Leave Him,Become Myself

I was three months pregnant when disaster struck, a car accident that turned my world upside down.

As I lay in the emergency room, cold sweat trickled down my face and pain coursed through my body, leaving me pale and trembling.

I desperately called Cassius Cooper, my husband, but he remained unreachable no matter how many times I dialed.

Right after I got a miscarriage, I felt my heart plummet when I accidentally came across a social media post from Cassiuss first love, [My boyfriend canceled all his work to watch the sunrise with me. He loves me so much!]

While I hovered between life and death, he watched the sunrise with her. I forced a bitter smile as I dialed my professors number. Professor Garrett, after careful consideration, Ive decided to study abroad. I can leave soon.

***

Three days after my miscarriage, Cassius finally returned. Guilt flickered across his face, but beneath that, I saw the smug satisfaction of someone who had just enjoyed a good time.

I didnt rush at him, demanding to know why he had vanished for three days and ignored my calls. Instead, I offered him a calm, measured glance, silently holding the weight of my unspoken questions.

Amara, I took on a closed project for the company. Because of the confidentiality agreement, I couldnt tell anyone, which is why I couldnt respond to your messages for the past three days, he explained. Dont be mad. I wont do it again, okay?

I smiled faintly, feeling a twinge of disbelief. What a flimsy excuse. What kind of project would prevent him from sparing even a moment to return my call?

Despite the cold grip on my heart, I maintained my calm demeanor and replied simply, Okay.

Cassius blinked, clearly taken aback by my reaction. Normally, I would have been screaming and hurling accusations his way by now.

Amara Brooks, are you still mad at me? Please dont be upset. I even bought you flowers.

He pulled out a bouquet of wilted roses, the kind we could find at a roadside stand. Looking at his hopeful expression, I let out a bitter laugh.

Ten years of marriage and you still dont know Im allergic to pollen? I questioned, brows raised.

What? He asked, confusion clouding his face.

Cassius paused, his eyes widened slightly. For a brief moment, a flicker of shame crossed his face before his usual indifferent mask slipped back into place.

Sorry, Amara. Ive been working day and night these past few days and I was so tired I forgot about your allergy, he said.

He then revealed a light pink scarf, the designer logo prominently displayed.

This scarf, though, I bought just for you. Do you like it? he asked.

I looked at the scarf; its beauty was evident, but tears filled my eyes.

That scarf was something Maeve Miller had rejected. I had just seen it on her social media, posted alongside a whole box of gifts. [My boyfriend is always randomly buying me things. Most are fine, but this scarf is just ugly! Id rather tie it to the dog!] she had captioned.

The scarf Maeve deemed worthy only for a dog now lay in my hands. It was just like everything Cassius had given me over the past ten years: gifts that Maeve had discarded, passed on to me as if I were second best.

I had foolishly treasured all that junk, but with each post, I saw from Maeve, I finally awoke from my dream.

Whats wrong, Amara? Dont you like it? he asked, a hint of confusion in his voice. I tucked the scarf away and forced a faint smile.

I like it, I lied.

Cassius relaxed, believing I had let it go.

By the way, Amara, you kept calling me these past three days. Was there something urgent? he added.

No, I replied, concealing the coldness in my eyes.

It was nothing, just a car accident, my life hanging by a thread and the loss of our baby.

But in Cassius's heart, those events couldnt compare to watching the sunrise with Maeve.

He opened his mouth, ready to say something more, but his phone suddenly rang. Glancing at the caller ID, he quickly declared, Amara, I need to take care of some work.

Without waiting for my response, he dashed off to his study.

Not once did he acknowledge my pale, sickly face or ask about my well-being.

As I stared at the heavy door of the study, I felt a surge of determination.

Weary, I dialed my professors number once more.

Professor Garrett, I said, my voice steady, Ive made up my mind. Im going to study abroad to further my art education.

Professor Garrett sounded surprised by my sudden change of heart. Over the years, he had urged me countless times to study abroad, but I had always turned him down for Cassius.

