Forced Into Four Miscarriages, My Husband Went Mad After I Vanished

Tim Delgado and I had been married five years, and in that time I'd lost three babies to what everyone called accidents.

The fourth time I got pregnant, he treated me like I was made of glass, and looking into those gentle eyes of his, I let myself believe that this time, finally, a little life would make it.

Then, that day, I overheard Tim talking with a doctor friend of his.

"Harper's already given me a son. The birth quota only allows one registered child, so if Eva Fox has this one, it counts as an illegal extra birth."

The doctor sounded put out. "But Eva's already miscarried three times. One more and she'll never carry again."

My whole body locked up, like I'd been dropped into a freezer.

He'd promised me a wedding once the baby came. But it turned out my baby was never meant to be born at all.

When Tim came out, he was quiet for a moment, then let out a sudden sigh.

"The doctor says the baby's too weak, that it'll have a genetic defect if it's born. Let's just do the sensible thing and end it this time."

He patted my back. "Even if you can never have children, I'll still stay with you."

I looked into those worried eyes of his, and everything inside me went cold.

This time, I wasn't going to let him get his way.

When Tim came out of the exam room, he found me sitting on the bench in the hallway, staring at nothing.

On the white wall of the corridor hung one of those big-headed cartoon posters: One couple, one child.

He crouched down and saw the genetic screening report tucked under my ultrasound results.

"Eva, the doctor says the baby has a defect. I don't want to lose it either, but I'm scared it'll suffer if it's born, and I'm scared of you going through all that pain again."

Tim held my hand. I lifted my head to look at him, my eyes dry.

"Tim, the doctor said that if I end this one, I'll have trouble ever getting pregnant again."

"I'm going to have her."

Tim reached out and held me gently, but his palm was trembling with nerves.

"I know you want to be a mother, but I'm more afraid of something happening to you. We'll figure something out later, all right?"

Just as we got back to the ward,

a woman was standing there with Aiden,

my family's adopted daughter, Harper Fox.

She'd come.

My parents trailed in behind her.

Inside the room, Harper sat on the edge of the bed, holding my hand.

"Eva, Tim already told us everything. This baby has a genetic defect. If she's born, she'll have to face the cruelty of the world and a lifetime of pain and illness."

"Mom and Dad are getting old, they can't take this kind of strain. You can't only think about being a mother. Think about Tim too. If the child isn't healthy, how is he supposed to hold his head up at the company?"

My father sighed. "Harper's right. You can't be this selfish."

My mother nodded along. "Look how sensible Harper is. She's the one thinking about what's best for this whole family."

The tears finally spilled over, but I didn't nod.

Because I knew that if this baby was gone, I would never have a child again for the rest of my life.

I braced myself against the edge of the bed and sat up. My voice was faint, but every word shook.

I looked at Tim and wiped my tears away.

"This might be the only chance heaven will ever give me to be a mother."

Harper's smile froze on her face.

Tim blurted out, "I'm not trying to hurt the baby. I'm just afraid you'll be haunted if you see the child."

Harper shoved the medicine down to the bottom of her bag and said brightly to Aiden, "Aiden's such a good boy. You've been so healthy lately, no more medicine for you."

"Go tell your auntie to be good and sign the papers, and to take her medicine on time just like you did, and then someday she'll have a little baby too."

Tim caught it out of the corner of his eye and frowned. "The doctor said to take it on schedule. Don't get careless."

Harper hooked her arm through Tim's and pouted. "I've got it handled. Look how full of energy Aiden is."

Watching Harper hang on Tim's arm, an arm I had never once held,

my nails dug deep into my palm, and only when the pain hit did I come back to myself.

Slowly I pushed myself up and, leaning on the wall, edged out of the ward one step at a time, my fingertips trembling as I sent my friend a message: "Book me a ticket out a few days from now. The farther the better."

Tim frowned and took me by the wrist, pulling me away.

"I know you're upset. Harper's just worried about the baby too. Don't hold a grudge against her."

He lifted a hand as if to wipe my tears, then hesitated and drew it back.

He tugged me to the little seating area at the far end of the hospital corridor, let go, and softened his voice. "Sit for a bit. I'll get you some water."

He turned and walked off.

I stayed where I was, looked down at the slight swell of my belly, and took a deep breath.

Harper pushed Aiden right up to me, all fake affection. "Eva, feel his little cheek, so soft. Once you have your own baby, the two of them can keep each other company."

