No More Rainy Days Ahead

The year my delusions were at their worst, I saw my husband, Gavin Vance, cheating with his secretary every single day.

But every time I rushed at them, the picture in front of me would shift into the two of them sitting properly, discussing business, as if nothing had happened at all.

Until one time I lost control and slashed one of Gavin's fingers with a knife.

He clutched his bleeding hand, his face twisted with pain.

"Are you only going to stop once you've driven us both to death?"

I couldn't accept what I'd become, so I chose to check myself into the psychiatric hospital.

For three years, every time those images came back, I bound myself in iron chains and faced the wall, repenting for the wrongs I'd done.

Gavin came to see me every week, aching over the injuries all over my body.

I truly believed this was how the rest of my life would go.

A family who loved me, friends who kept me company. That was happiness.

Then one day I heard a voice in my head, strong and insistent.

Sienna, I'm you, ten years from now. You never had a delusion disorder!

Gavin cheated on you long ago! Your parents, your friends, they're all acting, deceiving you!

My head split with pain, and I tried to shake the message off.

But the voice grew clearer, feeding me the truth without pause.

Little by little, I stopped fighting it, and slumped numbly against the shabby wall.

Three years of guilt and regret suddenly loosened their grip in that moment.

A shaft of light passed through the dusty windowsill and fell across me.

I looked up, dazed, and realized it had been so long since I'd seen the world outside.

The doctors at the psychiatric hospital were all bought off by Gavin. The so-called treatment was fake, only meant to keep you here willingly.

I know it's hard to accept, but I'm not lying to you. I lived in that hospital for thirteen years before I happened to learn the truth from a doctor.

If you don't believe me, go to the back courtyard. There's a spot where the wire fence is loose. You can slip out while they're not watching.

My mind was a tangle, but before I could catch up to any of it, my body moved first.

For three years I'd been the most cooperative patient in the whole hospital. Almost no one questioned my motives.

I made it easily to the place the voice described, reached up, and pried the wire gently aside.

The next time I was aware of anything, I was already standing outside the hospital.

The voice in my head told me:

Do you believe me now? Then go home. You'll understand everything.

Following her directions, I stumbled the whole way, finding the road back home.

But it took me a long time to be sure the mansion in front of me was my house.

Over these three years Gavin's business took off. Every time he played the martyr in front of you, he was faking it.

Go inside and see. There's nothing of yours left in there.

I pushed the door open slowly. The curtains and lights came on by themselves, and a robot readied a pair of slippers.

This place had once been just a single-story house. Now it was several times larger, filled with all kinds of technology I couldn't make sense of.

Only then did I see how much three years could change.

Only I had been left frozen where I was.

"Ma'am, how are you here?"

The housekeeper saw me and was too startled to know how to react.

She instinctively moved to snatch up the page under her foot, but I still saw it. It was the painting I was proudest of.

In the early days of Gavin's company, an entrepreneur he was partnering with had wanted to buy it.

But he'd refused, even at the risk of losing the deal, and had it carefully framed and hung in the most prominent spot.

He'd told me, "This painting holds our memories. I have to protect it."

And now it lay tossed aside, marked with countless shoe prints.

The housekeeper spoke to me carefully.

"Ma'am, is your illness acting up again? I'll have someone take you back right away."

I said nothing and pushed past her, heading toward the back courtyard.

I had already seen it. Today was the third birthday party for Gavin's child.

The last party held here had been our anniversary, when Gavin dropped to one knee and swore he would never betray me for the rest of his life.

The picture snapped to something else. The person at Gavin's side had been replaced by someone else, and I had become the witness to their love.

Within my view, the child's mother wore an exquisite gown and leaned into Gavin's side, the two of them looking like a matched pair.

She was Gavin's secretary, Bernice Mason.

The very one who had once sworn to me there was nothing at all between her and him.

Now the child's grandparents were presenting him with expensive jewelry, laughing that it was only for the true bloodline.

But they were my parents.

When I'd discovered Gavin's affair, they had clung to me, insisting over and over that nothing improper had happened, weeping as they begged me not to go down a path of no return.

And there was the child's godmother, coaxing him with a carefully chosen toy.

She was my best friend.

She had always stood firmly by my side, taking it upon herself to bring me to the psychiatrist, promising she would stay with me until I was fully recovered.