Amara, are you sure? Once you go, it could be at least three to five years, he asked, concerned about me.

Im sure, I replied, determined.

I used to think my marriage to Cassius was perfect, but I had no idea it was all just an illusion.

I had harbored feelings for Cassius since we were young, but he only had eyes for Maeve.

Together, they were the picture-perfect couple: talented, beautiful and seemingly made for each other.

But Cassius was poor and Maeve was the daughter of a wealthy family, which led to constant fights and breakups.

Each time Maeve shattered his heart, I was the one who stayed by his side. I made him hangover soup and comforted him until he found his way back to her, only to be pushed away once again.

For three long years, I was Cassius's backup.

Then, Maeve went abroad and not long after, she found a new boyfriend.

That day, Cassius drowned his sorrow, chugging bottle after bottle of beer. With bloodshot eyes, he looked at me and asked, Why did she leave? Am I really not worthy of being loved?

I hugged him tightly, my heart aching for his pain and whispered, No, its not like that. You still have me. I will always be by your side.

That day marked a turning point; Cassius embraced me for the first time, holding me close as if afraid to let go. He kissed me, a tender yet electrifying connection that ignited something deep within me.

Perhaps it was the alcohol clouding his judgment, but that night, he shed not just my clothes but the barriers we had built around our hearts.

When I awoke the next morning, I found him perched on the edge of the bed, a cigarette dangling from his fingers, smoke curling lazily around him.

He looked lost in thought, but as our eyes met, he spoke surprisingly. Amara, lets be together from now on. Ill forget about Maeve, he declared.

At that moment, joy surged and I felt like all my dreams had finally come true. Without a second thought, I agreed to his proposal.

From then on, we embraced the life of a typical couple, dating, getting engaged and eventually tying the knot.

Although Cassius didnt express fiery passion, he always treated me with deep respect, leading me to believe I had truly married for love.

That illusion shattered when, out of the blue, Maeve sent me a friend request on WhatsApp.

As I scrolled through her posts, each one felt like a needle piercing my heart, dragging me into a chilling void of anguish. Her feed overflowed with photos of her and Cassius, laughing and sharing moments I longed to experience with him.

The reality of my marriage began to haunt me as the shadows of the past loomed larger than ever.

Even after we were together, Cassius's connection with Maeve lingered.

Three years ago, on our wedding anniversary, he abruptly claimed he had an urgent matter to attend to.

He had hurried abroad to accompany Maeve to a concert, leaving me alone to celebrate.

A year earlier, in the middle of a sleepless night, I was feverish and searching for him, only to hear him say he had a family emergency at a friend's place.

He was wrapped up in an international call with Maeve, blissfully unaware of my distress.

Six months ago, on the day I received my award, the host called Cassius, my husband, to join me on stage. But to my dismay, he vanished, leaving me standing awkwardly before the audience.

He had rushed off to comfort Maeve, feeling down during her trip abroad.

Over the years, the stack of plane tickets between them had amassed like a testament to their lingering connection.

That moment made it painfully clear to me that this marriage had been a mistake from the beginning. Cassius had never truly moved on from Maeve.

Even when I suffered a car accident and lost our child, Cassius was preoccupied, watching the sunrise with her.

At that moment, I realized it was time to end this shaky marriage.

Cassius, if you love her so much, Ill set you free to be with her for good.

After the miscarriage, my body felt weak and soon a wave of drowsiness washed over me.

In a half-asleep haze, Cassius said, Sorry, Amara, but I probably wont be back tonight. I still have work to deal with at the company.

In an instant, I jolted awake. In the past, I had never doubted his claims of being busy with work.

Yet, after seeing Maeves social media posts, I realized how often he had used work as an excuse to deceive me.

This time was likely no different. My heart felt numb, void of any emotion. Okay, go ahead, I replied, my voice steady.

Cassius hesitated and momentarily, I sensed uncertainty in his eyes.

