My Roommates Set a Trap in Dialect, But I Understood Every Word

On my first day of college, the moment I stepped into the dorm room, one of my roommates said something to me in the local dialect.

I didn't catch it, and asked without thinking, Sorry, what did you say?

The three of them exchanged a smile.

Told you she's an out-of-towner. It's right there in the file. Riverton.

"A hick from some third-rate city gets to share a room with us? What rotten luck."

"Isn't that what makes it fun, though? She can't understand a word. We insult her and tell her it's a compliment, and she'll thank us for it."

They burst out laughing. "We'll have our own little monkey show from now on."

I didn't say anything. I just bent down and quietly started unpacking.

It's true I'm not from here.

But my mother is from Bayport.

The Bayport dialect? I could speak it by the time I was two.

...

Luna Finch, one of the roommates, still wasn't sure, so she kept probing in the dialect.

"So where are you from?"

Thinking back on what they'd just said, I dropped any idea of explaining.

Why ruin their fun?

I pretended I hadn't understood and looked at her, all confusion.

Luna switched to standard English. "You're not from Bayport?"

I nodded. "I'm from Riverton."

Georgette Whitney lifted her chin at Luna and slipped back into the dialect.

"What did I tell you? And you didn't believe me."

"I smelled the dirt on her the second she walked in."

Maxine Dickerson gave a smug little smile.

"They say out-of-towners hear us talk like it's a foreign language. Perfect chance to test it."

She walked over and tugged at my clothes.

"Look at what she's wearing. Doesn't she look like a fat old sow wrapped up in a bedsheet?"

They all burst out laughing.

I lifted my head and looked at them.

"What are you all laughing about?"

"We're saying you're pretty, and you've got great taste."

I smiled too, eyes curving.

"Thanks. If you like it, I'll send you the link."

They laughed even louder.

"Don't hicks own a mirror? Where does all that confidence come from?"

Luna's eyes glinted. "Confidence is good. In a little while, we'll give her a real big chance to embarrass herself."

The others started talking it up loudly among themselves.

I acted like I was busy unpacking, and committed every word to memory.

At the freshman ceremony that afternoon, the president was going to hand out awards to ten outstanding students in person.

Georgette kept me tied up in chatter down in the audience so I couldn't listen to anything else.

Until the list of outstanding students had all been announced from the stage.

Students in the crowd started rising and heading up.

Luna and Maxine spun around and yanked at me, thrilled.

"What are you still doing here? Get up on stage, quick!"

I looked at them, baffled.

"Go up for what?"

"To get your award! They just called your name!"

"Hurry up and get up there, or the president will be angry. Look, all nine of them have gone up. You're the only one left."

I looked toward the stage. Nine people stood in a neat row.

A student council rep stood off to the side, holding a stack of certificates.

The president was waiting too, with no sign of starting the presentation.

I laughed to myself and stood up, walking toward the stage.

They'd set the whole thing up for me. It would be a shame to disappoint them.

Luna and the others smiled, pleased with themselves.

"One of the students is disabled and has to walk on crutches. The president's waiting for him."

"Just thinking about what's coming, I can't stop laughing."

They whispered something to the others, and everyone nearby got excited.

The moment I stepped onto the stage, the student on crutches was helped up too.

The president looked at the eleven people standing there and froze.

"Did you all come up because you heard your own names called?"

Everyone nodded.

Puzzled, the president picked up the list of outstanding students and read it out, one name at a time.

Each person whose name was called stepped forward.

Only I was left, standing alone at the back.

Luna and the others covered their mouths, shaking with the effort of holding in their laughter.

The crowd below was stunned.

"What's going on? There's no award for her. What's she doing up there? She can't seriously think she can stand there and mooch an award, can she?"

"She's dressed fancier than everyone else. Probably wanted to show off, snap some selfies, pretend she won something."

"So embarrassing. Threw away her dignity for a little vanity."

I stood where I was and said nothing.

The senior from the student council reached out, motioning for me to leave the stage.

I looked at her, confused.

"Why would I leave? I'm here to get my award."

The crowd broke into wave after wave of laughter, and Luna and the others were laughing so hard they had tears in their eyes.

"Look, the dean's face has gone dark. He's probably never seen a student this shameless in his whole life!"

Someone had already snapped a photo and posted it on the school forum.

The awards ceremony delivered a real show. My terminal cringe has been cured.

Seeing that I wasn't leaving the stage, the senior classmate frowned.

"Student, what's your name? If you keep disrupting this, I'll"

Down below, people started jeering.

"Come on, don't be like that. I think she deserves an award too, the Supreme Thick-Skin Award!"

