His First Love Moved In, So I Moved On

1: 1

At eighteen, Tyler Delgado was so broke his first love had to split her instant noodles with him, and still he thumped his chest and swore:

When I've got money someday, you won't even have to marry me. I'll take care of you for life, funeral and all.

Fourteen years later, Clarissa James got fired, dragged two suitcases to my door, and knocked.

"Mr. Delgado, I've come to retire early."

Tyler laughed so hard he had to bend over, and then he actually cleared out the bedroom with the best light in our marital home for her.

She called him Old Tyler. He called her old lady.

She said retirement was no fun without a partner, so he canceled his engagements to go grocery shopping, walking, and dancing in the plaza with her.

I asked him what this was supposed to be.

He held a peeled orange segment up to my lips, his tone like he was coaxing a child who didn't know any better.

"A guy makes big promises when he's young. Now that I can actually deliver, I've got to make good on them."

On our wedding anniversary, Clarissa took a fancy to a plot next to the Delgado family cemetery.

Tyler took the money we'd set aside for IVF and covered the cost of the plot for her.

"Cared for in life, seen off in death. That's what it means to see something through."

That night, I set his luggage down between the two rocking chairs sitting side by side.

"Retirement can come early."

"So can being a widower."

...

Tyler glanced down at the suitcase beside the rocking chairs and smiled.

"Maya Swanson, you're getting better and better at insulting people the roundabout way."

He reached out to pull me in, his palm still sweet with the orange he'd just peeled.

I turned aside and stepped clear, and his arm closed on nothing, the smile fading a little.

"Clarissa just lost her job. She'll stay half a month. Once she finds a place, she's gone."

Clarissa was curled up in the rocking chair hugging her thermos, and she answered lazily:

"Half a month, how's that enough? An old lady switching to a nursing home needs time to adjust too. Old Tyler, at eighteen you promised to keep me for life."

Tyler tapped the lid of her cup.

"Fine, you won't starve. But dump that iced americano, your stomach's bad."

Then he turned, brought the warm water and the ovulation meds over to my hand, and crouched down to press my swollen calves.

"Take your meds first. Nine tomorrow morning at the hospital. I've got it."

Our second year married, when the ovulation shots hurt so much I couldn't sleep all night, he rubbed my legs just like this, coaxing me, telling me no matter who came, he wouldn't leave, that the sky could fall and he'd stay with me first.

Because I remembered, that practiced bit of tenderness still loosened something in my chest.

But Clarissa slid a purchase order onto the table.

"Old Tyler, this plot really is nice, right next to your family's graves. Free meals while I'm alive, free ground when I'm dead. Retirement service has to be seen through from start to finish."

My eyes caught the figure, and my fingers went stiff.

A hundred eighty-six thousand.

That was the money for our next IVF cycle.

Tyler tucked the order into a drawer, his tone as light as if he were talking about dinner.

"I'm only fronting it. A plot like that rarely opens up. In a couple of months I'll put the money back. Pushing the IVF back one cycle won't matter."

"You took our money to buy her a grave?"

"Don't put it so ugly."

He frowned, then held the pill up to my lips again.

"Money sitting in an account isn't going to make us a baby. Miss that plot and it's gone for good. One cycle later on IVF changes nothing."

Clarissa stood up at once.

"Forget it, I won't buy it. I'm alone anyway. What does it matter where I die. If it comes to it, let the funeral home toss me in the trash."

"There you go talking nonsense again."

Tyler's face went dark, but when he turned to me, his voice softened.

"Maya, she's in a bad place lately. Didn't you always love that I'm loyal to the people I care about? Just think of it as helping me clear a debt I ran up when I was young. Once she's settled, I'll make up everything we're short on."

He finished, put the pill in his own mouth, and leaned down as if to feed it to me.

It was his usual trick for when I refused to take my medicine.

I turned my face away, and he laughed and set the pill back in my palm.

He was so good at coaxing me like this.

First he'd take something from me, then press back a little bit of the kind of closeness only the two of us understood.

As if none of it counted as serious, as long as I'd smile.

That night, after he watched me take the pill, he rubbed my legs again.

Clarissa called out from the doorway:

"Old Tyler, an old lady takes her hundred steps after dinner. She needs a partner to lean on."

Tyler looked at me, a little pleading in his eyes.

"Twenty minutes. I'll warm you some milk when I'm back."