I reached out and stroked Aiden's head, smiling gently. "Right. By then Aiden will be the big brother."

While I wasn't paying attention, Harper shoved the cake into Aiden's hands and murmured a hint. "Go on, let your auntie have a taste. Auntie's working so hard carrying her baby."

Aiden held the cake up, his voice soft and babyish. "Auntie, eat cake."

I took it, scooped up a spoonful, and fed it to him. "Aiden should have some too."

A few seconds after he ate it, he suddenly rubbed his eyes, his little face flushing red. "Itchy... Mama, I'm itchy..."

"What are you doing!"

Harper's voice cracked open. She slapped the hand holding the cake, and it hit the floor, cream splattering everywhere.

"Are you insane? Aiden's allergic to cream! Didn't you know that?"

She bent down and pulled the boy behind her. "Eva Fox, you can't hold on to your own kids, so now you want something to happen to mine too, is that it?"

I opened my mouth, then glanced at Aiden. His eyes were red, cream still on the corner of his lips, and he stood there frozen, terrified.

My father came hurrying down the corridor, his face like iron.

"You'd even lay a hand on Aiden?"

"Did a dog eat your conscience? How could you be this vicious?"

My mother trailed behind him, her face gone white. "This is a sin, it is. An allergy can kill a child. What on earth were you trying to do..."

My father drew a deep breath, his voice sinking low.

"No wonder you can't keep a single baby your whole life. Your heart's rotten, and even Heaven won't grant you one."

I froze, then rushed to explain. "I didn't know. Harper never told me Aiden was allergic to cream."

Harper cut in through her tears. "How did I not tell you? Last time Aiden was hospitalized for an allergy, you were right there! You're just jealous that I have Aiden, so you hurt him on purpose!"

My mother clasped Harper's hand and turned on me. "Eva, you've disappointed me so much! Harper came to see you out of kindness, and you do this to her child!"

The stares around us jabbed in like needles.

Tim came back down the corridor with the cup of water, saw the chaos on this side.

Harper carried the boy over to him and said a few things, her voice very low.

Tim strode up in front of me and accused me. "How can you be so heartless? Aiden's this weak right now, and it's all because of you."

His words were a bucket of cold water poured over me from head to toe. In that moment, I felt my whole world collapse.

"The baby in my belly is yours, and so is Aiden."

Tim's eyes drifted away. "Eva, don't change the subject. I just panic when I care too much. I was afraid you'd cause a disaster."

My parents pointed at me. "Eva, apologize to Harper. Tim's spoiled you rotten, you don't even know right from wrong anymore."

Tim spoke close to my ear. "Apologize."

Looking at the faces around me, I felt my heart carved open, bleeding, as if by a small knife.

Back in college, Harper stole my scholarship money and then accused me of stealing her living allowance. I was tied to the tree outside our front door and beaten savagely.

When Tim and I were dating, Harper deliberately smashed the porcelain vase he'd given me for our anniversary, then said I'd broken it out of jealousy over how close she and Tim were. Tim pressed my head down and made me apologize to her.

I wanted to argue. But even if I did, how many people would believe me?

In their minds, Harper was the sweet, thoughtful little darling, and I was the vile, worthless mud.

"I'm sorry." I swallowed a stomach full of grievance and said it flatly.

Tim sighed and reached over to pat my shoulder. "Good. As long as you know your mistake and fix it."

I looked at him and tested the water. "Tim, we only registered the marriage, we skipped the wedding. Didn't you say you'd hold the wedding for me even if there was no baby?"

Tim went still, and the concern for the child vanished from Harper's face in an instant.

"Eva, your body needs a long time to recover now. Let the wedding wait a while longer. At least until you're healthy again."

Tim sighed and looked away.

The old grievances and my anger right now twisted together.

There you had it. His promises couldn't withstand a single blow.

For the next few hours the ward stayed strangely quiet. Tim didn't come back, and Harper didn't show up either.

I leaned against the headboard, staring blankly at the ceiling, until the night deepened and drowsiness finally crept over me.

My vision blurred, and there was Harper, a sharp knife clutched in her hand, driving it straight at my belly.

I jerked upright and grabbed her wrist, the one holding the knife. As we wrestled we slammed into the cabinet by the bed, and glass medicine bottles shattered across the floor.

Harper's eyes were vicious.

"You actually think you can marry Tim?"

"Don't think that having a baby means you get to marry him! Aiden is my child with him. He will never marry you!"

