Between Us Flows a River That Runs Backward

Adrian Stephens took the heart my mother donated to me on the night she died and rerouted it to his childhood friend's daughter.

The other doctors pressed him hard.

Then what happens to Irene Winfield?

She's in severe heart failure. Without this match, if she can't find a compatible heart in time, she'll die!

Adrian was quiet for a long moment. When he finally spoke, his voice was low.

"Georgina is Rosamund's daughter. She's still a child, and she needs this heart more than Irene does."

Someone still found it cruel.

"But Irene is five months pregnant now. You know better than anyone what the risk is if she doesn't get a transplant. If her heart stops, it's two lives lost, not one!"

Adrian didn't even lift his head.

"It won't come to that."

I stood in the hallway, and it was like a bucket of ice water poured straight over me.

The Adrian who once studied medicine for my sake, who looked at me with nothing but tenderness, who swore he would cure me.

That same man could now toss my safety aside like a worn-out shoe, all for Rosamund Fox's daughter.

I pressed a hand to the dull ache in my chest, and all at once I wanted to know

Seven years together, and when exactly had Adrian let his heart drift toward another woman?

I walked slowly to the door and closed my hand around the handle.

Inside the office, the argument hadn't stopped.

"How can you say it won't come to that!"

"Dr. Stephens, think about this. Irene is your fiance. And that heart was left to her by her mother, who died last night. You can't just sign it over to Georgina Fox"

Adrian cut him off before he could finish.

"I don't need you telling me how to do my job."

He pushed the signed approval form across the desk. "As far as anyone outside is concerned, there was a problem with the heart. The surgery can't go ahead."

There was a pause, and then, to smooth things over, he spoke again.

"Irene has always been sensible. She'll understand."

My raised hand froze in midair.

Understand.

With my life, was I supposed to understand?

For one moment the sheer absurdity of it swallowed me whole.

The world spun, my vision blurred.

I leaned against the wall for a long time, and in the end I sank down, dizzy and dim, right there in the hallway.

Three hours after the nurses carried me back to my room, Adrian finally came to see me.

"You're awake so early?"

I looked at him. "The pain woke me up."

His movements stilled. A few seconds passed before he reached out and ruffled my hair.

"I'm sorry, Irene. There was a problem with the heart match. Your surgery this afternoon can't go ahead for now."

I looked at him for a long time, searching for even the faintest trace of guilt.

There was nothing there.

He met my gaze and said gently, softly, "Take your medicine soon and rest properly. If it gets to be too much, press the nurse call button."

I tugged at the corner of my mouth. "Was it a problem with the match, or did the heart go to Georgina Fox?"

Adrian went silent.

A long time passed before he set the chart in his hand down, his voice dropping a little.

"You already know?"

He drew a deep breath.

"Irene, I wasn't trying to hide it from you. Georgina's condition has gotten much worse. She's still a child, and she needs this heart more than you do. You can afford to wait. She can't."

"Severe heart failure. Five months pregnant. Carrying twins."

I looked at him, calm. "Adrian, tell me. What exactly makes you think I can afford to wait?"

Adrian looked away from me.

And in that single moment, I understood the answer completely.

It wasn't that I could afford to wait.

It was that no matter what, he would always save Rosamund Fox's daughter first.

I asked him, "So what happens to me?"

He seemed to catch the tone in my voice. He was quiet for two seconds, then lowered his own.

"Don't make this more complicated than it is. Even without this heart, there will always be another compatible match sooner or later."

"Is that so?"

Adrian rubbed the space between his brows, his voice a little worn.

"What else do you want me to say?"

"Irene, stop this."

"Don't hold a grudge against a child. All right?"

Stop this.

Hold a grudge.

I repeated the two words back to him softly.

Then reminded him, my voice hoarse, "Adrian, that was the heart my mother left me on the night she died. The heart that could save my life. Did you think for one second about what your choice would do?"

Adrian's voice suddenly rose a notch.

"The heart's already been used. There's no way to take it back now. Irene, what do you want me to do, cut it out of her!"

After a brief silence, he pressed at his brow again.

"Irene, be good. Calm down. Severe heart failure means you have to avoid getting worked up. I'll come see you later."

Adrian knew I couldn't let myself get too worked up.

He knew what the risks were for severe heart failure, twins, five months along.

He knew that heart was my mother's last wish, the chance at life she had wanted to leave me with tears streaming down her face.

He knew, better than anyone, how hard it would be to wait for another match once this one was gone.

He knew all of it.

And still he stripped away my only hope of living, with his own hands.

After he left, I stared up at the blank white ceiling, and in the end I signed the voluntary refusal-of-treatment form.

I checked myself out alone, and at the front desk I booked an induced-abortion procedure.