"Don't be late tomorrow morning."

"If I'm late, punish me however you want."

He hooked my pinky and gave it a little shake.

An hour later, he sent a photo.

Clarissa on his arm, lined up in a row with the old folks dancing in the plaza.

The caption read: Day one of retirement, partner already on duty.

Right after, he sent another line:

"She's joking. Don't read into it again."

I poured the water that had gone cold in my cup down the sink.

At nine the next morning, the hospital's appointment reminder popped up right on time.

I sat at the dining table waiting until nine-thirty. The lock in the door never once turned.

2: 2

At ten, Tyler made it to the hospital.

He'd run so hard there was sweat at his temples, and he came in carrying a breakfast sandwich from the place I always ordered from. He draped his coat over my legs first, then pushed his hand into mine.

"Pinch me if you're nervous. Don't pinch yourself. Did they do the exam?"

When I was scared I always dug into the web of my own thumb, so he'd offer up his hand instead and tell me his skin was thick.

I looked at the sequins on his shirt cuff and didn't ask about them. I only said the doctor had already gone home, and we'd been told to book again next week.

Tyler squeezed my fingertips.

"Next week I'll switch off my phone. No one's dragging me away. The sandwich is still hot. Have one first?"

That was when Clarissa called.

"Tyler, where'd you run off to? The cake for the retirement dinner's here. How's the guest of honor supposed to cut it with no family around?"

Tyler glanced at me and cut the call.

"I'm not going. Today's yours."

He picked the scallions off for me, then poked a little hole in the sandwich and let it cool before he slid it over.

When we first started dating, the first time I ate one of these, the filling squirted all over him.

He walked around with me the whole afternoon in a shirt dotted with grease, telling everyone I'd stamped my mark on him.

I couldn't help it. I laughed.

Only then did he let out a breath.

"There it is. When you go quiet, I panic."

A dozen minutes later, he said he'd go down for a cup of hot water.

I waited twenty minutes before I spotted him through the glass window of the restaurant next door.

Clarissa had a red "Happy Retirement" flower pinned to her chest, and she was setting a paper hat on his head.

Her friends crowded around, egging them on. Someone waved at me.

"Come on in too! You run the retirement home."

Tyler saw me, his smile froze for a second, and he came out quickly to pull my coat closed for me.

"They booked the restaurant over here at the last minute. I just stepped in to cut the cake."

"You said today was mine."

"I'm still right next to the hospital, aren't I?"

He dropped his voice.

"Everyone's already here. If I walk out in front of them, how's she supposed to face this crowd again? Ten minutes. When we get back I'll even carry you down the stairs."

I still went in and sat down.

When they took the photo, Clarissa slid her arm through Tyler's like it was nothing, boxing me out to the very edge.

The photographer pressed the shutter, and she called out to the camera,

"Early retirement, husband rehired for life!"

The whole table laughed.

Tyler laughed too. He only chased after me when he saw me stand up.

"It was one joke. You're taking it to heart again?"

"I didn't say anything."

"The less you say, the more I know you're angry."

He took a jewelry box out of his pocket.

"Sixth anniversary gift. I meant to give it to you last night."

A silver bracelet lay in the velvet, the style I'd admired half a year ago.

I'd just reached for it when Clarissa stuck her wrist out of the private room.

"Tyler, look. Same taste, right?"

She was wearing the same bracelet in platinum, a tiny "D" engraved on the charm.

Tyler's hands paused, but he fastened the silver chain on me anyway.

"She helped me pick it. Her skin's sensitive, she can't wear silver. Don't fixate on the price, the style's the same."

"Why is hers engraved with your initial?"

Clarissa gave her wrist a little shake.

"It's a lost-and-found tag for the retirement home. If the old lady wanders off, people know who to call."

Tyler laughed and scolded her for having too many tricks, then took hold of my wrist, his thumb brushing over the pulse point.

"I'll have yours engraved too when we get back. Don't measure yourself against her. She's got nothing. You've at least got me."

That night, Clarissa got drunk and wouldn't let go of his sleeve.

Tyler turned back to coax me.

"I'll walk her to her room, five minutes. Go shower first, I'll blow-dry your hair."

I waited with wet hair until midnight.

The blow-dryer sat by the pillow, its plug never even in the socket.

The next morning, at the guest room door, I found him asleep leaning against the side of the bed.

