My Sponsor Publicly Read My Crush Diary, Yet I Don't Love Him

The day before I was to meet my sponsor, I walked in on him losing a bet with the campus queen. His forfeit was to read my secret crush diary out loud, in front of everyone.

Phineas Henson gave a soft laugh and tossed the diary onto the table like it was nothing.

You think some dark, hick fisherman's daughter is fit to have a crush on me? If I hadn't been picking a fight with Bess, I'd never have sponsored her.

The whole room went off.

"Oh my God, the fisherman's daughter actually thought she'd found love. Turns out she was just one move in a couple's little game!"

"Ugh, seriously, all this 'wait for me, wait for you' stuff. This diary reeks of poverty. It's disgusting!"

Watching their ugly faces, I clenched my fist without thinking.

Phineas's fingers moved, and he posted something on the school forum.

"Come cheer me on, everyone. If this hits ten thousand comments, I'll swap out Claudia Vance's speech tomorrow for her crush diary."

Everyone in the room saw the post and joined in.

"To make our campus queen smile, Phineas is really willing to go all out!"

"Can't wait to watch the fisherman's daughter make a fool of herself the day after tomorrow, hah."

The campus queen, Bess Head, was pulled into the center of the crowd, and she pouted with a laugh.

"Phineas, you're terrible, how could you bully the little freshman like that? Promise me you'll leave her a little dignity at the opening ceremony the day after tomorrow!"

Listening to them tear me down and mock me, I couldn't help but smile.

What they didn't know was that two months ago I'd been reclaimed by an elite family, and I'd long since shed the ugly duckling.

What they knew even less was that at the opening ceremony, my father would announce me as the only true heiress of the Head family.

My phone buzzed. A message from Phineas.

"Sorry, Claudia, I'm a little tied up right now. I might be a bit late."

Someone teased, "Phineas, you're really willing to leave Bess and rush over for that fisherman's daughter?"

Phineas swirled the cup in his hand, smiling like it meant nothing at all.

"It's just an excuse. I can already picture how flustered she'll look in a nice restaurant."

As he said it, he draped his arm carelessly along the back of Bess's seat.

"One message gets her off my back and lets me stay with someone more important. Why wouldn't I do it?"

Bess's face flushed red, and she pinched him.

"What are you saying, your admirer is still waiting for you. Don't embarrass the poor girl too much!"

"By then she won't even know how to use a knife and fork, and she'll have to ask the waiter for chopsticks, hah."

It sounded like she was looking out for me, but really she couldn't wait to watch me humiliate myself more in front of everyone.

I stared at Phineas wearing that devoted look, my hand trembling a little.

He'd chased me for three months, finding some new way every day to have people bring me stationery and study materials.

I said I wanted to finish my studies first. He said, I'll wait for you.

I said I didn't want this feeling to become impure. He said all of it was something he did willingly.

When my adoptive father's condition worsened and the surgery ran ten hours in the middle of the night, he was the one who stayed on the phone with me, telling me he was there.

And just when I agreed to be with him, he told me his situation was special and the relationship had to stay a secret.

"Don't worry, Claudia. I'll treat you better than anyone, I won't let you get hurt."

And now I'd finally learned that all of it was just him spiting the campus queen.

I sat there stunned for a long while, then typed out a message.

"Okay. Got it."

Once the message went through, another wave of laughter broke out.

"That dumb girl doesn't actually think Phineas is coming, does she? So naive!"

Bess forced up a smile and slid her arm through Phineas's.

"Phineas, let's go see little Claudia, don't leave her sitting there waiting like a fool. So awkward!"

Phineas glanced at her, his smile amused.

"You want to go? Fine, I'll indulge you."

With that, he picked up his coat and draped it over her shoulders, and shielded her from the people beside them.

"Don't bump into Bess, she's a germaphobe."

The few of them exchanged looks and broke into knowing smiles.

"A second ago I actually wondered if Phineas had a little something for the dark girl. But next to Bess, it's honestly a joke!"

"Take a good look, Phineas only suits the one and only little princess of the Head family!"

Phineas waved a hand, laughing easily.

"When we get there, don't mock the girl too hard. She's got a lot of pride."

So he knew perfectly well how much pride I had, and yet he'd still brought a whole crowd to come humiliate me.

My nails dug into my palm as I lowered my head and typed a few words.

"Waited too long. I ate and left."

The message landed and Phineas froze, his focus slipping for a beat.

Beside him, Bess let out a little cry and hooked her arm through his.

"Looks like Claudia really does have a lot of pride. I honestly can't wait to meet her~"

His expression shifted at the touch, and he pinched her cheek.

"She'll be at the opening ceremony the day after tomorrow, making a fool of herself. You'll see her then, my impatient little princess."

Bess pouted, unsatisfied, and rolled her eyes.

"Don't you all want to see Claudia? I've got a way to do it without tipping her off!"