On my way to the operating room, I happened to pass Georgina Fox's room.

My steps stopped before I could help it.

I looked in.

Inside, Adrian was reading a storybook aloud, telling the little girl a story until she was giggling, and Rosamund Fox pressed a gentle kiss to her forehead.

Rosamund was smiling as she wiped her tears. "After the transplant, Georgie finally gets a new life. Adrian, thank god I have you beside me."

Adrian raised a hand and very tenderly wiped the tears from her face.

Sunlight wrapped the whole scene in warmth.

I touched my swollen belly.

And all at once the bitterness in my mouth was almost too much to bear.

When Rosamund stood to leave, she saw me at the door.

She rose, and her eyes reddened at once.

"Irene, please don't be hard on Georgie. Her condition took a bad turn, and the doctors said any more delay would put her at risk. I know you need a new heart too, but at least you have Adrian to look after you."

I pulled at the corner of my mouth.

"Is that so?"

"Then who exactly is he looking after right now?"

Rosamund faltered at the question.

I didn't look at her again. I turned and walked toward the operating room.

She hurried after me and caught my arm. "Irene, don't do this. It's all my fault, you can do whatever you want to me, just don't hurt Georgie"

Before she could finish, Georgina burst into tears.

Weak as she was, she pointed at me. "Daddy, she's bullying Mommy... the bad lady is bullying Mommy..."

Daddy.

What a mocking word to hear.

Adrian went stiff for a second.

As if afraid I'd misread it, he spoke with a trace of urgency, but he kept his voice very low.

"Irene, it's just a word. Georgie grew up without a father. She leans on me because she's missing that, that's why she calls me that. Don't read too much into it."

A dull, churning ache rose in my chest.

I didn't turn around. I forced myself to keep walking.

Seeing this, Rosamund whipped her head around and scolded sharply, "Georgie, you are not allowed to call him Daddy!"

Georgina only cried harder.

The look Adrian turned on me shifted in an instant to weary reproach.

"Irene, it's just a word. She's only a child. Why do you have to be so petty about every little thing?"

Petty.

My chest closed up until I could barely breathe.

I finally stopped, pointed at the hospital bed, and met his eyes.

"Adrian, if I were really petty, I'd have torn this hospital apart and made her give the heart back to me!"

"I'd have pointed in her face and warned her, 'Shut up, your father died a long time ago'"

Before I could finish, Adrian shoved me hard.

His voice went cold.

"Irene, that's enough!"

I lost my footing and stumbled back two steps. My belly slammed into the door frame, and my back hit the floor hard.

For a moment the hallway went silent.

I pressed both hands against the cramping in my lower belly, cold sweat breaking across my forehead.

My chest felt so heavy I thought I'd black out in the next second.

Adrian panicked.

He crouched down quickly to help me up.

"I'm sorry, Irene. Georgie just came out of surgery. I only didn't want you upsetting her again..."

The words had barely left him when, over Georgina's crying, an alarm went off from the monitors in her room.

Adrian pulled his hand back from me almost at once.

I stared blankly at his retreating back, unable to say a single word.

After a few seconds, I braced against the floor and dragged myself up, inching my way toward the operating room.

Adrian glanced back at me once, then looked away again.

Inside the operating room, before the anesthetic, the doctor sighed softly.

"There's already a lot of bleeding in the uterus. Even if you hadn't come in for the procedure today, the baby couldn't have been saved."

I closed my eyes, and the tears slid down from the corners.

When it was over, I'd bled far more than most patients, and I stayed under observation in the recovery area until almost nightfall before they let me leave.

By the time I got home, I was so drained I could barely stand.

I leaned against the wall to open the door, and my whole body froze.

In the month and more I'd been gone, another woman's traces had spread all through the apartment.

A heart-shaped sticky note on the refrigerator.

Matching cups on the coffee table.

Even a lace bra hanging out on the balcony.

Rosamund was reclining on the sofa. When she saw me, she scrambled to her feet.

"Irene, don't get the wrong idea. Your place is close to the hospital, and Adrian didn't want me wearing myself out going back and forth, so he invited me to stay here for a while."

She was wearing one of my nightgowns.

The one I'd bought as a set for Adrian and me to wear together after the wedding.

Adrian came out of the bedroom at the sound of my voice.

His gaze passed over me, but he noticed nothing wrong.

"Why are you back?"

I looked at him weakly. "This is my home. Am I not allowed to come back?"

Adrian paused, something reluctant in his eyes.

"What I mean is, shouldn't you be at the hospital right now? Why did you discharge yourself without telling me?"

"I was even planning to go keep you company later tonight."

I said nothing and forced myself toward the bedroom.

Rosamund's eyes reddened at once. "I'll leave right now. Irene, I'm sorry, it's all my fault. Please, please don't fight with Adrian again. He did three surgeries today and didn't even have time to eat. He's really exhausted."

