I Stopped Chasing Him After Eight Years

1: 1

My seventh acute gallbladder attack, and once again my boyfriend abandoned me and rushed out into the night.

He'd only tossed a strip of painkillers down by my feet.

It's not your first attack. Take a couple of pills and get some rest.

Dot ate something bad and's been throwing up all day. I have to go check on her.

Dot was a dog belonging to Hope Henson, his little protge.

When he got home and saw me still curled up on the couch, his whole face was full of impatience.

"I told you ages ago to just get it removed. You wouldn't listen, and now when it flares up I'm the one who has to take care of you."

He handed me a glass of water without looking. The water in it had long gone cold.

All at once it just felt pointless.

"Samuel Delgado, let's break up."

He froze for a second, then laughed, reaching out carelessly to ruffle my hair.

"You'd never actually break up with me. Dot's sick and Hope can't handle her alone. Besides, is it really worth getting jealous over a dog?"

"All right, all right, don't say things you don't mean. Once you're feeling better in a couple of days, I'll take you to a movie."

A couple of days again.

Every time we fought before, he never had to lift a finger. Within two days at most, I'd fall back into my old habit of making peace with myself.

Our last fight was when I stumbled on his notes app. Page after page of it, all filled with Hope's cycle dates and everything she liked and couldn't eat.

The time before that, I twisted my ankle while skiing. By the time I looked up, he and Hope had gone shoulder to shoulder far down the slope, and I'd been left behind in the snow, not pulled out until late into the night.

He never felt an ounce of guilt, yet I forgave him again and again.

I used to dread breaking up. Even if it meant quietly tolerating this warped three-person arrangement, I'd play dumb and make room.

Now it just felt like three people crammed into a space meant for two.

This time, I chose to walk away.

Two days later, I was packing up to leave work when Samuel knocked on my office door.

"Come on, let's go see a movie."

I was about to refuse when Hope leaned in.

"Renee Fox, the new movie's got amazing reviews! Make Samuel treat us! And we're getting a hot drink and popcorn, no arguments!"

Samuel gave a helpless look. "Fine, fine, you little tyrant, whatever you say..."

Seeing me frozen where I stood, he frowned without thinking.

"Are you coming or not?"

Before I could react, he'd already pulled me into the car.

Hope settled into the front passenger seat like it was hers, buckled in, and turned back to give me an apologetic look.

"Renee, I'm used to lying down. You've got plenty of legroom back there, right?"

Then she went back to touching up her makeup in the mirror, now and then tugging at Samuel to ask if she looked good.

Thinking of all the little odds and ends that always turned up wedged in the seat cushions, I gave a bitter twitch of my lips.

Even Samuel's germaphobe streak, his refusal to tolerate any mess, had somehow been cured by Hope.

Curled up alone in the back, I watched them flirt and tease, and yes, the two of them really did suit each other better.

It was just, when had Samuel and I become like this?

Even I couldn't quite remember.

All I knew was that ever since Hope became his protge, she'd started showing up in our lives now and then.

At first I even told Samuel to look out for her more.

Both of us far from home, we ought to understand each other.

But as time went on, I slowly started to feel something had gone off.

The car my mother bought me became his personal shuttle for driving Hope to and from work.

He loved sleeping in more than anything, yet he was willing to get up an hour early and go six miles out of his way just to pick Hope up for work.

At some point a little cartoon sticker even showed up on the passenger seat: "Hope's Spot."

He always brushed it off.

"She gets carsick, she's more comfortable up front. Surely you, of all people, aren't going to nitpick over even that?"

"Wasn't it you who told me to take care of her?"

"Fine, fine, next time I'll make her sit in the back!"

"Samuel, you know perfectly well that's not the kind of care I meant!"

Seeing me angry, he flew into a temper too.

"So I drove your car, big deal. We're practically talking about marriage. Do you really have to draw such sharp lines?"

"Besides, your health's bad, even your doctor said you should get more exercise. Walking to and from work is good for you. I'm doing it for your sake."

The self-righteous look on his face left me with nothing to say.

For the company's business competition, I'd pulled three all-nighters putting together my notes, and he secretly handed them to Hope.

On the day of the finals, Samuel deliberately slipped me sleeping pills.

Heartsick and furious, I ran to confront him, and he just waved it off.

"You're the one who said you'd been too stressed to sleep lately. I bought the pills out of kindness."

"I just wasn't paying attention and gave you too high a dose. It's only one competition. What's the fun in coming first every single time? What's the harm in letting her win once?"

In the end Hope won without lifting a finger, while I was disqualified for missing the exam and banned from competing for three years, my performance review dead last.

And the big project I'd been running all along fell into her hands too.

Seeing me sunk in gloom day after day, Samuel probably realized he'd gone a bit too far.

To make it up to me, for the first time he agreed that this year, over the holidays, he'd come back to Harbor City with me and talk marriage with my parents.

He knew exactly how to handle me.

One sentence, and all my grievance and bitterness were lightly smoothed away.

From that day on, all at once I was full of hope for life again.

