Slowly Forgetting My Love

The day before the wedding, I was diagnosed with Alzheimer's.

In the two hours I waited for Rod Dickerson to come home, I turned it over and over in my head, trying to figure out how to convince him to break things off.

After all, marrying me was the reason he'd cut ties with his own family.

But before I could get a word out, he took my hand, his voice urgent.

"Sonia Swanson, tomorrow's wedding might have to be pushed back."

"You already know?"

My hand tightened on the medical file without thinking. But what he said next left me frozen where I stood.

"Sybilla's back in the country. She's been diagnosed with cancer, and her last wish is to marry me."

"Sonia, we have all the time in the world. Once she's gone, we'll have our wedding. Okay?"

He looked at me with his eyes full of hope, the same way he had the day he proposed.

Except this time, what he wanted me to agree to was him marrying another woman.

1.

The sudden ring of a phone cut through my thoughts.

Rod let go of my hand almost instantly and hurried over to the floor-to-ceiling window to answer it.

"Okay, don't be scared. Wait for me."

He hung up, turned back to me, his eyes anxious.

"Sonia, something urgent came up at the hospital. I have to go right now."

"Tomorrow's wedding, can you let the guests and the venue know first."

I looked at him, my throat feeling like it was stuffed with cotton.

"And my parents?"

Rod rushed to the entryway to put on his shoes, not even lifting his head.

"You explain it to them first. Sonia, you're the kindest, the most understanding. I know you'll handle it."

Once his shoes were on, he seemed to feel a flicker of guilt. He came over and patted my head.

"Don't read too much into it. Sybilla and I are just childhood friends. She has cancer now and no one to lean on. I can't just leave her to fend for herself."

"The wedding gets pushed back six months at most. We have all the time in the world. Once she's gone, I promise you the grandest wedding."

All the time in the world.

But he didn't know. We didn't have all the time in the world anymore.

The doctor's words echoed in my ears.

"Early-onset Alzheimer's like yours is extremely rare. The disease progresses very fast. You'll start forgetting soon."

Maybe in less than six months, I'd forget him completely.

Rod reached the door, and his body suddenly went still.

He turned his head, looking at me with a trace of confusion.

"Right, Sonia, you were in such a rush to get me home earlier. What did you want to tell me?"

I gripped the medical file so hard my nails nearly tore through the paper.

"It's nothing."

I drew in a deep breath and smiled at him.

"I'll explain everything to my parents."

Rod let out a breath of relief, tossed out a "good girl," and shut the door with a bang.

In the empty living room, there was only me.

I gave a small, self-mocking laugh and slowly smoothed out the medical file crumpled in my hand.

Then I picked up my phone and dialed the number of the overseas neuroscience laboratory the doctor had given me.

"Hello, I'd like to enroll as a clinical trial participant for your new drug."

After I hung up, I opened the notes app on my phone.

I'm sick. I'm going to forget a lot of things.

Rod is the man I love.

My wedding with Rod has been postponed.

I sat on the couch and called them one by one, every relative and guest.

"I'm sorry. Tomorrow's wedding is off."

Again and again, until my voice went from trembling to numb.

My parents were the last call. I gave them some story about a serious illness in Rod's family that meant he had to go back, and let that cover everything.

I heard the ache in their sighs on the other end and hung up fast, before they could catch the catch in my throat.

The lab overseas asked me to send a detailed rsum and a summary of my condition. I wiped my eyes and opened the laptop.

That was when I noticed Rod's messaging account still logged in.

A pinned avatar kept blinking. The name saved beside it was Sybilla.

Something pulled me in, and I clicked.

The chat was a Rod I had never seen.

With me, he was always mature, level-headed.

But with Sybilla Pruitt he sent all kinds of cute stickers, went soft, clung to her.

"Rod, chemo hurt so much today."

"Easy, sweetie. Wait for me, I'm coming to be with you."

Reading those tender little words, I felt the cold spread through all of me.

Back when he was pursuing me, I knew he had an ex he'd never gotten over, so I didn't say yes.

But he kept at it. He chased me for a whole year.

He even broke with his family to marry me, over their objections.

Back then he looked into my eyes, full of feeling.

"Sonia, now and always, you're the only one I love."

