Hatred Is a Vine That Never Lets Go

Jason Delgado died to save me, killed on the spot in a car crash.

His last words were only this:

Fiona Roman, take care of my sister for me.

Jason's sister had leukemia, the rare universal-negative type, and so, as it happened, did I.

For five years,

I turned myself into nothing but a blood bank for Hester Delgado,

giving up my whole life,

living every day only to wait for a call from her that could come at any hour,

Sister, come to the hospital. I need blood again

The needle had ruined my arm, and years of transfusions had left me with severe anemia,

my hair falling out in clumps, my face gaunt, my whole body covered in horrifying red blotches.

But whenever I thought of how Jason had given his life for mine five years ago,

I felt this life of mine was exactly what the rest of it should be spent on.

Until this morning, when I woke unexpectedly in the middle of a transfusion after fainting,

and heard Hester's voice come through the door,

Jason, I'm almost well now. This game should be over. I want us to be together out in the open

And then, from beyond the door, came the voice that made my soul shudder,

All right. Your birthday's in three days. I'll spend it with you and then arrange for you to go abroad.

But I can't leave yet. Fiona's situation still worries me a little. Once she's settled, we'll be together again

Every drop of blood in me froze in an instant.

So Jason had never died at all.

So Hester had never been his sister, not from the very start.

But Jason, I don't need you to settle anything for me anymore.

Because my life is about to reach its end

What is there to worry about?

Hester's voice changed pitch at once, trembling, full of accusation and hurt,

and almost in the same moment,

Jason pulled her tight against him,

his eyes full of tenderness, his voice unbearably gentle,

All right, Hester, I know exactly what's on your mind

But these five years, Fiona really has given up too much for you. It's not far from a life for a life. I can't just abandon her completely

I forced myself to turn over on the hospital bed,

and saw that familiar back, turned away from me, gently wiping the tears from Hester's face.

Five years and seventy-eight days.

Nearly every night I dreamed of the day of the crash.

That day we'd just come out of the bridal shop after a dress fitting.

Jason's car was parked at the mall across from the shop.

He held my hand tight, the way he always did, leading me across the street,

still chattering away, praising my good taste,

Fiona, I love all five of the suits you picked out for me. How does my wife have such an eye

His voice was as gentle then as it had just been with Hester.

He'd bent down the same way to press a kiss to my cheek.

But before the warmth of that kiss had even faded,

a truck ran the red light and came straight at me,

and almost in the blink of an eye,

Jason threw his arms around me and shoved me hard toward the curb,

while he, like a rag torn loose,

was thrown a dozen yards by that truck.

Everywhere I looked there was thick blood, great sheets of red bursting open before my eyes,

and the reek hanging in the air, five years on, has never faded

That massive shock gave me PTSD outright,

and later it progressed to severe depression with mania.

But for the sake of Jason's dying words, I didn't dare take medication,

and I stayed Hester's blood bank for five years and seventy-eight days.

Yet today, he told me himself that it was all just a game staged to save his lover

A crushing tightness surged up from my chest,

my limbs began to spasm and shake without stopping,

the feeling of dying wrapped around me all at once.

I was going into an episode

For the transfusions, I couldn't take my medication

Almost on instinct,

I clenched my fist fast and shoved it into my mouth,

and at the same time my teeth bit down, out of my control,

a great flood of salt and iron spreading across my mouth,

and that piercing pain finally cleared my head a little

Jason, tell me, do you still care about her?!

Hester's shrill voice dragged me back.

Through the dim yellow light of the hospital corridor,

I saw her body shaking with her sobs,

Jason Delgado, answer me!

I should have given up long ago, yet still, weak as I was, I turned to look toward the door.

No!

Jason's hoarse, aching voice carried in from beyond the door,

It's not like that, Hester, don't overthink it

She's the fiance my family arranged for me. I have to give them some kind of answer

In the huge mirror in front of me,

I saw the bitter smile on my ghost-white face

The tears fell in great sheets,

mixing with the salt and iron in my mouth into one taste, so bitter

So that lingering bit of concern,

that last scrap of conscience,

was there only because I was the fiance his family had arranged.

Five years ago, crossing the street, before the truck hit,

the I love you he'd said in my ear circled back again and again,

the one thing that had held me up these five years,

and in this very moment, it came crashing down

Almost without control, numbly, I climbed up off the surgical bed,

and passing that huge mirror,

I looked back at my own wretched self, swimming inside the hospital gown,

then walked to the door with heavy steps,

I slowly pulled the door open from inside, and in a hoarse voice called out the name I had called countless times in my dreams,

Jason Delgado

Jason Delgado's hand froze mid-motion, still hovering where it had been wiping Hester Delgado's tears.

Like slow motion in a film, he turned toward me, one frame at a time.

