For My Daughter, I Chose to Remarry

After the divorce, I watched with my own eyes as my daughter ran along behind the two children of my ex-husband's first love.

The seven-year-old boy raced ahead on his custom bike, then turned around to laugh at my daughter running under the blazing sun, calling her slow as a turtle.

So the day before Jarvis Henson planned to propose to his first love, I agreed to remarry him.

In front of the county clerk's office, Jarvis took out that ring again.

"Victoria Pruitt, I really thought you'd made up your mind never to look back."

"I never imagined..."

"From now on I'll take good care of you and our daughter. As for Hilda Simmons, she and I will only ever be lifelong good friends."

I gave a small hum and held out my hand to him, a smile on my lips that never reached my eyes.

Jarvis didn't know.

This time, I was remarrying for my daughter, and for the money.

As for his wavering protection and his so-called sincerity, he could give it to whoever he liked.

The ring, just the right size, slid onto my middle finger, and the first to offer congratulations was Jarvis's first love, standing off to the side.

Her eyes were rimmed red, her smile forced.

"Jarvis, congratulations to you and Victoria."

"Now that you two are back together, I should take the children abroad."

At that, Jarvis's expression shifted, and much of his earlier joy drained away.

"Abroad?"

"Why didn't you mention this before?"

"You have no one to rely on. Once you leave the Henson family, where can you go with two children?"

Hilda drew in a deep breath, her smile bitter.

"It was a last-minute decision."

"I'd thought..."

She shot me an unreadable glance, and her gaze finally settled on the diamond ring on my middle finger.

"Never mind."

"Jarvis, it's Eng-land. Andrew Simmons loves soccer, and Ronnie says he's happy to follow his brother."

"If nothing comes up, we probably won't be coming back. You and Victoria take care of each other, and don't split up over small things again."

"Being given hope and then having it fall apart... it really hurts."

In just a few words she pinned the reason I'd insisted on divorcing Jarvis on nothing more than small things.

Looking at her tears, Jarvis fell silent. The arm around my shoulders turned, and without thinking he reached over to wipe the tears from her face.

Guilt and tenderness in his eyes.

Six years together. I knew better than anyone what that gesture of his meant.

He was regretting it.

Regretting whether he shouldn't have thrown out his proposal plan and come here instead to sign the papers with me in front of the county clerk's office.

He probably felt he'd let Hilda down.

Yet he'd already forgotten the words he'd said just minutes ago as he slipped the ring onto my finger.

"Victoria, from now on I'll take good care of you and our daughter. As for Hilda, she and I will only ever be lifelong good friends."

I'd like to ask: would good friends behave the way they did, where one only had to shed a few tears and the other would drop everything, again and again abandoning trips and birthday parties he'd promised his wife and daughter to go running off?

Or leave his own flesh-and-blood daughter to fend for herself while spoiling this "good friend's" children rotten?

I'll never forget a week ago, at the lakeside park near the Henson house.

The sight of my three-year-old daughter running after Hilda's two seven-year-old sons.

They rode brand-name custom bikes, pads on their hands, feet, and knees, little fans hanging around their necks.

While my Tammy, in cotton socks and cotton shoes, chased those two so-called "big brothers" under the blazing sun.

Her hair was soaked with sweat and stuck to her cheeks and forehead, her little face flushed red from the heat. On the downhill she couldn't keep up, her foot slipped, and she pitched forward, chin and palms and knees scraping hard against the ground until the blood beaded up, and then the two of them circled back and surrounded her, laughing loudly.

It drew the eyes of everyone strolling past.

"The slow turtle can't keep up, the slow turtle fell down!"

"Look at the slow turtle, it's so funny, hahaha."

A three-year-old already knows what pride is.

Hot and hurting, Tammy cried as she scrambled up, wrapped her arms around her legs, buried her face in the crook of her arm, and sobbed as she said,

"No, I'm not a turtle."

"Mommy, I want my mommy..."

When the nanny sent me that video, I couldn't stop crying, my heart bleeding.