I closed the laptop in a hurry and stood, and knocked the diary off the table by accident.

A yellowed photo slipped out from inside.

I bent to pick it up and froze on the spot.

Written in the bottom right corner was Sybilla Pruitt.

And the face in the photo was seventy percent me.

My hands shaking, I opened the diary.

Every line was heavy with feeling for Sybilla Pruitt.

"Met a girl today named Sonia Swanson. The way she smiles, it looks so much like you."

"I can't help wanting to be near her. I'll just treat her as your stand-in."

So from the very beginning it was never me he loved. He only saw someone else through me.

I dropped to the floor, tears pouring out and refusing to stop, and as every little moment of the past came back, the pain stabbed at my heart like needles until I couldn't breathe.

I sat there on the floor a long time, long enough that the tears finally ran dry.

The phone rang all at once. It was Rod.

"Sonia, Sybilla can't be left alone right now. I probably won't be home for a while. Take care of yourself."

"Once I'm through this stretch, I'll make it up to you properly."

I opened my mouth and found I didn't even have the strength to demand anything.

"All right."

For a whole week after that, Rod never showed up. Just the odd message now and then.

I had no time to grieve. I was busy cleaning up the aftermath of the canceled wedding.

And when it was all done and I dragged my worn-out body home, I saw Rod walking Sybilla out of a restaurant, holding her steady by the arm.

This was the first time I had seen Sybilla Pruitt in person, yet I recognized her at a glance.

She looked like me, and she didn't.

She had the delicate features of a Southern beauty, and the illness gave her a fragile, ailing sort of softness.

I, on the other hand, had the plain, sturdy look of someone from the North.

"Sonia, you're back."

Rod stood up, a little awkward.

"Sybilla doesn't have any family or friends out here, and living in a hotel isn't good for her recovery, so I brought her home."

Sybilla came toward me with a frail little smile.

"You must be Sonia. Rod talks about you all the time. Thank you for keeping him company these past few years."

The words sounded like gratitude, but they were all showing off and provocation.

"Sonia, Sybilla's a sick woman. Try to be considerate of her."

Rod stood across from me with his arm around Sybilla, as if I were the outsider here.

"And how exactly would you like me to be considerate?"

Rod pulled me aside, his tone earnest.

"The master bedroom is more spacious, and the light's better. It's good for Sybilla's recovery. You're generous, Sonia. You won't make a fuss over this, will you?"

I looked at Rod and gave a small laugh, then turned and gathered my things and moved into the guest room.

Late that night, I opened the notes app on my phone.

Sybilla Pruitt is Rod's first love. She's sick, and he has to take care of her.

I thought my forbearance would at least let me get through the days before I went abroad in peace. I never expected this was only the beginning.

I can't eat anything spicy. But Sybilla was from the South, and she couldn't stand a meal without heat.

So every day Rod cooked heavy, spicy Southern food.

Every day I had to eat at the restaurant downstairs before coming home.

A few days later, Sybilla sneezed in the living room and turned to Rod with reddened eyes.

"Rod, I think I'm allergic to pollen. It's awful."

Rod tensed up at once and turned to look at me.

"Sonia, could you close down that flower shop of yours for now? Sybilla's body can't take even the smallest strain right now."

In that moment, I could hardly believe my ears.

Owning a flower shop had been my dream since I was a child, and I had only just gotten it off the ground. Now Rod, over a single sentence from Sybilla, wanted me to tear it down with my own hands.

"There's no need to close the shop."

I looked at him calmly.

"I'll move out."

Rod froze for a second. The guilt in his eyes flickered and vanished, replaced by relief.

"That works too. Stay somewhere else for a few days, and once Sybilla's feeling better, I'll bring you home."

The day I moved out, Sybilla leaned close to my ear and spoke softly.

"Sonia Swanson, Rod can only be mine. You're the stand-in. Time for you to get lost."

I froze, staring at the woman in front of me, her eyes cold and vicious now, without a trace of that softness or sickliness.

"You never had cancer at all, did you? You're faking it."

Sybilla raised an eyebrow, not bothering to hide her smugness.

"So what if I am?"

"Aren't you afraid I'll tell Rod?"

"Do you think Rod will believe you, or me?"

