South Wind, North Alley, Only Me Remains

On the night of a family memorial holiday, my husbandbound to a world-traveling system and sent to the past for a missionsuddenly came home.

He had been gone three years without a single word, and everyone said he was never coming back.

Yet now here he was, appearing out of nowhere, holding me so tightly it hurt.

"Manny, I'm home!"

That familiar scent of mint filled my nose.

My hands shook as I gripped his shirt and asked,

"These past yearswere you all right?"

He was quiet for a few seconds. Without thinking, I held my breath,

and then he said, "It's all behind me now. As long as I can finish the mission, I don't mind how hard it gets."

In that moment, I felt like I'd been dropped into ice.

Because this was the safe-word Irvin Black and I had agreed on.

If I ever asked him that question, no matter the situation, he had to answer:

"Without my one-of-a-kind rose beside me, nothing is all right at all."

So the man in front of me, wearing my husband's face, was not Irvin Black.

...

My stomach cramped in waves.

I forced down the nausea and looked up at that familiar, handsome face.

He gazed at me gently, his eyes full of tenderness.

Maybe I'd been silent too long, because he asked, "What's wrong? Aren't you happy I'm back?"

My nails dug into the soft flesh of my palm, and the pain jolted me awake.

"I just couldn't take it in for a second."

The man smiled. "Well, I was gone three years this time. It's normal for you to need a moment to get used to me being back."

I stared at his face, searching for a crack, but there was nothing to find. He looked flawless. I asked,

"Are you hungry? What do you feel like eating? I'll make it for you."

"The spicy meat-and-blood hotpot, a stir-fried pork skillet, spicy fried chicken..."

He rattled off one Tex-Mex-style dish after another, and the more I heard, the colder I felt inside,

because these were all the dishes Irvin Black loved.

Whenever I used to ask him, he would name these same ones without hesitation.

A person's eating habits are hard to change. Was this really not Irvin Black?

I watched him step inside, pull out his slippers and change into them with practiced ease, and settle into the seat that had always been his.

Every move he made matched the old habits exactly.

For a moment I felt almost dizzy, and I couldn't help but wondermaybe he'd simply forgotten our agreement?

After all, like he said, we'd been apart three years.

One steaming dish after another came to the table.

The only difference was that I put chopped scallions in the spicy meat-and-blood hotpot.

Irvin Black loved all kinds of spicy Tex-Mex fare, but the one thing he couldn't stand was the scallions used for aroma.

He always said they had a raw, sour smell that made him want to gag the moment it hit him. It was a physical reaction. Any time a dish had scallions in it, he'd rather not eat at all.

I gripped my chopsticks and held my breath without meaning to, and I watched the man brush the scallions aside, pick up the meat, and put it in his mouth.

He didn't hesitate. He didn't even ask a single puzzled question.

The motion was completely natural.

Something roared in my head, and everything inside me churned.

The man wearing my husband's face was not Irvin Black.

I bit down hard on the inside of my tongue, fighting to hold back the pounding in my chest, and in that moment I was flooded with dread.

If he wasn't Irvin Black, then where was my Irvin?

Was he still alive? Could he ever come back to me?

I clenched my teeth and swore to myself that no matter what, I would get to the bottom of this and bring Irvin Black home.

As if he'd sensed my stare,

the man suddenly turned his head and fixed his eyes on me.

His pupils were very dark, like black, lifeless glass.

"Manny, what's wrong with you? Are you hiding something from me?"

He was leaning in close, his eyes full of scrutiny.

I could almost smell that familiar mint on him, the cologne Irvin always liked.

For one instant my breath caught, and a chill crawled up my spine.

This was the third time Irvin had traveled back.

We were college sweethearts, the clichd love at first sight. He chased me for two years before we ended up together.

No sordid affairs, no clingy other woman worming her way in.

After graduation we married and became a happy little couple.

But five years ago, a car crash destroyed everything.

In that horrific wreck, Irvin's parents in the car died on the spot, and I was left paralyzed from the neck down, destined to lie in bed the rest of my life.

Irvin nearly went out of his mind, caring for me while chasing down doctor after doctor, begging them to save me.

One night, through the thin door, I heard him drop to his knees before a doctor and break into ragged sobs:

"She's only twenty-five. Why? Why wasn't it me who died"

Later, he suddenly came to me with a strange, secretive air: "Manny, I have a way to cure you! And if it works, I might even be able to bring my parents back."

That was how I learned he'd been bound by a world-traveling system, and that completing missions earned him rewards.

His first wish was for me to be healthy again.

Two months later, sensation suddenly returned to my body, and I could actually stand and walk. Everyone called it a medical miracle.

And Irvin, who had vanished for those same two months, suddenly reappeared.

He gripped my hand tight, his face lit up: "The system was telling the truth!"

Only then did I understand that during those two missing months, he'd traveled with the system to other eras to run missions.

