The Love You Forced On Me, I No Longer Want

1: 1

At the birthday party, my family and my fianc suddenly started up a game of toss-the-handkerchief.

Before I could even react, the handkerchief landed right in my face.

The next second, the family's guard dog lunged at me like it had gone mad. I've been afraid of dogs since I was little, and I scrambled away in a panic.

The fake heiress burst out laughing. "Mom! Dad! Simon Henson! Look how pathetic she looks running away."

My legs gave out under me, and I kept crying for help.

But all I heard was their laughter.

My fianc spoke up. "Rita Swanson, the dog has to chase you three full laps before the game can stop. It's your own fault the handkerchief landed on you."

My mother chimed in. "Your running form is so ugly. You look nothing like a daughter of the Swanson family."

My father didn't help me either. He stuck out his leg and tripped me, and the dog clamped down on my arm and tore off a chunk of flesh in an instant.

The fake heiress shrieked, and my parents and my fianc rushed to cover her eyes, all of them turning on me. "Rita! You scared her!"

I lay on the ground writhing in pain, watching helplessly as they led the fake heiress away.

Afterward, my parents and my fianc acted as if nothing had happened. Not one of them asked how the wound on my arm had been treated that day.

I looked at them, all cozy and happy together, and suddenly felt like I didn't belong. Ten years of trying to blend into this family, and I still couldn't. When there's no love, there's no love.

The moment I understood that, I turned and went upstairs to pack my bags, and I walked out right in front of them.

And from start to finish, their eyes stayed on the fake heiress. Not one of them looked at me.

My luggage was light. Three changes of clothes, a few pairs of socks, a toothbrush and toothpaste I'd bought recently and barely used.

And the two hundred thousand in my account.

That two hundred thousand was money I'd saved up bit by bit, working these past years.

I sat on the bench at the bus stop. The gauze on my arm was seeping blood, throbbing.

To save money, I hadn't even gotten a numbing shot when they bandaged it. I'd just gritted my teeth and gotten through it.

Bus after bus came and went. I didn't even know where I was going.

Then the special-alert setting on my phone buzzed. A message from Simon.

For the wedding photos, Zara Swanson's going to pose with me, so you don't need to come. She wants to know what it feels like to be a bride.

Reading that, even though I'd known long ago he didn't love me, the tears fell before I could stop them.

When Simon saw I hadn't answered, my mother sent a message next.

You already took Zara's identity. Just give her this one. If it weren't for you, Simon's bride would have been her.

Before I could react, my father's message came in too.

Rita, show some sense. Don't make things difficult for the family.

My vision blurred more and more, fat tears splashing onto the phone screen, and once again I saw it clearly. They didn't love me at all.

Ten years ago, I'd just moved to the city and started my first year of high school. During a physical exam, my identity was suddenly exposed. It turned out I was the real Swanson daughter. Having grown up without parents, I was full of hope for the Swanson family.

But the moment I stepped through the door, my parents dumped cold water on all of it.

They said, "Zara's been pampered her whole life and she's fragile. From now on you're not allowed to tell anyone you're the real Swanson daughter. You're just the Swansons' foster daughter. Otherwise, how is she supposed to get through school?"

That was how I learned Zara went to the same high school as me, and that she was the campus beauty.

Even though no one wanted me there, I accepted the arrangement without a fuss, because I wanted a home and parents so badly.

Back at the orphanage, other kids got adopted. I was the only one who never was, dragged all the way to fifteen with no family willing to take me in.

Maybe I was just born unlucky.

But once I was back at school, the rumors flew.

They said I'd schemed my way into the Swanson family out of greed for their wealth, that I'd used underhanded tricks, and that I was trying to steal Zara's place as the heiress.

To take Zara's side, the other students bullied me all day long.

They tore up my exam papers, deliberately smeared my name, and locked me in the bathroom, so I ended up spending a whole night in there.

I told my parents. What I got in return was blame.

"Rita, how could Zara's friends possibly bully you? If you keep spreading these lies, you can get out of the Swanson family. A Swanson daughter would never stoop to such gutter tactics."

The tears fell one after another. I couldn't understand why they wouldn't believe me, only Zara.

Now I've figured it out. There's no other reason. They simply don't love me. They never did.

2: 2

I wiped my eyes and sent the same message to each of them.

Fine. Call off the wedding between me and Simon.

Simon took a few minutes to reply.

