At Love's End, Only Desolation Remains

Three years after being diagnosed with heart failure, my mother finally got a matching donor heart.

Both she and I have the rare panda-type blood, and afraid something might go wrong, I made sure to bank blood every single month for those three years.

But right before the transplant surgery, Darrell had all of the panda-type blood I'd spent three years storing urgently transferred to his best friend, Maya.

I confronted him, on the verge of falling apart, but he pushed me away without any expression at all.

"Your mom's surgery isn't for another week, but Maya's due date is tomorrow. Can't you show a little sense? Do you really have to pick a fight out of jealousy at a time like this?"

"If you hadn't been so eaten up with jealousy back then, Maya wouldn't have married beneath her out of spite to just anyone, and she wouldn't have ended up abused all the way to a divorce. Giving her my blood is me atoning for your sins!"

I tried desperately to stop him, but my brother, who had rushed over, held me back and wouldn't let go.

His eyes were full of impatience as he looked at me.

"Cathy, can't you be a little kinder?"

"Mom's life is a life, but isn't Maya's a life too?"

"Besides, with you around, even if Mom's in danger she can get a transfusion in time. But Maya only has us."

I stood there, dazed, a bitter smile on my lips.

"I'm already three months pregnant. The doctor said if any more blood is drawn, I'll lose the baby."

Darrell scoffed, utterly indifferent.

"So what if you lose it. We're still young. We'll have other children."

I didn't argue anymore. I just nodded calmly.

Young, indeed.

But what he didn't know was that the car accident half a month ago had left him with more than just cuts and bruises.

The doctor said he had completely lost the ability to father children.

Except for the one in my belly, he would never have another child for the rest of his life.

Since he didn't care, then I would give him exactly what he wanted.

Neither the child nor him I intended to keep neither.

1.

Inside the freezer, thirty-six bags of blood were stacked in neat rows.

It was what I had banked once a month, without fail, over the past three years.

The doctor said my mother was too old, and she was at high risk of hemorrhaging heavily during surgery.

And of course, like me, she had the rare panda-type blood.

For three years, Darrell had watched me go from a healthy person to someone with severe anemia, drained down by all that drawn blood.

He'd also watched my mother slip into critical condition again and again, gritting her teeth and holding on until now because she didn't want to break my heart.

He knew how hard we had struggled.

And still, for someone who didn't need it at all, he stole the life-saving blood I'd set aside for my mother.

I forced down the fury rising in me, and even my voice was shaking.

"Darrell, Maya has a common blood type. Even if she hemorrhages during delivery, blood bags can be pulled from the blood bank in time. Why do you have to take my mother's blood?"

"Do you know the doctor said there's an eighty percent chance my mother will hemorrhage badly? Without reserve blood, they won't even dare to operate."

"She's old. She doesn't have that kind of time to wait for me to bank blood all over again. If she misses this surgery, she'll die!"

I thought Darrell might show the slightest bit of feeling.

But he just looked at me indifferently.

After a long silence, he finally spoke, his face expressionless.

"Catherine, your mother is already old. Every extra day she lives is a blessing she's lucky to get."

"Maya's different. What she's carrying is a new life. It's always better to be well-prepared than to scramble for blood after something goes wrong."

"Can't you stop being so selfish? She's your best friend too. Do you want me to stand by and watch her die with her unborn child?"

I stood frozen in place, a chill I couldn't stop running through my whole body.

He said my mother was old.

Old and so she should trade her own life to keep someone else covered for the worst?

He said I was selfish.

But he forgot that his life had been saved by me and my mother.

Not once, but three times.

My mom and Claude were business partners, and Darrell and I were childhood sweethearts who grew up together.

The year he was five, he fell into the water by accident.

It was my mother who, ignoring the raging current, jumped in and pulled him out, nearly drowning herself in the process.

The year he was ten, Claude died of illness.

After the funeral, the relatives who wanted to seize the estate hired someone to ram the car that was ferrying Darrell around.

Again it was my mother who, risking an explosion any second, smashed the car window with her bare hands and dragged him out.

He came out unharmed, but the broken glass severed the tendons in her hand eighteen stitches in all.

Later, when he wanted to take over the company, my mother transferred all her shares to him without hesitation.

But he offended a lot of people because he was too domineering.

Someone hired a hit man for revenge.

When they came after him, I took three blows for him.

My ribs were broken, and my shoulder and lower abdomen were both stabbed through.

The red light over the operating room stayed on all night, and he knelt outside the door all night too.

The day I was discharged, his eyes were rimmed red, and he swore that for the rest of his life he would protect me and my mother, even at the cost of his own life.

