When I Grow Up, I Won't Love You Anymore

1: 1

I was born with a developmental delay, and ever since I was little I'd trailed after the housekeeper's son, begging to marry him.

Lucas Sanchez promised he'd marry me when I turned twenty-two, on one condition: my parents had to put everything they had into lifting him up.

They couldn't say no to me, so from then on they poured in money and effort and groomed him into the heir of the company.

But I waited, three years and then three more, and every time I brought up marriage, he'd put me off.

"Selly, your mind is only sixteen. When you really grow up to twenty-two, I'll marry you."

On the day of my twenty-eighth birthday, I watched Lucas smiling as he fed cake to my tutor, Tessa Fox, and I couldn't stop myself from asking,

"Lucas, when are you actually going to marry me?"

The moment I said it, both their smiles froze on their faces.

Tessa's brow furrowed.

"Selly, your head's not all there and you need someone looking after you for everything. Marriage would only drag down Lucas's career."

Lucas didn't deny it. He pulled out a tissue and carefully wiped the cream from the corner of Tessa's mouth.

"Tess is right. When you grow up, I'll marry you then."

Before I could even react, the two of them went back to chatting about things I wasn't supposed to understand.

What he didn't know was that my mind had caught up to my age long ago.

And I understood, truly understood now, that "when you grow up" was nothing but his excuse for not wanting to marry me.

If that was how it was, then my family's fortune certainly couldn't keep falling into the lap of an outsider like him.

Neither of them noticed how low I'd sunk. They just moved the conversation on to what they dreamed of for a wedding.

Tessa propped her chin in her hand and looked at Lucas, her eyes full of longing.

"When I get married, I have to wear a custom Vera Wang gown, and Jimmy Choo shoes."

"And the wedding has to be up on a snowy mountain. That's the only thing that really shows how pure a marriage is."

Lucas laughed softly and picked it right up.

"All right. When you marry, I'll give you a one-carat diamond ring and put it on your finger myself. That's the proper way to do it."

At that, the cream cake in my mouth turned to sawdust.

I couldn't stop myself.

"Lucas, then what about our wedding?"

Lucas's voice caught for a second. Then he reached over and stroked my hair, doting.

"You're only sixteen and already thinking about getting married? You're still little. When your mind reaches twenty-two, it won't be too late to plan it."

I hurried to explain.

"The doctor said, my mind is already"

Before I could finish, Tessa cut in.

"Lucas, can I make a wish on Selly's birthday cake? They say birthday wishes really come true."

Just a moment ago, only because I'd shown up two minutes late,

Tessa had used being hungry as her reason and opened the cake early to eat it.

And now she was asking to make a wish, and Lucas scolded her lightly.

"That's a kids' game, and you actually believe it?"

But then he stuck in the candles and set a birthday crown on Tessa's head.

"Selly, your Tessa is feeling playful. You're a little kid, so you can relate to her, right? Just let her have her fun."

Tessa pressed her palms together, closed her eyes, and made her wish with all her heart.

"I hope the person I love can truly see what's in his own heart, and stay with me forever."

Lucas's eyes flickered for an instant. "He will."

When the waiters saw the celebration, they came right over with a light-up sign and gifts.

They circled Tessa and Lucas in the middle and sang happy birthday with real warmth.

The whole restaurant lit up in a second, and the other diners joined in with their congratulations.

"Happy birthday, gorgeous!"

"And a long, happy life to you and your boyfriend!"

And I was locked away in the corner of the booth like an outsider, nobody paying me any mind.

Tessa first accepted everyone's blessings with a smile, then let a flicker of embarrassment show.

"Sorry, actually the birthday girl is her. I just borrowed her birthday to make a wish."

The crowd traded startled glances.

"What's this? The two of them are way better suited anyway. Look at that girl, dressed up like a Christmas tree."

"Look at those two, dressed like a tycoon and an heiress. It's like something out of a drama."

My fingertips clamped down hard on the lace hem of my Lolita dress. I had plenty more just like it back in my closet.

All of them gifts from Lucas.

"Selly, my little princess should wear pretty princess dresses. Don't copy your Tessa's style, it's too grown-up, it doesn't suit you!"

