He Gave Roses to His First Love, So I Took Back My Heart

After my heart transplant succeeded, I'd been waiting for my childhood sweetheart to propose.

Another birthday rolled around, and a mutual friend let it slip that Irvin Stephens had booked a high-end restaurant and bought a thousand roses.

I figured this was it. I was finally getting what I'd waited for.

So I put on the red dress I'd chosen so carefully, the princess heels, dressed to the nines, and walked in only to find his female colleague clutching an armful of roses, crying.

"Irvin, thank you. I only mentioned it offhand, that I love roses, and you sent me a thousand. Last year you took me diving for my birthday, the year before that, skydiving. These three years knowing you, I've been so happy."

Irvin smiled, doting, and reached out to wipe Selena Sherwood's tears, his voice soft and coaxing. "I went to the trouble just to make you happy. Give me a smile. Don't cry."

He didn't notice me at all, frozen in the doorway, the color drained from my face.

It was my friend who reacted first, turning to me. "Happy birthday." She handed me a gift.

Only then did Irvin drift over, the familiar shopping bag in hand. "Your birthday present. Do you like it?"

A white dress. The same as last year's. The same as the year before. The same as the one from ten years ago.

The heart that had beaten steady for three years cramped with pain again.

But Irvin, I'm twenty-eight now. I outgrew your so-called clean, pure little schoolgirl dress a long time ago.

Your throwaway gift, I don't want it anymore.

"Wow, what a gorgeous dress."

Selena's gasp, her praise, sounded more like mockery.

She slid in between me and Irvin, her face full of envy. "Nobody's ever given me a white dress."

Irvin agreed on the spot. "I'll order one right now and have them send it over to you."

Selena shook her head, the picture of consideration. "That's too much trouble."

"It's no trouble. It's your birthday. The most important thing is that you're happy."

His doting had no floor to it. He pulled out his phone and started tapping.

A few seconds, that simple, and it was done. He didn't even ask Selena's size.

Or rather, he already knew everything.

"Just wait for your gift. Is there anything else you want? Say it all at once."

Selena's eyes went to me first. I knew that look. She wanted Irvin.

But in the end she didn't say it. Instead she turned to him. "It's already too much. Thank you. I don't want anything else."

Then she said to me, "Happy birthday." Slipping into familiarity, she added, "The two of us really are fated. We were born the same year, the same month, the same day. I'm sure we'll become great friends."

The truth was, I didn't find out until today that Selena and I shared a birthday.

Before, my birthday celebrations had been whole, planned by Irvin, mine alone. She had never once appeared in front of me.

These past two years, Irvin had left early using the excuse that the hospital was busy, never that he was off diving or skydiving.

I'd actually been foolish enough to be fooled for three years.

A knot lodged in my chest, and a cold sweat broke out over me.

I refused Selena outright, without sparing her feelings. "No need. I have plenty of friends. I won't be missing anything without you."

Chloe Hayes backed me up. "Right. She has me. She doesn't need you."

Then she pulled me over to the seat of honor.

Irvin said something quietly to Selena, who stood there in her awkwardness. "It's okay."

He led her toward me, his face displeased as he questioned me.

"It's a happy occasion. Why would you say something so spiteful? Selena's an incredible doctor. Back then, your heart surgery, she and I performed it together. She's basically the one who saved your life. She wants to be your friend. You should be grateful."

I looked at Irvin, the bleakness too deep to push down. Saving lives was a doctor's duty in the first place. It didn't put anyone on a pedestal.

I held on to the last shred of my dignity. "We already have a medical genius like you in the family. I don't need to know anyone else."

Selena picked up where I'd left off, gazing at Irvin with open adoration. "Dr. Stephens really is incredible. I had a surgery earlier today, a long one, and I was running on empty. He swooped in to save me. It wasn't until I left the operating room that I found out he'd already been on his feet for twelve hours straight."

Her face turned suddenly earnest. "Thank you, Irvin. Thank you for working so hard to help me."

"It's nothing. I didn't want you exhausting yourself."

At some point three years ago, Irvin had started coming home complaining of exhaustion every single day. Lately it had only gotten worse, to the point where he barely spoke to me at all. I told myself his job was brutal, and I never said a word about it.

I just never imagined he had plenty of energy left. It simply wasn't being spent on me.

"Let's eat. I'm hungry."

I'd been wound up all day, waiting for a proposal, and I'd barely touched any food.

Now the wish had collapsed, and all at once I felt starving and helpless, desperate to fill the emptiness with anything.

I waved over the waiter standing in the corner to start serving.

But Irvin stopped her. "Hold on."

While I sat there bewildered, he turned to me, dead serious. "We can eat, but stand up first. Give the seat of honor to Selena."

My mind went blank for a moment before I could believe what Irvin had just said.