"If I had skin that thick, I'd succeed at anything I tried!"

I ignored their laughter and said flatly, "My name is Florence Fox, Section 3 of the electronics department."

The senior classmate froze for a second, then quickly flipped through the roster in her hands.

Her expression changed to a warm smile in an instant.

"Oh, it's you. You came up early, your award is the finale!"

She walked over to the dean and pointed at the roster.

The dean smiled too.

"Your award was moved to the end at the last minute. Didn't your advisor tell you?"

"Well, since you're already up here, we'll follow the original order and present yours first."

The senior classmate quickly signaled the other ten to stand off to one side.

The dean took the microphone, his voice rising.

"Florence Fox is Riverton's top SAT scorer, and she holds a chip patent. Five competing schools were after her, and we won her."

"She also gave our department's research team free use of her patent. The school is presenting Florence with a special award, the Talent Award, with a fifty-thousand-dollar prize."

Everyone below went still.

"My god, fifty thousand dollars? The school's never done that before, right?"

"We thought she was crashing the stage for a freebie, turns out she's a legend"

I looked over at Luna and the others and gave the certificate a little wave at them.

Their mouths dropped into perfect Os, and it took a while before they managed to squeeze out a smile at me.

When I came back to my seat with the award, the students around us were already laughing at them.

"Playing everyone else, and it turns out the clown was you?"

"Couldn't even handle a country bumpkin, and you said you'd let us watch her make a fool of herself? Watch you make fools of yourselves, you mean? That's genuinely hilarious."

I'd barely sat down when Luna couldn't wait to speak.

"You knew all along you had an award to collect?"

"Then how come your name wasn't on the list they posted?"

"The school said my award was special, they wanted to keep it a surprise"

I cut myself off abruptly. "Huh, so you saw the list ahead of time? Since you knew my name wasn't on it, why did you send me up on stage just now?"

"You weren't you weren't trying to make me look like a fool, were you?"

Luna started stammering.

"No, I really did hear your name just now, I thought I'd remembered the list wrong"

Back in the dorm, the cheerful laughter was gone, and they started cursing in the dialect.

"Damn it, she stole the whole show and we came off as clowns."

"Fifty thousand dollars. Four years of tuition isn't even fifty thousand! So this country bumpkin gets to go to school for free? Why should she?"

Luna's eyes rolled, and she tilted her head toward me.

"Florence, you got fifty thousand dollars. Aren't you going to show a little something?"

"We're all in the same dorm. Treat us to a meal, celebrate it properly!"

"I know a place that does local food, and it's really good."

I held her gaze for two seconds, then smiled and agreed.

"Sure."

Luna cut in quickly, "It's a deal, then!"

Georgette curled her lip. "Are you insane? Who wants a treat from some hick?"

"Just smelling the dirt on her makes me sick. You want me to hurl, sitting at the same table with her?"

Luna looked smug. "She's disgusting, sure. Her money isn't."

"That restaurant belongs to a guy I know. I'll get him to make the bill sky-high, and once she pays, we split the money with him."

"He's run diner scams out of that place before. He knows how to work it."

Georgette's face lit up. "Not bad. Wipe out all fifty grand of hers. Just thinking about it feels good!"

Maxine hesitated. "Is it really that easy? What if she takes one look at those insane prices and won't pay?"

Luna gave her phone a little wave. "She agreed to treat us just now, no hesitation. Did you forget?"

"I recorded it. If she won't pay, we post it in the class group and say she was showing off, offered to treat everyone, then backed out when the bill came."

"She'll pay through gritted teeth just to save face."

The more they talked, the more pleased with themselves they got.

They never noticed my phone was recording too.

The next day at noon, Luna and the others brought me to a restaurant on the edge of the city.

The moment we sat down, the owner came over himself and handed us a menu.

I opened it. Not one dish had a price.

"Sir, why aren't there any prices on your menu?"

Luna pulled the menu out of my hands.

"That's how high-end places are. You wouldn't get it. Let me order."

I nodded, propped my chin in both hands, and watched her order.

Abalone, lobster, blue crab...

I ran a quick estimate in my head. Two thousand, tops.

When the food came, they watched me eat and started laughing again.

"Look at those table manners. Once a hick, always a hick."

"She's put away plenty. Let's see if she has the nerve not to pay."

"Luna, ask your guy how much each of us gets from this meal."

Right in front of me, Luna called the owner over.

"So? All figured out?"

Mr. Lambert nodded. "You wanted me to run the total at fifty grand, right? My cost is two thousand, so the four of you get twelve hundred each."