"Let's order her some food delivery, have the driver sneak a photo, and tell us what she actually looks like?"

Phineas frowned, his face darkening a little.

"Isn't that going too far? If the driver says something ugly, it'll hurt her."

So he did know. He knew it hurt me to be talked about.

But if he knew that I'd trained my posture more than ten hours a day to be worthy of him, drunk dozens of kinds of green juice to lighten my skin,

practiced until the bones in my feet cracked, drunk until my stomach churned with acid,

would he ache for me a little more?

Bess lowered her head, her lips trembling like she was about to cry.

"The driver won't tell Claudia anyway. Why are you being like this?"

"Forget it, Phineas. I understand where Claudia stands in your heart. I was the one thinking cruel thoughts!"

Phineas sighed and gently wiped away her tears with the pad of his thumb.

"That's not what I meant. I'll order her something right now, one of those sugar-and-grease calorie bombs, all right?"

Bess looked up at him through wet lashes, her voice going soft and coaxing.

"I knew Phineas would always take my side~"

Whether it was the talk of the food or the flirting between them,

listening to the two of them made me sick enough to gag.

All this time, I'd recorded my skin tone and my manners every day, repeating everything hundreds of times.

I'd finally turned from an ugly duckling into a swan just before the term started,

and I'd wanted to surprise him, so I'd been looking forward to the opening ceremony.

Now that hope had become the slow poison destroying me.

A second later, my phone gave a special alert tone.

"Claudia, I ordered you some coffee and a cupcake. All the girls here love this stuff."

"You're so thin. It really pains me."

I stared at the screen for a long time, and the tears came before the feeling did.

He'd sent me things before too, all delicacies and tonics I could never get up in the mountains.

I refused every time, and every time he'd force them on me with that stubborn pride of his.

"You're my girlfriend. If you don't take them, next time I'll send ten times as much, and then everyone will laugh at you for being wasteful!"

I shut off my phone, unable to count how much of what he felt for me was real and how much was fake.

"Thank you. I'm at the Grand Sycamore Hotel, room 606. Sorry for the trouble."

When they saw the address I sent, a subtle look crossed every face.

"The little fisher girl actually had the nerve to accept. Bess even praised her for having pride. I say she's just a gold digger!"

"Oh, don't say that about her. She couldn't even recognize the dishes at a Western restaurant. Maybe she walked out on an empty stomach earlier!"

"Maybe for the sake of that laughable pride of hers, she stared at the all-English menu and ordered two piano pieces?"

They laughed and laughed, and Phineas just listened quietly, letting a smile slip through now and then.

He'd never once thought to protect me, not even the sliver of dignity I had left.

When I got back to the hotel, I ran into the delivery guy in the elevator.

The instant he saw me, he froze on the spot.

His face went red instantly, and he ducked his head to apologize.

"I'm sorry, Miss Vance, I zoned out for a second! But I promise you, there's nothing wrong with your order!"

I nodded and was about to say something to him,

when I saw him raise his phone to sneak a photo of me, and I caught his hand.

His already flushed face went red and white by turns.

"I'm so sorry, miss. The man who ordered your food told me to send him a picture. Please, please don't call the police!"

"Let this meal be on me. I'll give you the money back, I really"

"However much he gave you, I'll pay ten times that."

He froze at my words, plainly caught off guard.

His mouth opened and shut, but nothing came out except a stammer.

I pulled a stack of cash out of my bag and pressed it back into his hand.

"Do exactly what I tell you, and all of this is yours."

He nodded without a second's hesitation, his eyes bright to the point of frightening.

Once I'd worked it out with him, I asked my father to send me Bess Head's social media account.

"Claudia, she's the woman who stole eighteen years of your life. It doesn't matter how close she is with Phineas Hensonyou don't owe her anything, and you certainly don't have to win her over."

I paused a little when I read that.

I forced my lips into a curve, and something in it struck me as funny.

Even my father, who'd only had me back three months, understood that I would throw away my pride for Phineas Henson.

When he drank himself into a stomach bleed at some function, I was the one who swallowed my dignity and begged a distant uncle to bring him medicine and pass along my message.

When he was fighting his brother for the heir's position, I borrowed a classmate's computer and stayed up all night digging out mountains of material for him.

Only later did I learn

that he never took the medicinehe tossed it straight into the trash,

and never looked at the material either, since in his eyes it was nothing but scrap.

Everything I did counted for less than a single throwaway word of encouragement from Bess Head.

But my father didn't know that I would never again have to win anyone over for Phineas Henson's sake.

"Don't worry, Dad. I'm not going to win anyone over. I just want to see what Bess Head's life used to look like."

At that, he bowed his head in shame.

Watching him leave two tracks of tears, telling me he was here for everything now and I must never let myself be wronged,

I finally understood that the people who ache for you never need you to peel back your own scars.

They read it in the marks you carry, piece together how much you suffered, and give you sweetness a thousand times over.

