My Family Hid Truth; They Regretted After My Heart Died

My best friend, Eleanor James, once saved my life.

Ever since, I'd felt a fierce need to protect her.

When she started dating someone, I dug through the man's whole family history back eighteen generations.

When she looked for a job, I interned there a month first, and only recommended her once I was sure it was safe.

My parents used to tease me. "Is Ellie your property? You watch over her that closely."

My husband, Fergus Barnes, said it even more plainly, jealous. "She matters more to you than I do."

I only smiled and said she was worth it.

Right up until the day before my wedding.

When a prenatal report of hers suddenly landed in my hands.

My whole family laughed and steered the subject away. "It's a prank, isn't it? None of them are even married. Where would a baby come from?"

"The two of you have been closest since childhood. Something this big, there's no way she wouldn't tell you."

I was the only one who couldn't laugh.

Because I'd run into her at the OB-GYN clinic.

And not only her. Fergus was there too.

...

I froze in the doorway for a moment.

The two of them had always kept their distance, never met privately.

Even when they had to be in the same place, they always stayed a good arm's length apart.

Now they were holding each other without a shred of hesitation.

Smart as I was, I knew almost at once what had happened.

Everything inside me surged up.

I was about to rush in and demand an answer.

The next second, a hand seized my wrist, hard.

I was yanked into the next room, my head slamming against the wall.

The pain was so sharp my vision went black.

But right then, I heard my parents' voices, clear as anything.

"Anna Simmons, stop making a scene! Let them be together!"

"Ellie loves him no less than you do."

I blanked for a moment, tears blurring my sight.

"Dad, what do you mean, making a scene? Fergus is my husband."

"They got together behind my back. They even have a bas"

Before I could finish, my mother's hand flew up and struck me across the face.

"You shut your mouth! Bastard this, bastard that. Do you have to put it so ugly?"

"They have a child together. That's true love."

I was struck dumb. My eyes went to my brother, standing silent to the side.

"Do you think so too?"

My brother had always taken my side, ever since we were kids.

He wouldn't even listen to our parents. Only to me.

But now he said, "Ellie calls me her brother too. I can't just stand by on this."

His idea of not standing by was to let all of it happen.

And then, gently, to drive the knife home.

They forced me into the car.

As we passed a window, my eyes met Fergus's.

I had a whole stomach full of things to say, and he simply looked away.

Once we were in the car, my parents sighed.

"Ellie's in a fragile state right now. Don't go provoking her. Let the two of them have their peace."

My nose stung so badly I couldn't help asking, "And what about me?"

Silence filled the car.

At a red light, I made as if to get out.

My brother clamped down on me. "Now what are you trying to do?"

"With something like this happening, Ellie's terrified too. Two weeks ago she knelt down and kowtowed, begging forgiveness."

"What are we supposed to do? Just watch two lives end at once?"

I stared at him in disbelief, sure I'd misheard.

Two weeks ago.

Back then I was still happily seeing to every little detail of the wedding.

My parents had picked out the wedding favors themselves.

Eleanor had come along to help me try on the dress.

Fergus had designed and arranged the banquet hall with his own hands.

And now they were telling me all of it had been a lie.

The collapse rose up in me, and I demanded through a raw, breaking voice,

"Am I not your own daughter? Why are you all doing this to me?"

My parents turned their heads away, unable to bear the sight.

But the words that came out cut into my heart like a blade.

"Ellie was so busy with your wedding she nearly lost the baby to early complications. Don't you feel any guilt? All you know how to do is make a scene."

At that, all the strength to argue drained out of me at once.

When we got home, they locked me in my room.

"Just for today, at least let them be together properly."

Before they left, they didn't forget to warn me.

"Don't forget, Ellie is the one who saved your life back then."

"It's a debt you owe. Time to pay it back."

My thoughts drifted off, out of my control.

That year I was five.

Walking home in a downpour, I fell into an open sewer drain.

Eleanor happened to be passing by, called for help in time, and saved me.

To repay that debt, I gave her half of everything my parents and my brother felt for me.

And now, in the end, did I have to give her half of my husband too?

I don't know how long I crouched in that corner, wretched and small.

After dark, I climbed out through the second-floor window.

I heard a crack. My leg felt broken.

But I didn't care.

There were things I had to hear the answer to with my own ears.

It wasn't far. Only half an hour by car.

I limped into the hallway and ran straight into Fergus.

His face went white for an instant, and he stepped quickly toward me, his voice worried.

"What happened to you? Where are you hurt? Should I get a doctor?"

I stood where I was, thinking, for a second, that he was concerned about me.

The next second, he said, plainly,

"There's actually something I need to tell you."

"Ellie's pregnant. It's mine. We're deciding whether to keep the baby. Do you have any thoughts?"

He said it the way you'd ask about the weather.

Something in me broke, and I slapped him hard across the face.

"I broke my leg trying to get an answer."

"And you don't explain anything. You just ask me how to deal with this bastard child."

"Fergus, are you even human?"

