Four People in the House, but Only Three Keys

There were four people in our family, but only three keys.

One for Dad, one for Mom, one for my brother.

I was the only one without.

The neighbors called me the family guard dog behind my back.

They said that every day after school I could only crouch pitifully in the stairwell, waiting for my brother to open the door.

Last month I came down with a bad cold, and for once Mom softened.

She patted my head and promised that on my birthday she'd take me to get a key cut.

I was so happy I couldn't sleep for days.

Thinking that when I came home, I'd finally never have to wait in the stairwell again.

I even went ahead and bought a keychain.

A little blue bear.

On my birthday, I stood at the school gate and carefully called Mom.

"Mom, can you take me to get a key made today?"

Mom cut me off impatiently.

"Get what made? Is a little waiting going to kill you?"

"Your brother's leaving for the seven-country summer camp. We're at the airport seeing him off, so we're not coming home today!"

I gripped the study-abroad acceptance letter in my hand and signed my name without a moment's hesitation.

Since you won't give it to me.

Then for the rest of my life, I won't need that key.

After I hung up, a light rain began to fall.

It was the start of the break, and the school gate was packed with parents there to pick up their kids.

Loud and lively, almost ridiculously so.

But none of it had anything to do with me.

I shouldered my backpack and walked home alone in silence.

The moment I stepped off the elevator, I ran into Rachel Lambert, the neighbor, who was on her way out to take the trash down.

"Daphne, you're home? How'd you get all soaked?"

"Mrs. Lambert, I forgot my umbrella."

She looked me over, thin and drenched, and asked without thinking.

"Huh, your parents didn't go pick you up?"

"I went out to buy groceries just now and saw them driving off."

I froze mid-step.

Every word I might have said jammed in my throat.

Seeing me drop my head and say nothing, Mrs. Lambert understood most of it in an instant.

"Go change into something dry, quick, before you catch a chill."

I nodded and walked to my own front door.

The next second, out of habit, I crouched down on the floor and quietly started going over vocabulary.

Not long after, Mrs. Lambert came back from the trash.

"Daphne, forgot your key again?"

At those words, I went stiff with embarrassment.

"Mrs. Lambert, I, I have a bad memory I always forget my key."

I was lying to myself as I said it.

It wasn't that my memory was bad. I'd simply never had one.

In the end Mrs. Lambert couldn't bear it, and her voice went gentle.

"Come sit at my place for a bit, at least get out of those wet clothes."

I waved my hand and politely refused.

"It's alright, Mrs. Lambert."

"It's cool in the stairwell, it helps me stay alert. I'm fine right here."

I didn't dare go.

Even less did I dare accept that kindness.

If Mom and Dad came home late at night, they'd only decide I'd embarrassed them.

Mrs. Lambert let out a helpless sigh.

There was nothing to do but turn and go back inside.

It was the evening rush, and people kept moving through the stairwell.

Every neighbor who passed would glance my way without thinking.

"Why's that kid always crouching in the stairwell?"

"Who knows. Probably the grown-ups can't be bothered. Playing favorites, I bet."

I pretended I didn't hear.

I pressed every bit of the hurt down into my chest.

There were four of us in the family.

One key for Dad, one key for Mom, one key for my brother.

Four people, three keys.

The one left without a key was me.

Other kids came home from school and pulled out a key to open the door.

Only I crouched in the stairwell every day, waiting for someone to open it for me.

I knew people called me the family guard dog behind my back.

I'd overheard the name plenty of times.

At first it hurt, and I'd turn away with my eyes stinging.

Later I slowly went numb to it.

Last month I had a bad cold.

So dizzy I couldn't stand steady.

And for once, Mom softened.

She touched my forehead, her voice gentler than I'd ever heard from her.

"On your birthday, I'll take you to get a key cut."

"No more crouching by the door and waiting."

In that moment, more than ten years of stored-up hurt seemed to smooth out, little by little.