Looking at it now, the two of them really did make a matched pair, standing there together.

Lucas didn't correct the diners' mistake. He just gave one noncommittal answer, "Thanks."

Once the crowd drifted off, Lucas pushed a glass of orange juice in front of me.

"Little kids should drink juice!"

I took it on reflex and drank it down in one go, forcing back the bitterness in my chest.

When I looked up again I saw the two of them pressed close, taking selfies.

Tessa held up the cake and playfully smeared it against the tip of Lucas's nose.

My tears finally spilled over, and a thin, choked sob escaped me.

Lucas heard it and looked over, a flash of impatience crossing his brow.

"What is it now, my little princess? We were only taking a photo."

Tessa lost all her composure at once and fumbled to wipe my tears.

"I'm sorry, Selly. It's your birthday, and I stole your spotlight."

Lucas pulled Tessa's hand back, the irritation in his eyes impossible to hide.

"Selly, when on earth are you going to grow up?"

"You throw a child's tantrum every single day. Who could put up with you?"

In that instant, I couldn't hold back the hurt inside me anymore, and I ran crying out of the restaurant.

Lucas didn't come after me.

My phone rang. It was my mother calling.

"Selly, when exactly is Lucas going to marry you?"

"The doctor said your condition went back to normal a long time ago. He keeps dragging it out, and that's just"

I drew a deep breath and cut her off.

"Mom, didn't you say before that the Gentry family wanted a match? I agree."

2: 2

My mother paused.

You've loved Lucas since you were little. Are you really letting go this time?

I said nothing.

For as long as I could remember, I'd trailed after Lucas, calling him big brother this, big brother that.

He put up with every childish thing that set me apart from other kids my age, staying by my side all day long.

But everything changed the moment Tessa Fox appeared.

He started drifting out of my life, always with schoolwork as the excuse.

I'd invite him over for dinner and he'd say he had exams to study for, and then I'd turn around and see photos of him and Tessa at Disneyland on her feed.

The lucky bracelet I gave him, I later saw it on Tessa's wrist.

When my fever hit a hundred and four and wouldn't break, he promised to come see me, and then showed up at Tessa's birthday party instead.

I was at an age when I couldn't hide what I felt, so I made a scene with him.

He pinched my cheek, indulgent.

My Selly's all grown up. She's even learned to get jealous.

But you're still too young to understand the friendship between me and Tessa. You'll get it when you're older.

I didn't understand him then, so I just nodded, dazed.

But now, I understand.

Outside the sun was ninety degrees, and it couldn't touch the cold inside me.

When I dragged myself home, hollowed out, Tessa was actually there in my house.

That whole thing earlier was my fault, upsetting you like that. Lucas and I packed up all your favorite dishes just for you. They're not leftovers, I promise!

I looked up. Lucas was standing in the dining room.

Selly, you only had a few bites of cake earlier. You must be starving.

He pulled me down into a seat at the table. My princess gets low blood sugar the second she's hungry. I've always remembered that.

His words moved through me like something warm, and I felt a thread of the old attachment stir.

Obedient, I picked up my chopsticks and forced down a mouthful of rice.

He smiled, satisfied, and went on,

In a bit, apologize to Tessa. She's been feeling guilty about today for ages. Go make it up to her!

Before I could even react, I spotted it in the food, a broken acrylic nail.

And that nail was Tessa's!

The food they'd brought me really was leftovers.

My stomach clenched. I rushed to the sink, retching and retching.

Lucas jumped, hurrying over to hold me up.

Selly, what's wrong, where does it hurt? We're going to the hospital right now!

His panicked eyes pulled me back to the year I was eleven.

Some classmates had cornered me at the end of the street, calling me a retard, forcing me to eat sand.

He was the one who kicked the bullies away and put me behind him.

Our Selly isn't stupid. If you ever pick on her again, I'll fight you with everything I've got.

Later, my parents hired Tessa as my tutor.

At first Lucas looked down on her, said the college she'd gone to was nothing special, that she was just there to milk my family for money.

Tessa, for her part, kept warning me that Lucas being good to me had to have some ulterior motive behind it.

They were always fighting over me, and yet whenever I tried to break it up, they'd say the exact same thing in unison,

This is grown-up business. Stay out of it, kid!

