Let the Wasteland Stay in the Past

On my birthday, my girlfriend Kathleen Henson said she had a surprise for me.

I thought she was finally going to say yes to my proposal, so I showed up dressed for the occasion, nervous and thrilled.

Instead, at the restaurant, the brother I'd cut off years ago was sitting in my seat, holding a bouquet of flowers.

"Grant Pruitt, long time no see. Happy birthday."

He winked at me, playful.

"Your taste in people's really stepped up this time, hasn't it~"

I knew it. He'd come to poach again.

I was about to have it out with him.

But Kathleen had already taken the flowers from him, and passed him a plate of peeled shrimp while she was at it.

Then she turned to me.

"Your coworker treated you to coffee this afternoon, so you can't be that hungry yet."

"Ned Fox hasn't eaten. Let me feed him first."

Ned's smile deepened.

"Aw, thanks, Kathleen~"

I smiled too.

If Ned liked collecting garbage, then this time, I'd hand it over myself.

01

I sat down across from the two of them.

Ned's hand froze halfway to his mouth with the shrimp.

He looked nervous.

"Grant, you're not mad, are you?"

"I reached out to Kathleen ahead of time and said I wanted to see you. I really just wanted to celebrate your birthday."

"We haven't seen each other in years. I've missed you."

I looked at him coldly and said nothing.

Kathleen was the one who couldn't hold back in the end.

"Grant, Ned came all this way to celebrate your birthday. Why are you still sitting there with that face?"

Every other word out of her mouth was a cozy little "Ned."

I raised my eyes to her.

"How do you two know each other?"

She frowned slightly.

"Ned's the new assistant who joined our department last month. We added each other on WhatsApp for work."

Kathleen's whole feed was nothing but me.

Every guy on her contact list knew she had a boyfriend who wasn't short on possessiveness.

She'd never once complained about it.

But right now she was watching me with impatient scrutiny, waiting for me to make my accusation.

I said nothing. I just lowered my head and started eating.

At the table, Ned and Kathleen chatted away happily.

You could tell this wasn't the first time they'd gotten together like this.

Whenever the conversation drifted to me, I only gave a cold word or two in reply.

By the time the meal was nearly over,

Ned suddenly pulled something out from beside him and set it in front of me.

"Oh right, this is the gift Kathleen picked out for you. See if you like it?"

It was the gaming console I'd mentioned once to Kathleen last month.

Now it lay in its fancy box, unwrapped and screen glowing, a little messy, the manual tossed carelessly aside and half fallen out.

I took it and slowly looked at the registration info on the screen.

A single name. Fox.

I glanced at Ned first, then turned to Kathleen beside him.

"My birthday gift, and you let someone else unbox it first?"

The woman's expression didn't change.

"Ned was just using his account to test the feel for you. You can just log his account out later."

I gave a soft laugh and set the gift aside.

Then I stood up.

"I'm full."

Ned grabbed my hand.

"Grant, did I go and overstep again without thinking? Let me apologize to you, okay?"

Looking at that sincere face of his, I was a little surprised.

Three years, and he hadn't stayed completely the same after all.

At least his acting had gotten a lot better.

He kept pleading.

"Don't go yet, okay? We haven't even had the birthday cake."

I glanced down at the hand he'd laid on my arm and coldly pulled it back.

"I can't eat another bite."

Sensing my mood, Kathleen stood.

She hung her bag on me with practiced ease, but her tone had gone cold.

"Let's go. Home."

Ned trotted after us, his voice careful.

"Kathleen, could I catch a ride with you two? It's so late, I'm a little scared to take a cab alone."

Kathleen looked at me.

"Ned scares easily. We really should drop him off."

I stopped and met her cold stare in silence.

She finally ran out of patience, her voice dropping a note.

"If you don't want to, then take a cab home yourself."

I handed her bag back to her.

"Fine. You go."

Without a moment's hesitation, I put out my hand.

A cab pulled up right in front of me, and the next second, I got in without a second thought.

Kathleen's voice came from behind me.

"Grant, can you not be so childish"

The door shut, and everything cut off at once.

I wiped away the single tear that had just fallen, and yet my heart felt light.

What's mine, no one can take from me.

And what can be taken, no matter how much I like it, isn't worth keeping.

Ned might feel very pleased with himself.

But my world has never dimmed over losing a woman.

My phone buzzed.

A text from Kathleen.

