The Boyfriend Who Always Picked Someone Else

On graduation-photo day, the photographer told the couples to stand closer together.

Instead, Bill Henson pressed a hand to my shoulder and steered me to the edge of the group, moving Phyllis Swanson into the spot beside him.

Phyllis and I are the top humanities and top science students. It makes sense for us to stand together.

It wasn't the first time he'd pushed me aside.

When I brought him questions I'd gotten wrong, he said my basics were weak and I was wasting his time.

But Phyllis was shaky at math, and for her he'd stay up till dawn, breaking every problem down into the simplest possible steps.

When I wanted to study with him at the library, he frowned and said I'd throw off his review.

Yet when Phyllis slipped one rank in the standings, he skipped class to walk with her on the beach.

The photographer teased with a grin: "You two aren't a couple, are you? You look right together, and your grades match too."

Bill looked over at Phyllis, his smile soft and proud. "We've always been the perfect pair."

Phyllis flushed and lowered her head, and the classmates around us started whooping.

I stood outside the crowd, still gripping the number card for the photo I'd wanted to take with him.

The spot beside him was never meant for me.

And now, I didn't want it either.

I looked down at the card in my hand, and it suddenly struck me as absurd.

For this one photo, I'd spent a whole night choosing a dress, and even tied my hair up over and over to get it right.

And in the end, I didn't even have the right to stand next to him.

I turned, walked to the trash can, and dropped the card in.

In the homeroom teacher's office, he handed me my scores and patted my shoulder with a smile.

"You did well. Go home and think carefully about your college applications."

He thought for a moment, then said:

"I hear you're planning to apply to schools in New York with Bill? The cutoffs in New York are very high. With your scores, going to New York isn't really worth it. My advice is to put your own future first."

I clutched the score sheet, thanked him,

and the moment I stepped out of the office, I ran straight into Bill and Phyllis.

They both froze when they saw me.

Then Phyllis hurried over to me, her smile warm and easy. "So this is where you were."

Smiling, she held out the drink in her hand.

"We bought drinks. Bill got one for you too."

I looked down at it.

They were both holding the same jasmine milk tea, the cups stickered as a couples' combo.

And what she was handing me was the mango iced tea that came free with the set.

I'm allergic to mango. Bill knows that.

I twitched my mouth into something like a smile, took the mango iced tea, turned, and dropped it in the trash can beside us.

Phyllis's face stiffened, her eyes reddening, and she looked to Bill, at a loss.

Bill's brow furrowed at once. "Cordelia Fox, what are you angry about now?"

His tone dropped a notch.

"Because I moved you aside just now and let Phyllis stand next to me? That was me. Why are you taking it out on her?"

"I already explained it to you! Phyllis is the top humanities student and I'm the top science student. The two of us standing together is exactly what the school wants for its promotional shots."

"Besides, didn't I say we'd take a separate photo later?"

I looked at him, and suddenly I didn't even have the strength to argue.

He said we'd take a photo.

But once the group shots were done, he never thought of me.

In our classmates' posts, he and Phyllis had taken more than a dozen photos just the two of them.

Everyone whooped for a good ten minutes while he held Phyllis tight and never let go.

Afterward he went with her to the back alley to buy drinks, and then here, to the office, to pick up his scores.

For a solid hour, he hadn't sent me a single message. He'd long since forgotten I existed.

Everything seemed to change the moment Phyllis transferred in.

Bill was the top science student, she was first in humanities, and after that their names were always spoken in the same breath.

I gave it everything I had and could barely keep pace behind the two of them. Even a problem they tossed around in passing took me forever to follow.

There was a time when Bill didn't mind that I wasn't as sharp as he was.

But the more he and Phyllis talked, the less patience he had left when he turned back to me. All that remained was an irritation he couldn't quite hide.

The truth is, I already knew back then. Whatever was between Bill and me had, somehow, reached its end.

When I didn't say anything, Bill seemed to finally run out of patience.

"We'll take the photo now. That work for you?"

He didn't wait for my answer. He'd already snatched my phone and handed it off to Phyllis.

Phyllis blinked, but took it anyway.

Bill stepped up next to me, though his shoulder didn't come an inch closer.

Before I could even lift my head, he'd already taken the phone back and pressed it into my palm.

"There. No more acting up now."

"I'm going with Phyllis to pick up her transcript. Wait here. We'll all head home together after."