Back then they treated each other like enemies, and I couldn't do anything about it.

Now they'd fallen for each other, and I couldn't do anything about that either.

I vomited until I was hysterical, tears streaming down my face.

Tessa held me, her voice choked.

Selly, I don't need you to apologize. You didn't do anything wrong. It was me.

Lucas handed me a glass of water, and once he saw I was fine, the crease in his brow slowly smoothed out.

Selly, you did all that on purpose to get out of taking responsibility, didn't you?

Remember this. In the adult world, making a mistake isn't the scary part. The scary part is running from responsibility. Understand?

Tessa's eyes went red, and she turned and shouted at Lucas,

Shut up! Selly's still just a kid! You are not allowed to talk to her like that!

Lucas sighed, helpless, and knelt in front of me, reaching to brush the loose strands of hair off my forehead.

I flinched back on instinct, dodging his fingers.

So difficult! When are you going to be a grown-up, like Tessa...

I stared straight into his eyes and cut him off, steadier than I'd ever been.

Lucas, I'm getting married!

3: 3

The room went so quiet you could have heard a pin drop.

Lucas had never seen me look so certain. He even sensed something was off.

"Selly, what's gotten into"

Tessa stepped straight between us and shouted at him.

"Yes! Lucas, you should keep your promise and marry her. You can't keep stringing along a girl who loves you."

Then she turned to me.

"Selly, don't worry. I'll make sure Lucas marries you!"

Her eyes brimmed with tears, her voice thick with a martyred grief she couldn't hide.

But I wasn't a little girl anymore. I could see it plainly. She was testing me.

And sure enough, Lucas's face darkened.

"Selma, I already agreed to marry you once your mind caught up, at twenty-two. Now you're forcing me?"

"You want to get married? Then go find whoever you want. Just don't come crying about it later!"

What Lucas probably didn't know was this.

I had woken up a long time ago. I could make my own decisions now, and I didn't regret them.

In the end, Lucas grabbed Tessa and stormed off in a rage.

By evening, the birthday clip from the restaurant had gone viral locally, more than a hundred thousand likes.

In it, Lucas and Tessa looked like the perfect golden couple, while I huddled off to the side like a startled bird, nothing but their backdrop.

The comment section was full of their shipper fans.

Lucas and the tutor are so perfect together, way better than that dummy Selma Gilbert

The Gilberts shamelessly throwing themselves at Lucas, and they don't even look at what their daughter's really like

That halfwit Selma isn't fit to stand next to Lucas. Give me a hundred million and I'd gladly suffer through it in his place

And the cruelest part of it was that Lucas had actually liked those comments.

So in Lucas's heart, I had stopped being good enough for him a long time ago.

Calmly I closed the app and turned back to the wedding menu the Gentry family had sent over.

After I agreed to the match, the Gentrys were so afraid I'd change my mind that they set the wedding for two weeks out.

I used to think getting married was such a hard thing.

Only now did I understand. You just had to change the person.

I dragged myself to sleep past midnight, and I don't know how long I'd been out.

A force yanked me down to the floor, my lower back cracking against the corner of the table, a sharp burst of pain.

Lucas's furious voice went off right by my ear.

"Selma, aren't you something now. So you know how to buy troll accounts and smear us, huh?"

I had no idea what he meant, until I saw the trending clip.

Homewrecker, muscling in on Lucas and the Gilbert heiress's engagement, shameless

You leech, do you have any conscience left toward the Gilberts who pay your salary? Seducing their girl's boyfriend

......

At some point the comments under the video had flipped from cursing me to tearing into Tessa.

"I'm ordering you, right now, get your father to pull that from trending, or don't expect me to ever deal with you again."

Lucas had a death grip on my arm.

I let out a soft sigh and spoke slowly.

"Lucas, you think a halfwit could pull something like this off?"

Lucas fell silent for a beat.

Tessa threw herself down in front of me, tears streaming down her face as she begged.

"Selly, you've got it all wrong about me. I never once wanted to take Lucas from you. Please don't do this to me?"

"I'll leave here tomorrow. I'll never bother you and Lucas again."

Tessa spun to run and knocked over the wedding menu card by accident.