Clarissa had a grip on his sleeve, and the silver chain on my wrist had already broken out in a ring of red rash.

3: 3

I took the bracelet off and put it back in the jewelry box.

When Tyler woke, he saw me first and shot to his feet.

Clarissa's hand slipped free of his, and she mumbled, half-asleep,

"Come lie back down with me for a while, Tyler."

The air went quiet for a few seconds.

He pulled me into the master bedroom, shut the door, and cupped my face.

"She threw up all over herself last night. I was afraid she'd choke, so I stayed to watch her. Nothing happened. You know I wouldn't touch her."

"I didn't ask."

"You looking at me like this is worse than being grilled."

When I said nothing, he pressed my hand flat against his chest and bent his head with a small laugh.

"Feel that and tell me. When have I ever lied to you about something like this?"

Back when we'd first married, he used to wait for me at the company's back door.

One night I worked until dawn, and he fell asleep in the car. When he woke, his first words weren't a complaint. He asked if I was hungry.

The porridge shop by the road had already closed, and he knocked on the owner's door anyway until he got the last bowl of oatmeal.

I'd always believed a man willing to wait for me late into the night wouldn't make me wait too long.

That day, right in front of me, he had his assistant confirm Clarissa's moving date three days out.

That evening he made soup himself, not a sprig of cilantro in it, and even set my spoon on the left the way I liked.

At dinner he laid his phone face down on the table.

The dozen-odd messages Clarissa sent, he didn't answer a single one.

"She can pick her own memorial photo. She can find a lawyer for the will. It's not my problem."

He said,

"I promised to stay with you, so I'm staying with you."

I asked,

"You're really not going?"

"Why are you still hoping I'll go?"

He flicked my forehead.

"I set the phone here because I trust you not to drag this out forever. She can't take me from you. What are you so afraid of?"

After dinner he took me downstairs for a walk, and dug a flattened citrus candy out of his pocket.

"Our first date, you complained the movie was depressing, snuck a piece of candy, and got caught. Remember?"

He unwrapped it and slipped it into my mouth.

"Mrs. Delgado, how about a stay of execution?"

The candy was sweet.

The streetlights stretched our shadows long, as if the Tyler from years ago had come back, the one who'd had nothing but always kept me behind him.

I thought about it, giving him one more chance.

That night he slept with his arms around me.

I woke in the middle of the night and reached for the person beside me.

He was still there, his arm across my waist.

Feeling me stir, he kept his eyes shut and pulled me closer.

"Don't be scared. I'm here."

I stared at the familiar ridge of his brow and believed things would go back to where they'd been.

The next day I went to the office to hand things over and came home early to grab some documents.

The study door wasn't shut all the way, and Clarissa's voice came from inside.

"Your wife doesn't like me calling you my old companion, so now you won't take care of me?"

Tyler sighed.

"I will, but within limits. I bought the plot, I set up the pension. Just stop showing up in front of her."

"She doesn't want limits. She wants you to throw me out."

A pause, and then he laughed once.

"Her temper flares fast and dies fast. Once the IVF goes smoothly and there's a baby, she won't have time to watch all this."

I stood outside the door, my fingers slowly tightening.

So it turned out he hadn't stayed last night because he'd finally figured out who to choose. He'd just decided it was easier to smooth me over first.

Clarissa asked again,

"So if she and I ended up in the hospital at the same time, who would you go to first?"

Tyler's tone was light, as if the answer needed no thought at all.

"She can take care of herself. You can't."

He'd once used that line to praise me.

Later it became the reason I got left behind, every single time.

I didn't push the door open. I turned and went to the hospital.

The doctor said my lining wasn't in good shape, that a hysteroscopy should be scheduled as soon as possible, or the next cycle would be pushed back too.

Filling in the family contact number, I gave Tyler's out of habit.

At the last digit I paused, then wrote it down anyway.

The nurse handed the form back for me to confirm.

Under the words emergency contact, his name lay there quietly.

I looked at it for a long time before I signed my own name.

That was the last time I put him in that box.

4: 4

The day of my surgery was my birthday.

Tyler was up at six, packing my slippers, my thermos, my paperwork.

"When it's over, I'll feed you. Tonight we'll go to that place you've been talking about forever."

He tied my shoelaces and slid my hand into his palm.