Sybilla suddenly gave an eerie little smile, then let herself fall backward, crashing hard onto the floor.

At the same moment, Rod walked out of the room.

The sight of it drained the color from his face. He rushed over and scooped Sybilla up.

"Sybilla! What happened?!"

Sybilla lay in Rod's arms, weeping like a fallen flower in the rain.

"Rod, don't blame Sonia. It's my fault, I intruded on the two of you. Maybe I should just move out."

Rod's head snapped up toward me.

"Sonia Swanson! She's sick, how can you be this vicious?!"

Looking at the Rod in front of me, a sudden violent pain shot through my head.

Wasn't he the man who loved me most? How could he treat me like this?

I pressed a hand to my forehead in pain, unable to say a single word.

Rod took my silence for guilt. He gave a cold snort, then carefully lifted Sybilla and carried her inside.

"Take a good look at yourself. When you've come to your senses, then you can come back!"

With a slam, the door shut hard in my face.

I stood outside, fragments of images flickering through my mind.

It was back when we'd just bought this place.

Rod had held me tight from behind, pointing at the empty living room, his eyes full of hope.

"Sonia, we'll put your favorite couch right here, and fill the balcony with all the flowers you love."

"This is our home, for the rest of our lives."

Tears slid down without a sound, and those images began to blur.

My phone rang. It was the overseas lab.

"Miss Swanson, we've approved your application. You can come whenever you're ready."

I hung up and opened the notes app on my phone.

I deleted the line that said Rod is the man I love

Then I wrote a new one.

Sybilla isn't sick. She's going to marry Rod.

I made a trip back to my parents' house and told them Rod and I had broken up, and that I was going abroad to study.

I thought they'd scold me for being reckless. After all, both families had spent so long preparing for the wedding.

But my mother only rubbed my head, her eyes rimmed red.

"Broken up is broken up. My girl can go wherever she wants, and your dad and I will always be behind you."

Looking at the gray at my parents' temples, I felt a sudden fear that one day I might forget them too.

Over the next few days, I started processing my passport and visa.

My memory was slipping worse and worse.

Sometimes I'd even forget where I was walking to in the middle of the walk.

The day I went to the hospital to print my medical records, I ran into Rod and Sybilla in the corridor.

Sybilla was clinging to his arm, the two of them murmuring about something with their heads bent close.

When Rod saw me he clearly froze, and instinctively let go of Sybilla.

"Sonia!"

Rod walked quickly over to me, his brow tightening as he looked at the thick stack of papers in my hand.

"What are you doing at the hospital? Are you feeling unwell somewhere?"

I looked at him and said flatly,

"Nothing. Just picking up some routine checkup reports."

Sensing that something was off in my tone, Rod hurried to explain.

"Sonia, I only came to keep Sybilla company for her treatment. Don't get the wrong idea."

Rod was about to say more when Sybilla, behind him, suddenly clutched her stomach and moaned in pain.

"Rod, my stomach hurts so much"

Rod's face changed in an instant.

"Sonia, I need to get Sybilla to a doctor first. I'll contact you later."

With that he scooped Sybilla up and hurried off.

I stood where I was, watching him walk away.

The strange thing was, there wasn't the slightest ripple in my heart.

In my mind, the memories about this man called Rod seemed to be down to only a few scraps.

I opened the notes app on my phone again.

I deleted My wedding with Rod has been postponed.

I turned and walked in the opposite direction.

The day I left, my mom and dad came to see me off at the airport.

"Sonia, once you're over there, take good care of yourself."

"I will. You two take care of yourselves too."

The boarding announcement began to play over the speakers.

I pulled my suitcase toward the security checkpoint, and my phone suddenly buzzed.

It was a message from Rod.

"Sonia, I miss you. Let me bring you home."

I stood in the surging crowd at the airport, staring at that pinned chat, and no matter how I tried, I couldn't remember why this person and I had said so many tender things to each other.

I opened the notes app. Only two lines were left on it.

Sybilla is Rod's first love. She's sick, and he has to take care of her.

Sybilla isn't sick. She's going to marry Rod.

Oh. So it turned out he was going to marry someone else.

Calmly, I backed out to the messaging app, deleted him, blocked him.

Then I pulled my suitcase and walked through the boarding gate without looking back.