So it turned out I could have a key too.

For days after, I was too happy to sleep.

Lying in bed at night, I pictured over and over what it would look like to pull out my own key and open the door.

I secretly saved up my allowance and bought a keychain ahead of time.

A soft, squishy little blue bear.

Round eyes, round ears, so cute.

I hung it on my backpack and touched it several times a day.

Today was my birthday.

But it turned out no one remembered any of it at all.

2: 2

By nightfall the wind was seeping in.

I was cold all over.

A shiver ran through me before I could stop it.

Somehow, without realizing it, I drifted off to sleep.

When I woke, it was a woman's voice that jolted me awake.

"Daphne, what are you doing crouching out here?"

My eyes flew open.

Mom and the others were back.

My parents stood in the doorway, and behind them my brother, his face like thunder.

The whole family looked travel-worn.

Not one of them wore a pleasant expression.

A flicker of confusion crossed my face, and I explained in a small voice,

"II don't have a key... I could only wait for you out here."

Just then, on instinct, I glanced at my watch.

A little past eleven at night.

But hadn't they said they weren't coming home tonight?

All at once, a thread of hope shot up in my chest.

Could it be they'd remembered it was my birthday, and changed their plans on the spot?

The thought alone made me hold my breath.

"No key? You couldn't have stayed at a classmate's for one night?"

Mom's brows were knotted tight, her voice thick with impatience.

"You've been squatting out here half the night. What are the neighbors going to think of me?"

"Are you doing this on purpose, so people talk and make a joke out of this family?"

The scolding left me stunned.

My heart felt like it had been squeezed hard.

So they'd come back early not because they'd thought of me after all...

I lowered my head, my voice thin as a mosquito's whine.

"I'm sorry... Mom."

Dad had long since run out of patience.

He blocked Mom and spoke in an irritated tone.

"Enough, get inside first! Don't argue in the stairwell. What if someone hears?"

"Today's been unlucky enough already!"

I forced myself up and followed close behind them.

The moment we stepped inside, my brother couldn't hold it in anymore and burst into loud, open-mouthed sobs.

Mom stepped up and soothed him with great care.

"Don't cry, Clyde Simmons, it's all Mom's fault."

"All Mom's fault for not checking the weather before booking the tickets."

Clyde shoved her away, wailing and throwing a tantrum.

"What good does saying that do now? The camp's already started!"

"All my classmates went abroad, and I'm the only one who couldn't go!"

Dad's face was tight, the very picture of heartache.

"Clyde, stop this nonsense!"

"Do you have any idea? The camp fee isn't refundable. This family just lost thousands for nothing!"

But Clyde wasn't listening at all, his face smeared with tears and snot.

"I don't care, I don't care!"

"I want to go to camp! I want to go!"

Mom hugged him tight, aching for him, coaxing him over and over.

"Okay, okay, okay, whatever our baby wants."

"Mom will find you another camp, and I'll make sure you get to go, all right?"

Only once he had his guarantee did Clyde slowly stop crying.

The three of them settled back into their cozy little unit.

Only I stood off alone in the corner.

Like an outsider who didn't belong.

Not one of them asked if I was cold, or if I was hungry.

And no one remembered that today was my birthday.

In that moment, all at once, I felt tired.

After the whole long ordeal, Clyde's stomach was empty.

He ordered me around as if it were the most natural thing.

"Daphne, I'm hungry! Go make me some noodles."

I was worn out, body and soul.

There wasn't an ounce of strength left in me.

Seeing that I didn't move, Clyde flew into a temper in an instant.

"What are you standing there for? Can't you hear me? I'm hungry!"

"I'm not feeling well. Go make it yourself."

That set him off completely.

He grabbed hold of Mom, pointing at me to tattle.

"Mom, look at her!"

"She's ignoring me on purpose!"

Mom shot me a glare and, without hearing a word of it out, snapped,

"Daphne, I haven't even settled the score with you for earlier, and now you're getting more and more out of line?"

