I Quit Loving You The Day I Walked Away

The class reunion was breaking up, and my boyfriend, Dana Gilbert, stood caught between me and Samantha Simmons, unable to decide.

On his left was his first love, just back home after a divorce. On his right was his fiance, with a wedding date already set.

One of the wisecracking jerks egged him on with a grin.

"Rain's coming down this hard. Good luck catching a ride at this hour."

"Come on, Dana, our golden boy. Have you decided who you're taking home yet? Want to flip a coin for it?"

Dana could never make up his mind. Faced with any hard choice, he left it to fate.

But this time, he chose to drape his jacket straight over my shoulders.

A warmth spread through my chest, and I pulled the jacket tighter around me.

Then I heard him speak, his voice firm.

"Samantha lives far out, and it's not on the way back. I'll drop her off first."

"You wait in the room and stay out of the rain. I'll loop back around and come get you."

He guided Samantha into the passenger seat, the car melted into the rainy night, and everyone's teasing eyes settled on me.

I didn't move.

Not until a black umbrella tilted over my head, holding off all the wind and rain.

"Been waiting long? Hit some traffic on the way. Let's go."

I laid my hand in the palm held out to me and turned to leave without hesitation.

This life of standing around waiting to be chosen, I didn't want one more day of it.

It wasn't until the next morning that Dana showed up at the front door.

I was in the living room, sorting through the wedding decorations.

He turned his back to me, changing his shoes while he explained.

"The rain was too heavy last night. Water got into the exhaust pipe, and the car broke down halfway home."

"My phone happened to die too, so I just found some hotel and made do for the night."

"You weren't stuck waiting over there too long, were you?"

He hadn't even finished when the phone screen beside me lit up with a notification.

It warned me that a linked account had stayed at an unfamiliar location for an unusually long time.

I tapped in and saw that Dana had spent the whole night in an apartment complex over in Eastside, leaving only at eight that morning.

That was where Samantha lived.

I tossed the phone over to him.

"No explanation?"

Dana froze mid-sip, his voice jumping several notches higher. "You're spying on me?"

I let out a faint laugh.

"You set this up yourself."

His body went rigid. Only then did he remember the couple's location-sharing he'd set up a while back, jumping on some online trend.

As long as both phones had power and stayed on, the two of us could see each other's location anytime.

Silence spread through the air.

Dana turned his head away and refused to say one more word.

I lifted my eyes and let my gaze settle on him.

He was still in yesterday's clothes, but the top button of his shirt collar was gone, and the fabric was crumpled and wrinkled.

The double-happiness cutout in my hand had a hole worn through it from my fingers.

Dana cleared his throat and clumsily steered the subject elsewhere.

"Whoever brought you home yesterday, I'll take him to dinner sometime."

He was always like this, brushing past his own faults as if nothing had happened.

"Lucky me. Caught a ride just in time."

"Don't worry. I already thanked the driver properly."

I peeled the sticky note off the fridge. It read: five days until the wedding.

A flash crossed my mind of the moment Samantha had walked into the reunion the night before, and the sheer joy that had welled up in Dana's eyes.

He'd let go of the hand he was holding and instinctively gone toward her.

Samantha had stood in the doorway, a smile on her face, still as radiant as she'd been back then.

That failed engagement had left no mark on her at all.

Standing beside Dana, the two of them looked like a golden couple. Just their faces alone were a pleasure to look at.

The person at Dana's side tactfully stepped aside to make room for her.

I glanced at him and recognized the boy from years ago, the one who'd been humiliated into a rage when his pursuit of me went nowhere.

Back then, the moment he heard I was with Dana Gilbert, he'd hurled the gift in his hand straight at me.

"If Samantha Simmons hadn't gone abroad, you really think you'd ever get to kiss Dana Gilbert's feet?"

"Carmen Harding, you're nothing but his backup girl."

I didn't listen. All I could remember then was Dana, eyes red beneath a sky full of fireworks, telling me I was the one and only choice of his life.

But everything he did now was like grinding that promise into the dirt.

He was busy getting Samantha settled in the seat beside him, tearing open a fresh set of bowls and chopsticks for her, arranging her bag and coat.

Samantha's gaze lingered on the engagement ring on my hand and on his.

"I heard your wedding's coming up soon. Congratulations."

Dana picked up a piece of roast goose and set it in her bowl, denying it almost reflexively.

"Not yet. We're still picking a date."

"Her mom went to the temple and got a few good dates, but I'm still on the fence."

I turned to look at him. "Didn't we settle on the fifth"

Before I could finish, a chopstick-load of chili was shoved into my mouth.

The fierce heat shot up through my nose, choking me until tears wouldn't stop streaming.

Only after gulping down a whole glass of water did I understand what Dana meant.

A flicker of self-mockery crossed my eyes as I opened my phone and sent a message.

Wedding canceled. Permanently.

In front of me, Dana waved a hand before my face.

"What are you spacing out for?"

"You want the pickled fish soup downstairs in a bit, or the wontons on the next street over?"