So it turned out the rest of his life lasted only eight short years.

Seeing me biting down hard on my lip, Darrell patted my face as if to soothe me.

"Cathy, stop being unreasonable, okay?"

"Tomorrow is Maya's due date. She needs this blood more than your mother does."

"I promise you, if she delivers safely, I'll have the blood bags sent back the very first moment, all right?"

I ignored his attempt to comfort me and only looked up at my brother, who was busy packing the boxes.

"So you think Mom's old too, and it doesn't matter if she dies on the operating table, is that it?"

My brother went rigid, but the look he gave me was full of resentment.

"Catherine, what do you mean, I think it's fine if Mom dies on the operating table? It's just borrowing a blood supply. Do you really have to make it sound so ugly?"

"Besides, Darrell's right. Mom really is old. The baby in Maya's belly is a new life. There's an order of priority to things. Can't you even grasp that much?"

Every single word was an accusation.

I fought back my tears and screamed at him, past caring.

"Samuel, she's your mother too. Have you forgotten? When your birth parents abandoned you and you nearly froze to death on the street, she was the one who took you in and raised you!"

"When you were eight, Mom had just started her business and didn't have much money. Just because you said you wanted the newest sneakers, she lived on plain bread rolls for a month to buy them for you, and fainted from hunger outside her own company!"

"After you graduated from college, you didn't want to work. You spent all your time running around with those rich brats, and you got drunk and hurt someone."

"That family was rich and powerful, and they refused to settle. They insisted on sending you to jail. It was Mom who knelt outside their door for a week, until his heart softened and he agreed to take the compensation."

"She spent half a lifetime of savings paying that off for you, and she never once blamed you. She even comforted you, saying it was enough that you were unhurt, that money could always be earned again!"

"All our lives she'd rather overlook me than shortchange you in the slightest. And this is how you repay everything she did to raise you?"

I thought I'd see some flicker of feeling in his eyes.

But there was none.

Samuel knitted his brows, his eyes full of impatience.

"Catherine, being jealous is one thing, but pulling this 'you owe her, now pay up' routine on top of itis there any point to it?"

"And anyway, what right do you have to fight Maya for affection?"

"It was your jealousy back then that forced her into marrying just anyone. Her ending up beaten and divorced is your fault too. Yet instead of making it up to her, you've actually got it in you to nickel-and-dime at a time like this!"

My chest felt stuffed with cotton, the ache so bad I could barely breathe.

The four of us grew up together.

The only difference was that Maya was just the housekeeper's daughter.

Even so, I never looked down on her. If anything, we became the closest of friends.

Three years ago, I finished work and came home early.

Only to walk in on her and Darrell tangled together on the sofa.

I really did lose my head, and I cursed her without restraint.

But she never once apologized to me.

She married someone else not out of guilt toward me, but because the man was a better catch than Darrell.

And the reason she was beaten was that she'd cheated in her marriage and been caught in bed with another man.

Samuel and Darrell knew all of this perfectly well.

But in their eyes, everything was my fault.

Even my mother's life had become something I was nickel-and-diming over.

All at once I didn't want to argue anymore.

When someone's heart is already slanted, even explaining becomes pointless.

Seeing me stop arguing, Samuel assumed I'd chosen to give in.

"Once the baby is safely born, Darrell and I will bring the blood supply back and return it to you."

"Catherine, if you really care about Mom, go back and pray for Maya. Pray that everything goes smoothly for her tomorrow."

Sneering, he picked up the cooler, shoved past me, and walked out the door.

Darrell didn't leave with him. He only watched me, his eyes full of caution.

When I was bullied as a child, he used to plant himself in front of me just like this, without a moment's hesitation.

Back then his eyes were fierce, and he'd fight with everything he had to protect me.

But now he was blocking me because he was afraid I'd cry, afraid I'd make a scene.

Afraid I'd get in the way of the blood supply reaching Maya.

Maybe the pain in my eyes was too plain to miss.

Darrell suddenly grabbed me, his fingertip brushing across the reddened corner of my eye.

"I know you feel wronged. Just bear with it a little longer. Once Maya finishes her postpartum recovery, I'll go with you to get the marriage license and have the wedding."

"Haven't you always wanted a home of your own? It's okay if we can't keep the baby this time. After the wedding, we'll just have another one."

I lowered my eyes and laughed until tears ran down my face.

There would be no more children.

And even if there were, it could never be his.

I calmly pushed him away, turned, and went back to my mother's hospital room.

The next morning, I hurried straight to the door of the delivery room.

I waited three hours as if on pins and needles, until at last the cry of a newborn came from inside.