She started gathering her things as she spoke.

She'd taken barely two steps when her body swayed.

Adrian caught her instantly. "Why are you pushing yourself like this?"

Tears spilled from Rosamund's eyes.

"Adrian, I don't want to put you in a difficult spot."

Adrian looked at me, his voice worn thin with exhaustion.

"Irene, everyone's been exhausted lately."

"Stop making trouble. Be reasonable, all right?"

Reasonable.

I thought I'd already been reasonable enough.

But all my being reasonable had bought me was worse, more brazen hurt.

I pointed at the door and looked at Rosamund.

"Weren't you leaving?"

"There's the door."

Adrian's voice turned cold at once.

"Irene!"

"I told you there would be a matching heart source. Why do you keep blowing everything out of proportion just to make things hard for Rosamund?"

Blowing things out of proportion.

I pulled at the corner of my mouth and nodded.

"Yes. On this, I can't let it go."

Rosamund gently wiped the tears from the corner of her eye.

"Adrian, don't say any more. I'll go."

And with that she headed for the door.

Adrian hurriedly grabbed her coat from the hook by the entryway and chased after her.

Just before he went out, he looked at me once.

His eyes were full of reproach.

I made myself walk to the bedroom, sat on the edge of the bed, swallowed my pills, and finally sank into a heavy, dead sleep.

When I woke again, it was to voices from the living room in the early morning.

"Adrian, without a compatible heart, Irene has one foot in the grave already. Listen to your mother. The Stephens family can't have a daughter-in-law like that."

"Mom, Irene is my fiance, and she's carrying my child. Don't talk like that."

Lola Stephens went quiet for a moment, then held her ground.

"I don't care about any of that. The point is, your wedding in two weekseither cancel it, or change the bride."

Something seemed to occur to her, and she spoke again suddenly.

"You and Rosamund grew up together, and you adore Georgie too. So let's just make it simple. Next month's wedding, let Rosamund be the bride. I've wanted her as my daughter-in-law for years."

Adrian's voice was pained. "Mom!"

Lola didn't give him a chance to speak. She pressed straight on.

"Once you marry Rosamund, you register Irene's child under her name. After that, the two of you can tangle yourselves up however you like. But the Stephens family is not having a short-lived daughter-in-law."

"Otherwise, you can wait for me to throw myself dead against a wall at your wedding!"

"You watch me. I do what I say!"

Adrian stood where he was, silent for a long timeso long I thought he would at least, for the sake of seven years, refuse something this absurd.

But in the end, he gave in. He agreed.

He said, "All right. I'll find the right time to tell Irene."

I leaned against the back of the door, my fingertips tightening bit by bit.

That last empty scrap of reluctance inside me was crushed to powder in that single instant.

I opened the door and walked out.

Adrian's body went rigid. He turned, and there was open panic in his eyes.

Gone all night, he'd probably forgotten I was even home.

Lola stiffened too. She looked at me and sighed.

"Irene, since you heard it, that saves Adrian the trouble of explaining. This is where I stand. Accept it if you can, and if you can't, then"

I cut her off, my voice strangely calm.

"Accept what?"

"Accept being Adrian's mistress?"

I tugged at the corner of my mouth and turned back toward the bedroom.

"No, thank you. I haven't sunk quite that low."

I was halfway through packing when Adrian followed me in and shut the door.

He looked at me, awkwardness in his eyes. "Irene, don't read too much into it. Just now I was only trying to settle the elders. The weddingI'll find a chance to talk it over with her again."

I looked up. "If she never backs down, will you choose me, or Rosamund?"

Adrian said nothing.

The silence I'd expected.

In that moment, even disappointment felt like too much.

I pressed a hand to the dull ache in my heart, took the abortion procedure slip out of my bag, and set it gently on the edge of the bed.

"Adrian, the baby"

I'd barely started when Rosamund's call came through.

Adrian glanced at me and picked up.

I couldn't make out what she was saying on the other end. I could only hear faint crying.

A few seconds later, Adrian's face changed slightly.

He walked straight for the door, and only when he reached it did he seem to remember I was still packing.

"Irene, be good. Something urgent's come up. We'll talk it through when I get back tonight."

I didn't turn around, and I never got the talk he promised.

Half an hour after Adrian left, I got a call from the hospital's morgue cold-storage room.

The voice on the other end was anxious. "Ms. Winfield, we admitted a severe burn patient. All the exposed skin on your mother's body has been harvested for transplant."

My head swam, my ears rang, and I nearly lost my footing.

I opened my mouth, and it took me a while to find my own voice.

