How Could She Let My Tears Flow Into the Sea

Augusta Simmons's fifth year as captain.

I'd kept it a secret from her and quietly booked passage on the Voyager, the luxury international liner she commanded. I wanted to surprise her.

After the welcome dinner ended, I moved to slip up behind her and cover her eyes the way I always used to. Someone beat me to it.

"Augusta, happy fifth anniversary."

"I honestly thought you'd forgotten our deal and bring Darren aboard. He's been going on about it for five years and you keep refusing to bring him. Aren't you afraid he'll make a fuss with you over it?"

Augusta pinched his cheek, her whole face soft with affection.

"He won't."

"I've told him. Off the ship, I'm his. On the ship, I belong only to you. That still stands, always."

But she'd promised something too. She'd promised that as long as she lived, she would never betray Darren Delgado.

My eyes burned red, and I started forward to confront her.

Then Augusta shifted aside, and I finally saw the man's face.

My feet felt nailed to the floor. Cold climbed up through the soles of them.

I stood there staring at the two of them.

A group of crew members in uniform passed by, ribbing him.

"Evan, five years, and you two still haven't gotten sick of being sweet on each other. The rest of us are sick of watching."

"Yeah, Evan, teach us your secret. How do you get the captain so hooked on you? Let us learn a thing or two."

Evan Abbott went bright red under the barrage, and looked to Augusta for rescue.

Catching his glance, Augusta laughed softly and hooked her arm through his. "All right, my Evan's shy. Stop picking on him."

I didn't catch what the others said after that.

My eyes were locked on Augusta's hand resting on Evan's arm, and the tears blurred everything.

Five years ago, Evan was let go by his company. At his lowest, I took him in.

He'd grown up by the sea and was a strong swimmer, so I asked Augusta to find him a job aboard the ship.

Two years ago he was promoted to cabin manager, and even took Augusta and me out to dinner. Until the moment he appeared just now, it had never once crossed my mind that my best friend and my girlfriend could betray me.

No wonder Augusta never let me come aboard, always saying the conditions on the ship were poor, that she didn't want me to suffer.

The truth was, she was afraid I'd find out about her and Evan.

And all that talk about how the time off the ship belonged to me, and on the ship she belonged only to Evan.

But she spent most of the year at sea. The time she left for me wasn't even a third of what she gave him.

The fireworks show began. The passengers were all out on deck watching, and I stood on the balcony while the howling sea wind drove straight into me, sharp with cold.

In no time I was frozen numb.

By the time I went back inside, the fireworks outside had ended too.

The moment I opened my phone, I saw Evan's new post on his social media feed.

The most beautiful fireworks and the person I love most.

The photo was of him and Augusta kissing under the fireworks.

Augusta's face was hidden, but I'd been with her for eight years. How could I fail to recognize her.

My fingertip rested on the screen a second, then tapped save.

When I refreshed, the post was already gone.

That was when Augusta's message came through.

Tonight's fireworks were so beautiful.

Below the photo was a location tag.

Less than a hundred meters from me.

For five years Augusta had reported her whereabouts to me every single day without fail, and everyone envied me for having such an obedient, clingy girlfriend.

I used to think so too.

Only now did I understand that behind every one of those reports stood another man.

I put the phone away with a bitter smile.

The next second, I changed my mind.

I typed out a message to test her. It really was beautiful. Next time I'll go see it with you.

The message had barely gone out when Augusta's call came through.

There was a faint, barely detectable panic under her words.

"Darren, why would you suddenly want to come out here to me?"

"You get seasick, and the food and lodging on the ship are terrible. If you came, I'd have to take care of you on top of everything."

"Be good. If you like fireworks, how about I set off a show just for you on our wedding day, all right?"

But we aren't going to get married.

And I don't get seasick.

The year we graduated, she and I went out on the water, and the speedboat driver, showing off, started rocking the boat around on the waves. I threw up all over Augusta.

After that she stubbornly decided I got seasick, and she never took me to the coast again.

I gave a soft "Mm."

When the call ended, the tears I'd held back all night fell without my permission.

I scrolled back through our old messages. Every cabin photo Augusta had sent me was fake.

