Black Hair Dipped in White Snow, Mist Rising From the Path Behind

Where I come from, in Savannah, when you turn fifteen there's a coming-of-age celebration.

It's supposed to be one of the biggest days of your life. But on the day of mine,

my brother set a plate down in front of me with a beheaded rooster on it.

The whole room went dead silent, because the most important part of the day is when the one being honored bites the rooster's head, a wish that they'll rise and make something of themselves.

And because I hadn't stepped aside for our adopted sister, because I'd gone ahead and ranked first, he served me that headless rooster in front of everyone.

"Stephanie Simmons, you're jealous and you don't know how to give way. You don't deserve to bite the head."

He looked at me coldly.

"Consider this a small lesson. From now on, remember never to take what belongs to Cora Henson."

There was a smugness on his face. He thought he'd ruined the most important day of my life, and he was waiting for me to cry, to make a scene, to lose every shred of dignity.

But I said nothing. I just sat there, quiet.

And that was when the family elder set down his chopsticks and turned to my father.

"Will Simmons, is this how you raise your children? For the sake of an outsider, he'd throw over his own flesh-and-blood sister."

"How is someone like that ever going to inherit the family business?"

One sentence, and it drained the color right out of my brother's face.

His fiance broke off the engagement over it, and our father stripped him of his authority over the subsidiary.

Stewart Simmons finally cracked. "Why?! Just because I put a headless rooster in front of her at her coming-of-age party?"

I looked at this man who, even now, had no idea what he'd done wrong, and I let out a soft laugh.

"Yes. Just because of that."

...

After the party broke up, once Stewart understood everything, his face was full of resentment.

For twenty-five years he'd been careful, worked himself to the bone to look good in front of our father, and only then had he earned the right to run the subsidiary.

In one moment it was all taken back, and even the marriage alliance they'd arranged fell through because of it.

"Dad, all I did was say a few words for Cora. Is this really necessary?!"

Our father looked at him the way you look at someone you can't beat sense into.

"A few words for Cora? Do you have any idea what today was? It was your sister's coming-of-age celebration!"

"Do you know how many important guests came today, and you served her a headless rooster?"

Stewart's face went from red to white and back again under the tongue-lashing, and behind him Cora had gone pale too,

as if she'd finally realized how much trouble she'd caused. All at once she dropped hard to her knees.

"Dad, please don't blame Stewart. It's all my fault. If it weren't for me, he never would have done something so foolish..."

"How is any of this your fault?" Seeing her weeping like a rain-soaked flower, Stewart shot back at once. "This is Stephanie's fault, plain and simple. If she hadn't stolen your first place, none of this would've happened!"

That line seemed to set our father off. He snatched up the rattan cane beside him, ready to bring it down on Stewart.

"You worthless boy, you've still got the nerve to say that!"

The cane was already raised high, but before it could land on Stewart, our mother came crying and threw herself in front of him.

"If you're going to hit him, kill me first!"

She stood between them, ignoring the iron-hard fury on our father's face.

"My son was only joking. What right do you have to treat him like this? If you want to blame someone, blame Stephanie, that jinx. If she hadn't done something wrong, why would my son ever go after her?"

She glared at me like I was some sworn enemy she could never forgive.

I'd heard accusations like this more times than I could count. But hearing it fall from my mother's mouth again,

my heart still gave that same dull ache. And seeing me stay silent, she seemed to find her outlet. "Why aren't you saying anything?"

"Stephanie, did you set your brother up on purpose? Apologize to him right now!"

My nails cut into my palm, but the pain in my hand was nothing next to the pain in my chest.

I stared at her and said each word slowly.

"The coming-of-age celebration was the task Father gave to my brother. He arranged all of it himself. I wasn't even allowed into the kitchen."

"If he hadn't done it to get back at me on Cora's behalf, he never would have caused a disaster like this."

Mother choked, then snapped at once, "So you're blaming Cora? If not for her, who knows what corner you, you little jinx, would be rotting in right now!"