"Grant, you really went too far today."

"Ned has felt guilty about you this whole time. He begged me to bring him along, all he wants is to make things right with you."

"Do you have any idea how much you hurt him, treating him cold like that today?"

Yes. Kathleen knew everything about me and Ned. She wasn't in the dark about it.

Before her, I'd been in three relationships.

Every one of them fell apart because Ned inserted himself, until there was nothing left to save.

The first was the lead singer of the school band, who chased me for six months before I finally said yes. Two months in, at a party, she got drunk and kissed Ned in front of everyone.

The second worked at the coffee shop off campus. Half a year in, she broke up with me, and the iced americano that used to show up on my desk every morning started showing up on Ned's, a latte instead.

Every time, Ned cried when he apologized.

He said he never expected it to turn out like that. He'd only wanted to test whether they really cared about me.

I believed him.

I believed I just had terrible luck with people, and that he happened to be there to show me the truth.

But the third time, I kept it from Ned without even thinking about it.

She was the senior colleague who mentored me during my internship.

Well off, warm, all sunshine, the kind of person who never second-guessed a decision once she'd made it.

I really liked her. I trusted her.

Trusted her enough that I didn't need anyone to test whether her feelings were real.

And still, a year in, she knelt down in front of me with red eyes.

She said she'd fallen hopelessly in love with my best friend, and she asked me to let her go.

Ned stood off to the side, sobbing, holding my hand, begging.

"Grant, what do we do? If your mentor and I end up together, can we still be friends?"

I slapped him across the face.

Then I picked up my suitcase and left that city that same night.

I patched up the wreck inside me with work that never stopped.

Love was a failing grade, but my career turned out to be a surprise on the other end.

I lost myself in the good harvest of it,

until Kathleen walked into my world.

You could call it half an office romance. She was at the branch office, I was at headquarters.

Now and then our work overlapped.

Little by little, we ended up together.

In all my years, she was the first person who ever made me want to get married.

But now, reading her texts come in one after another, all I felt was how absurd it was.

"I know there's a misunderstanding between you and Ned."

"But when you really think about it, if he'd never gotten involved in those relationships, how would you ever have met me?"

I read that one several times.

Then I opened my banking app and transferred two thousand into Kathleen's account.

Three minutes later, she called.

In the background, piano music drifted through her car speakers.

"Grant, why are you sending me money?"

"For the gift you bought."

A pause on her end.

"That was a present from me. When did I ever say I wanted you to pay for it?"

The moment she finished, I heard Ned's voice, small and hesitant.

"But Kathleen, didn't it cost you over three thousand?"

Barely above a whisper, but I caught every word.

My voice stayed level.

"It was three thousand. But Ned already opened it, so that makes it used. It loses value."

"Also, I'm the one who booked that restaurant tonight, and I paid ahead of time. Your two shares, I already deducted those in there too."

"Oh, and if you feel awkward about it, just send the money straight to her. You don't have to give it to me."

When I finished, her end went quiet for a long moment.

Then Kathleen's voice came through, sharp with anger.

"Grant, what exactly do you want?"

Watching the streetlights race past outside my window, I kept my voice calm.

"Nothing. I just think from now on we should keep things clear between us, so it doesn't get ugly for everyone in the end."

Then I hung up, clean and done.

Back home, I showered first.

Then I sat down at my computer and opened the work I'd left one step short of finished.

Half an hour later.

I dropped it into the team group chat, and the chat blew up.

"Holy crap, done already?? And you smoothed out everyone else's parts too?!"

"Grant's a monster! No wonder they say Team B has all the luck. Ever since he joined, the bosses look at our whole department differently!"

"Wait, hold on, isn't today your birthday, Grant? Why are you still working?"

I was in the middle of replying when a private message from Manager Chavez popped up.

"Grant, the data looks great. Your work has always been something I can count on."

"That thing from before, have you thought it over?"

Manager Chavez meant the request I'd put in last week, on my own, to transfer to the branch office.

She'd found it hard to believe at the time.

The branch was out of the way, and it served a lower-tier market.

Even if the move came with a bump up in title, the ceiling and the room to grow were nowhere near what headquarters offered.

She'd told me right then to think it over again.

Back then all I could think about was being closer to Kathleen.

Now that it came up again, my mind had changed.

"I've thought it over. I'm not going."

"There's one more thing I need to trouble you with."