With that, he turned and walked into the office, Phyllis's hand in his.

I stood there and opened the album.

The photo was a blur. It had caught nothing but the gray-white floor of the hallway and the edge of his sleeve as he turned to leave me.

I stared at it for a long time. Then I let out a soft laugh.

I tapped delete, then blocked Bill.

Transcript in hand, I turned and left the school.

I was never going to wait for him again.

A few classmates I usually hung out with pinged the group chat, saying we'd graduated and had to grab a farewell dinner together.

Halfway through the meal, the girl beside me suddenly burst out laughing and nearly spit out her food.

"Holy crap, Phyllis went official?"

She flipped her phone around onto the table.

On the screen was the post Phyllis had just put up.

Two movie tickets, with only one word for a caption.

Official.

In the corner of the photo, a boy's wrist showed at the edge.

There was a black hair tie around it.

I stared at that hair tie, and my eyes stung all at once.

It was the little promise hair tie I'd once nagged Bill into buying.

I'd said a relationship needed a little ceremony to it. He'd called it childish and refused to wear it, not even once.

But lately he'd suddenly started wearing it.

I'd been quietly happy about it, thinking he was just too stubborn to admit he liked it.

Now it looked like a joke.

The others were already crowding around the phone, guessing away.

"Who's this guy? He's not from our school, is he?"

"Wasn't she always close with Bill? I honestly thought those two had been a thing for ages."

I said it calmly.

"It's Bill."

They looked up at me, hungry for gossip, then all froze.

"Cordelia, why are your eyes so red?"

I lowered my head and picked up a piece of greens with my chopsticks.

"The dinner's too spicy."

The words had barely left my mouth when the restaurant door pushed open.

Bill and Phyllis walked in, one after the other.

Her bag was slung over his shoulder, her jacket in his hand.

A server came up to ask what they'd like.

Phyllis glanced at the menu and smiled. "The couples' combo looks a little cheaper. Let's get the couples' combo."

A few classmates nearby immediately started whooping.

"Bill, we knew there was something going on with you two!"

Bill saw me and paused. Then he smoothed it over just as fast and walked over to me as if nothing had happened.

"What a coincidence. Let's eat together."

He was so unbothered about it.

So unbothered that every humiliating thing between us seemed to be nothing but me flattering myself.

Someone at the table couldn't help asking him.

"You're really with Phyllis now?"

Bill glanced at Phyllis's post and let out a low laugh.

"That? She's just announcing a movie."

He raised his eyes over the group, and let them land on me last.

"Don't tell me you actually believed it?"

Phyllis lowered her head, cheeks red, and offered no correction.

The table only got louder.

But I sat there staring at the faint gleam of lip gloss at the corner of his mouth, lost somewhere far away.

Bill sat down beside me, his hand reaching under the table the way it always used to, to give my fingers a little squeeze.

I moved out of the way.

His hand stopped in midair, and his face cooled.

He drew it back and slid straight over to sit next to Phyllis.

Their arms pressed together, and Phyllis flushed.

The whole meal, every topic circled around him and Phyllis.

Someone asked if they'd applied to the same college.

Someone else teased them, the top science student and the top humanities student joining forces, imagining how terrifyingly smart their future kids would be.

I sat off to the side, like a stranger squeezed in at a shared table.

I wanted to leave, but Bill sat on the outside, blocking my seat exactly.

All I could do was look down at the food in my bowl while my stomach twisted with pain, wave after wave.

Phyllis bent her head to eat, and her long hair slid down against her cheek.

Without thinking, Bill slipped the black hair tie off his wrist and gathered her hair up for her.

His hands moved with the ease of someone who'd done it many times.

I watched his hands and suddenly remembered how long I'd once begged him.

Back then he'd said, "Cordelia, don't bother me with this little-girl stuff."

Phyllis picked up the cold soda beside her, and just as she went to open it, Bill frowned and took it from her.

"You're on your period. You can't drink cold things."

Everyone froze for a second, then broke into a storm of teasing.

"Don't tell me you two are"

Phyllis went red and gave Bill a light slap.

Bill only smiled, then glanced down at me, as if he'd finally remembered I was still here.

"Your face looks flushed. Was the food too spicy?"

He held that bottle of cold soda out in front of me.

"Drink something cold."

I looked at the soda still misting with cold, and my mouth twisted.

For a moment I honestly didn't know whether I wanted to cry or laugh.