Everything good was shattered now.

At that moment Gavin wrapped an arm around Bernice's waist, gently brushing the stray hairs from her forehead, and said to her:

"Thank you for six years by my side. From now on, I'll give you a steady home."

Applause broke out among the guests below, everyone cheering for this great love.

My body went rigid, and emotions I'd kept numb for so long surged up.

A day ago, he had said the very same words to me.

He'd knelt in front of me, his whole body trembling as he held me.

"It's my fault, I'm useless. Once you're better, I'll take you home."

So it turned out he had several homes.

The one that was mine was the most broken-down of them all.

The sky suddenly opened up with rain, soaking my ragged clothes, so out of place here.

My feet drew back on their own.

But a gaze had already turned toward me.

It was my mother.

Surprise flickered across her face, then she turned and said something to my father, and the whole group moved toward me at once, blocking my view.

"Sisi, how did you get here? Does the doctor know about this?"

My best friend looped her arm through mine, her tone as easy and affectionate as always.

"What's the matter? The worst thing a patient with delusional disorder can do is ignore the doctor's orders. Don't you want to get better soon?"

I had never realized how good their acting was.

Every one of them wore the same look of conviction, all working to steer me back out the door.

My lips trembled.

"How much longer are you all going to keep this up?"

My best friend's face shifted instantly to confusion.

"Keep what up? We're just having an ordinary family gathering. If you don't believe me, ask your parents."

My father nodded along, his face full of worry. "There's nothing here. Is your illness getting worse?"

I let out a cold laugh and raised my hand, pointing at the banquet hall.

"The witnesses and the evidence are all right here. Do you still think you can fool me?"

But the moment the words left my mouth

Following the line of my finger, the space was empty, with no sign that any party had ever been held there.

Even Bernice and Gavin weren't together. Right now they were each hunched over a laptop, dealing with their own work.

My head began to ache again.

The change had come so fast that I couldn't help doubting whether all of it was something I'd imagined.

Because three years ago, it had been exactly like this.

When I first discovered Gavin was cheating, I'd made a scene at the hotel.

But the front-desk staff told me Gavin had gone up to the room alone, that there was no one else.

Later I saw the two of them tangled together at home more than once, and I called my parents over to witness it.

They swore to my face that nothing had happened.

I refused to give up and went to the company, only to be met with every single employee denying it.

So I recorded audio, recorded video, trying to prove I wasn't crazy.

But every one of those files would vanish within a short time, as if none of it had ever happened.

In the end, I could only admit to the delusional disorder and accept my fate completely.

Seeing that something was off with me, my best friend quickly took my hand and pulled me toward the house.

My parents were frantic too, calling the doctor to come and check on me.

Once again I couldn't tell delusion from reality. I wasn't even sure whether that voice from ten years in the future was something I'd imagined too.

Maybe they were right. Maybe I hadn't gotten better at all, and was only getting worse.

Lost in the haze, I turned my head.

And caught exactly the flash of displeasure in Bernice's eyes.

Gavin had gone back to her side too, murmuring something near her ear, one hand resting on her head to soothe her.

That gesture hit me like a bucket of cold water.

In an instant I was clear-headed.

I wasn't sick. This was just a play they were staging.

Several bodyguards were already standing in front of me.

Realizing what they meant to do, I fought to break free of my best friend's grip, grabbed a knife, and pressed it to my throat.

"Don't come any closer! Or I can't promise what I'll do."

My parents exchanged a glance, their expressions complicated.

"Sisi, put the knife down. Believe us, this is all for your own good."

Rage shook through my whole body.

"Hiding the fact that he cheated, handing me over to a psychiatric hospital with your own hands. That's for my own good?"

My best friend went still for a moment, as if gauging whether I had really guessed the truth.

She probed carefully. "How could you possibly know all this?"

Before I could answer, a little boy suddenly rushed in and slammed hard into me.

I lost my balance and pitched forward, the sharp blade slicing my skin as I went.

"Waah! There's blood!"

A child's shrill crying broke out beside me.

Bernice ran over at once and pulled him into her arms, her voice shaking.

"Don't you hurt him!"

"Whatever your problem is, take it out on me. The child is innocent."

Gavin walked over, his gaze lingering only a moment on my throat, which wouldn't stop bleeding.