The Voyager had sixteen decks, bars and entertainment and everything else, a whole city moving across the sea. It had nothing in common with the grim, bare-bones cruise ship she'd always described.

I looked through the cruise line's official site too. As captain of the Voyager, she not only had her own large suite, her meals were held to the same standard as the passengers'.

For five years she'd been lying to me.

The sky was only just turning gray, most of the guests still deep in sleep, and only a few people were on deck as I walked from the first floor up to the sixteenth.

The sun came up, and the horizon turned orange-red.

Augusta knew I loved watching sunrises. She used to set up her camera and capture the most beautiful ones for me, five hundred and seventy-six of them, all saved in my album.

I don't know how long I stood there. The sun was already hanging high over the bow when I turned around and met two familiar faces.

"Darren?"

"Oh my, it really is you. I just told Howard it was you and he wouldn't believe me. What luck, running into you like this."

I stared blankly at the two of them as an absurd guess rose in my mind.

"Mr. and Mrs. Abbott, why are you here?"

Evan's mother smiled until her eyes narrowed to slits. "It's all thanks to Evan's girlfriend. She's the captain of this ship. She said family can ride free twice a year, otherwise how could we ever bring ourselves to spend that kind of money."

Huh.

Just as I thought.

After they retired, my parents' greatest wish was to go out on the sea and see it.

I remembered Augusta's company had a family perk, so I'd mentioned it to her, thinking she could look after them while they were aboard too.

What had she said back then?

Augusta had looked so troubled. "Darren, the company pours a lot into operations every year. I don't want to take up company resources over something personal of mine. Besides, the ship's crowded, too many eyes, there's nothing fun about it."

I hadn't said a word after that. I'd turned around and booked my parents a luxury cruise instead.

When it came to Evan, all those principles and limits of hers were forgotten clean.

Evan's mother was still chattering on.

"Augusta's such a thoughtful girl. She won't let us spend a cent, and she even arranged a guide for us, worried we wouldn't have a good time."

"If it weren't for her, Howard and I would never have had this kind of luck, coming out for a trip or two like this every year."

"Oh right, Darren, you and Evan are friends, so you must have met Augusta? Evan says plenty of boys were after her, and she picked our Evan out of all of them."

Her voice was full of a pride she couldn't hide.

I was about to say I didn't know her when she caught my wrist.

She seemed to see something, and before I could react, she was pulling me toward Augusta and Evan a little way off.

"Evan, Evan"

They were surrounded by passengers taking photos. At the sound they both looked up.

And their faces changed all at once.

"Darren, what are you doing here?"

Augusta's face went pale, and her hand slipped off Evan's without her thinking about it.

Once the shock passed, Evan gave me a look of mock reproach. "Darren, you came all this way and didn't even tell me? Do you still count me as a brother or not?"

If I'd told him, how would I ever have found out what the two of them had been doing behind my back these five years?

I stared at them, cold. "Am I not allowed to come? Or is it that you're afraid of what I might find out?"

Evan let out an exaggerated laugh. "How could that be? We couldn't be happier that you're here."

"Oh, right. Let me get my parents to the dining room first, and you two can talk."

Afraid they'd say something they shouldn't, Evan grabbed his mother and father, one in each hand, and forced them away from us.

Only then did Augusta let out a breath.

She pulled me into an empty corner, her voice put-upon. "Darren, how could you just show up without a word? And last night, when I messaged you, why didn't you tell me?"

I looked her straight in the eye, cold. "I'm spending my own money to take a trip. Is there a problem with that?"

She caught that something was off in my tone. She paused, then wrapped her arms around me and clung to me, sweet, the way she used to.

"Darren, that's not what I meant. It's just that you came without a word, and I didn't get anything ready. I was only worried I'd get caught up in work and not be able to look after you."

The moment she had her arms around me, the heavy perfume on her hit me and made me choke.

I remembered that scent. It was the cologne Evan always wore.

I pushed her off me, disgusted.

"Augusta, I'm a grown man. I can take care of myself."

"And how is it I never knew you'd gotten so close with Evan and his parents?"

Augusta's expression froze.

Then she said it like it was the most natural thing in the world. "He's your brother. Of course I'd look after them for you. I'm only doing it for your sake, so don't go getting jealous over nothing."

