When His Last Words Didn’t Name Me, I Stopped Trying to Be His Only One

My fianc flew to Paris himself to pick up our custom diamond ring, and on the way back, his plane developed a serious malfunction.

On my way to the airport,

I happened to catch the news broadcasting the passengers' final message videos.

This might be the last time I ever get to talk to you.

You always said you'd never marry, that you wanted to be an independent woman. I thought I could be your knight for the rest of my life, but now I have to break that promise.

"From now on, take good care of yourself. No more staying up late, no more cold water. When the pollen comes in spring, remember to get your allergy medicine ready ahead of time."

"You know all my passwords. Look after yourself from now on."

My eyes went hot with tears. And then, in the very next breath, he called out another name.

"Ella, I want you to be happy."

The moment I heard the name, I felt like I'd dropped into ice.

Because the woman he called for wasn't me.

It was my best friend.

My hand clenched around the phone, cold to the bone, and just then the announcement came over the terminal:

"Passengers on flight CA77 arriving from Paris, the aircraft malfunction has been resolved. The plane is about to land safely..."

By the time I reached the airport, I got there just in time to see Jude Vance and Ella Gill weeping in each other's arms, eyes only for one another.

I stepped back quietly, turned, and walked away, as if I had never come.

So love was a crowded place, and I was always the third person who could never squeeze in.

...

Jude held Ella in the middle of the crowd, the two of them like some golden couple everyone envied.

A reporter smiled and snapped a photo. "You made it out alive. You'd better treat your girlfriend well from now on."

Ella flushed and tried to pull her hand away, but he gripped it tight.

"Of course. From now on we'll be together for the rest of our lives."

Ella gave him a light punch. "If Delia found out, she'd be furious again."

"Let her be. I'll make her some little something with my own hands to smooth it over, and she'll forgive me, happy as ever."

"I almost died just now. Am I not even allowed to show a little real feeling?"

So the one Jude had truly loved all along was Ella. In the face of life and death, the heart doesn't lie.

People streamed past through the airport, and I was pushed off into a corner, hot and stifled.

My phone buzzed softly.

Baby! I just got back from my trip. Tonight I want the whole roasted trout and the garlic butter steak bites you make yourself...

He rattled off several dishes in a row, all of them Ella's favorites.

Whole roasted trout is full of bones and a nuisance to eat.

Whenever I wanted it before, he always said, "The bones catch in your throat. We don't eat troublesome dishes like that."

But the moment Ella came over, that dish was always on the table.

Jude would patiently pick out the bones and push the tenderest pieces of fish over to her.

Sometimes he'd catch me watching and just smile. "Your friend's all thumbs. I'm honestly scared she'll eat herself into the hospital."

That was always how he was. His mouth complained that Ella was clumsy and helpless, but he was willing to arrange every little thing for her, carefully, down to the last detail.

I still remember when we'd just made it official, Jude took me to meet his buddies, and one of them teased, "Jude, I really never thought you'd end up with Delia James."

I glanced instinctively at Jude. He swirled his glass, his eyes soft and unfocused. "She's great. Independent, doesn't need coddling."

He always said he hated people who needed coddling.

So through our whole relationship I worked hard to be an independent woman. I changed my own lightbulbs, cleared my own drains, even packed everything myself and hired the movers on my own.

The one time I ran a high fever and called Jude, all he said, flat and cool, was:

"You have a fever, so call a doctor. What are you calling me for? Delia, you know, ever since we started dating you've gotten needier and needier."

There was noise in the background, my friend hollering, "Jude! I can't get this cap off."

He answered her, told me he was out at dinner with friends, and hung up in a hurry.

That day I dialed 911 with shaking hands and nearly went into shock in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.

So his favoring of Ella had been that obvious all along.

I used to think that as long as we were together long enough, as long as I gave enough, he would eventually see me.

But in this moment, I was finally tired. I drew a deep breath and sent Jude a message:

Jude, let's break up.

The next second, across the crowd, I watched Jude take out his phone.

He glanced down, but his attention was pulled away at once by Ella beside him.

By the time I got home and packed up everything I owned,

Jude finally strolled in.

He pushed the door open, glowing. "Baby! Guess what I brought you!"

The lights were off.

I sat in the dim living room on the couch,

and he froze for a second. Before he could ask anything, someone behind him gave him a shove.

"What are you standing there for? Hurry up and give my Delia her present."

The lights flared on all at once, and he took the custom ring from inside his jacket.

Inside the red velvet box, a platinum band lay quietly, its huge, showy diamond catching the light and glittering.