I clamped down on her wrist and pushed with everything I had to shove her away.

Then I threw all my strength into one kick.

Her legs gave out and she went down on the floor.

Tim heard the noise and came back. He saw Harper, hair a mess, a cut on her face, and pulled her behind him.

She cried and accused me. "Tim, I only came to see my sister, and not only did she not appreciate it, she tried to kill me."

"I know she's heartbroken about the problem with her baby, but how could she do this?"

Her tears looked genuine, but when she looked at me the malice in her eyes could barely stay hidden.

Tim looked at me, his eyes cold. "I never imagined you could be this vicious."

Then, ignoring the fact that I was pregnant, he grabbed my arm and dragged me out of the ward.

"Tim."

"Shut up." He hauled me out the back door, down a stretch of muddy path, and stopped in front of a row of low walls.

The air was thick with the smell of livestock.

It was a pigpen.

He pushed open the fence gate. Inside, a few pigs startled and crowded together, grunting, splashing muddy water everywhere.

His voice shook, and he wouldn't meet my eyes.

"You're not thinking straight. I had no choice but to do this to make you calm down. Once you've calmed down, I'll take you back."

He shoved me in. I stumbled, catching myself with a palm against the fence, all wet mud.

He shut the gate, and the latch dropped with a click.

I stood there in the mud of the pigpen, watching his back.

The night wind blew in, carrying the stench with it.

I looked down at my swollen belly and laid my hand over it, gently, gently. No, I had to find a way out.

I braced against the fence and pulled myself up, the mud on my hands running down through my fingers.

"Tim, you're leaving me in here? This is a pigpen."

"Tim! I'm still carrying your child."

His steps paused, and he glanced back at me.

"Child?"

He gave a small laugh, walked up to me, stroked my face, and wiped away my tears.

"It's just an embryo. It doesn't count as a child."

I opened my mouth. My throat felt like someone had it in a fist.

"Tim, I'm begging you."

I reached for the railing and pushed. It didn't budge.

He took a step back.

"The rails are reinforced. Don't waste your strength. I'll come get you myself tomorrow."

He walked off without looking back.

The pigpen door swung shut behind him.

I watched his shape vanish into the dark, and my legs gave out. I dropped into the muck.

The pain in my belly started. Like someone slicing down through me, layer by layer, with a dull blade.

I'd been through it three times already.

Something warm surged out from under me, running down my thighs, mixing with the mud.

"Help..."

The blood kept coming. The smell of it spooked the pigs, and they crowded grunting into the corner.

My vision started to blur.

The pool of blood under me had spread wide, soaked into the black mud, no color left to tell what it had been.

"My baby..."

I struggled, and then there was nothing left in me, and the world went black.

When I woke again, I was in a hospital.

"Mr. Delgado, Ms. Fox's fourth miscarriage has been dealt with. Given the heavy bleeding, on top of the damage to the uterine wall from the earlier miscarriages, I'm afraid from now on..."

The doctor's voice came through the half-open door. Somewhere nearby a nurse was reminding another pregnant woman, "Don't forget your prenatal checks at the county family-services office. An unregistered birth costs you a whole year's wages in fines."

"She'll never be able to carry a child again."

My father's voice was flat. "Just as well. Saves us the shame of her turning out some deformed baby down the line."

My mother sighed. "If it's not in your fate, no use forcing it."

They wheeled me out. I lay on the bed and stared at the ceiling.

Tears slid from the corners of my eyes and ran into my ears, cold.

My hand rested on my belly. It was empty now.

Everything was gone.

Five pregnancies, five miscarriages. It was time I gave up.

Back in the room, the anesthesia hadn't worn off yet, the pain spreading through my whole body.

Tim took a phone call and left.

"Harper's not feeling well. I need to go check on her. Rest here. I'll be right back."

He didn't even look at me when he said it.

I caught his hand. "Tim, we'll still have the wedding, won't we..."

He pried my fingers loose and left me with only one line. "We will." Then he was gone.

I touched my flat stomach and thought: The only thing you'll be having is the funeral I'm planning for you.

A nurse came in once to change the IV bag. I refused.

"I want to be discharged."

The nurse blinked. "You just came out of a miscarriage procedure. You need several days of rest."

"I'm leaving right now!"

That night I gritted my teeth and threw off the blanket. The moment my feet touched the floor the pain buckled me. I steadied myself against the wall and inched over to the wardrobe, took out the suitcase I'd packed long ago, and dragged it step by step out of the room.