Evan, having settled his parents, came jogging back. He caught the last of it and offered an apologetic explanation. "Darren, don't take what my parents said to heart."

"You know how the old folks are. They wanted the trip but hated the idea of spending money, so I told them a little lie that Augusta was my girlfriend and could get them onto the cruise for free."

I wasn't looking at him. My eyes were fixed on the rings on his and Augusta's ring fingers.

Six months after we got together, I proposed to her.

But every time before she boarded, she'd take the ring off.

When I asked her why, not understanding, she'd get very solemn. "There are so many people on the ship. What if I lost it?"

Back then I even teased her for being silly. Only now did I understand that I was the fool, from start to finish.

My brother and my girlfriend had been together behind my back for five years, and I was the last one to know.

Feeling my gaze, Evan hurriedly pulled the ring off and shoved it into his pocket.

"Darren, don't get the wrong idea. This was a perk the company handed out to its top employees last year. Plenty of my coworkers have one."

Augusta rushed to change the subject too.

"All right, then."

"Since you're here, I'll take you somewhere good to eat tonight. I have to get to work now, so be good and wait for me in the room."

I didn't wait in the room like Augusta told me to.

I found a quiet corner instead, and let the sea wind blow over me.

This was the first time I'd ever been on Augusta's ship. It would also be the last.

At some point I made a call to a real estate agent.

Once this voyage ended, Augusta and I were supposed to get married.

We'd bought the wedding home a year ago.

Augusta was busy, so the renovations, the furniture, the transfer of the deed, all of it had been handled by me. Selling it now would at least save some trouble.

That evening at dinner, Evan showed up too.

Augusta had chosen a restaurant the crew didn't usually frequent.

Even so, we ran into a few foreign crew members, and I heard Augusta introduce me to them as her friend.

She thought my English was bad. But even a three-year-old can hear the difference between "friend" and "boyfriend."

Seeing that I said nothing, Evan leaned in. "Darren, how many days are you planning to stay this time?"

I gave the two of them a mocking look. "How many days do you want me to stay?"

Evan raised his eyebrows and put on an excited face. "As long as possible, of course. Darren, we haven't seen each other in months. You have no idea what it's like out here day after day, nothing but the ocean and the passengers. I've been bored out of my mind."

"Is that so?"

I looked at the two of them with a heavy meaning behind my eyes, but I didn't call it out.

Augusta didn't say anything either. She peeled a shrimp and, out of habit, set it on Evan's plate.

For a moment all three of us froze.

Evan recovered first, turning to me all flattered surprise. "Darren, you don't know this, but Augusta's usually really strict with us. Thanks to you, today I actually got a shrimp she peeled with her own hands."

Augusta caught herself too, and awkwardly peeled a new one for me.

The food had no taste at all.

After dinner, Augusta walked me back to my room.

We'd just reached the door when she spoke. "Darren, I've already checked you out. You should get off the ship tomorrow."

I turned back, stunned. "I never said I was leaving."

I'd booked a two-week cruise. This was only the second day.

Augusta's face was cold, her tone leaving no room for argument. "Darren, this isn't a place you belong."

I let out a scoff.

"Then who does?"

"Evan? Or his parents?"

My question made Augusta force down her temper as she explained. "Darren, stop imagining things. We're getting married soon. I'm busy with work, and the wedding still needs you to plan it. You shouldn't waste your time here."

"Besides, with you here, I'll get distracted."

I just looked at her.

"Augusta, are we really going to get married?"

Augusta answered without even thinking. "Of course. You're the only man I want to marry in this life."

The words almost came out of me. "What about Evan?"

But they reached my lips and I swallowed them back down.

Augusta had already checked me out, so no matter how unwilling I was, the next day I still got off the ship.

Through the porthole, she and I looked at each other across the distance.

Before long, my phone buzzed twice.

Darren, wait for me.

When we're back, we'll go register the marriage.

I glanced down at it and found it almost laughable.

She'd thrown me off the ship for Evan's sake, and still she deluded herself that I would stand there like a fool and wait for her.

Off the ship, I dragged my luggage to the airport without looking back.

Before the flight took off, I sent her one last message.

Augusta, let's break up.