Sulking won't get you anywhere. I'm not going to coax you. Don't climb up onto some high horse you can't climb back down from.

His tone was pure contempt, and it made my own foolishness plain to me.

Back in high school, when I was bullied, Simon was the only one who helped me. He liked me then. He even confessed it to me himself. But between me and Zara, he always chose Zara.

I let out a breath and held my emotions together.

If they didn't care about me, then I'd stop clinging.

Right then the last bus of the night pulled up in front of me, and I stepped on board.

The bus rolled forward. Outside, the sky had already gone dark.

My phone stayed dead quiet. Not one person had spared me a thought.

No. They didn't even know I'd left the house.

In the end I got off at some random stop, turned, and checked into a hotel. A rare bit of luxury after all these years.

From the day I came back to the Swansons, they never gave me a single cent. Even when I asked, it slipped straight out of their minds.

I'd go to my mother, and she'd tell me to ask my father.

I'd go to my father, and he'd tell me to ask my mother, since she managed all the money in the house.

Yet they never forgot Zara's allowance. While I was fretting over a pair of shoes with the soles peeling off, Zara's closet was crammed with designer bags.

While I skipped breakfast to save money, Zara toured the world on the thirty million our parents had handed her.

All these years, my days were packed with studying and part-time work. It was no different from being back at the orphanage.

Having a family was worse than having none.

I lived like that, worn down and scraping by, and they still called me tacky, said I never dressed up, that I wasn't fit to be seen, that I didn't look anything like a Swanson daughter.

Lying on the soft bed, I suddenly felt like crying. It was so comfortable.

Really, if they'd just been a little kinder to me before, I'd have been content. But they never were.

I slept straight through to the next afternoon, and my phone was buried in messages.

All of them from my parents and Simon.

Where are you? Today is the day for the wedding photos. Why aren't you here?

I only had Zara stand in for the shots. Are you really going to sulk with me over that? Once I'm actually angry, don't come crying about it.

Can't you show a little sense? Zara's crying now. She's afraid you'll blame her. She's your sister. How can you not give way on something this small?

Toward the end, they lost their tempers completely.

Rita Swanson! Get out of the Swanson house! From now on the Swansons have no daughter who plays these scheming little games! If you want to try your playing-hard-to-get tricks, you'd better check whether you're even worth it!

Strange. These were ugly words, and yet right now they left me completely unmoved.

Besides, someone had already gone to take the wedding photos with Simon. If I showed up, I'd only be in the way.

I didn't reply to a single one of those messages. Instead I switched to another app and got serious about finding a place to live.

It was time I gave myself a home.

3: 3

That afternoon I found a place I liked, and I was just about to sign the lease when my boss called out of nowhere.

Rita Swanson, youre fired. Come clear out your desk on Monday.

I froze. Why?

His voice came through cold. Blame yourself for having no connections. Blame yourself for crossing the Swanson familys young miss.

The place I worked was a branch office of Simons company. Back when Id just graduated and was job-hunting, he suddenly suggested I come work under the Hensonssaid it was close to him, that it would be easier for him to look after me.

But in all the years I worked there, I never got a single privilege. I had it worse than an ordinary employee.

My boss deliberately piled the heavy work on me. My coworkers deliberately froze me out.

I wanted to quit, but Simon used my feelings for him as leverage.

Quit, and we were over.

So now that hed suddenly fired me, it meant he was accepting the breakup by default. Right?

The moment I understood that, the tight string inside me finally snapped, and I felt nothing but relief.

The landlord asked, Miss, are you still signing?

I nodded. Ill sign.

I could always find another job. First Id make a home of my own.

Once I had everything arranged, I crouched on the couch and cracked open a soda. Id barely taken a sip when Zara called.

She was crying.

Im so sorry, sis. This is all my fault. Simon just loves me too much, thats why he made a decision like this. Ill have him find you a new job right away.

My tone was flat. Zara, drop it. Youve been putting on this act for ten years. Arent you tired?

Zara paused, and her voice went cold. Sis, the Swanson daughter is me. Mom and Dad are mine. Simon is mine too. I told you a long time agodont fight me for any of it.

Hearing that, I suddenly remembered the first time I met Zara, when she took a small knife and slashed the dress Mom had given me.

That dress hadnt fit me anyway. It was too big.

After shed cut it, Zara said coldly, Sis, that dress is mine. I wore it. I threw it away.

But even the things I throw away, you have no right to take.

