The Third Wheel Strikes Back

Ten minutes before the college portal locked me out for good.

That was when my boyfriend finally called. Beck's voice came through like he was handing me a favor.

Cami and I are both doing Harvard. You should put down Emerson. Close to us. Happy now?

I stared at the screen. My stomach turned over.

Cami is my so-called best friend.

Earlier today the two of them had argued themselves red in the face over which school to pick. Neither one looked at me. Not once.

Beck kept pushing on the phone. Behind him I could hear her laughing.

That was how it always went. They matched each other point for point, they walked shoulder to shoulder, and I walked behind them.

They figured I would do what I always did. Trail after them with my tail wagging.

Not this time.

I put down the school I wanted.

One of us up north. One of us down south. No reason to see each other again.

Chapter 1

The clock was almost out. I hit submit.

I dropped back against the chair, and the breath I'd been holding since morning went out of me.

Beck's messages kept coming.

Beck: [Dumb-dumb, is it all in?]

Beck: [I'm not there to check it for you. Be careful. You hear me?]

Beck: [When you're done get over here. Don't be late to the senior banquet.]

I skimmed them and typed back.

Me: [It's done.]

A kissy bunny sticker popped up.

Then a voice memo.

Cami: [Val-Val, hurry up, your boyfriend is picking on me again! Who's picking on who]

Sixty seconds long. Fifty of it was the two of them going at each other.

The portal closed.

I shut the laptop and went to change.

Mom and Dad were in the living room working through the crawfish left over from lunch. Neither one of them eats spicy food. Neither one of them could stand to throw it out, so they peeled and chugged water and peeled some more.

Every bit of it had been cooked for Beck and Cami.

Today was the last day to commit.

My parents don't understand any of it. So they cooked everything they know how to cook and asked the two of them over to help me pick a school and a major.

At first the two of them did look. Cami had the college guidebook open across her knees.

"Relax," she said, patting her own chest. "You've got me. I'll find Val-Val somewhere good and close to me."

Beck wasn't having it. "She's mine. Why does she have to be close to you? You Harvard people stay out of MIT."

Cami put her hands on her hips. "And you MIT people can stay off Harvard's lawn"

That was all it took. One line, then the next line, and they were off.

I opened my mouth to stop them. More than once. Neither of them broke stride.

I went out for drinks. By the time I came back they were already down at the end of the block.

I stood there a long time.

Long enough for the ice in the boba to melt and the cup to go warm in my hand.

Nobody came back for me.

My guidebook was still on the table where they'd dropped it. Like me.

That was this afternoon.

"Sweetheart, did you get it in?" Mom wiped her hands. "Which one in Boston?"

I shook my head. "Not Boston. NC State."

Both of them stopped moving.

"NC State's down in North Carolina. Weren't you going to Boston with Beck and Cami?"

Mom looked at me for a while, then tried again, gently. "Sweetheart, did you and Beck have a fight?

"NC State is a good school. It's just so far. You wouldn't be able to see him"

Anything but that.

My nose went hot and tight, and I had to look at the floor.

I don't blame her for saying it. Beck and I grew up two doors apart, and I had been hanging off his sleeve since before I could spell his name.

The year we tested into high school, he got into the magnet school on early admission. I couldn't have reached that school standing on my toes.

Chapter 2

I cried about it. Ugly, hiccuping crying, both hands twisted into his school jacket so he couldn't walk off.

He laughed at me. Bent down until we were eye to eye. "What are you crying for. Worst case I'll go to the regular public school with you."

Terrified he would actually do it, I studied like something was chasing me. Eyes open, book open.

Then my luck went stupid. The problems on that test were ones I had worked through the night before.

I squeaked in by a single point.

His face lit up and he sighed anyway, for show. "What am I supposed to do with you. You want to follow me this bad, what happens with college? I'm going to MIT. You up for that?"

MIT was not happening for me.

I argued my case anyway. "Then I'll be in the same city. I'll pick whatever school is closest to you."

He smiled at that. It was a good smile. His eyes were dark and packed full of little broken pieces of light.