Then he stepped his body between me and the two of them.

He ordered the bodyguards. "Get her under control, quickly. Don't let anyone innocent get hurt."

Several big men hauled at me and slammed me hard against the floor, the pain jolting through me as if it would knock my insides loose.

I managed a weak voice. "I didn't hurt him."

My body swayed once from exhaustion.

Gavin quickly shielded the ones behind him and warned me,

"If you dare take one more step, don't blame me for what comes next."

I gave a mocking little laugh.

There was no need for anyone to keep acting now. For Bernice's sake, he'd exposed himself.

Something wavered faintly in Gavin's eyes, but it was gone in a blink.

"Fine, so you've figured it out. That saves us from having to keep the act going."

"We didn't want to do this, but Sienna, you're too extreme. One scene from you and the whole family can't have any peace."

I lifted my eyes in disbelief.

My mother stepped forward too.

"Back then it was you, making scenes over these little things, that hurt Gavin's career. If we hadn't done this, all of it would have been ruined in your hands."

My best friend spoke up as well.

"This was the best option we could think of for you. You lived in that hospital without a worry about food or clothing while Gavin worked himself to the bone out here on his own. You should be grateful for everything he's given up."

A perfectly sane person, locked away in a place like that for three years, treated as a mental patient.

And it was being called special treatment for my benefit.

Listening to all of it, I suddenly burst out laughing.

The bodyguards bore down harder, nearly wrenching my arm out of its socket.

Gavin crouched down and reached out to touch my face.

I turned my head and bit down on his wrist.

Gavin pulled his hand back, expression flat. He wasn't angry.

He only held up the broken finger.

"Sisi, you injured one of my fingers once. This is what you owe me."

"I'm willing to let bygones be bygones. This is your last chance. Stop making trouble, come back, and let's live a good life together."

I screamed at him. "In your dreams!"

Gavin sighed and stood.

"Your illness is getting worse."

"Lock her up. Give her proper treatment."

They lifted me off the floor without effort and threw me into a small room.

They bound my arms and legs, attached the electrodes, and the cold instruments crept toward me, inch by inch.

Terror flooded through me.

In all those days at the psychiatric hospital, any time I did something they didn't expect, they shocked me.

And the whole time, voices would keep pressing into my ear, listing the wrongs I'd committed, making me repent, making me feel the guilt.

Every time, it was like something was drawn out of my body, until I couldn't tell what was real and what was a dream.

The pads touched my skin.

My pupils shrank. My muscles locked.

"No"

My vision went white. Every memory in my head emptied out.

Nothing left but a shell, there for anyone to do with as they pleased.

I don't know how long it was before things went quiet again.

I heard a child crying, wave after wave.

The sharp sound stabbed at my nerves, and it came back to me all at once.

I had lost a child once.

I remembered it clearly then, carrying him ten months, the labor, the hemorrhage, barely surviving it.

But when I woke, the baby was gone.

Everyone told me I had imagined him.

My eyes snapped open.

No. That was not a dream.

That child had truly existed.

The crying grew heavier, and I dragged my battered body along, dodging the guards on patrol, moving toward the sound.

Deep in the hills behind the house, I saw a small boy, knees drawn up, crying alone.

He lifted his head a little, and that face looked a bit like mine as a child.

I hurried over and grabbed his arm, turning it over to look.

When I found the birthmark on it, I laughed out loud.

I had named my son Zack, and when he was born I remembered clearly the heart-shaped birthmark near his elbow.

It couldn't be a coincidence. Nine times out of ten, this was him.

No words could hold my joy. I pulled him into my arms.

"Why are you here? Is no one taking care of you?"

Zack didn't speak. He only kept crying and shaking his head.

My tears spilled over at once.

Gavin hid his affair from me, sent me to the psychiatric hospital, and I bore all of it.

But why did they have to hide my child too?

The only one I could turn to was myself, ten years on.

She told me:

Because he wanted a child with Bernice.

At first they thought Bernice couldn't have children, so they simply gave your baby to them.

But before long Bernice got pregnant, and there was no one to care for this child.

Reading it, I clenched my teeth, my jaw trembling.

I gripped Zack's hand tight, one thought left in my head.

I had to take him away. I could never let them take him from me again.

But the moment I reached the front gate, the guards stopped me.

"Mr. Vance said you're not allowed to leave here."