And at that moment, what was Jarvis, her own father, doing?

He and Hilda were behind them on a sightseeing cart, chatting away as if all was right with the world!

By the time they caught up with the three children, Tammy had cried herself half to fainting under the sun.

Jarvis saw it and not only didn't care, but because of a couple of teasing remarks Hilda made while giving her sons water, he frowned and blamed Tammy without hearing a single thing out.

"Tammy saw her two big brothers had bikes and got jealous."

"But boys need better motor skills, and riding builds leg strength. Tammy's a girl, she doesn't need muscle. Running around for exercise is better for her anyway."

"Auntie Hilda's right, Tammy. You be good and get along with your two big brothers."

"So young and already comparing and getting jealous. What does that look like?"

But could Jarvis really not see how humiliated and miserable his daughter was?

As an adult, he could tell at a glance, and he did nothing.

Afterward, Tammy spiked a high fever from moderate heatstroke and was rushed to the hospital.

And at that exact time, Hilda twisted her ankle, so Jarvis again abandoned Tammy and hurried off to the apartment to look after her and her two sons.

In the end it was the nanny, the one who'd cared for Tammy since she was born, who couldn't stand it any longer and contacted me privately.

That night keeping watch at the hospital was the first time since the divorce that Jarvis's renewed favoritism kept me from sleeping.

It was also the first time in half a year that the thought of remarrying took root in me.

"Are you done wiping?"

My thoughts came back to the present, and I looked coldly at the two of them one crying without stop, the other endlessly drying her tears.

I didn't want to sit through their little act any longer.

"If neither of you can bear it, then just stay."

"What is there to cry about."

"The Henson family is big enough. If nothing else, there's still the old estate. Are you afraid Jarvis can't afford to keep the three of you?"

It wasn't a kind thing to say.

Once it was out, I ignored the tangled looks on their faces, turned, and walked toward the car.

Behind me, Jarvis dropped his hand and called after me, stunned.

"Victoria, you"

Then came Hilda's flustered, tearful voice.

"Jarvis, I really didn't mean I wanted to stay. It's only that, it's only that I can't bear to leave."

"You two have already remarried. What am I doing, sitting in the middle of it with my kids? Victoria knows that perfectly well. Saying something like that, isn't she trying to shame me on purpose?"

At that, Jarvis, who had taken two steps after me, stopped, just as I expected.

He hesitated a moment, then made a call and told the driver to take me back first.

As for him, he would take the unsteady Hilda to the apartment where she used to live first.

I pulled the car door shut.

No surprise there.

And more than glad of it.

Coming back to the Henson house again, my mood was a complicated tangle.

Tammy, though.

"Mommy!"

The moment she saw me, the light in her eyes went bright, and she came running toward me, her voice clear and sweet.

Something in me softened, and I quickly crouched down and pulled her into my arms.

"Mommy, did you come to see me?"

"Can you stay tonight and sleep with me? I want you to tell me a bedtime story, and I want the noodle soup you make."

Listening to her innocent little words, my eyes stung, and I nearly cried.

A small child doesn't understand the twists and turns between adults, doesn't understand what it means to be apart. She only knows that one day, all of a sudden, Mommy no longer lived in this house, and only came by once in a very long while.

"I'll stay. Tonight Mommy will tell you a story, and in the daytime I'll make you noodles, just like before, okay?"

"Okay!"

I looked at her excited little face and laughed despite myself as I lifted her up.

"Has Tammy been listening to the nanny these past few days, eating well and taking her medicine on time?"

Her little arms wrapped tight around my neck, and she nodded.

"I ate it. Auntie made me greens and meat. The medicine is bitter, Tammy doesn't like it..."

Right up until night, she was too excited to sleep.

The whole time, Jarvis didn't come back.

He texted to say he was staying at Hilda's for dinner, that she and her kids were low, and he was afraid something might happen, so he had to keep an eye on them.

He added that it was only a friend looking out for a friend, nothing to it, and I shouldn't read too much into it.