"What did you say"

"It was Dr. Stephens. After running a skin-match, he forced the paperwork through. I wasn't sure whether you knew, so I called you right away"

The phone hit the floor. I pressed a hand to my chest, gasping through the twisting pain.

I shoved the pills into my mouth and rushed to the hospital.

Only when I got there did I learn who the so-called severe-burn patient was. Rosamund Fox's mother.

For one moment, the whole thing struck me as absurd, almost funny.

When I reached the room, Adrian was tending to Rosamund's mother with careful, attentive hands.

He even had time to gently comfort Rosamund, who was in tears.

And on the other side lay my mother's cold body, half covered by a hastily thrown sheet, no one having bothered to set her right after the harvest.

A woman who had prized her dignity all her life, and she wasn't even left the last of it.

I stood there staring at the scene, tears falling without my leave.

I raised my hand and drew the sheet over her myself.

Adrian turned at the sound, saw me, and went stiff.

A few seconds passed before he spoke, a note of urgency in his voice.

Irene, it was an emergency. Your mother had been gone less than twenty-four hours, the skin was a match, the transplant couldn't be helped. Don't read too much into it.

Don't read too much into it.

That phrase again.

My nails dug into my palms. I held myself back from screaming.

Taking the heart my mother left me wasn't enough. You couldn't even leave her the last shred of her dignity.

Adrian, what gave you the right to decide this on your own?

This is my mother. What gave you the right!

Adrian was silent for a long moment. There was pain in his eyes, and something helpless too.

Irene, I know you're hurting. But the dead are gone, and we have to be practical. That skin can save a living person.

Look at that.

Listen to how noble he made it sound.

Generous with what wasn't his to give, and not a trace of guilt.

My heart hurt until I could barely breathe. I didn't even have the strength left to fight.

I turned and wheeled my mother away.

Adrian came after me from behind.

Irene, don't bottle it up. It's bad for your heart.

As if to soothe me, he held his phone screen up in front of my face.

Rosamund and I talked it over. For the wedding in two weeks, she's agreed to play along.

You'll wear this bridesmaid dress that looks like a wedding gown, and stand up on the stage beside her the whole time. That way the family shouldn't have anything more to say.

My steps slowed to a stop.

I turned my head like something mechanical and stared at him.

what did you say?

He seemed to notice how I felt, and his voice dropped a little.

I talked to my mother. She was too worked up, she wouldn't budge. What I just said is the only way to keep the wedding on.

Irene, I know you feel wronged. But we've been together seven years, and you're carrying my child. You won't really leave me. You can't.

So think of it as giving in for me one more time.

My heart hurt as though it had stopped beating.

Seven years, and in the end Adrian could wound me without the slightest fear of consequence.

I closed my eyes, then looked at him, calm. Adrian, let's break up.

His face changed.

He was about to say something when Rosamund called for him from behind, her voice catching on a sob.

He turned, with only time to leave one line behind: Irene, stop making a scene. We'll talk it through properly when we get home tonight.

Once more I watched his back as he walked away, and the last bit of warmth in my chest went cold.

I went to the crematorium.

Then to the cemetery.

After I laid my mother's ashes beside my father's headstone, I went back home.

I had packed the other half of my bags and was about to leave when the front door was shoved violently open.

I stumbled a few steps, still not understanding what was happening, when Rosamund lunged at me and slapped me hard across the face.

Irene, where did you take Georgie?

Give her back to me. Give her back!

She was crying so hard she could barely stay upright, close to fainting.

Adrian gathered her against him and looked at me, his face frighteningly cold.

Irene, whatever you have against me, take it out on me. Georgie just had surgery. She can't survive your revenge.

I stood where I was, shaking uncontrollably, and only from their accusations did I piece together the whole picture.

Georgina was gone, and they had decided I was the one who did it.

I pressed down hard on my heart, and it was a while before I got the strength to speak.

It wasn't me

Before I finished, another hard slap landed.

This time it was Adrian.

If it wasn't you, who else would go after a five-year-old child?

Irene, I'm giving you one last chance.

My heart hurt until I couldn't breathe. I opened my mouth and couldn't get out a single word.

Rosamund broke down. She threw herself at me, hitting me hard, over and over, screaming for me to tell the truth.

My body slammed again and again into the corner of the shoe cabinet, and white light burst across my vision.

Then a warm liquid ran down the inside of my thigh.

Just then Rosamund's phone rang.

She answered, and a nurse's voice came through. Ms. Fox? We've found the child. You and Dr. Stephens should come back.

Rosamund let go of me, and I dropped to the floor like a rag.

She ran out the door, and Adrian left after her.

He didn't look back at me once.

So an hour later, Adrian never imagined he would get a call from the ICU.

Dr. Stephens, could you please come to the ICU to sign a critical-condition notice? Ms. Winfield isn't going to make it.