My husband Hugo Sylvano was a mafia boss. Cold. Untouchable. Worshipped by men who would kill on command. And yet, on the night our son lay dying, he was in another hospital comforting his mistress because her boy had a simple stomach ache.
I called him from the emergency room. I begged Hugo to unfreeze my accounts. I needed money for the specialist. I needed the transfer now or my baby would not last.
He sighed, annoyed, Thalia, stop the drama. Leo here is in real pain. I do not have time for your jealous tantrums!
Hugo, please he cannot breathe please let me pay the doctor
If you call again, I will file for divorce. Handle it yourself.
Then he hung up.
Just like that. As if we were not talking about our son.
So I stayed alone beside a boy who trusted me with his whole world.
I held Calebs hand as it grew cold in mine. I whispered to him while the monitors flatlined. I kissed his temple and watched his little chest fall and never rise again. My arms wrapped around him until the nurses pried him from me.
...
The incineration chamber smelled like burnt air and cold metal. Dust floated in thin lines of sunlight. Maybe some of it was already ashes from another mothers heartbreak. Soon, my own child would drift into this same emptiness.
I stood there in a black dress hanging loose on my starving frame.
My eyes were swollen from crying but now they were dry.
I reached beneath the white cloth and touched Calebs small hand. Cold. Stiff. I slipped two blue origami stars into his palm. I folded them last night with shaking fingers. I did not know what else a mother was supposed to give her child for his last journey.
Caleb
The staff exchanged looks. They approached slowly, and pulled back the sheet. There he was. My Caleb. Seven years old but too small for his age, as if life had been starving him long before death came. His lips were cracked. His chest hollow. Bruises from the IV needles lined his arms. There was no peace in the way he died. Only fear. Only suffering. All because his father cared more for another womans child.
I stood frozen. Too exhausted to scream. Too numb to cry. I had sworn to protect him.
And I failed.
The man beside me whispered, I am sorry for your loss. The infection spread fast. Without access to the specialist, he never had a chance.
I did not respond.
I brushed a strand of hair away from Calebs face. He always hated when it covered his eyes.
Then I whispered, You can burn his body now. Let him go where he will never hurt again.
The staff hesitated, then placed his tiny form inside the fire chamber. Maybe they pitied me. Maybe they felt nothing at all.
I felt nothing too.
Caleb was free now. No more begging for love. No more asking the questions that stabbed me each time.
Mom, why does Dad never visit me?
Mom, why does he only care about Leo?
Mom, did I do something wrong?
I remembered every one of his questions. Every lie I told to protect him. Every truth I swallowed to keep his heart whole.
But Hugo broke him anyway.
My husband froze all my accounts while my child was dying. He would rather spend time with his mistresss son than save his own.
I pressed my cheek to his forehead and whispered, Mommys here. Mommys here. Stay with me. You got me.
But I was too late. He slipped away without waiting for his father. Without hearing Hugos voice one last time. Without the doctor who could have saved him because I could not pay.
Ever since that woman returned with her gentle face and crocodile tears, Hugo began treating me like a threat. He locked me inside the mansion. Called me unstable. Told the entire syndicate I was jealous. Delusional. A danger to his empire.
You hurt Myra and her boy, he told me once. I will make sure you pay double.
And he kept his promise. He emptied my life until it was nothing but loss.
Now I stood outside the cremation center, holding the urn they gave me. Small. Light. Blue. Caleb liked blue. I pressed it to my chest as if it was the last piece of warmth left in the world.
We are going home, baby, I whispered.
The sun was bright. The day was warm. Yet I felt winter crawl under my skin. I felt hollow. I felt alone.
When I returned to the mansion with Calebs ashes, the first thing I saw was Myra. Her hand rested on Hugos shoulder. She leaned in and kissed his cheek with soft gratitude.
Hugo, thank you for staying last night, she murmured. Milo feels much better now. But is Caleb alright? Thalia called earlier and she sounded
Hugo did not step back. His hand remained on her waist. He looked relaxed. Comforted.
Thalia used to pull tricks to get my attention, he said carelessly. She exaggerates everything. She was always dramatic. She was always a toxic mother. I regret spoiling Caleb. The boy grew soft.
I stopped breathing. The urn almost slipped from my hands. I thought I had no tears left, but they fell anyway. Slow. Quiet. Hot.
If he wanted her, he could have her.
Hugo finally looked up and saw me in the hallway. His hand fell from Myras waist. His expression twitched. Guilt? Or simply annoyance?
You should have told me you were coming home, he muttered. I was going to send someone for you.
He did not mention the last time I begged him for a ride home after I was stranded at the docks near his private estate. I called him frightened because men followed me. He told me he was busy. When I asked if he could send one of his guards, he snapped that his men were not chauffeurs. He said if I kept acting like a helpless princess, he would push through with the divorce.