I let out a long breath and was just about to leave when I heard nurses talking a little way off.

"You don't think Miss Fox has postpartum depression, do you? I heard that after the baby was born she couldn't even be bothered to look at him. The first thing she did was pour out every one of the blood supplies Mr. Harding had prepared for her."

"Thirty-six of them, all rare panda-type blood. Don't you think she's out of her mind?"

I stood there, frozen, feeling as if all the blood in my body had turned to ice.

Thirty-six bags of bloodit had taken me three years to draw enough.

They knew perfectly well that it was my mother's life-saving blood.

And yet they still let Maya pour every last bag out.

The taste of blood filled my throat.

I gritted my teeth and swallowed it down, then stumbled my way toward Maya's ward.

The scene that greeted me when I burst through the door was her holding the baby, leaning back against my brother.

Darrell was half-kneeling in front of her, a bowl of chicken soup in his hands.

He blew on every spoonful to cool it before feeding it to her.

His eyes held a doting tenderness I had never seen before.

When she saw me, Maya acted as if nothing had happened, smiling as she stood and took my hand.

"Cathy, come lookdon't the baby's eyes look just like Darrell's?"

I sneered and shook off her hand.

"It's just a bastard. Resemble what?"

"You act so well. Anyone who didn't know better would think this was your child with Darrell."

I barely used any force, yet Maya went staggering backward.

Perfectly aimed, she landed right in Darrell's arms.

Her face was full of helplessness, and her eyes slowly reddened.

"Cathy, are you still angry with me?"

"I know you blame me for getting tangled up with Darrell back then, but I didn't mean to. We were just drunk that day. We never meant to do anything to betray you."

"To make it up to you, I even married someone else on my own. Why still won't you forgive me?"

"Don't you want to see me? I never wanted to come back and disturb you two, but I really had nowhere else to go."

She wept so pitifully that it broke both their hearts.

Darrell held her protectively in his arms, his gaze at me full of coldness.

"Catherine, how long are you going to keep making trouble!"

"What happened back then was our fault, but Cathy swallowed her pride and married someone else for your sake. She gave you three years of her youth. What gives you the right not to forgive her!"

My brother looked at me too, reproach filling his eyes.

"Catherine, don't be so ungrateful."

"You made Maya marry the wrong man, and she was abused for three whole years. She never once blamed you, and yet you say things like this to humiliate her. Bastard this, bastard thatsuch ugly words. I think you've truly lost your mind!"

I tugged at the corner of my mouth into a mocking smile.

"Am I wrong? The reason she was abused is that she was caught in bed with another man. The child she gave birth to probably doesn't even know who its father is. What is that if not a bastard?"

"What does she have to feel wronged about? She married someone without a word, not because she felt sorry for me, but because she thought the man was richer and more powerful than Darrell!"

"She's the vain one, the one who couldn't keep herself in check. What makes you think I'm the one who owes her?"

The words were barely out of my mouth when a hard slap landed across my face.

My brother's face was full of fury, and his eyes turned colder still.

"Enough. Maya is pitiful enough already, and you're still finding ways to provoke her. Catherine, when did you become so vicious?"

My face was knocked sideways, the corner of my eye split open.

But I didn't cry. I only covered my face and let out a cold laugh.

"I'm vicious? She knew my mother was waiting on that blood to save her life, and she still poured out every single bag without a careand in your eyes, that makes me the vicious one."

"Darrell, Samuel, how long are you two going to stay this blind and deaf?"

My brother's expression suddenly changed.

He jerked his head up, staring at me in disbelief.

"What did you say? Mom's blood is gone?"

Before I could speak, Maya pushed Darrell away and dropped to her knees in front of me.

She clutched my hand, trembling, her face soaked with tears.

"Cathy, I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to."

"I didn't know that was the blood you'd prepared for your mother. I thought it was useless, so I poured it out. If you want to blame someone, blame me. I only beg you not to make things hard for them."

"If you won't forgive me, then I'll pay you back with my life."

She cried as she got up and threw herself at the wall, but Darrell caught her and held her fast.

I lowered my eyes, my smile going cold.

Thirty-six bags of blood, each one with my name written on it, and she claimed she didn't know it was my mother's blood.

A clumsy excuse, and yet it was enough to fool both Darrell and my brother.

One of them was my fianc.

The other was someone my mother had raised from a boy, someone she treated even better than me, her own daughter.

But now they stood in front of Maya, looking at me as if I were some monstrous beast.

Darrell frowned and gave me a cold glance.

"Catherine, Cathy already apologized. Stop being unreasonable."