I was silent for a moment, then said quietly,

"Mom, do you know what day it is today?"

Mom looked blank.

"What day?"

Beside her, Dad seemed to remember something and gave a gentle reminder.

"I think it's Daphne's birthday..."

Mom froze for a second, then argued back stubbornly.

"With everything going on at home today, isn't it perfectly normal to forget?"

"Fine, I'll take you out for a meal tomorrow."

I gave a bitter little laugh at myself.

"Mom, last month was Clyde's birthday."

"You didn't just book him a big seafood feast, you bought him a limited-edition Lego set for eight thousand as a present..."

The moment the words were out, Mom's face changed on the spot.

"You've got some nerve, Daphne! You dare hold a grudge against your own brother now?"

3: 3

She stepped forward and swung her hand across my face.

"You think you're the same as your brother?"

"He's a boy. He's this family's only hope!"

Then, all at once, it seemed to dawn on her.

"Oh, I see! Now I know why you decided to make a scene today!"

"It's because I didn't take you to get a key cut, isn't it?"

"You petty little brat, throwing a tantrum on purpose over something like this?"

Beside her, my father suddenly asked,

"A key? What key?"

My mother let out a cold snort.

"Who knows what got into this brat, insisting we go cut her a key."

"With this many people in the house, would it kill her to wait a bit?"

"If you ask me, you're just vain!"

My throat tightened, and I couldn't stop myself from asking back,

"A key to my own home. That's vanity?"

"Yes! That's vanity!"

My mother cut me off sharply, without a second's thought.

"You went eighteen years without a key and you got by just fine, didn't you?"

"So why do you suddenly have to have one today?"

I gave a pale smile.

Eighteen years of swallowed grievance finally broke loose in that moment.

"Mom, so you knew all along."

"You knew I didn't have a key. You knew I had to wait two hours in the stairwell every single day!"

But there wasn't a trace of guilt on her face. If anything, she looked completely indifferent.

"So what?"

"When I was a girl, I walked miles of mountain roads to school. I had it far worse than you!"

Just then, Clyde's eyes lit up.

He pointed at my school bag.

"Mom! Look at her! She actually went and bought herself a keychain in secret!"

Then he lunged to snatch it.

I turned my body on instinct.

I held the keychain tight against my chest.

"No. This is mine."

It was the one keepsake I had.

It was the gift I'd bought for myself.

I wasn't going to give it up.

But that one move set my mother off.

"Yours? What's yours?"

"Which single thing you own didn't come from us?"

She strode over and yanked the keychain out of my hands without another word.

"It's just a cheap little keychain. What's the harm in giving it to your brother?"

"You're the older sister. You should give in to him in everything!"

Clyde took the keychain, grinning smugly.

"Perfect timing. Mine was getting old anyway. Might as well have a new one."

As he spoke, he pulled his key out of his pants pocket.

He looped it onto the keychain like he'd done it a hundred times.

That was the key I'd longed for through eighteen whole years.

The key my mother had promised, with her own mouth, to have cut for me on my birthday.

The warmth in my eyes drained away, bit by bit.

Until nothing was left but a dead stillness.

My mother stood off to the side with her arms crossed, sneering.

"Look at you, all wide-eyed and pleading, like a little dog begging for scraps!"

Clyde shook the key at me, showing off.

"Heh, you're really something, buying the keychain in advance like that."

"But what good did it do? It ended up mine in the end anyway!"

I looked quietly at that keychain.

I didn't argue anymore.

But the strange thing was, my heart didn't hurt at all.

Only today did I finally understand. The distance between me and this family had never been about a key.

Back in my room, I began quietly packing my things.

My room was small, partitioned off from the balcony.

It got the worst light, freezing in winter and stifling in summer.

The cramped space held only a bed and a row of small cabinets.

I had lived in that little room for eighteen years.

Yet the things that were mine came to pitifully little.