The lock at my front door suddenly turned.

I glanced at the clock on the wall. An hour had passed since I'd gotten home.

I stood up and headed for the living room, ready to sit down and have it out with Kathleen properly.

I'd taken barely a step.

Then Ned's delighted voice cut through the air.

"Wow, Kathleen, your place is gorgeous."

I froze where I stood.

A cold prickle crawled up my spine, one inch at a time.

The woman looked like she was smiling.

I decorated this place to Grant's taste when we moved in. Looks like the two of you have very similar taste.

So she still remembered that this home had been done up the way I liked it.

But she also remembered how badly Ned had once hurt me.

And now she'd brought him here herself, walked him right through the door.

I drew a deep breath, got my emotions in order, and walked out.

Ned, still looking the place over, saw me first. His face changed and he came straight at me.

Grant, I'm sorry. You were so angry on the phone, I felt like I had to come over, so I

I stepped back, out of reach of his hand.

And just looked, cold-eyed, at Kathleen and the big bag she was carrying.

What did you bring him here for?

The woman didn't answer right away. First she took a brand-new pair of men's slippers out of the bag, set them on the floor, then waved Ned over.

Only then did I see the bag was full of toiletries and household things.

Once Ned had the slippers on, she finally answered my question.

Didn't Ned already tell you? He came to apologize.

He even took tomorrow off for it. He wants to use the chance to really clear the air with you.

She finished and came over, patted my shoulder, a note of reproach in her voice.

You too. You've been brothers for years. Some things you should just let go of.

I pressed my lips together and said nothing.

Just went back into the room and started packing.

The woman frowned and came in after me.

What are you doing?

Something came up at work. I'm going in to put in overtime.

Her frown deepened.

Overtime on what? Isn't that project of yours down to just wrapping up? Did something go wrong?

All this time, she'd gotten used to me passing along the various work items from headquarters, picking up new information from it, and adjusting her own direction accordingly.

So without thinking, there was a certain hunger for information in her tone.

Sorry. I'm under no obligation to tell you.

She blanked for two seconds, then caught up fast.

Grant, are you really this petty? The man came all the way here to apologize. You're not actually going to throw him out, are you?

My face didn't move.

It's your house. You can invite whoever you want. I'm in no position to say.

The place had never had my name on it anyway, and I hadn't put a single cent into the renovation.

The design fee I'd given her back then had gone toward the rent for the year I'd been living here.

So what's the meaning of leaving me and him alone here?

The woman's arm blocked my way, anger already plain on her face.

I lifted my eyes to her.

The two of you seem to hit it off just fine.

Grant!

Her voice shot up.

Ned schemed to get close to me, and wasn't all of that for you? I'm willing to bring him back here, and isn't that for you too?

Do you really have to think the worst of people like this?

From outside the door came the sound of Ned knocking.

Grant, Kathleen, are you two all right?

No one answered.

The woman realized she'd lost her composure, took a deep breath, softened her tone.

He's good at his job, and everyone likes him. He gave me a lot of support on this collaboration.

Once you transfer over, getting to know him fresh won't do you any harm.

Besides, I've already taken you to meet my parents, and I'm planning for us to settle down this yeareven if you don't trust him, don't you trust me?

I met her eyes.

I only trust myself.

And with that I pushed my suitcase past her and headed for the door.

The door opened, and Ned stood a little way off, eyes red, the innocent look on his face pitched just right.

Grant, do you really not want to see me that badly?

My steps stopped. I looked straight at him.

Come to think of it, there's something I've always found strange.

Didn't you marry my ex back then? She always hated long distance. You came all the way to this city to work, and she had no problem with that?

Kathleen, standing beside me, was clearly stunned.

Ned, you were married?

Ned's face went dark, then pale.

The eyes that had been innocent and bright a moment ago couldn't quite hold the smile now.

He recovered fast, put on a defeated look.

We divorced a long time ago.

It didn't surprise me in the least.

My gaze just settled lightly on the luggage on the sofa.

That was Ned's.

Through the half-open zipper, a pair of men's designer underwear showed.

I smiled.

The woman's eyes followed mine.

Then her breath caught.

I had no intention of admiring how remarkable the expression on her face was. I just started walking again, out the door.

Behind me came Ned's increasingly aggrieved plea for me to stay.

Grant, don't go, all right? I only wanted to talk

I cut him off.

I'll leave the place to you. The two of you have a good talk tonight.