"Squeeze if you get nervous. My phone's on silent today. Whoever shows up, I'm not leaving."

I put the silver bracelet back on, the one that gave me a rash.

He saw the red mark and frowned, holding my wrist.

"You're still wearing this? When you're done we'll get it engraved. Mrs. Delgado. And we'll change the material too. This time I'll pick it myself, nobody else touching it."

Then he bent down and kissed that ring of red.

And I believed him again.

He held my hand the whole time I was signing forms.

Six years ago, the day we got our marriage license, he'd held my hand the same way and said that anywhere I ever needed a family member's signature, he'd be standing right beside me.

I'd teased him for jinxing us.

He'd said it dead seriously.

"Good things, bad things, all of it. Point is, you turn your head and I'm there."

When the nurse wheeled the bed over, he leaned down and touched my fingertips.

"Just sleep. Open your eyes and I'll be right here."

The anesthesia hadn't gone in yet when the life-experience exhibit hall called.

The staff said Clarissa had had a panic attack during the sealed-coffin challenge, that even after they opened the lid she refused to leave, and she'd only let her emergency contact come get her.

I grabbed his sleeve.

"There's staff right there. She'll be fine."

"Her claustrophobia can put her into shock."

"Send your assistant."

"She doesn't recognize anyone right now."

Tyler bent down, talking fast.

"The hall's two streets away. I'll get her out, twenty minutes tops. Mine's still the first face you see when you wake up."

"You just said. Whoever came, you weren't leaving."

"Maya, don't pick a fight over this right now. This is routine for you. She could actually be in trouble. The only reason I dare leave is because I know you're safe here."

Again he dressed up his confidence in me and called it love.

I held onto his hand and didn't let go.

"Tyler, if you stay today, I'll treat everything before this as over."

Something in his eyes shifted, clearly.

I watched him look down at our hands, like he was really wavering.

The phone rang again.

The staff said Clarissa was gripping the edge of the coffin, wouldn't let anyone near, and kept screaming his name.

Tyler shut his eyes. When he opened them, he'd already decided.

He pried my fingers loose, one by one.

"We'll talk when I'm back. Don't use something like this to make me choose."

When the last finger came free, there were red lines left in my palm.

He left fast. He didn't even look back.

The nurse adjusted my IV line, saw me staring at the door, and asked quietly, "Do you want to wait a little longer?"

I shook my head.

Right before the surgery started, I thought of the day we registered, when he said he'd be with me anywhere a family member's signature was needed.

So he did remember everything he'd said.

After the surgery, I threw up twice in the recovery room.

The nurse called three times. No one picked up.

The fourth time, he finally sent a voice message.

Tyler had reached the hall, and Clarissa had settled down fast, but she was clutching his sleeve and wouldn't let him leave.

She was laughing in the recording.

"Come on, Tyler, lie down over here. A joint-burial experience isn't complete unless there are two people."

Tyler was coaxing her, low.

"Stop it. I really have to get back to the hospital."

"Just five minutes. You promised you'd see me off. You can't just stand outside the coffin, can you?"

Then Clarissa posted a video.

Two experience coffins side by side. She turned her head to look at Tyler.

"Tyler. Scared?"

He brushed the hair off her forehead.

"Scared of what? The old lady goes first, and I'll be right behind you."

People around them said the two looked more like a real married couple than a real one.

I watched it twice, and suddenly it stopped hurting.

The nurse helped me change, pointed at my wrist, and asked, "Worn raw like that and you're still wearing it?"

There was a full ring of red under the silver chain.

It took me two tries to get it off. I slid it off along with my wedding ring, leaving a pale band at the base of my finger.

I touched that mark, put the ring in the storage bag, and in the emergency contact line I wrote the name of a friend here in the city.

The paperwork was done before Tyler came running in with a cake, half the frosting caved in.

He caught me by the arm.

"Why are you out of bed? Didn't I tell you to wait for me?"

"I did wait."

He saw the bare ring finger, and his face went dark.

"Where's the ring?"

"Put away."

"Maya, I only lay down next to her for five minutes. Don't scare me with divorce. It's still your birthday today."

I handed him the medical file bag, the signed divorce papers pressed inside.

"Tyler, I don't even want you anymore. What would I use to scare you?"

When the elevator doors closed, he was still holding that collapsed cake, like he was holding up a someday he'd run out of time to keep.