Today was also the first day of my period.

I'd had bad cramps since I was little. I couldn't touch anything cold.

Bill used to remember that.

He'd kept a timed reminder in his phone calendar and never once missed it.

But this time, he'd forgotten.

I didn't take it.

Bill's brows drew together again.

"Cordelia, how long are you going to keep being difficult?"

I shook my head, forced down the sob and the tears rising in my throat, stood up, and said,

"I'm not feeling well. I'm going home first."

Phyllis's face went awkward all at once.

She bit her lip gently and said, softly, "Is it because of me? Is Cory upset?"

Bill's face went cold, and he set the bottle of cold soda back on the table.

"Ignore her."

"So dramatic."

"It's nothing, and she has to make a scene like this."

The others at the table went quiet, staring at the three of us, baffled.

I covered my eyes, but the tears fell through my fingers anyway.

I grabbed my bag, shoved back my chair, turned, and rushed out of the restaurant.

I cried the whole way home, my eyes aching and swollen, my throat gone hoarse.

Mom was sitting in the living room, and when she saw me come in, she asked,

"Did you fight with Bill again?"

"Bill messaged me. He said you blocked him."

I stayed quiet for a moment,

thinking bitterly that it had taken a whole night for Bill to finally notice he'd been blocked.

"What did he say to you?"

"Nothing much. Just a reminder to make sure you fill out your college applications, and to pick somewhere close to his school."

Then, unable to help herself, she went off on one of her tangents.

"Bill's really a good kid, you know. The two of you grew up together, and he does look out for you."

"It's a shame, though. Your grades are average, you're not exactly a stunner, and he doesn't feel that way about you. Otherwise I'd honestly love to have him for a son-in-law."

I kept my eyes down and said nothing.

She didn't catch my silence, and kept going.

"We don't know anything about picking colleges. You should really ask Bill later, get his opinion."

"I saw him helping his girlfriend with her applications a few days ago. So thorough about it."

"The two of them holed up at home for days, didn't even leave at night. Tsk, tsk, tsk. Young love, all that fire and passion."

My fingers curled tight all at once, pressing hard against my chest.

Mom was still going:

"When I dropped some things off, I saw Bill's scratch paper filled all the way up."

"He even told her she had to get into the best program at an Ivy League school, not waste a single point."

I stood there, and my chest felt like someone had squeezed it hard.

Bill and I had agreed to apply to colleges in the same city.

The cutoff scores in New York were high. With my grades, I'd have to fight just to scrape into a decent state school there.

When my scores came out, I'd cozied up to him and begged him to help me with my applications.

He'd been looking at his phone at the time, and said offhandedly:

"I don't know anything about this stuff. Your scores are decent-college scores anyway. Just pick somewhere that isn't too far from my school."

"As for the major, it's all pretty much the same for you."

Back then I'd even made excuses for him,

telling myself that maybe, as a top student, his only goal was the physics department at an Ivy, so he'd never had to think about applications like the rest of us.

But now, I couldn't keep lying to myself.

Mom remembered something.

"Oh, your teacher called me too. Said the cutoffs in New York are too high, and I should talk you out of it. You"

I cut her off.

"I'm not going to New York."

I lifted my head and made myself smile at her.

"Haven't you always wanted me to get into a good school?"

"I want to apply to schools in Newport."

"My scores are enough for a top-tier university."

I turned and went back to my room, shut the door, and finally slid slowly down against it.

From Ashford to New York was more than two thousand miles.

Far enough that I'd never again have to run after the sight of Bill's back.

The day the acceptance letter came, Mom held the package with her hands shaking.

"Cory, you really got into a top-tier university."

She grabbed her phone, ready to spread the good news to the relatives, and I pressed her hand down.

"Not yet."

I said quietly, "Let's wait until after I've started school."

That whole summer, I barely left the house.

She knew I was hurting inside but didn't know how to comfort me, so all she could do was push me to go out and clear my head.

What I never expected was to run into Bill and Phyllis at the airport.

They were dressed in matching colors. From a distance, they looked exactly like a couple.

When Bill saw me, his eyes clearly lit up.

But the next second, his face went cold again.

"Weren't you sulking at me, giving me the silent treatment?"

"So what are you chasing after me for now?"

It took me a moment to remember. Before the SATs, to keep my spirits up, he'd booked a couples' travel package for the two of us.