I put together a gift list with a light heart, carefully picking out presents for him to give my parents.

But he and I, we might not make it to the holidays after all.

2: 2

Outside the theater, Samuel came back from buying tickets with two drinks.

It was the second day of my period, and I reached for the hot drink, but he handed it to Hope first.

My hand hung there in midair before I could pull it back, and the cold that touched it sent a sharp ache through my lower belly.

Seeing my face still cold, Samuel leaned in close to my ear, his voice dropped very low.

"Didn't you always used to nag me to take you to the movies? Now that I'm here, who's this sour face for?"

Then he grabbed my wrist and dragged me straight into the screening room.

"Hope, sit here. You're on your period, you feel the cold. The VIP seat comes with heating. This one's perfect for you."

He eased Hope carefully into the seat.

"Samuel, I think Renee's on her period too."

Hope offered the reminder with pretend sweetness.

Samuel gave a scoff, not even lifting his eyelids.

"There's only one VIP seat left. Besides, she runs hot, tough as a man. She doesn't get all these delicate little problems."

The cramping in my belly rose up together with the cold in my chest.

All I felt was a deep helplessness, and I moved quietly to an ordinary seat off to the side.

Only when I could see what was playing did I realize it was a horror film.

Eight years together, and Samuel knew perfectly well I had a history of heart trouble, that I couldn't take the slightest scare.

I was about to demand an answer when my eyes landed on Hope, her whole face full of anticipation, and in that instant I understood everything.

Back then I'd combed through reviews, worked out a whole plan of films across every genre to see with him.

But every time, he couldn't last five minutes before making some excuse and rushing out, and I could only follow him out in silence.

The ticket stubs piled up, and yet I couldn't tell the full plot of a single one.

At the time I stupidly thought he just wasn't the type who liked movies. Turned out he only didn't like watching them with me.

When the film started, I hardly dared open my eyes.

But the dread and dead weight pressing in around me got to me anyway, and my heart throbbed in wave after wave of pain.

I could breathe less and less, clutching my chest, my body swaying like it might go down, when a man's strong hand caught me just in time.

Something in me eased a little. I thought that in the end he did care about me after all.

But the next second, he turned his body to block me and lowered his voice to snap.

"If you're going to have an attack, do it somewhere else. Hope's easily frightened, don't scare her!"

With trembling hands I pushed my heart pills into my mouth and fled toward the exit.

On the way back, my mom called.

"Renee, how have you been lately? It's been so long since you called me."

My face had been calm, but the moment I heard her voice, I couldn't hold it together.

"You've been frail since you were little. Back then I lined up such a good job for you in Harbor City, close to home so someone could look after you, and you wouldn't take it. You just had to go off to that little town with that boy."

"All these years, and still nothing to show for it. Another year almost gone, look at it, what kind of situation is this"

The first time I saw Samuel, he was standing on the stage as the freshman representative giving a speech.

His features were clean and handsome, his nose straight, and when he looked up at us in the audience, his gaze was gentle and sure.

I fell for him at first sight and chased him for two whole years.

Fetching hot water, picking up his packages and his takeout, never missing a thing, circling him every day like a little tagalong.

After graduation, I didn't want that relationship to just fizzle out, so I followed him without a second thought a thousand miles away to Frostpine City.

My heart was full of hope. I thought we'd get married soon.

When we first joined the company, Samuel said he was afraid of people talking and it hurting his prospects. He wouldn't even make our relationship public.

I wasn't happy about it, but because I loved him, I gave in.

It wasn't until a coworker started trying to set me up with someone that he finally couldn't sit still and rushed to stake his claim.

I wanted to get married. Samuel had always known that.

But no matter how many times I brought it up, he'd say to wait a little longer.

Wait until he got promoted and got a raise. Wait until he saved up the down payment.

That waiting stretched out into six years.

I was done waiting.

I steadied myself and said, "Mom, there's a project team being posted to Harbor City. My boss recommended me for it, and I agreed. I'll be back as soon as the Spring Festival break starts, and then I can be with you every day from now on."

Mom was so thrilled she nearly shrieked, checking with me three times in a row.

Only after she got a solid yes did she remember to ask, "What about Samuel? What are the two of you going to do?"

I said with a bitter smile, "I didn't tell him."

The other end of the line went quiet for a few seconds.

"As long as you're coming home. As long as you're coming home."

"That Samuel, he's not bad-looking, but what else about him is good enough for our Renee?"

I'd barely hung up when a text alert chimed.

3: 3

Renee, we came to that movie for you, and you just walk out? Now Hope's worried sick and blaming herself. Tomorrow you apologize to her, properly.

I didn't answer a word. I just turned the phone face-down on the table.

Samuel didn't get home until late. He held out a box to me, almost coaxing.

That cake shop you always wanted to try. I stood in line two hours just to get it for you.

Bringing me something to eat after a fight was one of his rare gestures.

And I always took the way out he offered, and stopped pushing.

That shop did everything to order. I'd mentioned it to Samuel for more than a year.

Every time he'd said it was manufactured hype, that wasting that much time in line for one lousy cake wasn't worth it.