He rubbed my head. "Fine, fine. Same city. Happy now?"

We became a thing the night senior year ended.

Both families had known each other forever and liked where it was going.

Now I didn't want it.

The same way I couldn't be bothered to dig into why Beck had switched his to Harvard.

MIT had been the plan since he was six years old.

"Mom, I mean it."

I wiped my face and smiled at her. "I don't want to run after him anymore. NC State has the program I want. I'd like to pick my own road for once."

She didn't ask again. She patted the back of my hand. "My girl grew up.

"Okay. This time we listen to you."

At the bus stop I opened Cami's story.

Cami: [I HATE a certain someone!! I handed over my own best friend and he STILL fights me over everything!]

Beck commented within seconds.

Beck: [Handed over?]

Beck: [She was mine to begin with.]

Back and forth, back and forth. Half a screen of new replies in under thirty seconds.

Somebody from class tagged me in it.

Classmate: [the school's golden pair fighting over you AGAIN lmaooo]

Any other day I would have been down in that thread, soothing one of them and then the other, acting like the group's little mascot.

Today it just looked pathetic.

I walked into the private room and there they were, heads together, playing that team game of theirs.

They fight nonstop. Then they queue up, and he plays damage and she plays support, and the two of them move like one person with two bodies.

I took the seat farthest from them.

I had barely sat down when Beck came over and flicked me in the forehead.

"Aw. Who upset our princess this time? You don't even want your boyfriend anymore?"

When you've leaned on somebody your whole life, your body doesn't get the memo. My mind was made up. My nose stung anyway.

I looked up at him.

His bangs had fallen across his forehead. That confidence in his eyes was something he was born with.

Beck was always the kid every parent compares you to. Good-looking, top of everything, a line of girls behind him.

Cami asked me once, "Be honest. How does someone like you get your hands on a catch like Beck?"

And I thought about the first time she beat him on a test, and the surprised way he laughed about it. "Not bad, Valerie. You're a dumb-dumb and you went and made friends with a genius."

I don't remember when he started saying it.

One night a guy on voice chat made me cry, and Beck went off on him for me right then, cold and specific, until the guy left the lobby.

Then he pulled his headset down and he was laughing at me.

"Valerie, how are you a dumb-dumb at every single thing. School is one thing. How are you this bad at a game."

Chapter 3

"Look at Cami. Top of the class and a monster in game."

Before I could get a word out, Cami stepped in front of me and rounded on him.

"Hey. Who said you get to talk about our Val-Val like that. Who cares about school. Our Val-Val is a little dumb-dumb and it's adorable."

I was young and stupid then.

Always scared I was the slow one. Always scared I'd drag them down.

So I stayed up studying, and on the side I practiced the game where neither of them could see.

By the time I clawed my way to top fifty in the class, all it got me was Beck going, "Huh. Dumb-dumb. Still not on the same page as us."

And when I finally got good with a character and went to them lit up, ready to queue, Cami had already locked in the same one.

Beck patted my head. "Be good. This match matters. Let Cami take it. You can watch us play."

Cami slung an arm around my shoulders. "We win this one and I'll buy you a new skin. Good girl."

Nobody ever let me finish the sentence. I practiced for a long time. I can do it too.

I've forgotten how I felt that day.

What stayed with me was the two of them being loud and happy, and me sitting off to the side staring at nothing until the sun went down.

At least now I don't have to force myself through things I hate just to keep up with somebody.

There is nothing shameful about admitting Cami is better at some things than I am.

"What are you spacing out for?" Beck pinched my cheek. "You got your school in, right?

"Dumb-dumb, I asked for one screenshot. One. You wouldn't even send it. I've been worried sick."

I wanted to ask him why, if he was so worried, he left me standing on a sidewalk with three drinks in my hands.

Some questions aren't worth the breath anymore.

"Beck, the school I put down is"

"Beck! What are you telling her about me now!"

Cami came running over and locked her arm through mine, glaring at him.

"She's mine. Don't even try it."

"Please. Get your facts straight. That's my future wife."

One on each arm, both pulling. Neither one letting go.