"And don't forget, if we hadn't found you and brought you back, you'd still be crawling in the mud, breaking your back for other people! I should have known better than to bring you home!"

The cold, merciless words went in like a knife opening my flesh, straight into my heart.

So it turned out the ones closest to you cut the deepest, because they knew your weak spots, and they knew exactly how much you cared about them.

Before I was five, I had a happy home too.

Parents who doted on me, a brother who took my side, everything whole and good.

Until the year I turned five, when the nanny slipped me out of the house.

Small as I was, they drugged me, and I slumped half-conscious against her.

A loud bullet train, a crowded bus that swayed and lurched, muddy country roads. I was carried from place to place until I reached a remote little village.

After that came an endless hell.

That nanny could never have children of her own, and she had always wanted one, but once we got to the countryside, people only sneered that all she'd managed to bring back was a money-losing girl, not even a son.

The more they laughed, the more she loathed me. Day in and day out she beat me or cursed me, and all the household chores fell to me.

Small as I was, not even as tall as the stove, I already stood on a stool to cook.

The firewood was soaked through, and the smoke stung my eyes until they burned with tears.

The village's iron pot was heavier than I was, but if they came in from the fields and the meal wasn't ready, a savage beating was what waited for me.

In the dead of winter my fingers were red and raw with cold, and the nanny only gave me a flat glance.

"Money-losing girl. Can't even wash the clothes without dragging your feet."

That winter was bitter. The room had a warm brick bed, but I was only allowed to sleep on the floor in the corner.

I curled into a ball and held myself tight, hoping for a little warmth, but it was too cold, and by the late hours of the night I nearly passed out from it.

That day I was feverish and dazed, and for the first time I didn't get up to make breakfast.

A red-hot rod came down hard on my body, and through the haze I caught the sound of flesh scorching.

Strangely, this time I felt no pain at all.

My head swam, my mind grew fainter and fainter.

At six, I understood for the first time that I was about to die.

When I woke again, I was lying in the village's little clinic.

The nanny watched me coldly. "I wasn't going to bother with you. Didn't think a girl could still be worth something."

Later I learned that the old widower on the west side of the village had put down two thousand in bride price to reserve me early, arranging that once I was a little older I'd be married off to his simpleton son.

The year I turned ten, I set fire to that ruined shack, and while they ran to fight the flames I fled into the mountains.

I didn't dare take the small paths and even less the main roads, so I only pushed through grass that stood as tall as a person.

I ate mud and drank rainwater, and the day I finally came out of the mountains my legs were rubbed raw and bleeding, and I was almost spent.

By the time the Simmonses found me, I was twelve.

I'd been taken in by a kind family and was helping out in the back kitchen.

A woman in expensive clothes rushed in, heedless of the filth in the alley, and held me tight.

"Stephanie, my Stephanie, I finally found you."

She called me Stephanie, not that cheap girl, not money-losing girl or jinx.

Her arms were warm, her tears fell hot on my shoulder, and I thought I had a home.

But once we got home, I found another girl living in what had been my room.

That was when I learned that after I went missing, Mother had nightmares night after night and nearly lost her mind.

Until Father suggested adopting a child to ease her longing for her daughter.

"No!" my brother had objected almost without thinking. "Why bring in another one! I have a sister. She's only lost. One day I'll find her!"

"But your mother is suffering. She may not last until we find Stephanie."

Father's words moved my brother, and so they chose Cora.

The day Mother brought me home, Cora was sitting in the living room in her nightdress, barefoot, crying.

She wailed for her mommy, begging her mommy not to give her up.

Without a moment's hesitation, Mother set me down and went to hold her.

"There now, sweet girl, don't cry"

She soothed Cora in a gentle voice, every movement so tender, so full of a mother's love.

I stood off to the side, alone, tilting my head up, watching carefully, unable to stop myself from wondering, is this what a mother is? Could I have a mother's love too?