Chloe rounded on him at once. "Irvin, don't push it! You're Layla's boyfriend. You know exactly whose side you should be on, don't you?"

Selena waved her hands, declining. "Irvin, I don't need to sit there. Sitting next to you is fine. Let your girlfriend keep that seat, she'll be upset."

Irvin's tone left no room for argument. "She doesn't have a temper. She's trailed after me calling me her big brother since we were kids. She practically never gets mad, and even when she does, she's easy to soothe. A pat on the head, a few sweet words, and she's fine."

He reached out toward me, his hand settling on my hair, the way he used to whenever he'd made me angry.

"It's not that I won't let you sit there. Selena's four hours older than you. Just let her have it. When we cut the cake, you can sit here too. She just goes first, that's all. Be good. Get up."

My hands curled into fists. "And if I don't get up?"

Irvin's threat came easily. "Then I'll move into the hospital and leave you home alone. You're terrified of the dark. You can't manage without me."

It was true. I was afraid of the dark. But I would have to learn to live with it.

This trick of his had worked every time before. Not this time. I didn't move.

The whole table froze.

"All right, all right, I'll sit wherever. Let's not spoil the mood." Selena got up on her own and took the seat across the round table from me. Irvin didn't hesitate for a second. He walked straight over to join her.

Only my friend was left at my side now. Not Irvin.

Dish after dish arrived, all of them a vivid red, most heaped with dried chilies and bird's-eye peppers. The ones that weren't spicy were seafood.

But I couldn't eat spicy food, and seafood was even more off-limits.

Selena, on the other hand, ate with delight, and Irvin kept piling food onto her plate. This entire spread had clearly been ordered for her.

A single bowl of flavorless birthday noodles. I chewed mouthful after tasteless mouthful, swallowing it down with my tears, my head bowed low so no one would see me crying.

Chloe started to rise. I caught her arm and met her eyes.

She understood at once. I was going to end it. She sat back down.

Irvin caught the movement of her standing, and his gaze drifted over to Layla.

She was bent over her noodles, her cascade of curls falling forward to hide her face.

Red dress, black hair, the white of her bare arms looking softer against them. The whole picture was lovely and harmonious, a version of her Irvin had never seen before.

So he took out his phone and ordered another dress. Red. He was sure Layla would love it.

I felt Irvin's gaze and lifted my head to meet it, only to catch his eyes sliding over to Selena instead. They were both smiling.

A sharp, miserable ache twisted through my chest.

I stood and turned to my friends. "I'm not feeling well, so I'll head out first. You all enjoy yourselves."

"Cut the cake first. I ordered it just for you. Have a bite before you go."

Irvin stopped me, his expression urgent.

Something occurred to me thenthose prank-style birthday surprises that had gone viral online, where they make one person feel completely wronged first, then hit them with an overwhelming surprise.

I reset myself. Maybe the roses were for me. Maybe Irvin and Selena had been overacting this whole time, putting on a show. Maybe today was the day he'd propose.

The corners of my mouth lifted before I could stop them. I watched Irvin lift the cake and carry it toward me, step by step, until he stood right in front of me.

Then, under my hopeful gaze, he walked straight past me to Selena's side.

"You cut the cake first. Then cut a slice for Layla."

The smile froze on my face.

"Get the lights."

A click, and the lights went out.

In the dark, the tears wouldn't stop. I was scared. I was scared of the dark.

"Happy birthday to you!"

Irvin started the song. He sang off-key, and he'd never been willing to sing it with me even in private. Now here he was, singing it for Selena in front of everyone.

"Make a wish!"

The lights came back on. The door opened too. I was still standing the way I'd been when the lights went out, my back to all the celebration.

It was my parents and Irvin's parents. They'd heard the news toothat he might propose todayso they'd all rushed over together.

His mother leaned in close to me. "Did he propose? Did you say yes, Layla?"

My throat had gone dry. I couldn't speak.

Behind me, Irvin's voice came fast and urgent.

"I never intended to propose to her!"

Thunder out of a clear sky.

I laughed. It was a laugh of release.

I stumbled toward the exit, not noticing the courier rushing in, and he slammed right into me.

He threw out a hand to catch me, but the things he was carrying tumbled out of his grip and onto the floor.

A white dress, and a red one.

The white pure, the red one sultrysatin, spaghetti straps, backless. Irvin had never once bought me clothes like these. But he'd bought them for Selena.

"Are you all right, miss? I didn't mean to. I'm so sorry."

I shook my head. "I'm fine."

Then I turned and pointed at Selena. "The owner of those dresses is over there. Go give them to her."

And I walked out without looking back.

Selena's face flushed red. She'd seen that red dress. Irvin probably liked the idea of seeing her in it, she thoughtand if that was the case, then she'd wear it today.