I would have grilled him with questions if it had been any other day. But today was different; I simply nodded, agreeing without hesitation.

Suddenly, he leaned in, kissing my cheek with tender reassurance. I wont be long. Ill come back soon to keep you company.

I know Ive neglected your feelings these past few days, but Amara, we still have plenty of time, he added.

With that, he turned and left, not looking back. I watched his retreating figure, my heart heavy as I whispered, Cassius, there is no more plenty of time.

Because deep down, I knew we had no future left.

The following day, I awoke late, the sunlight streaming through the window, but Cassius was still nowhere to be found.

Just then, my phone rang, jolting me from my thoughts. It was one of Cassius's colleagues. Hey, why didnt Cassius come to work today?

I paused, my heart racing as I replied, He told me last night he was already at the office working overtime.

A heavy silence lingered on the other end before the caller hurriedly said goodbye and abruptly ended the call.

With a sinking feeling, I opened Maeve's social media.

Sure enough, the first post that greeted me with a caption, My boyfriend is so sweet. I told him I was scared of being home alone, so he came to stay with me last night!

Attached was a photo of Cassius holding Maeve, his face softly lit by the warm glow of the room.

How he looked at her made it clear she was his most precious treasure.

I took a deep breath, my heart heavy and dialed Cassius's number.

The phone rang for what felt like an eternity before he finally answered.

Whats up, Amara? His voice was hoarse as if he had just exerted himself.

Are you coming home today? I asked, hoping for reassurance.

Cassius, thats too sensitive; we cant do it.

Suddenly, a soft, intimate voice drifted through the line, belonging to a woman. I froze, nausea crashing over me.

Cassius quickly pulled the phone away, mumbling, Ill probably have to work overtime again today, so I wont be coming home.

He hung up abruptly.

I forced myself to take several sips of water before rushing to the bathroom, where I dry heaved for what felt like ages, battling the rising disgust.

Since our marriage, Cassius had rarely touched me; I had never seen him lose control around me like that.

Looking back, it hit me hard; he wasnt with me but with Maeve.

I was torturing my heart that day by endlessly scrolling through social media.

I watched Cassius blow-dry Maeve's hair, wash her clothes and cook her meals, tasks he had always seemed too much trouble for me.

I saw them kissing at the top of the Ferris wheel at an amusement park.

The caption read, [They say couples who kiss when the Ferris wheel reaches its highest point will never part!]

I saved the photos, my heart heavy and whispered, Cassius, fine. I wish you two a lifetime of happiness, never to part.

When Cassius finally rushed home, he first saw my blank expression and the cold food on the table.

Guilt washed over him and he said, Amara, didnt I tell you not to wait for me to eat? Youre carrying our baby; you cant go hungry!

He reached out to embrace me, but I instinctively stepped back. Cassius, you still dont know. Our baby was long gone.

A wave of sadness washed over me.

As he noticed my reaction, Cassius felt a strange tightness in his chest, though he couldnt pinpoint why.

Even with me right beside him, a heavy gap separated us.

Amara, Im sorry for neglecting you these past few days because of work, he said, his voice filled with remorse. The day after tomorrow is your birthday and I promise Ill make it up to you. Okay?

I managed a weak smile. Okay.

A sigh of relief escaped Cassius as he pushed his worries aside.

He seemed unusually upbeat on my birthday, trying to keep the conversation flowing during our drive. He took me to a charming French restaurant and just as we placed our orders, his phone buzzed.

As he glanced at the caller ID, his brows knit together instinctively.

A few moments later, Cassius turned to me and said, Amara, I need to step outside to take this call.

I nodded, already sensing what was about to unfold.

True to my instincts, he returned shortly, his expression conflicted. Amara, Im really sorry, but a supervisor from the company just arrived for an inspection. I have to go back and host them.

Alright, I replied, cutting him off before he could finish.

Cassius froze, the excuses he had rehearsed caught in his throat.