Around the table, everybody was laughing at the two of them.

I couldn't find one funny thing in it.

"I need the bathroom"

"You're hurting my arms"

They were too busy sniping at each other to catch a word of it.

Their voices used to be the best sound in my day. Now they were two hammers, one on each side, coming down on my temples.

I wanted out of my own skin. I had never wanted anything that badly.

"Let go of me!"

I ripped both arms free, and my own voice came out low and ugly.

Both of them froze.

The air went solid. A few seconds of nothing at all.

Then a small sound, like a needle going into a balloon.

"Look at that. Our princess is throwing a tantrum." Beck rubbed my head.

Cami kicked him in the shin. "That's for picking on me. Now my best friend is upset. Apologize."

"Please. She's obviously mad because you keep picking on me"

There it was again.

Something sat down on my chest and I couldn't pull a full breath around it.

It was like they couldn't hear me at all. Like nothing coming off me ever reached them.

Like I was air. Like I was a person you could see straight through.

The food came out. Everyone went looking for a seat.

Beck reached for my hand. "Come on, we're eating. Ignore her."

Cami grabbed my other arm. "In your dreams. My Val-Val sits with me."

I closed my eyes.

My stomach rolled up toward my throat.

There's a line I heard somewhere. If someone doesn't see you, you could be drowning and they'd think you were waving.

"Beck. Let's break up."

The arguing stopped like a plug pulled out of a wall.

He stared at me. Nothing behind his eyes had caught up yet.

Chapter 4

Cami laughed out loud. "Babe, what did he do this time? Tell me and I'll go beat him up for you.

"Don't actually break up though. I do not want you calling me at two in the morning crying about how much you miss him."

Beck got it then. Or thought he did. He put a hand over his face and laughed. "Fine, fine. We can break up after dinner, can't we?

"You'll be starving by ten and making me drive across town for tacos again.

"Come here. Let your boyfriend make it better."

He reached to pull me in.

I shoved him off me, hard.

The pitcher on the service cart went over with a bang, and ice water went across the floor.

Loud. Every head in the room turned.

His face cooled right over.

Cami leaned in fast and kept her voice low. "Babe. If he's out of line you handle it at home. Not in front of everybody. You know how he is about getting embarrassed."

I turned and looked at her.

She tipped her chin toward him. Go on. Go smooth him over.

Something absurd rose up through me.

My best friend. Right then, in that room, the thing she chose to protect was my boyfriend's pride.

I laughed.

Whatever had been burning in me went out and left cold ash behind.

My voice came out level. "I said we're done."

Cami started in again.

Beck cut her off with a sound in his throat. "Fine. We're done.

"That attitude. She actually thinks she's a princess and the whole world turns around her.

"Cami, let's eat. I'm not letting certain people ruin my night."

After dinner somebody started rounding people up for karaoke.

I didn't go.

I was waiting in the cab line when Cami came over.

Beck stood a little way off with his head down, scrolling. He didn't look this direction once.

"Val-Val, is this about this afternoon?"

She asked it carefully.

"Don't be mad. Beck and I didn't ditch you on purpose.

"We just wanted to lock in MIT or Harvard fast, so we could pick a school for you."

The old me would have swallowed that whole. Now it sounded fake, and a little funny.

So they did know. They knew leaving me there would hurt.

They did it anyway, because how I feel has never been a factor.

That was the thing I finally saw. Those two are the same animal.

Up on a shelf, sure of themselves, and neither one of them has ever looked straight at what I said, or what I felt, or at me.

To them I was somebody's pet.

They had me figured. However small they made me, I would never walk.

And I was the only one in it with an actual heart.

They were cruel, both of them.

"Don't be mad, I'm sorry." Cami took both my hands, then looked over at him.

"You two. One's a diva and one's got a mouth on him. Come on, do it for me. Shake and make up. The three of us are supposed to be in Boston together.

"Beck. Get over here."

He didn't look up. "No."

"Then you go, Val-Val. Give him a hug. I promise he goes soft as a puppy."

Yes. Every time we fought, I did what Cami said and went and made peace first.

Not this time