Fergus froze, looked at my leg soaked with blood, and his tone turned grudging.

"You're clearly fine, though. Still able to yell this loud."

"Besides, I just told you the truth. What more do you want me to say?"

He said it so lightly it made me look like I was blowing everything out of proportion.

Before I could speak, the door to the room beside us opened.

Eleanor came out, an IV drip trailing from her arm.

"Fergus, who are you talking to?"

When she saw it was me, the color drained from her face.

"Anna... you, why are you here?"

Fergus moved fast, putting himself between us, and shot me a cold look.

She glanced at him.

"I'm a little thirsty. Go get me a glass of water, would you?"

Fergus wanted to refuse, but Eleanor kept pleading.

Only then did he head out, glancing back over his shoulder every few steps.

I didn't miss the wariness in his eyes.

As if he were terrified I'd hurt his precious darling.

The sight of it made it hard to breathe.

I shut my eyes and clenched my teeth, and barely managed to steady myself.

Once Fergus was gone, I fixed my eyes on Eleanor and went straight to it.

"You're carrying Fergus's child."

She lowered her head, not daring to look at me.

Then she suddenly ripped the needle out of her hand, dropped to her knees in front of me, and broke into tears.

"I'm sorry, Anna. That night we were both drunk. I took the morning-after pill afterward. I never thought it would turn out like this."

"Anna, I should have told you all of this long ago. I lost my head, and I kept telling myself it was for your own good, so I never dared."

"It's all my fault, Anna. Hit me, curse me, whatever you want. Just say the word and I'll go get rid of this baby right now."

"I'm just begging you... please don't cut me off as a friend. You really are... the only person I have left to talk to..."

I said nothing, but I laughed, bitter and mocking, the tears spinning in my eyes.

The door was pushed open, and Fergus rushed in holding the glass of water.

The moment he saw the scene, he flew into a rage.

"Anna Simmons, what are you doing?"

Fergus finished the sentence, stepped quickly forward to help Eleanor up, and put her behind him, shielding her.

"Whatever this is, take it out on me."

"She didn't do anything wrong. Don't you hurt her."

Five years together, and this was the first time he had ever stood in front of another woman to protect her.

Eleanor tried to smooth it over from between them.

"Fergus, don't be like this. Anna wasn't bullying me."

"I saw just now that something's wrong with her leg. Anna's been afraid of pain since we were little. Take her to a doctor first. I'll be fine on my own."

But her hand, gripping Fergus's clothes, did not let go.

"After everything, you're still worrying about an outsider?"

That word, outsider, drove itself in so deep I couldn't get a single word out.

Fergus's cold eyes swept over me, and the accusation came without thinking.

"Ellie is your best friend, and she's pregnant. How could you make her kneel on the floor? You're really too"

Before he could finish, I slapped him hard across the face.

"I'm not the one who did wrong. You have no right to point your finger at me."

Fergus went silent at once.

I drew a deep breath and forced myself calm.

But my fingers still dug into my palm on their own.

"I didn't come here today to fight. I'll only ask one thing."

"When did it start?"

After a long silence, Fergus spoke, his voice rough.

"Three years ago"

"Don't say it. Please, don't say it"

Eleanor clutched his sleeve, trying to stop him.

I choked, then said, "The exact time."

Fergus turned his head away and wouldn't look at me, but he didn't stop.

"The long holiday weekend."

My mind went blank with a roar.

My legs gave out, and in the end I sank to the floor.

That holiday weekend, my grandparents, far off in the countryside, suddenly called me.

They said they didn't have long left, and they wanted to see me one last time.

And if I could, it would be best to bring Fergus along.

When I was small, my grandparents loved me most of all.

Their greatest wish was to live to see me married.

But that day, I waited a long time at the station.

Fergus never came.

He said his fever wouldn't break, that he simply couldn't make the trip.

My first instinct was to go to him, but he refused.

"Anna, I've already seen a doctor. He says it's something going around, and it's contagious."

"Don't come. I can manage on my own."

"Go see your grandparents first. Don't leave the old folks with regrets."

But their greatest wish had clearly been to see the two of us.

By the time I'd handled both their funerals, a week had passed.

I came back to a serious illness.

The two of them stayed by my side without leaving for a moment.

And I still thought myself lucky.

The person I loved most and my best friend, both right there beside me.

It was only in this moment that I understood.

While I was breaking down keeping vigil, letting my grandparents leave this world with regret,

Fergus faked his illness and went behind my back to pick up Eleanor, drunk and heartbroken over a breakup.

Dry kindling and a live flame, the two of them, catching at a single touch.

And from then on, three whole years, they carried on in secret.

Mom and Dad knew. My brother knew.

It was only this time, when they'd made a baby and couldn't hide it anymore,

that they let me, the fool, find out.

I closed my eyes and laughed, helpless.

"Fine. I understand."

Having my answer, I turned to go.

Eleanor broke free of Fergus's hold and knelt again at my feet.

She slapped herself across the face.

"Anna, all of this, I deserve to die for it. I'm the one who did wrong, who betrayed you."