He reached for my hand, but I slid it away before he could touch it.

Calmly, I asked, "Did you read the text I sent you?"

Understanding crossed Jude's face. "Baby, I didn't ignore your message on purpose. I just landed, my phone was dead."

Ella laughed too. "That's right. You have no idea, Jude almost died getting you that ring."

Fingers caught mine, and the ring slid onto my hand, loose and clearly the wrong size.

Before I could say a word,

Jude and Ella suddenly burst out laughing together.

Their laughter filled the whole apartment, and I was the only one who felt like an outsider.

They had always been like this.

They had their own little secrets,

and every time I looked curious, or itched to be let in, Jude would just smile.

"It's nothing. You wouldn't get it anyway."

But not once had he ever explained.

This time I didn't ask. I only let my eyes settle on the suitcase in the corner.

Three years living together, and there wasn't much I could take. Just that small suitcase in the corner.

So small no one even noticed it.

Jude swept a glance around the room, saw the empty dining table, and frowned. "You didn't cook?"

Ella draped herself over his shoulder. "Then let's eat out. I'm sick of Delia's cooking anyway."

Something on her hand flashed. When I looked closer I saw it was a delicate diamond ring,

clearly expensive, a band ringed with tiny chips of diamond and a glittering red stone at the center.

Seeing my eyes land on her ring,

something flickered, unnatural, across Jude's face. "Fine. Since that's settled, go out and hold a spot for us, and call us when it's almost our turn."

In college, Jude always had one part-time job after another,

so I'd go early to hold a spot and take a number for us. Once, twice, and after enough times it just became understood that I'd go wait first.

Once he'd said his piece, he pulled Ella into the other room to play video games.

Their voices rang bright and lively inside, and it was as if I were the one who didn't belong.

I'd already decided I was through with him, yet my chest still went sour and tight.

I picked up the suitcase and walked slowly out of the place I'd lived in for three years, and at the end I looked long and hard at the two of them laughing inside.

Jude, this time I'm the one letting go of you first.

In the elevator, a little girl tugged gently at her mother's sleeve and said, innocent and bright,

"Mommy! Look, the lady's ring is exactly like mine!"

It was the custom wedding ring I'd forgotten to take off.

But the next second, when I saw clearly what the girl was holding up,

my mind gave a single ringing hum,

because the ring in the child's hand really was identical to the "custom wedding ring" Jude had given me.

The young mother smiled, a little helpless.

"The lady's is a wedding ring, a real diamond. Yours is a fifteen-dollar thing from a street stall. There's no way they're the same."

She smiled at me apologetically and took her child out of the elevator.

As if something moved my hand for me, I slipped off the ring and dug a nail hard across it,

white paint flaking onto my fingertip, showing the dull brass underneath.

I stood there staring at the ring,

and all at once I thought of the ring gleaming on Ella's index finger, and it hit me,

so the so-called custom diamond ring he'd risked his life to get had been on Ella's hand this whole time.

The one on my finger was nothing but a fifteen-dollar knockoff.

I slipped the ring off and set it aside without a second thought.

A light rain was falling outside, and mud splashed up onto me.

I went back to the old house, and the moment my mother saw me, her eyes landed on my suitcase and she frowned.

"Why are you back? Did you fight with your boyfriend?"

I drew a deep breath. "We broke up."

Those three words, and my mother exploded.

"Broke up?! Are you out of your mind? Delia James, you're twenty-eight this year, not eighteen! If you don't marry now you'll be some thirty-year-old old maid!"

"Did you do something wrong again? Get back there and apologize, now!"

Her accusations came at me one after another, almost a roar, as she shoved me hard toward the door.

In that moment all I felt was bone-deep exhaustion.

"Mom, Jude doesn't love me. Even if we married"

"You still have to marry! Even if you marry and then divorce, that's better than being a worthless girl no one will take!"

I froze where I stood, staring at her in disbelief.

The next second she shoved me hard out the door.

The rain came down harder, and I shivered with cold. The old house was too remote to catch a cab, and it was nearly midnight before I found a run-down little motel.

The sharp reek of mold and the stink from the toilet hit me. I was crammed into a room barely two meters across, so tight I couldn't even stretch my legs without it feeling wrong.

I sank into a fitful sleep until daybreak,

and the next day at work I was still in a daze when I suddenly heard a commotion.

The moment I looked up, my whole body went rigid.

My mother had stormed in, furious, and Jude was right behind her.

"Mom, why are you"

Smack! Before I could finish, my face took a hard blow.

There was no holding back in that slap. It left my head ringing, and my left cheek swelled up at once.