Georgette's voice cracked with excitement.

"Twelve hundred? Oh my God, I can finally buy that bag I've been eyeing!"

I tilted my head toward them.

"Are we settling up now? How much is it?"

Mr. Lambert hurried over with the receipt and handed it to me.

"Fifty thousand total. Card?"

I took the receipt and frowned.

"Fifty thousand? Sir, is this some kind of rip-off joint?"

"We ordered six dishes, no drinks. Eight grand a dish?"

Luna took the menu and made a show of glancing at it.

"That's right, Florence. You're from inland, so you probably don't know. Everything we ate is top-grade. That's just the price."

Georgette chimed in. "Don't tell me you've never had anything nice? A little money like this scares you stiff?"

"Back home in Bayport, dropping tens of thousands on one meal is totally normal."

Maxine rolled her eyes. "I told you people from out of town wouldn't get it, and you didn't believe me. We do her a favor showing her the world, and it comes off like we're swindling her."

Luna sighed. "My bad. You agreed so easily yesterday, I thought you didn't care about money."

"But we've already eaten. You've got no choice but to pay."

I pushed the receipt away. "This bill? I'm not paying it."

Luna shot Mr. Lambert a look, and his face darkened, every word dripping with threat.

"What's this supposed to mean? Trying to dine and dash in my restaurant? Pay up now, or I'll have your school come collect you!"

I tapped a fingertip lightly on the receipt.

"Premium abalone, wholesale cost eight-eighty a pound. This plate used about half a pound, and you're charging seven thousand eight."

"Premium lobster, wholesale cost eight hundred a pound. This plate you're charging us eight thousand."

"Premium crab, wholesale cost five hundred a pound"

"Mr. Lambert, the cost of these dishes is barely over a thousand. You quote a sky-high fifty thousand. Aren't you afraid of breaking the law?"

Hearing me name the exact wholesale prices, his eyes flickered, guilt showing through.

He jerked his chin up and shook a fist, defiant.

"What law am I breaking? It's my own restaurant. I'll charge whatever I want!"

I let out a soft laugh.

"The law requires every menu to display clear prices. Otherwise it's fraud."

"But the menu you just handed me had no prices at all."

He opened his mouth to speak. I cut him off again.

"And about that word, 'premium.'"

"The ingredients you used are the lowest grade on the market. Nowhere near premium."

"Passing off cheap goods as premium already counts as fraud too."

"If you insist this meal costs fifty thousand, then I'll just have to call the regulatory bureau."

His expression shifted again and again. "What does a little girl like you understand! My goods are imported from overseas. That's exactly what they're worth!"

Luna and the others came back to themselves and stared at me, displeased.

"Florence, could you not embarrass yourself? These are all top-quality goods."

"Eating out in Bayport just costs this much. It's not like those third-tier cities you come from."

I raised an eyebrow.

"Whether this restaurant uses premium goods or cheap ones, I know all too well."

I took out the supply invoices with Mr. Lambert's signature and laid them on the table.

My parents own the largest seafood company in Bayport. Ninety percent of the restaurants here buy their stock from us.

Yesterday, the moment Luna named the restaurant, I sent it to my parents, and sure enough, this place was one of our accounts too.

Sweat the size of beans rolled down Mr. Lambert's forehead. "Where did you get these fake invoices? These are forged!"

I gave my phone a little shake. "Then let's call the regulatory bureau and have them inspect your goods."

He panicked, glaring at Luna in a fury.

Luna hurried to grab my arm. "Florence, why are you being such a killjoy? A perfectly nice meal, and you have to make a scene"

I cut her off, my tone all confusion.

"You're locals. Whether or not we're getting cheated on this meal, you two know better than anyone, don't you?"

"So why aren't you helping your own classmate? Why do you keep taking the crooked owner's side instead?"

"You wouldn't happen to be his shills, would you?"

Luna froze.

"No, we were just trying to explain how things work here"

I waved a hand. "Then let the regulatory bureau explain instead."

"If you keep getting in the way, I'll have to consider calling the police to look into whether you're the owner's accomplices."

"And if you are, even if the police don't lock you up, I'm sure the school will have something to say about it, right?"

Mr. Lambert lost it, slamming his hand down on my phone and demanding of Luna in dialect,

"What's going on here? You brought people to trash my place?"

Luna and the others had long since panicked.

"I didn't expect her to be this stubborn either Forget it, just say you got the bill wrong earlier. Smooth it over first"

I looked at them with a smile and asked, in dialect, one word at a time,

"Bit too late to say it was a miscalculation now, isn't it?"