Out of habit, he pulled out his phone, ready to flip a coin to decide.

But a message popped up in the chat window first.

Suddenly craving that barbecue place by the old school gate.

Dana hid his phone fast, but I still saw the sender and the message.

He grabbed the coat off the couch and pulled it on, hurrying out.

"Work just told me to come in for overtime. Grab whatever you want for lunch."

He came and went in a rush, never once noticing that I'd already taken down nearly all the wedding decorations around the apartment.

I tore the sticky note in my hand to pieces and tossed it into the trash, along with the last of the big red double-happiness cutouts.

Once all the useless things were cleared away, the eight-hundred-square-foot apartment looked oddly empty.

Last night, when Patrick Dickerson dropped me off and flicked on the light, the first thing he did was let out a scoff.

He was the neighbor I'd grown up bickering with since childhood, and he happened to be in Shoreline City on business lately.

He dropped into the single armchair without ceremony, then pinched Dana's things between two fingers and flung them to the floor.

"I think your brain's gone soft. You've got a three-story mansion sitting empty in Northbridge, and instead you're crammed into a tenement here with someone else."

For once, I didn't fire back at him.

All because of one line Dana said back then: "I want to build a home for you in Shoreline City, on my own."

So I turned down the place my parents bought me, ghosted Patrick's offer to go into business together, and started from nothing in Shoreline City with Dana.

Thinking back now, it really was stupid.

"You actually planning to come back this time?"

I nodded.

"No taking it back?"

I turned to him and held out my pinky.

"If I'm not back in three days, you drag me back even if you have to tie me up."

Patrick hooked his pinky around mine and sealed it, the corners of his mouth lifting and refusing to come down.

"It's a deal."

After putting everything in order, I went to the company and clocked in like usual, then knocked on the door of my manager's office.

"Come in."

The resignation letter was still warm from the printer, the smell of ink clinging to it.

"You're sure about this?"

My supervisor's face didn't show much, since he'd already approached me about it privately before. But there was real regret in his voice.

"With your talent, staying at this company is a waste."

He pressed a business card into my hand. Printed on it was the name and contact information of one of the top firms in Shoreline City.

I took it and politely declined his kindness.

"I understand everything you're saying, but Dana still needs my help."

After graduation, Dana and I had joined this company together.

Dana wasn't short on ability. He just couldn't bring himself to swallow his pride.

A client would push back a couple of times, and he'd toss his files down and walk out.

Under the double pressure of quotas and the mortgage, I often saw him hunched in the stairwell, smoking in silence.

So afterward, every client I closed, I'd hand them Dana's card before they left.

"Mr. Gilbert will be handling everything from here. He's more of an expert than I am."

The day he made sales champion, he spun me around in our apartment, the grin on his face impossible to stop.

In that moment, I'd thought all of it was worth it.

Now, I didn't hesitate. I nodded.

"I'm sure."

As I walked out of the company, the phone in my pocket buzzed.

"Hello, is this Ms. Harding? About the wedding gown you ordered with us"

I flagged down a cab and got in.

"I don't need it anymore. Just cancel it for me."

There was a pause on the other end. "But ma'am, perhaps you should come in and see it for yourself."

A flicker of confusion crossed my mind, but I gave the driver the address anyway.

The second I pushed the door open, I heard a familiar voice inside.

Samantha was wearing my wedding gown, the side zipper strained open along a split seam.

"What kind of quality is this? I only wore it once and it tore."

The shop assistant stood beside her, scrambling to explain.

"This was custom-made to Ms. Harding's measurements. Some places not fitting are unavoidable."

When they saw me, all three of them froze.

Dana strode over and planted himself in front of Samantha, shielding her completely behind him.

I didn't look at them. I waved the assistant over and paid the balance with my card.

Then I picked up the scissors lying nearby and slashed a long gash through the skirt.

Samantha's eyes reddened on the spot, brimming with tears, which only made her look more pitiful and lovely.

Dana seized my hand, stopping me.

"What are you doing!"

I lifted my eyes to him, my tone matter-of-fact.

"This is mine. What I do with it is my business."

"You're the one who should explain why you brought someone else to try on my dress."

He wrenched the scissors out of my hand, crouched down, and inspected the tear carefully.

"Samantha's ex-husband never gave her a wedding. She's never worn a bridal gown, so I wanted to bring her here to feel what it's like."

The more he talked, the more his patience drained away, until he shot to his feet.

"But now it's all ruined."

"You're a woman too. Shouldn't you understand better than anyone what a wedding gown means to a woman?"

I looked at the coldness in his eyes and suddenly realized I had never truly known Dana at all.

How else could he say something so hypocritically two-faced?

"If you understand all that, then did it ever occur to you what this gown means to me?"

But Dana didn't spare me so much as a glance.

He soothed Samantha, coaxing her out of the ill-fitting gown.

"Carmen, this isn't the time to throw a tantrum."

He flung the gown at me, knocking my hair out of place.

"You broke it yourself, so you can deal with it yourself."

He took Samantha's hand and swept out without a backward glance.