The instant I opened the door, the woman's furious shout rang out behind me.

Grant, if you dare walk out that door, don't ever come back.

I didn't look back. My voice was steady.

Fine.

After I left, the first thing I did was check into a hotel not far from the office.

That same night I borrowed the hotel's printer and ran off two documents.

One was the company dorm application form.

The other was the registration packet for an elite candidate for the global strategy project.

Upper management had been quietly building out overseas for five years, and lately the talk about formally launching a foreign branch had gotten louder and louder.

I'd only found out from my team lead earlier that upper management really did intend to move the best domestic staff over there.

For anyone with ambition, that was the best news imaginable.

Even if it came down to one in a thousand, plenty of people would kill for the shot.

The next day, I moved into the company dorm.

The first day there, I regretted not applying sooner.

They called it a dorm, but it was really a single suite with its own bathroom and kitchen, plainly and cleanly furnished.

Fifteen minutes on foot each way to work, cheap rent, safe building.

Most of all, going back to living alone made me realize life could actually be this simple.

I came home and bolted the door, and I didn't have to leave it unlocked for anyone.

When I felt like cooking, I didn't have to scroll frantically through menus on my phone, worrying about someone else's taste.

No corner of the place would keep filling up, every so often, with things that didn't belong there.

I was more than satisfied with how things were now.

Kathleen, on the other hand, didn't seem to be doing so well.

From the day I left, she texted me every single day.

At first it was the same explanation on repeat.

"I dropped Ned off at home that night. When are you coming back?"

Then came the sob stories.

"That ginseng supplement you bought me from overseas is gone. I've had no energy at all these late nights."

And finally it turned into blame.

"Grant, do you even have a heart? Chandler's Diner came to me for payment today in front of the whole office, hinting the whole time that I'd been skipping out on the bill. You did this on purpose, didn't you?"

I'd nearly forgotten about it until she brought it up.

Chandler's Diner was a home-style specialty place near her office.

That year, it pained me that she was too busy and too stressed, sometimes too swamped even to eat.

So I found the owner and had him prepare a full home-cooked dinner sent to her office every day.

Over time Kathleen got used to it, and now and then she'd send the owner whatever she felt like having.

What she didn't know was that all along, I'd been paying a week in advance.

Since she was a regular, the owner had probably held off a whole week before finally saying anything.

Picturing that scene, I couldn't help feeling it served her right.

I sent her the owner's payment QR code, set the phone down, and went back to working at my computer.

To break out faster, I shuttled between the office and the dorm every day, and before long the coworkers saw me as a workaholic.

Another week later, I used the results of that week's grind to land, in one stroke, the project everyone else was dying for.

To give the design proposal the best shot, upper management handed me the authority to choose my own team.

Just before the end of that day, for once, I got a call from Kathleen.

After the home-cooked-meal business, our relationship had dropped to freezing.

She hadn't reached out, and I hadn't thought of her once.

It wasn't until I saw the little heart trailing after the name "Kathleen" on my screen that it hit me.

I still hadn't said we were over.

So I picked up.

"Still angry?"

A woman's voice came through, sounding a little worn out.

"Be angry all you want, just don't bring it into work."

"I've already set up the new project group chat for you. Counting me and Ned, that's two, and you can decide the rest however you like."

Right on cue, my phone buzzed.

A chat window titled "xx Project Winning Team" kept popping with new messages.

Member A: Thank you, Kathleen, for this chance! I won't let you down!

Ned Fox: Am I going to drag everyone down? My first time on a project this important, I'm honestly a little nervous~

Member A: Don't worry, I hear the team lead's a friend of Kathleen's, so he definitely won't give us anything too hard.

Two glances was all it took for my heart to sink completely.

Right on cue, the woman's gentle voice came over the line.

"This chance is rare. I'll be right there giving it everything with you."

"When the reporting conference comes, I'll go up and present for you."

"If this presentation gets me transferred to headquarters, you won't have to come out to the branch office."

People really do laugh when they're too dumbfounded for anything else.

What made her think I'd skip over an entire headquarters full of excellent colleagues just to go pick her at the branch?

Because she talked a big game?

I let out a couple of cold laughs.

"Kathleen, I turned in the name list a long time ago. Yours isn't on it."

"And I'm not going to lower myself to go over there, and I'm not going to prop you up so you can come here."

"Because starting today, we're done."