"I have no right to ask your forgiveness. I won't keep this child. Tomorrow I'll leave this city, and I'll never see any of you again."

"I only beg you, don't hate me, and still be my friend. Please?"

She said it pitifully, every word earnest.

Fergus couldn't watch and pulled her up. She wouldn't rise.

She only stared at me, fixed and desperate. "Anna."

And I just slowly, bit by bit, drew my hand away.

"From this day on, there is nothing between us."

"Fergus, you too. Find a time and let's divorce."

"I don't want either of you anymore."

After I stepped out of the hospital room, the sound of heartbroken sobbing followed me through the door.

"Anna, please... don't go..."

"You're the only friend I have. I really don't want to lose you."

Faintly, a few angry words of comfort were mixed in.

"Ellie, you've begged her so humbly, and she still won't forgive you. What kind of friend is that?"

"You've still got the baby to think about. Even if you won't consider yourself, you have to consider it, don't you?"

At last Eleanor went quiet.

"What if Anna really won't forgive me? What do I do?"

"She will."

Fergus sounded utterly certain. "You mean a lot to her. She just can't accept it right now, that's all."

"Give it time. She'll understand. You two will still be best friends."

He was still that sure of himself.

Sure I still treasured them the way I always had.

But this time, I was truly tired.

I took a cab home, and it was only while packing that I saw it.

Eleanor's things in this house outnumbered mine.

Somewhere along the way she'd become part of this household.

More important than me.

I was halfway through packing when Fergus came back.

He snatched the suitcase out of my hands, his voice weary.

"What do you think you're doing? Running away from home?"

"Anna, you're not a child anymore. Can you stop being so childish?"

I slapped him, a bitter smile on my face.

"Fergus, after everything that happened today, do I even have a home?"

He didn't answer. He changed the subject.

"Ellie's pregnant. Can't you cut her a little slack?"

"I'm not the one who did anything wrong. Why should I be the one to give in?"

"Every one of you has already taken her side. What else is there for me to give up? My life? It was hers to begin with anyway. She can take it back."

As I spoke, I reached for a knife, past caring what happened to me.

His eyes went red in an instant, and he wrenched it away in a fury.

"Anna, are you insane? Ready to die over something this small?"

"Is this how you repay Ellie for saving your life?"

I had never forgotten that she saved my life.

That was why I said nothing when Mom and Dad treated her like their own daughter.

That was why, when my brother's eighteenth-birthday gift to her was a family-size bucket of fried chicken and mine was just a phone,

I swallowed the jealousy and wished her well from the heart.

Hadn't I done enough?

I shook off his hand and ground out through my teeth, "It's none of your business!"

Fergus ignored that and moved in again, trying to hold me.

"Anna, this whole thing, we were in the wrong. We shouldn't have kept it from you all this time."

"But the baby is innocent. I'm asking you to let it live."

"The doctor said Ellie's body is different. If she loses this baby, she'll never have another one, and she won't survive that."

"She truly thinks of you as a friend. I'm begging you, don't hurt her and the baby, okay?"

So in the end, the one he worried about, the one he cared for, wasn't me.

It was the woman he really loved and their child.

"Get out. I don't want to see you again."

Fergus didn't want to provoke me further, and he left without a word.

That same night, the doorbell rang again.

Eleanor was kneeling outside the door, her face bloodless.

When she saw me, she forced out a faint smile.

"Anna, you're still willing to see me... I'm so glad."

She reached into her bag and held out a document to me.

"Anna... I, I got rid of the baby. Can you forgive me now?"

"I really don't want to lose you as a friend..."

"Everything that happened before was my fault. As long as you forgive me, I promise, everything will go back to the way it should be."

"Everything that's yours, I'll give it all back to you. Okay?"

She looked half dead, as if she'd rushed straight over right after the procedure.

For the sake of what we once had, I didn't want to risk her life.

Just as I reached out to help her up, hurried footsteps came from around the corner.

Fergus had come.

He arrived just in time to see it, and his emotions surged all at once.

"You forced her to get rid of the baby? Not a single word I said to you today got through, did it?"

"She's this weak, and you still make her kneel. Do you only get what you want once you've driven Ellie to her death too?"

He screamed himself hoarse even as he pulled her up.

"Ellie, you did nothing wrong. You don't have to kneel to her!"

Eleanor explained helplessly, "Fergus, it's not what you think. Anna didn't bully me. Don't..."

Fergus wouldn't hear a word of it.

"You don't need to defend her. A vicious woman like her isn't worth it!"

"That line you said to me, I'm giving it right back to you. From here on, Ellie and I have nothing more to do with you."

With that, he pulled off his ring and threw it at me, then took Eleanor in his arms and left.

I looked down at the ring on my own hand and slipped it off, my face blank.

Only then did I notice there were letters engraved inside.

Not my name.

Eleanor's.

So from the very beginning, the future he'd promised was never meant for me.

A bitter laugh escaped me, and without a moment's hesitation I threw the ring away.

Then, in silence, I made up my mind.