Inside the box the cream had melted completely, sunk into a sticky mess, and my appetite vanished on the spot.

But after wanting it for over a year, I still took one small bite.

I opened my phone, and Hope's social media had just updated.

The photo was that same cake the way it was supposed to look, and you could clearly see the bite she'd taken out of it.

Caption: Life is as sweet as cake, what a shame my stomach's so small.

My stomach turned over.

You've had the cake now, so tomorrow you apologize to Hope, properly!

My face stayed calm, nothing showing on it at all.

So it turned out this bit of humbling himself was only to make me win his little protge's favor.

The next day I took half a day off on purpose and booked a full detail on the car.

I had them pull out the entire set of seats and clean the whole thing from top to bottom.

Looking at the car, good as new, I suddenly felt all of it was pointless.

Dirty was dirty.

So I might as well just get rid of it.

The used-car dealer saw right through how badly I wanted it gone, and pushed the price down brutally.

I didn't haggle. I just took it.

Once that was done, I hurried straight back to the office to finish the handover paperwork.

I'd barely stepped out the front doors when Samuel blocked my way.

I thought he'd ask about the transfer, but the moment he opened his mouth, every word was about Hope.

Where's your car?

I lowered my eyes and answered flatly, In for servicing.

His face darkened at once, his tone accusing. Why didn't you say something ahead of time? Hope's waiting for me to drive her home. This throws everything off!

Samuel, we've already broken up.

Broken up? Renee, you were the one who threw yourself at me back then. Eight years together, we've done it every way there is, and now you want to break up with me? Who else is going to want you?

I stared at him, unable to believe it.

I never knew the warm, sunny man he used to be could say something so vicious.

Seeing me frozen there without a word, maybe he realized what he'd just said had gone too far.

A flicker of panic crossed his face, and his tone softened a little.

Renee, I'm not yelling at you. I promised Hope ahead of time I'd drive her, and it's really a hassle to suddenly have no car. Don't take it to heart. I'll drop her off tonight and come back early to be with you.

He was always like this. Hope's business always came first.

It didn't matter anymore. I wasn't going to hold on to even a shred of hope where he was concerned.

I was leaving this city, and there was still a lot to pack anyway.

Looking at the gifts lined up neatly against the wall, the ones I'd prepared with my own hands for him to give his parents, I went blank.

The lock turned. Samuel really had come back earlier than usual.

Seeing me still cold, he took it that I was sulking at him, and instead let out a long breath of relief.

A flicker of smugness crossed his face as he calmly opened up his game.

He was certain I'd always give in for him, just like before.

Too bad this time the story wouldn't go the way he wanted.

Samuel, we need to talk.

4: 4

The man I'd cut off looked up, irritation all over his face.

He was about to say something when the couple's ringtone cut through the room.

Samuel didn't even think. He backed out of the game and picked up.

Eight years as his girlfriend, and I'd never once seen him look this tense.

As for that couple's ringtone, back in school I'd begged and coaxed for it for the longest time, and he'd always dragged his feet, calling it childish.

Yet now, for Hope, he'd changed it without a second thought.

On the other end, Hope's voice was on the edge of tears. "Samuel, my mom fell, she wants me to come home right away, but the holiday crowds are insane and I've got so much luggage, I can't carry it all alone, I really don't know what to do!"

"Hope, don't panic, I'm on my way. Leave the bags, don't touch them, I'll carry everything when I get there!"

He hung up and sprang off the couch.

Muttering the whole time.

"Something's happened at Hope's place. I can't leave her to handle it alone. You head back first tomorrow. Once I've seen her home safe, I'll come meet up with you."

The words came fast, his feet already moving.

As he passed me, his shoulder caught mine and knocked me hard to the floor.

My forehead struck the coffee table, blood running down my face, blurring my sight.

I called after him before I could stop myself.

"Samuel!"

But he didn't even turn his head, just tossed back one line as he rushed out.

"Whatever it is, we'll talk when I'm back!"

Wait again.

Eight years. I'd waited enough.

The door closed, and I calmly went back to packing, only then realizing how few of the things here were actually mine.

Eight years together, and Samuel had never given me a single decent thing. All I ever got was promise after promise, day after day.

Just as well. It made packing easy.

The gifts I'd prepared for Samuel were useless now, so I boxed them all up and gave them to my neighbor Paulette Chavez, who'd always looked out for me.

Paulette seemed to understand everything. She took my hand, her eyes full of ache for me.

"Renee, sweetheart, I've seen every bit of what you've swallowed. You came all this way alone, far from home, thinking he'd treat you right, and who could have known... ah, never mind, never mind. I'll take these, and from now on you live for yourself."

Tears in my eyes, I nodded hard.

I took one last look at the place I'd lived for six years, then lowered my head and stared at the hair tie on my wrist.

Samuel had given it to me himself, the day he agreed to be with me.

He'd said I was like a star, that I made him feel steady and safe.

I'd treasured it, worn it on my wrist every single day, never taking it off.

I slipped it off and dropped it into the trash.

His cheap love. I didn't want it anymore.