I threw myself at them, past caring.

"Move!"

Several of them blocked my way, and no matter how I fought I couldn't break through.

In the chaos my palm went empty. Zack slipped free of me and stumbled off, running backward.

I forgot everything else and rushed after him.

When I saw him appear at Bernice's side, cold sweat broke out all over me.

I charged over in a panic, only to be shoved down without effort, all the guards closing in around me.

"Let him go. He's little. He doesn't understand anything."

My whole body shook, my voice as small and pleading as it could be.

Bernice held Zack by the collar and came toward me, one step at a time.

"So you actually found out he exists." She crouched in front of me, her eyes full of taunting. "You want to take him away?"

Every sob out of Zack was like a knife, tearing my chest open while I was still alive.

I nodded, wretched, biting my lip nearly through.

Bernice was in a fine mood. She shoved Zack aside easily.

"Then kneel. Kneel here for three full days, and I'll let you take him."

The child was my last hope. For him, I would give up everything.

Without a moment's hesitation, I dropped to my knees. The uneven stones bit into them.

Bernice laughed a few times and rose to her feet.

She swayed, unsteady.

Gavin was there in an instant, catching her before she could fall.

His sharp gaze cut down to me where I knelt.

"Don't try that act on me. Bernice is willing to put the past behind her and take you in. You should be grateful."

With that, he lifted Bernice into his arms and carried her past me, away.

I reached out to pull Zack into my arms.

"Zack, let's go," Gavin said.

The child threw me one timid glance, then let himself be tugged off toward them.

The night wind was cold, beating against me again and again.

But I didn't regret it. I could almost see it, not far off now, the two of us living together, me watching Zack grow up.

A mother finds her strength. With him in the world, I was willing to lay down everything I'd been and start over.

The whole night dragged past, and my strength slowly drained away.

At the point of complete exhaustion, I saw a bright, polished crowd in the courtyard.

The media had come to the house to interview Gavin, greeting him warmly as an outstanding entrepreneur who balanced family and career.

Bernice, in an evening gown with her arm through his, was hailed as the most devoted lady of the house.

Even four-year-old Zack was dressed in a fine little suit, held by the hand between them, the picture of a perfect family.

At one point, Zack looked over at me.

I forced my face into a smile.

But I was too wretched now. The sight of me was frightening.

"Waaah"

Zack suddenly burst into tears.

My heart skipped a beat. Ignoring the piercing ache of kneeling all night, I forced myself up and moved toward him.

But Zack shrieked and snatched up a stone, hurling it at me.

"Madwoman! Don't come near me! Get away!"

The stones landed on me one after another, scraping my skin, and still it hurt less than half of what was in my chest.

The next second the camera flashes wouldn't stop, and the voices poured in from every side.

"Why is there suddenly a madwoman here?"

"Could she really be the child's birth mother?"

The voices only worked Zack up further.

"No! She's just a crazy person, a ghost!"

"Aunt Bernice is my mom. I only have one mom!"

Every word landed like ice water, dropping my heart to zero.

The whole night's endurance, the obsession, all of it turned into a joke.

The scene was slipping out of control, and Gavin explained, calm as ever.

"Children don't lie. She's only a madwoman we took in out of kindness."

His parents hurried out to back him up too.

"As you can all see, she has mental problems. We're sorry for the trouble she's caused everyone."

The whole group worked together, steering the reporters off elsewhere.

Even Zack only gave me one timid look, then ran back toward them without turning his head.

The rain came down harder and harder, as if grieving for me.

It struck me all at once. In my world, there was only me.

From the distance came more admiring voices.

"Mr. Vance isn't just successful, he's so kindhearted too."

I couldn't take any more. I rushed at them, heedless.

I yanked up my sleeves and showed the marks left all over me from being bound again and again, from the drug injections.

I screamed at the media.

"I'm Gavin Vance's wife. These people conspired together and locked me in a psychiatric hospital for three whole years!"

But I couldn't prove I wasn't insane.

In my daze, I heard my ten-years-older self say one thing again.

And when I heard it clearly, I let go of everything at last.

I even laughed out loud.

"Want to know the truth? I'll prove it to you."

With that, I didn't wait for their answer.

I ran outside the mansion, the sheer cliff at my back.

And threw myself off without hesitation.