Lucas glanced at it and sneered.

"Still dreaming about marrying me? Selma, did you really think I'd marry a retard like you?"

"Don't push me! You're not good enough!"

With that, he grabbed Tessa and swept out.

I stood frozen where I was, that word he'd spat, "retard," circling in my ears.

Once, no matter who called me a retard, he'd charge in swinging and explain between punches.

"Selly is not slow, she just developed a little late."

Now he'd long since joined the ranks of the ones who bullied me, calling me "retard" with disgust in his voice.

Or maybe it wasn't that Lucas had changed. He just didn't want to pretend anymore.

I blocked Lucas's number and threw out every princess dress and every childish gift he'd ever given me.

The date was set, and both families were running around getting the wedding ready.

Karl was on a business trip abroad and truly couldn't get away, so he had me go pick out the wedding gown first.

The moment I walked into the bridal boutique, I saw Tessa standing in front of the mirror wearing my custom gown.

And behind her, Lucas's mouth was pressed into a faint line.

The instant he saw me, his eyes went blank for a second, then quickly raked over me from head to toe.

Tessa bounded over and grabbed my hand.

"Selly, are you here to pick out a dress for the Gentry wedding too?"

4: 4

Lucas circled me once, frowning, then stopped at my side and said coldly,

"You think copying Tessa's style makes you grown up? You're just a cheap imitation."

His words sent heat rushing to my face.

I bit down hard on my lip and swallowed the knot rising in my throat.

Tessa gave Lucas's shoulder a playful little slap, laughing sweetly.

"What are you saying? She looks lovely. She's just not used to it yet."

"Selly, I've been trying to reach you all this time and you keep ignoring me. So you and Lucas won't be getting married, but I'd hate for it to spoil what we have. I'm your tutor, after all."

I gave a soft snort and lifted my hand, pointing at the gown on her.

"That white gown you're wearing is mine. Take it off."

Tessa's brows drew together, then she burst out laughing.

"Selly, are you joking? This gown belongs to the future Mrs. Gentry. Yours?"

My face stayed calm, none of the old rashness in me now.

Lucas's face went dark, his voice ice-cold.

"You want to marry me that badly?"

Then he sighed, resigned, as if giving in.

"Fine. Tomorrow we'll go to the hospital and have your IQ tested. If it's high enough, we'll get married."

"I can't have a mentally deficient wife."

I raised my eyes to his, unable to hold back the laugh inside me.

If he had ever bothered to pay me the slightest attention, he'd have seen my mind was no different from anyone else's, and had been for a long time.

"Lucas, who said I wanted to marry you?"

Clearly he didn't believe it. He and Tessa exchanged a smiling glance.

Tessa peeled off the gown right in front of me.

"All right, all right, it's your right to marry whoever you want. I'll give you back the gown right now. Go marry your man."

Lucas snorted, took off his suit jacket, and draped it over her shoulders.

"Selma, if you want to marry me, do more math problems, read more, and bring your intelligence up as soon as you can."

"I'm not asking you to be brilliant. Just be like Tessa, that's all."

With that, he took Tessa's hand and walked out, stepping over my gown as he went.

I pulled my mouth into a mocking smile.

I wasn't the one marrying him. Why did he have so much to say about it?

...

On the wedding day, Lucas and Tessa were stopped at the hotel entrance. The receptionist politely told him he wasn't on the guest list.

In the middle of the argument, Mrs. Gilbert stepped in and smoothed it over.

Guilt welled up in him. He began to reflect on all the things he'd said to Selly lately, things he shouldn't have said.

But he really had been furious at the time. All Tessa had done was make a wish over her cake, and Selly had bought troll accounts to trash Tessa all over the internet.

He could tolerate Selly being slow, but he couldn't just overlook her willfulness.

Well, never mind. He hadn't spoken to her in over half a month. The girl must know she'd been wrong by now.

Once the wedding was over, he'd go coax her. And if she wouldn't forgive him, then he'd propose.

By then, they'd hold their wedding here too. Selly was sure to love it.

Just then the doors of the hall opened, and a beam of light fell on the bride, blurring her features.

Still, her figure looked a lot like Selly's.

The instant he saw the face clearly, his expression changed completely.