My coworkers crowded over right away. "Who are you? Why are you hitting her out of nowhere?"

"Leave now or we're calling the police."

"I'm her mother. She did something wrong, so I discipline her! This is our family business, what is there to call about?"

Her words made the room go still, everyone exchanging uneasy glances,

and she jabbed a finger in my face. "A grown woman throwing a jealous fit and demanding a breakup! Take a good look at yourself. Jude's young and already a career star, and you, a little clerk, get to marry him and don't even know to treasure it!"

A coworker tried to reason with her.

"Delia's very good too, she's one of the backbone people at our company"

"What good does being good do! For a woman, the right path is to marry, have kids, and stay home."

"Running out here to hustle, what's the use? In the end she'll have to come back to the family anyway."

"Why can't you learn a little from Ella? She's so sensible and obedient! If it were her, she'd never make a jealous scene like this."

"There's a man who wants you now, so quit acting up! Do you have any idea, if it weren't for you, you worthless girl, that no-good father of yours never would have run off! If you can't get yourself married, I won't own you as my daughter"

The uglier her words got, the louder she got,

and every coworker in the office wore the same awkward look.

I felt like a soft shellfish stripped of its shell,

the tender flesh inside stabbed to pulp by her, cut after cut, until not a shred of my pride was left.

My eyes fell on Jude. He watched me quietly, and there was satisfaction in them.

I knew he'd seen the breakup text, and I knew he was the one who'd brought my mother here to make this scene.

I'd thought I would be heartbroken, that I'd scream back at them,

but it turned out that when disappointment reaches its limit, a person can go utterly calm instead.

I heard my own voice, tired and even.

"So what is it you want from me?"

In that moment, my mother straightened her back at once. "I want you to apologize to Jude!"

Jude's gaze settled on me, a smile in his voice. "Mom, Delia and I are about to get married. Who talks about apologies at a time like this?"

"You just behave yourself and don't make a scene, and we'll let the whole thing go."

I stared at him and at Ella behind him, that smug look on her face, and for one moment I wanted to tear off their masks and let everything spill out.

But I knew, deep down, that even if my mother learned the truth it would change nothing.

She didn't care. To her, as long as I got married off, it didn't matter what kind of person he was or how old he was, as long as he was a man.

As long as I got married off, so no one could say she was a failure of a mother.

I stared at Jude and, out of nowhere, gave a small smile.

He froze for a second, but before he could recover I spoke first. "Fine. I won't make a scene."

Jude was startled, and finally let out a soft sigh.

"Good. Tomorrow I'll take you to buy jewelry. You pick it out yourself. Anything you like, I'll get it for you."

This time, at last, he wasn't giving me some small trinket, and at last he was letting me choose.

But now there wasn't a single thing I wanted.

The whole group of them left.

The office fell into an eerie silence. An hour after I got back to my desk, I opened my phone.

My mother's account, always blank, had a new post.

She never shared anything. Back when I offered to teach her, she'd say in that sour tone, "I'm old, I can't learn all this stuff you young people do."

Yet today that photo and that post sat right there in front of me, plain as day.

In the picture, Ella had her arm looped through my mother's, who was all doting smiles, the two of them seated in front of a bubbling pot of red hot-pot broth, with a tender-faced Jude across from them.

"Such a good daughter. For one day, I got to be a happy mother."

The comments from neighbors I knew were all the same effusive praise.

"Oh my, Auntie Chen is so blessed! Your daughter and son-in-law make such a lovely match."

"When's the wedding? Save us a seat for the toast."

At the very bottom, my mother had carefully replied thank you to each and every one.

But her stomach was bad. She couldn't take the slightest bit of spice.

Once, I was cooking at home. Six of the seven dishes were mild, one was spicy.

She turned on me instantly, jabbing a finger in my face, cursing me out.

After that, I, who couldn't live without spicy food, never once ate a spicy dish in front of her again.

I looked and looked, and in the end I blocked her contact and walked up to my boss's office.

"Rebecca, I'd like to apply for an overseas posting."

She glanced at me, surprised, then nodded her agreement.

The project was urgent. The flight was booked for the very next day.

At the airport, Jude suddenly called me, a trace of lazy ease in his voice.

"Tonight I made a point of setting up dinner with your mom and Ella. I'm taking you to formally apologize to them."

"Remember to leave work early and save the seats."

The boarding announcement sounded again. I walked slowly toward the gate, my voice calm and even.

"No need, Jude. We're never seeing each other again."

The line went silent, and then his voice came, furious. "Delia James, where are you right now??"

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