But the next second I saw Cora turn a smug smile on me, her eyes full of malice.

After that, Cora would play the poor victim in front of Father and my brother, saying I had it in for her, and no matter how I explained, my parents and brother were always the first to blame me.

Cora had spent ten years with them.

Live alongside someone that long and feelings form. That's only natural.

What I couldn't understand was why, when I tried so hard to fit into this family, tried so hard to tell them I wasn't shutting Cora out, even when I brought them proof, they never once looked at it and only decided it was my jealousy eating at me, hurting Cora.

Did the debt of raising always outweigh the debt of blood?

On countless nights I lay in my little room imagining the day my parents and brother would learn the truth, cry, apologize to me, and then give me all their love.

But after being let down again and again, I stopped dreaming and stopped hoping for things that would never be.

Those family members who didn't love me, I didn't want them anymore either.

"Enough!" Will's brow creased as he watched Ivy shield Stewart and Cora. "Stephanie is your own daughter. Why do you keep protecting an outsider?"

"After today, the way Great-Uncle Gerald put it, I doubt Stewart will ever set foot in the Simmons Group again."

Stewart's breath caught, and his eyes went wide.

He was Will's only son, counted among the promising young men of his generation in the Simmons family.

The year he graduated, twenty-three years old, he'd joined the Simmons Group and worked his way up step by step to a junior management post at a subsidiary.

His engagement had just been settled,

and Great-Uncle Gerald had been ready to move him up to the head company. Now all of it was ruined.

After a long silence, Will suddenly asked, "I hear you scored first in the whole city this time?"

My chest tightened as I nodded that it was true. His expression softened a little. "Study hard. You're only fifteen now, but if you ever take an interest in finance, you could come try your hand at the company."

Stewart's eyes snapped wide. It was the first time Will had ever acknowledged me, and the first time he'd ever offered to let me come to the company someday.

"No!"

Ivy shot it down almost on reflex, glaring at me, her voice thick with displeasure.

"What business does a girl have at the company? A married-out daughter is water poured out the door. You promote her into the company, and someday it's all just a gift to some other family!"

"Right now what matters is helping Stewart!"

"We just need Great-Uncle Gerald and the others to see that the one in the wrong is Stephanie. Tomorrow I'll take Stephanie to the old family house and have her set the record straight with everyone. I won't let this money-drain of a girl ruin my son."

A shudder ran through me, and I jerked my head up to look at her.

In that moment she felt terrifyingly like a stranger, slowly merging with the nanny from my memories.

I thought back to the third month after I was brought home.

That day happened to be my birthday, and Stewart had told me early on that we'd celebrate.

"Cora's birthday isn't actually today, but she's so thoughtful. She said she didn't want us forgetting you, so she moved her own birthday to this date."

I nodded, not fully understanding, aching for that day, only because I hadn't had a birthday in seven years.

But the day before, Cora dissolved into tears, saying she didn't want her birthday on that day after all.

Stewart scrambled to comfort her.

Cora choked out between sobs, "Stewart, I don't want to be someone else's shadow. All these years I've never once had a birthday that was really mine."

Ivy and Stewart's hearts ached at that, and the next day the birthday dinner that had been arranged was called off.

There was a hollow ache in my chest, and I worked up the courage to ask, "Mom, could you buy me a small cake? I've never had one..."

"Some other day."

She was picking out new clothes for Cora, and answered without looking up. "It's just a cake. What's so good about it."

That birthday I'd waited so long for slipped past, quiet and unmarked.

It wasn't until six months later that I finally tasted a birthday cake, at Cora's party. Ivy and Stewart booked out an entire hotel for her and had a nine-tier cake specially made.

I cradled a small slice, careful with it. The frosting was stiff, sweet to the point of bitterness, and as I ate the tears just fell.

So this was a birthday cake?

The village kids had always bragged that cake was fragrant and sweet. Why did mine taste so bitter?