Five years and seventy-eight days.

Looking into those dark, bright eyes again, my tears still slid down on their own, refusing to stop, no matter how I tried

Fiona

Hearing him say my name again.

Once I'd thought that only after I died and reached the underworld would we ever meet again.

Only then would I hear him call me Fiona one more time.

Two ghosts would hold each other tight,

and I would tell him,

Jason, your sister, I took good care of her. You gave me the chance to live, and I gave her my life

But now

It was still the same man, the voice not changed in the slightest,

yet the moment those two syllables left his mouth,

my stomach began to cramp beyond my control,

and with a heave

I braced myself against the wall and retched, hard

Fiona!

Fiona, are you all right

Jason shoved Hester out of his way

and lunged forward to hold me up, his movements frantic.

A pair of large hands settled on my back, the warmth of his palm spreading behind me, the familiar touch waking something in me,

This wasn't the underworld. I was still alive, and so was he

A worse wave of retching rose up,

and I forced myself upright, using nearly everything I had left,

and shoved Jason away from behind me.

Staring at those black eyes I couldn't read, I bit down hard on my lip and said in a cold voice,

Get out!

Maybe I'd used too much force, because the words were barely out

when my legs gave way, and I slid down the cold wall behind me to the floor.

Fiona

Jason's voice caught in his throat.

I'm sorry

It isn't Jason's fault!

Hester, who had stayed silent behind him this whole time, suddenly rushed forward and cut Jason off.

She dropped to her knees in front of me with a thud, tears and snot streaming, her voice trembling,

It was me, I wanted to live too much, it was all my idea, don't blame Jason

Looking at that rosy, healthy face in front of me,

five years of it came back, all those times I'd raced to the hospital without a second thought.

One word from Hester, one Fiona,

and within half an hour that needle as long as my forearm would sink into it.

At the worst of it, I made seven trips to the hospital in a single day,

nearly all the blood in my body drawn out.

The doctor warned me again and again,

Miss, if this keeps up, you're going to die before she does.

But I would only smile and tell him,

It's fine. Draw it.

In the mirror on the fire hydrant cabinet down the hall,

I saw myself, red blotches all over my face, my features gaunt and worn.

Then I looked at Hester in front of me, rosy and well.

Five years of pain, helplessness, and despair suffered in that hospital

turned, in that one moment, into hatred, boiling up from deep in me and flooding into my chest.

I dragged myself up off the floor with what strength I had,

lifted the hand I'd just shoved into my mouth, already marked all over with blood,

and swung it hard at Hester's face.

Smack!

The slap landed square on Jason's face.

Fiona, if you want to hit someone, hit me.

The Delgado heir, once a man thousands looked up to, bowed his head in front of me for the first time.

But it was for another woman.

Fiona, it's my fault

His gaze stayed on me, tears spilling over.

Don't be angry, or if you have to be, at least wait until you've gotten your health back

He slowly raised his hand, his fingertips touching the red blotches on my face, his eyes full of pain for me,

Fiona, I'll explain everything to you, I

Jason

Before Jason could finish,

Hester cut him off.

Her whole body went limp against his chest.

Jason, I'm so dizzy, I feel like I'm dying

Jason's eyes pulled off me at once,

and he swept Hester up into his arms.

Hester, what's wrong?!

Maybe

Maybe it's the blood loss again

Jason scooped Hester up and ran for the emergency room,

shouting as he went,

'Doctor! Get Fiona in there now, she needs to give Hester blood!'

And in the moment he turned,

his eyes landed on me,

and every trace of the tenderness from before was gone, swallowed whole by his panic, nothing left of it at all

By the time his back disappeared around the corner of the hallway,

two thickset doctors had already clamped down hard on my wrists,

and as I was laid out again on the cold operating table,

I heard the doctor arguing with Jason.

'Mr. Delgado, we cannot take more blood today, not under any circumstances. Do you understand? Miss Roman's body has already reached its lim'

'Shut up!'

Jason cut him off, seething.

'If I hadn't just seen her with my own eyes, the way you people talk, you'd have had me terrified this whole time!'

'So she's a little weak, so her skin has some allergic reaction, so what? Hester has an illness that could kill her!'

'It's not that bad'

The doctor kept pressing.

'Miss Delgado has recovered. If she's dizzy now, it is absolutely not from blood loss. If anything, it's Miss Roman who'

'Enough!'

A crash came from outside the door.

Jason had slammed his fist down on the doctor's desk.

'Has the Delgado money not been good enough for you? I keep you people employed so you can turn around and fight me?'

'I know exactly what shape Fiona is in. Say one more word and see if your worthless lives are worth it.'

Outside the room, everything went dead silent.

The forearm-long draw needle sank once more into the puncture site that had long since gone bruised and raw

Watching the deep red blood seep out of me, drop by drop,

I felt as though part of my soul was being drawn out along with it.

