After Eight Forced Miscarriages, I Vanished Forever

Every one of the first eight pregnancies, Cecil Delgado beat me until I hemorrhaged. Every time, it was the manic episodes.

Afterward, he'd kneel in my blood, slapping himself across the face, driving a knife into his own thigh, begging me to forgive him.

I pitied him. I buried the grief of losing child after child and stayed to help him through treatment.

Then came the ninth pregnancy. Cecil didn't go mad.

He peeled an orange, lit a cigarette, and spoke like he was discussing the weather.

"Eight rounds of faking it. I'd say that's enough."

He watched my face go rigid, and smiled.

"The truth is, there was never anything wrong with me."

"Ruby Mercer has leukemia. She needed embryonic stem-cell matchesnothing more."

Vivian Abbott sat nearby flipping through medical files, not even looking up.

"The stem cells extracted from eight dead fetuses were just enough for eight courses of treatment. Ruby finished her last one yesterday. Fully recovered."

Cecil stroked my hair, his voice soft.

"So carry this one to term. Ruby could use a little toy to play with."

I swallowed the taste of blood in my throat. I didn't ask why.

I closed my eyes and opened the countdown in my mind.

Redemption mission failed. Forced termination commencing.

The countdown blazed behind my eyes: 72:00:00, digits hammering.

I dug my nails into my palms hard enough to break skin, forced every sound back down my throat, and threw the thin blanket off my body.

Cecil crushed the half-smoked cigarette into the nightstand.

His knuckles cracked as his fist tightened.

He crossed the room in two strides and seized me by the collar.

"What are you throwing a tantrum for? Ruby just recovered from a serious illness. She needs a toy to keep her company. Being allowed to carry one for her is your good fortune. Don't mistake kindness for weakness."

I grabbed the pill bottle beside my pillow and hurled it at the wall.

Glass shattered across the floor. Pills scattered everywhere.

"If you needed stem cells, why not just say so? Why fake episodes and beat me until I bled out? Eight times! What am I to you?"

Vivian stepped forward, brushed the shards off the bedsheet, and folded her arms with a cold snort.

"Tell you? Tell some penniless wretch like you, so you could use that belly to squeeze millions out of us? Beating it out of you during an 'episode' didn't cost a cent. Much simpler."

Fingers locked around my neck.

Cecil lifted me until my upper body dangled in the air.

I couldn't breathe. My vision went black at the edges.

"Your elders are speakingwho told you to open your mouth? Ruby's life is worth a hundred of yours. You're a breeding tool. Did you actually start thinking you were a real Delgado wife?"

I clawed at the back of his hand, legs kicking uselessly in the air.

Broken syllables scraped out of my throat.

"Your whole family are bloodsucking animals!"

The door swung open.

Ruby walked in wearing a hospital gown, cradling a bouquet of lilies.

Her eyes were faintly red, tears sliding down her cheeks.

"Cecil, pleasedon't hit her anymore. It's all my fault, my body being so weak. She lost eight babies because of me. She has every right to hate me."

Cecil's arm snapped forward.

I hit the cold tile floor.

A vicious cramping pain tore through my abdomen.

I curled into myself, arms wrapped around my stomach.

From the floor I watched the three of them standing together, warm and close, and swallowed the mouthful of blood rising in my throat.

Cecil draped his arm around Ruby's shoulders and drew a handkerchief from his pocket, dabbing the tears from the corners of her eyes.

His voice went gentle.

"Don't cry, Ruby. None of this is your fault. Her life's worth nothingshe couldn't even hold onto a pregnancy. This one, I'll make sure she carries it safe and sound. It'll be yours to play with."

Vivian chimed in on cue, patting Ruby's hand in hers.

"Exactly. Our Ruby is so kindhearted, coming all the way here to see her. And she doesn't know what's good for her. Once the baby's born, we take it straight away. She won't lay a finger on it."

I lay face-down on the floor, nails scraping across the tile.

Blood seeped through the gaps between my fingers, leaving dark red smears on the surface.

"Give me back my baby"

Cecil turned his head and looked down at me.

Nothing in his eyes but disgust.

"Give it back to you? You think you deserve it? This baby is Ruby's the second it's born. You sit there and carry it like you're toldand if anything goes wrong, I'm coming for you."

Ruby walked over and crouched in front of me.

The scent of lilies laced with disinfectant hit my nostrils.

"Don't be upset. I'll take very good care of this one. After all, it cost your first eight their lives."

She dropped her voice low.

Every word dripping with provocation and gloating.

I jerked my head up and stared at her, unblinking.

Pure hatred.

"You'll pay for this."

Cecil kicked me square in the shoulder.

I crashed to the floor again, my vision going black, the pain nearly dragging me under.

"You dare curse Ruby? You must be tired of living. Someone get in here. Lock her in the basement. No one feeds her without my permission."

Two bodyguards walked in, grabbed me by the arms, and dragged me out.