The memories came back sharp and whole.

Before, my mother had only ever favored Cora. But today, when she looked at me, her eyes were full of hatred.

Seeing that I wouldn't say anything,

she spoke without any expression at all. "If it weren't for you, your brother's years of hard work wouldn't have been ruined at the last step. Tonight you think hard about how you're going to explain yourself to Great-Uncle Gerald. And if you don't explain it well"

"I'll cut off every cent I give you! If you're so capable, then feed yourself."

My father snapped that this was nonsense, but before he could lay into anyone, a call came through. His face went grave, and in the end he hurried off to the old house.

The room went quiet.

"Stephanie, you're pleased with yourself, aren't you?"

Stewart stared at me, his eyes cold enough to frighten.

I looked steadily back at him, calm inside.

What he didn't know was that watching our father give up on him, step by step, was far from all I wanted.

The next day, sure enough, my mother summoned the whole crowd of family elders.

She did it behind my father's back. Just before we went downstairs, she pinched the small of my back, hard, as a warning.

"When it's time, you tell the elders nicely. Say it was you who went too far and provoked your brother, and that's the only reason he did what he did."

Then she settled Great-Uncle Gerald into his seat, all smiles. "Please, Great-Uncle, sit. The truth is, I asked you all here today to clear up the misunderstanding from last time."

Great-Uncle Gerald frowned. "What misunderstanding? You had to bring this many of us over for it? And where's Will?"

A flicker of fear crossed my mother's face, but she forced the smile back. "It's about our girl. That day, at the coming-of-age celebration, her brother meant to teach her a little lesson. He didn't expect his good intentions to backfire"

A boy standing beside Great-Uncle Gerald muttered under his breath.

"What do you mean, good intentions gone wrong? That was her coming-of-age. You only get one, your whole life. There were that many people filming, and what she got served was a beheaded rooster"

My mother's smile stiffened. "Children don't understand these things."

"Great-Uncle, you know as well as anyone, Stephanie was abducted when she was little, and she lived with her kidnappers all that time after."

"In an environment like that, of course she'd pick up all sorts of bad habits."

"Ever since we brought her back to the Simmons family, she's never once behaved. She's always stirring up trouble on purpose to compete with Cora for our love, or quietly going after her, setting her up."

"This time she even cheated on purpose, to snatch first place away from Cora."

"When it comes down to it, her brother only did what he did because he was afraid she'd go down the wrong road."

"If no one keeps a hand on her now, I'm afraid she'll end up on the crooked path someday, into crime and worse. What a person goes through as a child sets who they are. You can't straighten some people out without hitting them!"

She rattled on and on, not caring in the slightest that there was no way I could have cheated my way to first place in a citywide exam that size.

In the end, she was just throwing all the filth she could onto me.

Her eyes settled on me, full of disgust, as if I'd committed one unforgivable thing after another.

The Simmons relatives she'd summoned glanced at one another, and one of them spoke up almost without thinking.

"But being abducted wasn't Stephanie's fault. She seems just fine to me"

"Fine? Where is she fine! A worthless girl. If it were possible, I honestly wish she'd never been found at all!"

My mother's voice came out harsh.

Then she shoved me hard and snapped,

"Everyone's here today. You explain yourself to them!"

Every gaze landed on me. Some weighing, some pitying, some scornful and glad to watch me squirm.

But the ones I couldn't ignore were Stewart and Cora, standing off to the side.

As if he'd noticed my eyes on them, Stewart lurched a step forward. "Stephanie, hurry up and tell them everything that day was your fault. Your brother only did it for your own good, isn't that right!"

I looked at them, my expression calm.

These people I'd once hoped to call family had, step by step, severed every last hope I had in them.

"Great-Uncle Gerald."

My voice was quiet, but there was nothing careless in it. "Since everyone happens to be here, I'd like to ask you all to witness something. Today, I intend to cut ties with my parents completely."