A few pieces of clothing, a few books.

One plain cloth bag held it all.

When I was done, I felt lighter than I ever had.

No longing, no reluctance to leave.

It was even the soundest sleep I'd had in a long time.

4: 4

The next morning, first thing, my parents took my brother and went out.

Before they left I heard them talking, something about finding a new summer camp.

Even if it meant losing the registration fee, tens of thousands of dollars,

they were dead set on making up for Clyde's disappointment.

I was the only one left in the apartment.

I took out my phone and called my homeroom teacher.

"Daphne, your application has cleared. Your spot is officially confirmed."

"Seven o'clock tomorrow morning, everyone leaves together."

Hearing that, I let out a long breath.

"Okay. Thank you, Teacher Chavez."

Everything was settled.

But the moment I hung up, I heard the front door open.

I looked toward the sound. It was my cousin.

She glanced around the living room and smiled.

"Daphne, how come you're home alone?"

"Where's my aunt, and where's Clyde?"

"They went out," I said.

But something didn't sit right, and I asked before I could think.

"How did you get in?"

"With a key, obviously!"

As she said it, she held up the key in her hand.

"Aunt said I come over to play all the time, and it's a pain knocking every time I come and go."

"So she went to the hardware store and had one cut just for me..."

In that instant my mind went blank.

There was only a low buzzing in my ears.

Whatever she said after that, I couldn't make out.

So it wasn't that there weren't enough keys.

It wasn't that cutting one was too much trouble.

Four people in the family, three keys.

And now even a cousin from outside had her own key to our door.

Only me.

The daughter who had lived in this home for eighteen years had none.

Right then, my parents came back with my brother.

A new summer camp brochure in hand.

"Why is everyone standing in the doorway?"

Mom sensed something off the second she walked in.

And when she saw the key in my cousin's hand, she understood everything at once.

When her eyes met mine, they flickered before she could stop it.

"Ashley comes over all the time. It's inconvenient for her to keep knocking."

"Getting her a key, isn't that perfectly normal?"

I made a small sound of acknowledgment. I didn't cry and I didn't make a scene.

I just turned, numb, ready to go back to my little partitioned room.

But that one move set her off instantly.

"You wretched girl, I'm talking to you properly, where do you think you're going!"

"It's just a key. Do you have to keep dragging out something this small?"

My steps halted.

"If it's really just a key..."

"then why would you never, ever give me one?"

I didn't wait for her answer. I shut the door.

What they wouldn't give me was never the key.

It was the right to be family.

But it didn't matter.

If they wouldn't give it, then I didn't want it anymore.

The next day, just as the sky was going pale,

I left home alone.

Without a shred of regret.

My homeroom teacher, Teacher Chavez, was already waiting for me at the airport.

Seeing me on my own, she wasn't surprised. She only smiled gently.

"Daphne, have a safe trip."

"From here on, the sea is wide enough for the fish to leap, the sky high enough for the birds to fly."

Over these three years, she had encouraged me again and again.

She was the one who told me there was a wider world out there.

I hugged her and thanked her, sincerely.

"Thank you, Teacher Chavez."

After saying goodbye to her, I was about to go check in.

But as my eyes swept the hall, my steps slowed.

Not far off, right beside a boarding gate, stood my parents and my brother.

I gripped my ticket tight.

My first instinct was to hide.

I was afraid they'd see me, and more afraid they'd stop me.

But the next second I realized I'd been worrying over nothing.

My parents crowded around Clyde, their faces full of reluctance and concern.

"Clyde, you have to study hard at this new summer camp."

"Take good care of yourself out there. Anything you want, just tell us. Don't go without."

Clyde waved them off impatiently.

"I know, I know, you two are so annoying."

I watched quietly for a few seconds, and then I smiled.

Good.

They could keep loving the one they favored.

I was heading for the sea and the mountains that were mine.

I looked away and walked in the opposite direction from them.