Irvin made to chase after me, but Selena caught his arm and held him back.

"Where are you going? We've still got karaoke after this."

The elders from both families watched the two of them pulling at each other, disgust flooding their faces in an instant. My mother and father went out to find their daughter.

Irvin's parents started laying into their son. "You're thirty years old, and you still won't get married. What are you trying to do? Today is Layla's birthdaywho are these ridiculous gifts even for? Go find Layla right now! Or don't blame me for not letting this go."

Irvin took out his phone and stepped off to the side.

He started making a call.

He wanted to explain that the red dress wasn't for Selena, but the call was hung up on, again and again.

Irvin stared out the window at the flickering lights, the streams of cars passing by, and his temper rose.

He was exhausted. A surgery that had run more than ten hours. He'd finally gotten a chance to relax, to eat a meal and sing a little and rest, so why did Layla have to throw a fit and make everything this tense?

He figured a child's tantrum shouldn't be indulged.

So he sent a message: The red dress is the one I bought for you. I'll bring it home later. Happy birthday.

The notification chimed. I stared at the words, at the background photo of the two of us, and felt nothing. Who the dress was for, whether any of it was trueI no longer had the heart to sort it out.

This birthday, I hadn't enjoyed a single moment of it.

I returned my parents' call and told them not to worry, that everything would be fine.

On the other end, my mother's voice was sharp with anger. "Sweetheart, why don't you just break up with him? I'll set you up with someone far better! Why should my baby girl put up with this kind of insult? Childhood sweetheart, so what? He's not the only boy you've known since you were little."

I said nothing. After hanging up, I went home alone and turned on every light in the houseincluding the dozen-odd little night lights Irvin had given me.

A complication from my surgery: I'm afraid of the dark, afraid to sleep alone, because I always feel that if I do, I won't wake up again.

So whenever Irvin worked late, I never let myself stay up waiting for himthough sometimes I ended up awake all night anyway.

Irvin hated seeing me like that, and a heart transplant patient truly can't afford to overexert herself, so to coax me to sleep he'd bought more than a dozen night lights, one after another.

Now I switched them all on, flooding the bedroom with light, and started packing. In a forgotten corner, I found the love letter Irvin had written me when he was eighteen.

I love Layla Sutton. She has a heart condition, so I'll study medicine. I'll cure her, and she'll live a long, long life. Before the surgery, I'll marry her, and whether it succeeds or not, she will be the only wife I ever have in this life.

Beneath his bold, forceful handwriting, I had written one word: Okay. And you'll be the only husband I ever have.

Tears fell onto the paper before I could stop them.

Irvin had kept his word. Before the surgery, he really had wanted to marry me. It was me who refused, not wanting to hold him back. I never imagined that one refusal would mean I'd never get the chance again.

I didn't own much, but I packed slowly, on purpose, because after more than twenty years together, I truly couldn't bear to let go.

Since Irvin had said the dress was mine, I wanted to hear what else he'd say.

It wasn't until three in the morning that my phone finally rang.

It was Irvin. I picked up within a second. He sounded resigned. "I knew you wouldn't be asleep."

Then his voice turned urgent.

"Go to sleep first. Something came up at the hospital, I have to head back. Make sure you sleep, or your body won't hold up. I'm always here. Don't be scared of the dark."

His concern warmed something in my chest.

But the next moment, a single sentence drifting from somewhere far off in the call dropped me straight into ice.

"Patient Selena Sherwood. Intercourse too rough, ruptured corpus luteum, internal bleeding. Prep for surgery."

My phone hit the floor.

The call ended.

My heart couldn't take any more. The pain was vicious. I slipped a fast-acting heart pill under my tongue, but it did nothing. I was drenched in sweat, in agony beyond bearing, my breathing growing harder and harder.

My hands shaking, I reached for my phone and found Irvin's name. A second before I pressed the call button, I coughed up a mouthful of blood.

It hurt so much. My heart hurt as badly as my body.

In the end, I switched numbers and dialed 911.

The ambulance came fast, and once they had me hooked up to the emergency equipment, my condition stabilized.

Two nurses started chatting.

"God, I never would've guessed Dr. Sherwood and Dr. Stephens were that wild, that rough? Ended up in the hospital over ittsk, tsk, tsk."

The other laughed softly. "Dr. Sherwood in that red dress, skin like snow, curves in all the right placesof course Dr. Stephens fell for it. He'd have to be crazy not to."

So the red dress really wasn't for me.

Tears blurred my eyes.

I stared at the ceiling of the car for a long time, then called my mother.

"I'll do the matchmaking meeting. The sooner I can get married, the better."

Irvin had broken the promise he made at eighteen. So I wasn't going to wait anymore.