The moment I opened Bess Head's account, I stared at the pinned photo for a long time.

In the picture, Phineas Henson was smiling brilliantly, holding her against him like he was holding the whole world.

Bess Head's caption read,

The one I love most and the one who loves me most are both right beside me

Phineas Henson had left a heart emoji and a comment:

"Happy birthday, little princess. We'll spend every one together from now on."

My fingers had gone a little cold, but I stubbornly kept scrolling.

Under every post, Phineas Henson was always the first to show up.

Praising her with the finest words, or laughing and playing along with her.

By the time I'd scrolled through Bess Head's very last post, there was no lie I could tell myself anymore.

My phone buzzed. It was Phineas Henson.

"Claudia, I've got a little surprise for you tomorrow. I hope you'll like it."

The corner of my mouth curved as I typed out a few words.

"Sure. I've got a surprise for you too."

Before the opening ceremony, I sat quietly in the audience, waiting for it to begin.

Bess Head, in a couture gown, came over on Phineas Henson's arm and settled into the seat beside me.

"Phineas, didn't you say Claudia's the best swimmer in her whole family? Can't you have her fish out a fish for me to play with?"

"Her family lives by the sea. What she catches is saltwater fish. Not the kind of thing for a young lady like you."

Bess shook her head and pouted.

"Come on, I just want to see how amazing Claudia really is! You wouldn't turn down a little request like this, would you, Phineas?"

"How about this. If she films the whole process of fishing them out, I'll give her a hundred a fish. Call it a favor to her family."

Phineas laughed softly, his voice full of indulgence.

"Fine, fine, whatever you want."

The words had barely landed when a message came through on my phone.

"Claudia, come home in a few days and fish out some fish for me. Gut them while you're at it. I need them."

That was his style. He never gave me a reason for anything.

Just I need them, and already he was planning to take my ugliest, most humiliated self and use it to please Bess.

But he seemed to have forgotten. To earn that prize money, I once carved fish for three days and three nights straight, and afterward the sight of fish blood made me faint.

One word from him about wanting to see fish carving, and I carved for a full seven hours, gagging the whole time.

That same night my fever hit a hundred and four, and I was on an IV for seven days.

To this day I can't forget it.

Afterward, when he found out, the way he apologized to me over and over, his eyes red and raw.

But whether he remembers or not doesn't matter anymore.

I had just set down my phone when I looked up and saw Phineas's crowd of friends arriving late.

They caught sight of me sitting beside him and started whispering.

"Hey, look at that girl. Real class. Wonder which family she's from?"

"Doesn't look like a sophomore. A girl like that would've been voted campus queen by now. Maybe she's a freshman?"

Bess's ears snagged on the words campus queen, and the look she cut me was like a blade.

Phineas followed her gaze over, and then his whole body went rigid.

Seeing him stare at me like that, Bess's voice curdled with jealousy.

"Phineas, you're awfully into this freshman. Am I not the prettiest in your eyes anymore?"

Phineas pulled his eyes away and shook his head.

"Her eyes look like someone's. I mistook her for her."

I saw the surprise in his eyes, but he didn't recognize me, the poor student he'd sponsored for a whole year.

Didn't recognize these eyes he'd praised more times than I could count.

One of Phineas's friends elbowed him, his tone teasing.

"If only that fisherman's daughter had a fraction of this girl's class. If she did, I'd stop laughing at her."

"That kind of thing is bone-deep. A poor girl can dress it up all she wants, the sour reek still comes through. Forget it."

I couldn't help smiling when I heard that. This sour-reeking poor girl of theirs had been praised by them for quite a while.

Phineas only smiled at that and tossed off a lazy reply.

"If she could get even a tenth of this girl's class, she'd have to train for it in her next life."

Amid the laughter, Bess quietly clenched her fist.

She pulled out a brush painting, drew every eye back to herself, and spoke with put-on mystery.

"Phineas and I finished this together last night. Guess what's inside? It's about Claudia!"

She bit down hard on last night, as if afraid no one would catch the suggestion in it.

Phineas only looked at her and smiled, shaking his head helplessly.

When the host onstage announced that I would be going up in ten minutes,

Bess called everyone around her over, me included.

"Come take a look, everyone. This is big news about our student representative!"

Plenty of people leaned in, wanting a clear look.

Bess didn't drag it out either. She unrolled the brush painting.

On it was a hideously ugly little figure, its face soaked through with ink, all a black smear.

And a few big characters scrawled crookedly across it.

Claudia Vance's Personal Portrait

Bursts of shrill laughter rose all around, nearly swallowing me whole.

But I just sat there below the stage, and only when the host called me up to speak did I slowly rise under everyone's eyes.

The host froze on the spot, staring at me, dazed.

"Miss, I called for Claudia Vance. May I ask who you"

Before he could finish, I snatched the mic from him and gave a faint smile to the crowd below.

"That's right. I am Claudia Vance."