Words like that, I'd heard far too many of.

So many I'd gone numb.

So this time I finished reading it, pressed and held, deleted.

Then I turned back and went on coaxing Tammy to sleep.

The next morning I came downstairs to find Jarvis already on the sofa, scrolling through his phone.

"You're up?"

He lifted a hand and waved us over as we came near, the two of us together.

"Why didn't you answer my messages last night? I thought you'd sleep in the master bedroom."

My voice stayed even.

"I figured you'd end up staying over there."

"It's been a long time since I put Tammy to bed. I promised her last night I would."

"Besides, there are things in the master bedroom that aren't mine."

Jarvis pressed his lips together.

After a moment, he reached out to take my hand.

"I'll have the housekeeper clear all of it out. There's nothing between me and Hilda. She just came by and stayed over a few times before."

"Last night there was an accident. The apartment's been empty for a while, and the wiring shorted out."

"Victoria, can you understand that?"

I smiled.

"Of course."

Then I pulled my hand free, turned, and went into the kitchen to boil water and cook the noodles.

He always had that endless supply of excuses. It had been like this before too.

One night he'd eat dinner and stay over at Hilda's. The next day I'd take Tammy alone to the amusement park he'd stood us up on, and by the time we got back in the evening, Hilda's things and both of her sons' things would already be in the master bedroom.

The moment I made a fuss, it was either the apartment's old wiring making it temporarily unlivable, or a burst pipe that made it unsafe.

If I didn't understand, then I was petty, keeping score, with no compassion.

Twenty minutes later, three bowls of noodle soup went on the table.

Tammy washed her hands and climbed up to the table first, sitting in the seat beside mine. Jarvis sat across from me.

The three of us ate in silence. From the outside, it looked like harmony.

When we finished, and the housekeeper had taken Tammy upstairs to brush her teeth, Jarvis reached over and pulled me into his arms again.

He rested his chin on my shoulder.

I went stiff.

The scent of body wash was strong on him. He must have just gotten back and rinsed off quickly.

"Victoria."

"This is nice, isn't it? Stop fighting me from now on, okay?"

"Let's just live as a family. You and our daughter are the only two people in my heart."

I listened, lowered my eyes, and said nothing.

Was that the truth?

I didn't dare believe it anymore. Money was more solid than that.

"Tammy loves to dance."

"I want to buy her a big penthouse downtown, somewhere she can rest between practices later on. Put the deed in Tammy's name."

Jarvis didn't refuse. I knew he was in a good enough mood that he wouldn't.

So I went upstairs, took out the purchase contract I'd prepared earlier from the drawer, and handed it to him to sign.

Once he'd signed, he added,

"Then I won't go into the office today. I'll go with you and Tammy to see the new place in a bit."

I was still working out how to say no.

Just then the phone rang.

It was Hilda. She was at the door with both of her sons.

"Jarvis, I was going to just use the fingerprint lock, but then I thought about Victoria. Could you come open the door for me?"

Jarvis let go of me and went straight over.

The second the door opened, both her boys changed their shoes like they'd done it a hundred times and ran upstairs to the master bedroom to play computer games.

As the older one passed me, he shot me a nasty look.

"I know who you are. You're the bad woman who stole my dad and made my mom cry."

"You're just like that slow turtle daughter of yours. You're both annoying!"

"Andrew!"

Hilda scolded him quickly, all for show.

"You can't say things like that!"

"Victoria, Andrew's little, he doesn't understand. Don't be angry."

"So little he doesn't even know who his own father is?"

"Victoria!"

Jarvis cut me off with a frown.

But Hilda's face had already gone ugly.

Her ex-husband was scum. Back then she'd been swept off her feet by the man's sweet talk and married him, and who could have guessed he'd show his true colors soon after. He wouldn't hold down a job, and he had affairs all over town.

She couldn't take it anymore and asked for a divorce. Then she reconnected with Jarvis at a class reunion.