The clerk picked up the gown, at a loss for what to do.

I grabbed my bag and patted her shoulder.

"Just throw it away."

Dana and the dress. I didn't want either of them anymore.

Back home, I threw myself down onto the bed.

Last night's dinner had been too greasy, and since morning my stomach had been aching dully.

Finally a sharp wave of nausea surged up my throat, and I clapped a hand over my mouth and rushed into the bathroom.

After hitting the flush button, I braced myself against the sink and stood up.

Dana had come back at some point. He stood in the middle of the living room, his face gone pale.

His voice shook a little.

"You're pregnant?"

I stood in the bathroom doorway, arms crossed, leaning against the frame, and the whole thing struck me as funny.

The nausea was still rolling up inside me, sharp enough to bring tears to my eyes.

But I didn't tell him the truth.

"Yeah. Just found out. Do you plan to keep it?"

Dana's face went blank, and his hands trembled as he searched his pockets for a coin.

"Let's flip a coin to decide."

But he dug around for ages and couldn't find a single one.

I walked up to him and pressed a round object into his palm.

"Heads, we keep the baby. Tails, I get rid of it."

"Dana. Flip it properly."

I looked at him, long and hard.

He tossed the coin smoothly into the air, caught it on the back of his hand, and covered it.

The clock in the corner ticked on, and neither of us said a word.

After a long moment, Dana finally lifted his hand and looked.

"Tails."

His tone was calm as he turned the coin over and closed it in his fist.

"Carmen, we'll have a baby someday. It's just that now, the timing isn't right."

I looked into his eyes, wanting to ask him when the timing would be right, why it wasn't right now.

Wanting to tell him the pregnancy was fake, that even the coin just now was only an ordinary arcade token, with no heads or tails at all.

But in the end I said nothing.

As I packed the last piece of clothing into my suitcase, the phone on the bed started buzzing nonstop.

I opened it and found the class group chat had blown up.

"Did you all see the video Samantha posted? I never would've guessed Carmen was that kind of person."

"At the reunion that day I felt something was off between them. The original girlfriend running into the other woman. No wonder Dana ended up walking out on Carmen."

"The pull of a first love. No one can resist it."

""

Someone had reposted Samantha's video, the cover a photo of her and Dana together.

I tapped in. The title was A Day-Date With My First Love.

She and Dana had gone back to relive the barbecue stand outside the school, ridden the Ferris wheel to the very top, tried on wedding gowns, and finally stopped on a rooftop.

I recognized it. This was the place where Dana had once confessed to me.

Samantha held up the camera, her voice full of regret.

"Such a shame. That fireworks display you set off for me back then, I never got to see it."

"You promised me you'd have one custom-made, fireworks that would spell out my name when they bloomed in the sky. Did you do it?"

Dana's face flickered in and out of the darkness.

My hands shook, and I could barely keep hold of the phone.

"I did it," he said.

Something inside my head snapped.

I suddenly remembered that night Dana confessed, how his gaze had passed through me as if he were looking at something far away.

So it turned out that in the sky behind me, Samantha's name had been written. She was the one he'd really meant to confess to.

So it turned out our beginning had been a mistake all along.

The words had barely left Dana's mouth when the sky overhead lit up bright as noon.

A thousand fireworks burst open before the two of them.

Samantha's tears spilled over.

The comment section lost its mind, tens of thousands of blessings and envious gushing pouring in.

Someone asked: "Then why did you two break up back then?"

Of all the comments, Samantha singled out that one to reply: "Because of a certain person. If not for her, I would never have been left homeless in a foreign country."

One sentence, and the waves rose a thousand layers high.

The internet mob was a powerful thing. My social accounts were overrun in no time.

My inbox flooded with every kind of vicious curse.

I stood, dug through the drawer, and pulled out the itemized wedding costs, the recording of his proposal, and the old security footage I'd saved from that night.

I'd kept all of it, carefully, as keepsakes.

I opened my account, drafted a long post, and attached the list of evidence.

A second before I tapped send, the phone was yanked out of my hand.

Dana stood in front of me, scrolling through the proof, his face dark enough to drip water.

"Doing this will destroy Samantha."

Right in front of me, he deleted everything I'd labored over, then hurled the phone to the floor and ground it to pieces under his heel.

He tore the printouts to shreds too, scattering them into the trash.

Something in me snapped.

"But she's already destroyed me!"

My finger jabbed hard into Dana's chest.

"That scale in your heart has never once tipped toward me."

"And the multiple-choice question of your life only ever had one answer."

"Dana, I hate you to the bone."

I grabbed my suitcase and turned to leave, but he caught my arm and hauled me back.

I wrenched free and turned. Dana's eyes were bloodshot.

"Where do you think you're going? Until this dies down online, you're not going anywhere!"

"Let go of me!"

In the middle of the struggle, a mocking voice rang out behind me.

Patrick stood in the doorway holding a length of rope, one corner of his mouth curled up.

"Three days are up, Carmen. I've come to tie you up and drag you home."