'Miss'

The doctor's lowered voice pulled me back.

He pressed a small paper packet into my palm and bent down close to my ear.

'I drew far less than they wanted this time, on purpose.'

'Take these three pills. One under your tongue every night. They might just save your life'

Fifteen minutes or so later, four thickset men came into the operating room,

wheeled me out of the hospital, and loaded me into Jason's car.

Jason was already inside,

and when the door opened,

Hester was feeding him snacks,

her eyes bright, her movements playful, nothing at all like someone who was sick.

'Jason, try this one, the wasabi flavor, I think it's the best'

Jason wore an indulgent smile as he swallowed the wasabi chip without a moment's hesitation.

He never ate snacks.

Back when we used to watch movies, he'd spit out even the popcorn I tucked into his mouth.

He's allergic to wasabi,

and wasabi was my favorite, but for his sake, I never touched it again.

Yet now, for her, there was nothing he wouldn't do

He must have caught sight of me,

because his chewing froze for an instant.

He turned to look at me.

'All right, Fiona, sit properly. We're going home.'

All right.

Five years and seventy-eight days,

this enormous deception, these two thousand days and nights of lies,

and all it earned me were those two words. All right

The car finally stopped in front of a villa on the city outskirts.

Hester scrambled out in a rush. Anyone could see how well she knew this place.

She knew it far too well.

Sure enough, the moment the front door opened, I saw a whole house's worth of lived-in traces.

Not only Hester's.

Jason's too.

In the center of the living room hung a huge photo of the two of them together.

Jason had his arm wrapped tight around Hester.

Their eyes met in the frame, brimming with tenderness and longing.

Matching couple's slippers by the door.

And even the pajamas Hester was handing Jason right now were a matching set.

Five years and seventy-eight days.

To pay Hester's hospital bills,

I sold my little one-bedroom apartment,

and could only afford a basement room in the cheapest spot near the hospital.

It was damp and it stank, and every night roaches crawled into the blankets.

On rainy days, rats would climb up onto the table where I ate.

With the money I saved, I put Hester in a private room at the hospital,

hoping she could at least be comfortable.

But never once did it cross my mind

that in those five years and seventy-eight days,

the girl I had nearly died to care for had been living here with my fianc in this luxurious villa,

playing house like husband and wife, a charmed life.

Did they lie in bed at night,

laughing as they talked about how much blood I'd given her that day,

about how her color was looking a little better?

Humiliation and fury surged up from the bottom of my heart like a crashing tide.

"That's enough, Fiona. Go on in and rest."

Jason's voice pulled me back.

He pointed at the staircase at the far end of the living room and said, flat and easy,

"Hester has the room upstairs. Make do in the basement for tonight, and I'll arrange something for you tomorrow"

That rage rising in my chest

finally, after Jason said those words, came pouring out and swallowed everything.

I shoved Jason away hard,

and fled that suffocating place like a woman gone mad.

On my way out, I threw everything I had into slamming the door behind me.

Once outside, I dropped all three of the pills the doctor had given me straight into the trash,

then pulled up the number that had no name saved to it but that I knew by heart, and made the call.

"I want Jason and that bitch to get exactly what they deserve."

Watching that familiar figure vanish in a hurry from sight,

Jason felt a strange, enormous unease flash through him.

It was worse than the unease of the scheme he'd set in motion five years ago.

"Jason"

A pair of soft, boneless hands caught his forearm.

Before Jason could come back to himself, Hester's soft body had already sunk into his arms.

"That deadweight is finally gone. When she's here, even the air in the house smells foul to me"

"But it's all better now. You promised you'd cook for me yourself today. What are you standing around for? Go on to the kitchen"

Five years. In this house he'd shared countless tender moments like this with Hester.

But today, for some reason, he felt uneasy about it.

Almost without thinking, he slowly pushed the woman out of his arms.

All he could think of, all that filled his mind, was that thin figure swimming inside a hospital gown.

He saw no reason to hide it.

So he picked up his phone and called the assistant directly.

"Go bring my wife back."

The assistant froze for a beat, then asked carefully,

"Your wife? Isn't Miss Hester right there with you?"

"Have you forgotten who my wife is? I mean Fiona!"

The assistant hung up in a fluster.

The living room, always so lively, dropped into dead silence.

But there was nothing in Jason's chest except agitation.

Minute by minute the time passed, and when the sky had gone fully dark,

the assistant burst through the villa's front door in a panic.

His chest heaved, his face was bloodless, and he stared hard at Jason, his voice shaking.

"Sir, your wife is gone"

"On the river bridge, the one where the two of you fell in love. Years of blood loss caught up with her. She lost her footing and fell. She died on the spot"