Work is important and youre doing it for our family. I understand, I added, my voice steady.

His eyes softened with genuine appreciation.

Without hesitation, he left eagerly, saying, Dont worry, Amara. Ill make it up to you with a proper birthday celebration next time!

But there wouldnt be a next time, Cassius.

I sat silently, eating my birthday dinner alone, much like that little girl from ten years ago who always celebrated her special day alone.

An orphan with no parents, I remembered my first birthday with Cassius and the emptiness settled over me like a heavy blanket.

Back then, he had looked at me with sympathy and said, Amara, its so pitiful that you have to spend your birthday alone! Luckily, you met me. From now on, youll never be alone again!

From that day forward, I fell deeply in love with Cassius, seeing him as my salvation.

But in the end, I realized the harsh truth. The only person who could save me was myself.

Tears slipped onto the cake on my plate, so I took a bite. It was bitter and salty, far from the sweetness I had hoped for.

Cassius, you lied to me. I was still alone.

To ease his guilt, Cassius showered me with gifts to compensate for his absence.

Yet that same day, I saw Maeve post again on her social media.

[Big clearance sale! My boyfriend gave me too many gifts, so I asked him to take some away to sell. Im such a thrifty and responsible girlfriend! (P.S. He only took the ones I didnt like)]

I let out a bitter laugh at the post.

In frustration, I tossed Cassius gifts into the trash, feeling a surge of defiance.

The urge to take control grew stronger within me. So, when Cassius casually mentioned a dinner outing, I seized the moment and asked, Who are you going with?

At first, he maintained a calm facade, but his expression shifted when I insisted I wanted to join.

Finally cornered, he sighed and confessed, Maeve is back. Our old friends are throwing a welcome party for her. Its really just a get-together. Theres nothing more to it!

Cassius was eager to defend himself, but I interrupted him once more. Of course, I understand. You and Maeve are just friends.

So, wouldnt it make sense for me to join you as your wife? To welcome her, right? I pressed.

For a moment, Cassius hesitated, unsure whether my tone was genuine or sarcastic. Yet, when our eyes met, he found no reason to refuse me. With a reluctant sigh, he agreed to take me along.

As we arrived at the venue, I immediately spotted Maeve, her presence radiating warmth and confidence.

Cassius, youre here! she exclaimed, throwing her arms around him in an enthusiastic hug. Then, as if just noticing me, she waved at me apologetically, a flicker of surprise crossing her face.

Oh, Amara, youre here too? Maeve exclaimed, her eyes lighting up with excitement. I was just so thrilled to see Cassius that I didnt even notice you! I hope you dont mind?

I offered a faint smile, shook my head and softly replied, Not at all.

Thats a relief! she said, a hint of pride in her voice. I was worried my close relationship with Cassius might lead to misunderstandings.

As everyone settled in, I grew aware of how deeply Cassius cared for Maeve.

He knew all her preferences, serving her the dishes she adored and attending to her like a perfect gentleman, seemingly oblivious to my presence as his wife.

Maeve, you left Cassius years ago because he was poor and now that hes successful, youre back? a voice mocked from across the table.

Maeve paled, tears welling in her eyes, making her look heartbreakingly vulnerable.

I didnt come back for his money, she stammered, trembling.

Her hurt expression tugged at Cassiuss heart and he quickly interjected, Enough! This party is to welcome Maeve. Anyone who speaks out of line can leave!

The room fell silent, the earlier mocker now muted by Cassius's outburst.

Watching him defend Maeve so passionately, I couldnt help but feel a wave of irony wash over me.

Cassius, who had always been the epitome of politeness and restraint, was now fiercely protecting his so-called true love.

At that moment, a server wheeled a lavish bouquet of 999 red roses.

Mr. Cooper, here are the roses you ordered for Miss Miller, he announced, his voice cutting through the gathering.

In an instant, the mood changed, becoming tense as everyones eyes turned toward the extravagant display.