"Just two more, and I can bring my parents back."

Holding my hand, Irvin's eyes were bright, and I couldn't help letting the same joy rise in me.

The second time, he was gone a full year before he reappeared, and the next day his mother was in our home.

It was as though no one remembered the crash at all.

Irvin, worked up and eager, began preparing for the next journey.

Something uneasy stirred in me. Holding his hand, I asked, needing to be sure:

"There really won't be any danger?"

Irvin soothed me: "There's difficulty, of course. Nothing in this world comes free. But I believe that if I try hard enough, I can do it."

"Look, didn't I bring you and Mom back safe and sound?"

"Don't worry. No matter what, I'll finish the mission. I can't bear to lose you."

The promise sat heavy, and my unease only grew. But I knew I couldn't stop him from going to save his own father.

After that, he left, and this time three years passed.

The memories were nothing but painful. I lifted my eyes to the man in front of me and said:

"I just miss Mom and Dad a little."

If Irvin's mission had failed, then Dad wouldn't be back either.

The man across from me froze for a moment, then nodded:

"It is time to go see them."

The car rolled slowly along the road.

Standing at the door of the elder Blacks' home, I felt a flicker of nerves.

"Knock, knock, knock"

"Coming, coming."

The door opened.

"Mom, is Dad home?"

The words were out almost before I saw Myra. I needed to know. I needed it settled.

"He is, he is! Come in, come in."

Then her eyes moved past me to Irvin, and they welled up. She rushed forward and threw her arms around him.

"Irvin! I thought I'd never see you again."

"My good boy. These years have been so hard on you."

His eyes reddened in the same instant, and he held her tight.

"Mom, I missed you and Dad so much."

He steadied her, then his gaze settled on me.

"Let's go inside quickly. If Manny doesn't get to see Dad, she'll only fret about it."

So he knew. He knew everything.

My chest went tight as I met those smiling eyes.

He knew I suspected him, knew how badly I wanted to confirm Dad was alive so I could confirm who he really was.

I clenched my jaw until I tasted the sweet, metallic tang of blood.

The television droned on in the living room, and under it I could just make out James and Irvin chatting easily.

"Manny, what's wrong?"

Myra was still smiling, still lost in the joy of the family whole again. I made myself say it, low.

"Mom, I don't think this man is the real Irvin."

She stopped, staring at me warily.

"What are you talking about? How could he not be Irvin?"

"After he came back, I tested him with the safe-word we agreed on. He couldn't answer it. And he eats scallions now."

She waved it off. "It's one little code word. Maybe he just forgot. Three years is a long time. It's perfectly normal for someone's tastes to change."

"He went through so much to save us. Can you please stop being so paranoid?"

My heart sank. She didn't want to look any closer, and I understood why in a breath.

The waiting had ground her down. Three years with no word from Irvin, every day lived in dread.

More than once she'd called me in pieces, saying she'd dreamed of him lying on the ground, covered in blood.

She'd already lost her husband, she said. She couldn't lose her son too.

Myra carried a dish out. Through the clear glass door I saw the three of them inside, warm and easy together.

That "person" sitting in Irvin's place, smiling, soaking up James and Myra's care and love.

I drew a breath and stepped out of the room.

Just then Irvin lifted his head and asked me,

"Manny, I hear you suspect I'm not Irvin?"

That one short sentence hit me like the ceiling coming down.

I looked at Myra, whose eyes slid away, and it landed at once: she had told him exactly what we'd just said.

For that moment my heart pounded so hard it hurt.

"You never used to eat scallions."

I lowered my eyes to hide what was in them. He gave a little smile.

"It's been three years, and the missions were brutal. Forget scallions. At my hungriest, my worst, I even thought about slicing off my own flesh to boil and eat."

"How could I afford to be picky after that?"

So he still didn't know about the safe-word.

Myra's face crumpled with pity. She lifted a piece of meat with her chopsticks and set it on his plate.

"It's all our fault. If it weren't for us, you'd never have suffered like that."

"Manny, stop being so paranoid. If it weren't for our boy, you'd still be lying half-dead in a hospital bed!"

She fixed her eyes on me and spaced out every word.

"He's finally home, and you say something like this."

"Don't tell me your heart's changed and you're saying all this so you can be rid of him?!"

"Mom!"

I stared at her, unable to believe it. Beside her, James chimed in too.

"This is just post-traumatic stress in Manny, that's why she's imagining things. Son, since you're back, spend more time with her."

Before I could say anything more, "Irvin" gripped my hand tight.

He looked at me, all pitiful.

"Manny, I've just had a hard time adjusting, coming back to the modern world so suddenly after all that time in the past."

His fingers traced lightly across my palm, and in that instant my skin crawled.

I forced down the nausea rising in my throat and asked, "Just adjusting? And that changed your tastes?"