I thrashed and fought, but it changed nothing.

"Cecil Delgado, you'll die screaming for this!"

The iron door of the basement slammed shut.

Darkness swallowed me whole.

I curled up on the freezing dirt floor, listening to the system countdown tick away.

50:00.

Time drained away second by second.

The pain in my stomach kept getting worse, sharper each time.

I bit down on my lip until I tasted rust.

I couldn't die. Not yet. Not before I watched them pay.

Ruby came down to the basement.

She crouched, snatched both my hands away from where I'd been pressing them against my stomach.

Her sharp acrylic nails dug into the skin on the backs of my hands.

Blood welled up instantly.

She didn't care. If anything, her smile got brighter.

She shoved the lilies into my arms, leaned close, and whispered against my ear.

"Want to know why these flowers bloom so beautifully? Because of the fertilizer in the flower bed. I go water them every day. I watch them grow. And I watch your hope die."

My stomach seized.

I tore the lilies apart in a frenzy, shredding petals and hurling them into the air.

Petals scattered across the floor.

I scrambled backward on hands and knees until my spine hit the corner of the wall.

"You're a monster! You're not even human!"

Cecil strode over and kicked the water basin across the floor.

Filthy water splashed across my body, ice-cold to the bone.

"Have you lost your mind? Ruby came down here to see you out of the goodness of her heart, and you spit it back in her face? Ungrateful bitch."

Ruby stumbled into Cecil's arms, clutching her chest, gasping hard.

Tears spilling down her cheeks in big, showy drops.

"Cecil, does she really hate me that much? I just wanted a child to keep me company. If she minds this much, I'll give back the stem cells. My life isn't worth anything anyway."

Cecil pulled her tight against him, then turned and glared at me with pure venom.

"Listen to what she's saying! She's been thinking of you at every turn, and this is how you repay her? I'm going to teach you a lesson you won't forget."

Without hesitation, he pulled off his belt and bound my wrists behind me to the radiator pipe.

The leather bit deep, raising purple-red welts, the kind of pain that doesn't stop at the skin.

"I'm warning you. Upset Ruby one more time, and I will make you wish you were dead."

Vivian handed him a syringe.

Cecil drove the needle into my arm without a second's pause, found the vein, and blood flowed out.

"Ruby got a scare. She needs blood work and a compatibility screen. Consider it an honor."

They drew a full tube of my blood and took it.

My vision blacked out. I hit the floor.

The heavy iron door ground shut behind them, lock grinding into place.

Darkness again.

:00:00.

The countdown ticked. Every second counting down what was left of me.

I closed my eyes, and the faces of eight children I never held surfaced behind my lidseight lives torn away before they ever drew breath.

I hated Cecil for his cruelty. Hated Ruby for her poisonous heart. Hated Vivian for standing by and letting all of it happen.

And I hated myself for being too weak to stop it.

But what could I do?

I was locked in a basement where no one could hear me, no matter how loud I screamed.

Was I really going to watch them walk free? Watch my child become Ruby's toy?

No. Never.

My eyes snapped open. Nothing in them but hate.

Even if it killed me, I would drag every one of them to hell with me.

I thrashed against the leather strap binding my wrist, throwing everything I had into it.

The strap cut deep into the flesh, and blood ran down my wrist, staining the radiator pipe red.

Pain. Pain that drilled straight through the bone.

I didn't stop. I clenched my teeth and pulled with every ounce of strength left in my body.

A quiet snap. The strap broke.

I crashed to the floor, gasping in ragged, heaving breaths.

My wrist was raw and shredded.

I staggered up and groped through the dark, searching for a way out.

The basement was crammed with junk.

I lost count of how many times I tripped. My arms and legs were a mess of bruises.

Finally, my hands found a window.

Iron bars sealed it shut, leaving only thin gaps between them.

I pressed myself against the sill and strained to see outside.

The Delgado family's back garden.

The lily bed was right there, not far away.

Under the moonlight, the lilies were in full bloom, their white so sharp it stung.

I clenched my fists until my nails broke the skin of my palms.

Just wait. I will make every one of you pay in blood.

Cold wind knifed in through the basement vent.

My whole body shook, beyond my control.

Blood beaded on my cracked lips.

A soft click at the door.

Aunt Jocelyn crept in through the dark, a bowl of pork rib soup cradled in both hands. She dropped to her knees beside me, crying, and pressed the spoon to my lips.

"Miss, you've suffered so much. Drink a little hot soup. Warm yourself."

The warm liquid slid down my throat, barely pushing back the cold.

The bare bulb overhead blazed on.

Ruby stood at the top of the stairs in a red dress, smiling.

"Sister-in-lawhow's the soup? Packed with nutrients, wouldn't you say?"

I shoved Jocelyn's arm away.

The porcelain bowl shattered at my feet.

Hot soup splashed across the tops of my feet, scalding the skin red.