"The blood's gone, so it's gone. Your mother's surgery isn't until next week. Seven days is plenty of time for you to have your blood drawn a few more times."

My fingertips brushed my lower belly, and I lost even the strength to argue.

Afraid I'd keep making a scene, my brother watched me warily too.

But I didn't cry and I didn't rage. I only nodded calmly.

Perhaps not expecting me to give in so quickly, Darrell went blank for a moment.

His gaze swept over my belly, and he carelessly curled his lips.

"It's best if you can be sensible. It doesn't matter if the baby's gone. After your mother's surgery, you can look after Maya's childit'll give you some experience, too."

"Once Maya's child is grown, I'll find a way to make it up to you. We'll have another one."

I didn't answer. I just turned and walked away.

He was rightit didn't matter that the baby was gone.

After all, all I had lost was the child in my belly.

What he had lost was the right to ever be a father.

I hurried back to the ward and sank into a heavy sleep by my mother's bedside.

In the middle of the night, I was jolted awake by the blaring of machines.

The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was my mother lying on the hospital bed, blood filling her mouth, convulsing without stopping.

The doctor said a blood vessel had ruptured and she needed surgery immediately.

I dropped to my knees outside the operating room, my hands shaking as I tried to call Darrell.

Again and again, but no one ever picked up.

I called my brother, and he hung up on me without mercy.

The next instant, a new post from Maya popped up on my phone.

On the screen, one of them was busy massaging her.

The other was fumbling to hold the child, gently soothing it.

The caption read:

"Thank you to my knights, always at my side whenever I need them."

The composure I'd been forcing collapsed completely, and I covered my face and cried out helplessly.

I don't know how long it was before the operating room door was pushed open.

The doctor looked at me, his face full of regret.

"Miss Swanson, your mother is bleeding badly. She's almost gone."

Panicked and lost, I grabbed the doctor's sleeve and begged with everything I had.

"I have a rare blood type toocan I give her my blood, please?"

"I'm begging you, save my mother..."

But the doctor shook his head, pained.

"Your mother came around once in the middle of it. She held my hand just like this and begged me to give up on treatment."

"She said these past few years had been too hard on you, that she was old and couldn't be a burden to you any longer."

"She also told me to tell you: don't give her your blood, don't trade your child for her life."

I sank to the floor, unable to cry, unable to laugh.

My mother would rather sacrifice herself than lose the baby in my belly.

Her last wishI couldn't go against it.

I forced myself up and, like a walking corpse, saw to my mother's final arrangements.

I had just returned to the ward, before I could even gather her belongings, when the door was kicked open.

Darrell and my brother stormed in with grim faces, and one of them flung a mango cake that smacked into my face.

"Was it youdid you force Maya to go buy you a cake?!"

"Do you have any idea? She stood in line two hours for you. The doctor said her wound tore badly and she's bleeding heavilyshe needs a transfusion right now!"

Cream smeared all over my face.

I raised my hand, wiped it off, and gave a cold laugh.

"Did you two forget? I'm allergic to both mango and cream."

Darrell froze for a beat, but there wasn't a trace of apology in his voice.

"Maya's situation is urgent. You're going to donate blood for her right now."

The bed was empty, but not one of them asked where my mother had gone.

I took a deep breath and lifted my eyes to the two cold-faced people in front of me.

"Darrell, I won't donate blood to her. I'll find a way to have this child, but youI don't want you anymore."

The words had barely left my mouth when someone seized my wrist.

"I said itI can do without the child, but nothing can happen to Maya!"

Ignoring my struggling, Darrell dragged me by force to the emergency room.

More and more blood was drawn, and a sharp pain came from my lower abdomen.

Darrell didn't spare me a single glance; he just hurried off with the blood pack, his face full of urgency.

He never once turned back, so of course he didn't know that by then the blood was pouring down between my legs.

Darrell stayed by Maya's side, and only after he watched her finish the transfusion did he smile, as if a weight had lifted.

"As long as you're okay. Catherine gave a lot of blood today, and she's always been afraid of painI should go check on her."

He ignored Maya's attempts to keep him there and hurried off.

Only when he reached the emergency room did he learn that I had been taken into the operating room because of a miscarriage.

He wasn't surprised that the baby couldn't be saved.

On the way to the ward, he had even worked out how he would comfort me.

There would always be more children later. If I wanted, having a couple more wouldn't be a problem.

Darrell smiled and pushed open the door, then couldn't help freezing in place.

I wasn't in the ward, and my mother was nowhere to be found either.

On the bedside table sat a document envelope I had left behind.

He opened it, puzzled, and after a single glance, every bit of color drained from his face.