A first love turned old friend. At the time, Jarvis and I hadn't even been married a year.

"Don't you dare bully my mom! You bad woman, drop dead, drop dead."

Seeing his own mother's eyes go red from what I'd said, seven-year-old Andrew swung his fists at me, furious.

He didn't come up to my shoulder, but he hit hard. One punch landed and the flesh of my arm ached with a dull throb.

Tammy, just finished brushing her teeth and coming down, saw the whole thing. She ran to me crying and shoved at Andrew.

"Don't hit my mommy. You can't hit my mommy."

But she was too small. Andrew whipped a hand back and shoved her hard, sending her flying a good three feet before she hit the floor.

"Tammy!"

"Slow turtle, ugly face, get out of the way!"

The younger one copied him, circling Tammy, clapping his hands, calling her ugly, ugly, over and over.

And Jarvis stood off to the side, unmoved again. He even looked away to comfort Hilda.

I watched it all, cold, and the anger surged up. Never mind whether those fists would land on my face or my chest, I grabbed one boy in front and one behind, a hand on each.

Crack!

Two crisp slaps landed.

Hilda threw herself at me, crying.

"Andrew! Ronnie Simmons!"

"Victoria! By what right do you lay a hand on my sons? They're just children. Whatever they say or do, it's all to stand up for me. If you've got something to say, why can't you just say it nicely!"

And Jarvis.

Just now, when my daughter and I were being hit and shoved, he'd stood there and done nothing.

Now his face was full of disapproval as he stepped up to block me.

"Victoria! You've gone too far. Whatever's going on, you don't hit children."

"Apologize!"

"By what right?"

I bent down and lifted Tammy into my arms.

"Jarvis, in what capacity are you demanding I apologize? As my husband? As Tammy's father?"

"Or as Hilda's first love, her friend? Or maybe as her children's 'daddy.'"

Jarvis froze. He hadn't expected me to ask it like that.

I looked at him and nodded, as if it all made sense now.

"So it's the last one, then."

"No wonder you couldn't see her two boys hitting and cursing at me, but the moment I hit back for myself and my daughter, you saw it all crystal clear."

When I finished, Jarvis's expression turned deeply complicated.

"You're upset?"

Seeing that I wouldn't speak.

He sighed and softened his tone.

"I just think what you said went too far. Hilda's soft-tempered, easily pushed around. That's why she suffered so much under that animal. It's her wound. It's understandable she doesn't want her two boys to claim that man as their real father."

"As for what they call me, I'll have Hilda teach them to change it back later. Apologize first."

In the tug of it, his thumb pressed into the big bruise on my arm, and I sucked in a sharp breath at the pain.

Jarvis stopped and let go.

He followed my gaze, then pressed his lips together.

Seeing it, he said nothing more.

"Take Tammy upstairs first. Have the housekeeper put some ointment on it."

"I'll handle all of this."

"Jarvis..."

Hilda wasn't having it, of course.

"Me, Andrew, Ronnie, they..."

Jarvis turned back to soothe her.

"Hilda, I'll make it up to you."

The compensation he spoke of was a promise to build Andrew and Ronnie a gym, one just for them to practice soccer.

Three million dollars.

And for me and Tammy.

One bottle of bruise ointment.

Twelve dollars.

For the month that followed, Jarvis was either on-site overseeing the construction or buried in company work.

Every time he came home, Tammy and I had already gone to sleep in the children's room.

The next morning, once he left, I would take Tammy back to the old estate to stay with his parents.

Frank Henson and Aileen Henson were old, but they saw things more clearly than Jarvis did. Once they knew the whole story, they asked me straight out,

"What do you want?"

I laid out several contracts, each in triplicate. They covered Jarvis's personal assets, his savings and investments, and a transfer of shares. On every one of them, the name of the recipient, the new owner, was Tammy's, without exception.

At first the two of them hesitated.

Then they heard about the lakeside park, and about the three-million-dollar gym, and they agreed without another word.

On one side, a woman who was likely their son's mistress, and two children with no blood tie to them.