I dropped to all fours and jammed my fingers down my throat, retching violently until nothing came up but bile and streaks of blood.

My stomach seized.

"You're insane! You're not even human!"

I snatched a jagged shard of porcelain off the ground and lunged up the stairs at Ruby.

I was going to kill her. I was going to rip this monster apart with my bare hands.

Cecil shot out of the shadows and drove his fist into the side of my face.

The impact hurled me backward into the metal cabinet behind me.

Agony ripped through my spine.

Ruby, still shaking, grabbed Cecil's sleeve and pointed at the porcelain shard on the ground.

"Cecilshe had a blade hidden on her! She tried to kill me! I'm barely out of the hospital!"

I spat out two broken teeth in a wash of blood and pointed at the soup stain on the floor, screaming.

"You're lying! That was never pork rib soup!"

Cecil ground his shoe into my cheek, twisting until the skin tore open in a raw, bloody smear.

"Still trying to talk your way out? I caught you red-handedwhat could you possibly have to say?"

He pressed down harder with his foot. Something in my cheekbone creaked.

"Tie her up! Watch her around the clock!"

Two bodyguards rushed in and bound me with coarse hemp rope, arms wrenched behind my back.

The cord bit into my flesh so deep I nearly blacked out from the pain.

Aunt Jocelyn was sobbing and begging beside me, but Vivian backhanded her to the ground.

"Shut your mouth, you old hag! You don't get a say here! One more word and I'll deal with you too!"

They threw me onto the freezing dirt floor and left without a backward glance.

00:00:00.

Sixty hours left.

I closed my eyes. The cold seeped up from the ground and settled in my bones, and everything beyond itthe rope burns, the swelling in my facefaded to a dull, faraway throb, until all I could feel was the weight of the dark pressing down.

Was I really meant to die in this basement?

No. I wouldn't give up.

I thrashed against the ropes with everything I had.

But the hemp was tied too tight. It was useless.

I clenched my jaw and started gnawing at the knot with my teeth.

Blood ran from the corners of my mouth and soaked into my collar.

I didn't know how long it took, but the knot finally loosened, just barely.

Hope surged through me and I bit faster.

That was when the basement door swung open.

Cecil walked in with several people in white coats behind him. He didn't look at me. He looked through me.

"Check her."

The doctors came forward, pulled my clothes apart, and pressed their instruments against my belly.

"Mr. Delgado, the heartbeat is very weak. And"

The doctor trailed off, his expression grim.

"And what? Spit it out!"

Cecil's voice was sharp with impatience.

"The genes have mutated. If this child is born, it'll almost certainly be deformed."

Cecil's face went ashen. He kicked the metal cabinet so hard it buckled.

"Deformed? You think Ruby wants a deformed thing for a toy? Get it out of hernow. I don't want a trace left!"

Ruby clung to Cecil's arm, tears sliding down her face.

"Cecil, the poor little thing. Once they take it out, I'll put it in a jar of formaldehydemake a nice display piece. I'll keep it company every day."

I stared at them, eyes burning with hatred.

This was the man I'd loved for ten years.

He was going to kill his own flesh and blood with his own hands.

I hated him. I hated them all.

Then a second doctor came rushing down the stairs, medical kit banging against his leg.

He pressed a stethoscope to my belly, shifted it once, twice, and pulled back like that was all he needed.

He scribbled across a prescription form without looking up.

My struggling, he announced, had wrecked the fetus's genes beyond repair. The child would be born deformedand the condition could spread to Ruby if she stayed under the same roof.

Cecil grabbed a fistful of my tattered nightgown and ripped it the rest of the way apart. He jerked his chin toward the iron cot in the corner.

"Right here. Cut it out of her. Now. I don't want so much as a cell left behind."

Ruby pressed herself against Cecil's arm, lip trembling on cue, voice dripping with sweetness.

"Cecil, it's just so sad. After they take it out, I'll find the prettiest formaldehyde jar and float it insidea little keepsake. I'll look at it every single day."

The anesthesia needle inched closer.

I didn't struggle. Not even a flinch. Instead, every taut muscle in my body went slack, and I lay flat on the iron cot.

Cecil's hand froze mid-air, his brow knotting tight.

His voice turned harsh.

"Why aren't you on your knees begging me to hit you this time? Putting on another act? What's the trick this time?"

I turned my face away and didn't look at him again.

That was when the countdown in my mind hit zero.

00:00:00.

A cold electronic tone cut through everythingforced elimination, activated.

Countdown: zero.

Forced erasure protocol engaged.

Execution method: gas pipeline explosion.

The blast ripped through the basement gas line with a deafening roar.

A wall of fire swallowed the iron bed in an instant, wrapping me and my unborn child in flames.

Heat rolled over everything.

But I felt no pain. Only a strange, weightless relief.

It was finally over.

I closed my eyes.

Goodbye.

Cecil.

May we never meet again, in this life or any other.