That was the first time Zara showed me open hostility. Plenty of times after that, she came off as generous, so considerate of me.

Thinking of it, I said quietly, Zara, the things I dont wanttake them. Mom and Dad, Simon, the name. I dont want any of it anymore.

Zara went still. Something in my tone left her feeling like shed thrown a punch into cotton.

Rita Swanson! Do you even know you got to work at the Hensons because I wanted you there? And the way you were bullied at the officethat was all on my say-so!

Zara spat out each word. Simon knew about all of it. He let it happen.

My breathing turned uneven, my eyes filling with tears.

I hung up in a hurry.

I suddenly remembered high school, when I was bullied, and how he promised he would always protect me, and how righteously he condemned that kind of bullying.

So his disgust had all been an act.

All these years, I was the only one whod lost my head, believing he really loved me.

I closed my eyes, and my tears struck the blanket on the couch and vanished.

Just like my feelings for him.

Ten years of foolish hope. It was time I woke up.

4: 4

Thank goodness I had some savings. Otherwise I wouldn't even have had time to heal. Only after the fourth rabies shot did I start job hunting in earnest.

Then, at an interview, I ran into Simon Henson.

He was talking to the owner of the company. When he saw me, distaste crossed his face.

"Rita Swanson, what are you doing here?"

The owner smiled. "Mr. Henson, you two know each other? She's an applicant I'm about to interview."

Simon's tone went cold. "Nice company you've got. But you shouldn't just let any riffraff walk in."

The owner's expression changed on the spot.

I knew then that this job was gone.

Sure enough, he went through the motions of the interview, barely three minutes before he sent me out.

I stood in the hallway, my chest churning with unease.

Why, after I'd already decided to keep my distance, did they still refuse to leave me alone.

Simon came over slowly. "Rita, why haven't you contacted me?"

My voice was flat. "Simon, can you not be so revolting."

His face shifted. "Keep refusing to back down, and there really won't be another chance."

I said it plainly. "We're over. Whatever you and Zara Swanson want to do from now on, do it."

For a second his composure faltered, then it vanished just as fast. This was only him playing hard to get.

Something had gone wrong with Rita starting from the game that day.

She had never made a scene this big before.

"Rita, it was just a game we played. Why are you being so petty? You got hurt, that's your own fault for being slow. You can't blame anyone else. Don't tell me you're holding a grudge against Zara."

I lowered my eyes to the scabbed-over wound on my arm. It looked hideous. Scarring like this leaves a mark that never fully goes away. I'd been hurt this badly, and Simon called it just a game.

"Why didn't you throw the handkerchief to Zara? Why throw it to me?"

Guilt flickered in his eyes. "She's been pampered her whole life. How could she outrun a wolfhound? And it was only a game. Stop blowing it out of proportion."

"This company's no good. Come work for me instead."

As he spoke, he reached out to touch me, and I slapped him hard across the face.

Simon froze. "Rita, you dare hit me? Don't push your luck when I'm being decent to you."

My voice stayed flat. "Simon, we've played this handkerchief game so many times growing up. Why was it always me? I was just a toy for you all to toy with, wasn't I."

"You want me to come back and work for you. Isn't that just so the office can keep bullying me?"

He shot back without thinking. "I did not!"

But the guilt showed. His thumb and middle finger rubbed together without him meaning to. That was always his tell when he was lying.

Seeing me hold firm, an odd irritation rose in him. He pointed at me. "Since you still won't take the way out I'm offering, don't blame me for what comes next."

After that, every job I applied for hit a wall.

Just as I'd expected, I'd been blacklisted, unless I went and begged Simon in person.

At the thought, I dismissed it out of hand. I'd been a doormat for so many years. I couldn't keep being one.

So I decided to study for the grad school entrance exams, and picked up some freelance work and tutoring online on the side.

The wedding day came soon enough, and my phone lit up nonstop again.

I meant to hang up, but I accidentally answered.

My mother's voice came through.

"Rita, let Zara go to the wedding in your place. You're not fit to be seen anyway, and I'm afraid you'll embarrass the Swansons and make us a laughingstock."

Not a ripple stirred in me. So their favoritism could go so far as to swap out the bride on the day itself.

I said it evenly. "Mom, this is the last time I'll call you that. From now on the Swansons have nothing to do with me. Let's never contact each other again."

My mother's voice faltered, and she started to say something more, only to find the call already ended and blocked.