosamund was the hope the whole family had lifted up, so whatever she said was right.

The restaurant owner, terrified of getting dragged into it, hurried over and snapped at me.

"This place can't hold someone as grand as you."

"You're fired!"

Jude looked at me, something complicated in his eyes.

Then, at last, he sighed.

"They're your elders. Just apologize."

Under the scorn and the sneers of every waiter there.

I clutched my bleeding palm and staggered out like a dog kicked away from the table.

Jude started to reach for me.

Then Rosamund pulled him off to sing the birthday song.

I gritted my teeth and ran all the way to the admissions office. This was my last chance at Ridgemont.

Shaking, I dug out the fifty-dollar review fee and pushed it toward the window.

My voice earnest. "Ma'am, I'd like to request a review of my application information."

The clerk took the bills and glanced at me.

The next second, two security guards rushed forward.

They pinned me against the wall.

"You dare pass counterfeit money? You want to go to prison?"

4: 4

My head buzzed, and my eyes went hot with tears.

"That's impossible. This is the pay I just picked up!"

I spread all three hundred dollars flat across the counter.

The clerk said flatly that every bill was counterfeit.

The security guard marched me straight out.

"You're young, so we'll let it slide this once."

"Do it again, and we'll call the police."

White with anger, I ran back to the restaurant to find the owner.

But he only shrugged, like it meant nothing to him.

"Your mom and dad swapped the money out. Said it was to build up your life skills."

Build up my life skills?

I laughed, tears streaming down my face.

Their idea of building up my life skills was destroying everything I'd worked for, and I was supposed to be grateful for it?

I walked home like the living dead.

The moment my mother saw me, her face twisted into a sneer.

"So the independent woman finally decided to come home?"

She smiled wide, gloating. "Now you know how dangerous the world is out there."

"You're only ever safe here, with family."

Numbly, I held out my hand.

"Give me back my money."

My father slammed the table and shot to his feet, furious.

"Money, money, money. Money is all you ever think about."

"How did I raise such a greedy, ungrateful brat!"

"You wrecked Rosamund's birthday party, you come home without a word of apology, and the first thing out of your mouth is money."

With that, he shoved me out the door.

"Get out and think about what you've done. Don't come back until you know you were wrong."

"And in three days we're throwing Rosamund a party for getting into college. You'll apologize to her in front of everyone."

"Or you can forget ever setting foot through this door again."

Expressionless, I went down the stairs.

And there were Rosamund and Jude, wrapped in each other's arms.

"Jude, the idea you came up with was perfect."

"Getting Mom to swap Tilda's pay for counterfeit bills. Genius."

Jude laughed, indulgent.

"That's our little secret. Don't tell Tilda, or she'll make a scene again."

So it had been his idea.

My chest hurt so much I could barely breathe.

Because he knew me, he knew exactly where to stick the knife to make it hurt most.

I held back my tears and slipped away without a sound.

Passing a trash can, I snapped the red string off my wrist and threw it in.

Once I was out of the complex, I opened my palm.

It was the ID I'd taken from the house.

Right before the deadline, I logged back into the college application page.

My finger hovered over Ridgemont University for a moment, then I changed it, without hesitation, to Northgate University.

Over a thousand miles away.

From now on, this family and Jude were people I never wanted to see again.

Once it was submitted and confirmed, I let out a breath.

It was as though I'd come back to life.

At the same time, a text came in from Jude.

Don't be angry anymore. From now on I'll take time off often to come see you and Rosamund.

You've always been so capable and independent. You should look after your little sister more.

For the party in three days, buy her a gift and smooth things over. If you're short on cash, I'll reimburse you.

I didn't reply. Instead I opened the ticket app.

I borrowed five hundred dollars from a classmate.

Dragging my luggage, I headed straight for the station.

And just as the train began to move,

my phone lit up with a frantic stream of messages from Jude.