He'd promised that once the exams were over, he'd take me away somewhere.

The departure date was today.

Phyllis bit her lip and took half a step back, forcing a smile.

"Since Cordelia's here, I won't come along."

Bill's brow creased at once, and he pulled her back to his side.

"Out of the question."

"You spent days getting ready for this trip. You're going."

Something inside me twisted into a bitter smile. He was worried about all the days Phyllis had spent preparing.

He'd forgotten that the travel guide in their hands

was the one I'd pieced together over several sleepless nights after the SATs, detail by detail.

I was about to tell him not to bother when Bill turned and hurried off to the machine nearby.

That left only me and Phyllis. She spoke suddenly.

"Cordelia, some gaps just can't be closed with effort."

"What Bill needs is someone who can stand beside him as his equal. Not someone who falls short of him in every way."

She smiled. "The night the SATs ended, I asked him if he'd give the two of us a try."

"Do you want to guess whether he turned me down that night, or said yes?"

My fingers dug into my palms, but my voice stayed level.

"If you want him, he's yours."

Phyllis's face went stiff, and she bit down on her lip.

Bill came running back with a ticket and held it out to me.

"Only a standing ticket left, for the train. Phyllis has a bad back, she can't stand for long, so you take it."

He glanced at me and added,

"Works out for you anyway. You can move around a bit, work off some weight."

Then he checked the time and, looking anxious now, took her hand and started for the gate.

"We're going ahead. Phyllis and I will wait for you there!"

Phyllis smiled at me like she'd won.

I looked down at the printed ticket in my hand.

He hadn't even noticed. It was a train ticket that didn't depart for another three months.

I crushed it into a ball and dropped it in the trash.

Then I turned and boarded my own flight.

When the trip was over, I went home to get my acceptance letter.

I'd barely reached the foot of the building when Bill stopped me.

His face was grim as he reached out and clamped a hand around my wrist.

"Where's Phyllis's acceptance letter?"

It hurt, and I winced.

"What acceptance letter?"

His voice went cold. "Don't play dumb."

"Phyllis's letter was mailed to my house. The mail carrier said someone took it for her."

"You've been home this whole time! Who else could it be? If you've got a problem, take it out on me. What kind of person bullies Phyllis?"

I stared at him, unable to believe it.

Phyllis stepped out from behind him, her eyes red and raw.

"If this is because you're upset that Bill and I have gotten close, I'll apologize to you."

"And I promise, I'll never have anything to do with him again."

Her voice broke as she looked at me.

"But I'm begging you, please give the letter back. It means so much to me. I worked so hard to get into the Ivy League!"

My eyes stung with fury. "I didn't take it!"

"I only got back today!"

But Bill wasn't taking in a single word.

His gaze dropped to the courier envelope in my arms, and he suddenly snatched it away.

My face changed and I lunged to grab it back.

"Bill, give it back!"

He held it up high, staring coldly at my frantic, reddened eyes.

"I'll count to three."

"Hand over Phyllis's letter, or I'll tear this up!"

I explained, desperate.

"I really didn't take it!"

"Three."

"I just got off the plane. I only just picked up my own letter. Check the security footage. Ask my mother."

"Two."

"Bill! I'm begging you"

Bill didn't hesitate. He ripped my acceptance letter clean in two, and the pieces drifted down around my feet.

I looked down at the scraps. I forgot even to cry.

He was about to say something more when a hesitant voice came from behind him.

"Bill, is this what you're looking for?"

Their housekeeper was standing in the doorway, holding an intact acceptance letter.

"I brought the letter in. I was tidying up just now and forgot to mention it."

Phyllis's tears froze mid-sob.

Bill whipped his head around to look at me, his lips moving as if he wanted to say something.

I didn't wait for him to speak.

I bent down and gathered the scraps off the ground, pressing them into my palm one by one.

I stepped back and slammed the door in his face.

It was quiet outside for a long time. Not even an apology.

The next day, a plane ticket to New York slid in under the door, a note tucked beside it.

Come with me.

He'd always been proud, certain that if he just offered me a way out, I'd bow my head and take it, the way I always had.

But this time I only glanced at it before tossing it in the trash. I dragged my luggage to Ashford two days early.

Two days later, Bill showed up at my door with Phyllis.

He was carrying a suitcase, and his tone was unusually light.

"Mrs. Fox, I'm here to take Cordelia to New York with us."