He smiled and nodded.

So he still didn't know about the code word between the real Irvin and me.

Seeing that I didn't press it further,

James and Myra both relaxed at once, and the room came alive again.

This time he even openly ate the things he'd never liked, and the elder Blacks only watched him with the same doting eyes.

They fussed over him, asking after his every comfort, as if trying to make up for three years of missing love.

I stole a careful glance at the man, and I didn't miss the smugness and contempt in his eyes.

That night I turned over and over, unable to sleep.

Then I heard the door ease open, soft.

The next second the blanket beside me pressed down under someone's weight, a man's hot body sliding against mine, his hand burrowing under the covers.

"Manny, I've missed you so much."

I caught the man's hand almost on instinct.

Irvin stared at me. "What's wrong? We've been apart three years. Haven't you missed me at all?"

"Or is it that you still doubt me?"

His eyes burned into mine, and a chill crawled up my spine.

In the dim glow of the night-light, his face, for one blurred instant, looked to me like a demon's.

"I don't doubt you. I'm just a little tired. Another time."

He watched me in silence, and just when the string inside me was about to snap, he let go of my hand.

"Get some sleep."

He turned his back to me and lay on his side, his breathing slow and even.

I glanced over and saw that he had curled up without thinking.

In the old days, whenever the two of us had a cold spell between us, he always slept like that too, curled with his back to me.

By the next day we'd both have cooled off, and we'd talk out whatever we'd argued over and clear up the misunderstanding.

Now the man lying beside me matched Irvin in every last detail.

And that was exactly what made it more terrifying.

It proved this person knew Irvin inside and out, and I hardly dared let myself wonder where the real Irvin was now, or whether he was even still alive.

If James and Myra had accepted him, if I didn't go looking, would the real Irvin simply vanish for good?

That night I made up my mind. I could not abandon him.

The next day I stopped testing Irvin at every turn, and being around him grew as easy as it had once been.

Now and then he'd stare at me and drift off, and I knew he was gauging whether I truly believed him.

Three days later I went to see Wallace Sanchez, another traveler who'd finished his missions.

He heard out everything I'd been through and said, "I have a way to let you know for certain whether that man is Irvin or not."

After a long talk, my hands were nearly shaking the whole way home.

But the moment I pushed open the door, I froze where I stood.

The house was loud and crowded, packed with people. Nearly every one of the Black relatives had come.

When they saw me, the room went quiet for a beat, and then Irvin's hot-tempered aunt let out a cold laugh.

"Look at the hour. So you finally decided to come home."

Her barbed words stopped me in my tracks.

The next second Myra said, her face hard,

"Manny, have you been having an affair?"

"I have not!" The denial came out of me almost before I could think.

Myra glared at me. "Still saying no! If there's nothing, then why did you turn my son away last night?"

"Maud Swanson, don't you forget my son saved your life!"

The relatives chimed in one after another.

"That's right, we've all heard. Irvin ran himself ragged for three years for your sake, and now that he's finally back, all you do is keep saying he's changed."

"Isn't this just what happens when a couple's apart too long, the feelings go cold? But if it weren't for you, Irvin wouldn't have had to be gone three years in the first place."

"This is exactly why a woman shouldn't be out working and socializing. Get out there and her heart runs wild. Irvin left her plenty of money, so why on earth is she off holding down a job?"

The Black relatives talked over one another, each one adding a line.

My gaze settled on Irvin.

"Is this what you want?"

My voice was cold, my eyes fixed hard on the man on the sofa.

He looked up at me, wearing a wronged expression. "You were the one who stopped believing me. You kept saying I'd changed."

"But my mom and dad both say I haven't. You're the only one who's stayed wary of me, on guard."

"Manny, I gave up so much for you, and this is how you treat me. You really disappoint me."

His words had barely landed

when Myra backed him up. "Exactly. What mother can't recognize her own son? I told you it's Irvin, that Irvin hasn't changed, and still you won't believe it."

She looked at me with hate, as if I were the enemy tearing her family apart.

Most of these relatives had no idea of the truth, so a few of the man's words were enough to stir them up.

"Shameless slut, and she still wants to pin the blame on Irvin."

"I said as much. What woman can stand three years of being alone? These past few years she's probably cheated on him with plenty of men."

"Everyone, get your phones out, film her! Tomorrow we'll put it online and make her famous!"

They had me cornered at the door, each remark uglier than the last.

And Myra, who knew the whole truth, still turned a blind eye to every one of those doubts.

Irvin took the opening. "Maud Swanson, let's get divorced."

His eyes were full of triumph, as if he were certain that once he divorced me, he could step fully into Irvin's place.

I looked at him and spoke slowly. "A divorce is fine. But I have something for you first."

With that, I took out the thing I'd been guarding so carefully all this time.

The instant he saw what was in my hand, the man's face changed.