On the other, their own granddaughter.

"All right. We understand. We'll make him sign it."

With that promise from them, my mind eased considerably.

Back at the Henson house, I still shared one bed with Tammy.

Now and then, when Jarvis came home early and ran into me, he would ask,

"Are you angry?"

I would answer,

"No."

"Then why won't you sleep in the master bedroom?"

I said nothing.

He looked at me, and after a long silence, he offered an explanation.

"I was in the wrong that day too. I shouldn't have stayed out of it when Andrew hit you, and I shouldn't have acted like I didn't see Tammy get pushed down."

"Victoria, I just think you were the one who started it."

I opened my mouth, ready to argue.

Then I thought again. What was the point?

A person's heart leans where it leans. Nothing I said would change which way his did.

But Jarvis clearly didn't see it that way. When I stayed quiet, he thought he'd hit the mark, thought I'd actually taken it in.

"Andrew and Ronnie have already stopped calling me that. From now on, don't say things like that in front of Hilda either."

"One sentence from you that day, and she went home and grieved over it for ages. She hasn't come to visit once in a whole month."

The words caught in my throat. I set down the picture book in my hand.

"You can invite her over."

Jarvis went still.

"You don't mind?"

I shook my head, my expression unchanged.

"I don't mind."

"..."

"You're not angry either?"

"No, I'm not angry."

"Why would I be?"

He wasn't wrong. If this had happened before, I might have had a screaming fight with him, clinging to it and refusing to let go until he gave me an answer.

Or I might have faked calm, exactly the way he described.

But now, all I wanted was to rest.

"Victoria."

"You've changed."

After a long silence, Jarvis got up and left.

He wasn't wrong.

Everyone changes.

Lights off. Sleep.

The next day, Jarvis had a business trip.

Before he left, he waited in the living room for Tammy and me to come downstairs.

"I've got someone supervising the gym site, and the company projects are just about wrapped up. When I get back from this trip, I'll take you and Tammy to see that place downtown."

I didn't look up.

"No need. I took Tammy to see it a few days ago. She loves it."

"And you? Do you like it?"

I didn't think much of it and made a small sound of agreement.

The next second, he pushed a purchase contract in front of me, the same kind as last time.

"Then I'll buy one for you too."

My eyes rested on it for two seconds, then moved away.

Jarvis spoke again.

"Anything you want me to bring back for you two?"

I looked at Tammy. She shook her head.

"No."

Two seconds of silence, then Jarvis nodded.

"Okay."

He walked to the door, then something seemed to occur to him, and he came back to ask me,

"Victoria, is there nothing you want to say to me?"

I tried hard to think, for a long moment.

There was nothing.

His face darkened, and he slammed the door on his way out.

I paid it no mind and went on with my little two-person world with Tammy.

But little by little I noticed that Tammy was acting strange.

After everything that had happened, she couldn't seem to feel close to Jarvis as a father anymore.

In the days Jarvis was away, she almost never brought him up on her own, never said she missed her daddy, and even on video calls she wouldn't show her face to say hello.

Once I realized it, I took her to see a psychologist right away.

The result was that among Tammy's attachments, Jarvis ranked dead last.

That night, lying in bed with Tammy in my arms, patting her, I asked,

"Tammy, what if Mommy raised you on her own, and Daddy was only part of it now and then? Would that make you sad?"

Tammy tipped up her little face.

"You mean just like now?"

I thought about it and nodded.

"Yes, just like now. Would you be okay with that?"

Tammy lowered her eyes, gripping the cloth doll in her hands tightly.

Something ached in my chest, and I quickly pulled her closer.

"Mommy's just asking..."

"It's okay, Mommy."

"Tammy's okay with it."

Her eyes were wet, and her little arms came around me.

"Daddy isn't only my daddy. But Mommy is only mine."

"So Tammy's okay with it. Tammy isn't sad."

The door handle gave a sharp little click.

The doorway of the room.

Jarvis stood there, staring, stunned.