Drifting Apart, Until All Letters Cease

Three days before the wedding, some lunatic broke into my home to rob me.

By the time my boyfriend, Duncan Barnes, got there, I was already in the hospital, cuts all over me.

He looked at my arm in its cast, pressed his lips together, and said,

...I'm sorry, Susan. I didn't know the address of your new place.

I looked at him calmly.

"But I told you three times."

Duncan paused.

"I've been working late a lot lately. It just didn't stick."

Didn't stick.

Didn't stick again.

Three years together, and Duncan had never remembered the things I liked, never remembered the foods I couldn't eat.

Now he couldn't even remember where I lived.

I dropped my eyes.

And I suddenly thought of a week ago, when I'd happened to glance at Duncan's food-delivery app.

The saved delivery addresses were packed with Mia Fox's name.

Her building. The school where she worked. The hotels she stayed in on business trips.

It wasn't that he couldn't remember anything about me. He just didn't want to.

Something that had been pulled tight in my head snapped.

I didn't answer him. I lowered my head and tapped at my phone a few times.

Cancelled the wedding. And accepted the school's transfer offer.

The transfer application went through fast.

Ms. Susan Henson, congratulations on your approved transfer to Paris, France. Please arrive within three days.

Three days from now was my wedding to Duncan.

I deleted the message, and cleared out the saved police report too.

Duncan hadn't noticed anything off about me at all.

He was busy typing a message to Mia Fox.

I ordered everything you like. Check the peephole before you open up, don't open the door for strangers.

When he looked up at me, his expression wavered.

"I'm just glad you're all right."

Duncan stepped forward and pulled me against him.

"If I'd remembered your new address sooner, you wouldn't have gotten hurt."

The cuts all over me throbbed.

In a haze, I remembered: three years of long-distance, Duncan and me.

He had never once come to my place. It was always me going to his.

Duncan picked up the iodine from the table and dabbed it gently on my wounds.

"I already asked the doctor. Don't worry, the scars will fade before the wedding."

I pressed him. "And if they don't?"

"Then I'll find the best doctor to get rid of them for you."

Duncan's answer was flawless. Perfectly proper.

I looked at him and said nothing.

Last night I'd called him dozens of times.

He hadn't picked up once.

"Last night I"

"Hold on, Mia's calling me."

Duncan patted me soothingly and took the call.

"What's wrong, Mia?"

Mia's voice came through the receiver, choked with tears.

"Duncan, my mom just had an acute stroke, and I don't know what to do all by myself."

Duncan's whole face changed in an instant.

He set down the iodine and stood up to leave.

"Don't panic. Your documents are in the box to the left of the entryway."

"Grab them, I'm coming right now!"

Same city, and Duncan remembered every one of Mia's places, right down to where she kept her documents.

But he couldn't get straight the new address I'd told him three times.

I couldn't stop myself.

"I'm still on the IV. You're leaving?"

"Mia's scared, all alone."

There wasn't a trace of hesitation in his voice.

Then he paused and explained.

"She and I have known each other since we were kids. I have to get over there."

"I've called a caregiver. She'll take good care of you."

And with that, he turned and walked out, resolute, without a backward glance.

I didn't try to stop him.

I just calmly dialed the wedding planner.

"The wedding in three days. Cancel it."

The planner was stunned.

"Miss Henson, you spent two full years planning this wedding down to the last detail. Are you sure you want to cancel?"

I touched the cuts on my body, my voice even.

"I'm sure."

I don't need things that were never mine.

I cancelled everything for the wedding, one item at a time.

But the banquet designer told me,

"Miss Henson, the invitations and the seating were handled entirely by Mr. Barnes."

"To cancel, we'll need one of you to sign in person."

I booked a time to sign the next day.

An hour later, my head was swimming.

I looked over the medication chart and found an ingredient I was clearly allergic to.

I had made a point of stressing this to Duncan.

My fingers clenched hard, and it hit me all at once.

During a video call, Duncan's tone had been dismissive.

"I'm looking at the new address."

So he hadn't been looking at my new address.

He'd been looking at Mia's new address.

I gritted through the whole night.

At five in the morning, I saw Duncan walk in, shielding Mia with his arm.

She still had his coat draped over her shoulders.

Mia saw me and let out a soft laugh, feigning guilt.

"Sorry about this, Susan. Duncan didn't think the other hospital was good enough, so he made a point of moving my mom over here."

Duncan was even carrying Mia's purse.

When he saw how pale I was, his brows drew together on reflex.

"Why do you look so awful?"

Then he pointed at the fruit platter on the table. "Mia's allergic to mango. Take these away."

I looked at him and pointed at the medication chart.

"I told you I'm allergic to this ingredient."

Duncan picked up the chart and read it over carefully.

Then he turned his head away, his voice rough.

"You're not a child. You can't expect me to remember every little thing."

He could remember that Mia was allergic to mango.

But he couldn't remember the medication ingredient I was allergic to.

My eyes stung.

That was when Mia reached out and poked my arm, her voice all innocence.

"Susan, how do you have so many scars, just like Duncan?"

"Except Duncan's scars were all from protecting me, back then."

The room went quiet, and Duncan spoke first to smooth it over.

"Susan's cuts are shallow. The doctor said they'll fade in a couple of days."

Mia clapped a hand over her mouth at once, all fragile alarm.

"I'm sorry, Susan. I was just a little scared."

She lifted a hand and wiped at the corner of her eye, her voice small and wronged.

"You two are getting married soon. After that, Duncan won't be there to look out for me anymore, will he?"

Duncan didn't hesitate. He reached out and gently smoothed her hair.

"What are you imagining? I'll never stop looking after you."

I looked down at the scar on my right hand, a dull ache spreading through my chest.

Years ago there had been an accident, and Duncan was trapped alone deep in the mountains.

Everyone else stood there waiting, frantic, and I was the only one who rushed in and pulled him out before the mudslide could bury him.

This deep mark on my hand came from that day.

The moment he woke, Duncan made me a solemn promise.

"Susan, I swear I'll protect you for the rest of your life."

Only now did I understand.

Those touching promises were ones he had already made to Mia, more times than I could count.

Seeing me silent, Duncan kept explaining.

"Don't read too much into it. Mia's mother is an elder who watched me grow up. There's no way I could just ignore them."

I didn't argue. I only kept my eyes on the scar on my hand.

Duncan looked perfectly at ease, probably still assuming I would do what I always had.

Swallow every grievance in silence.

But this time, I had decided to let go.

This spacious double room had been arranged for me to recover in.

Mia simply didn't want to be alone in her own room, and so, without a scratch on her, she moved into mine.

She said, "A room with no color to it is so dreary."

And my beloved gardenias were swapped out for roses.

She said, "A patient needs to keep some color in her face."

And my wardrobe was crammed full of her makeup.

She smiled and told Duncan, "Just seeing you, Duncan, puts me in a good mood every single day."

So Duncan came to visit day after day.

Now and then the two of them would slip into dialect together, easy and intimate.

Every moment of it shut me out.

Duncan and I had been together four years.

Whenever I used to bring up something from my childhood, he would cut me off after a sentence or two.

Now I finally saw it clearly.

Duncan wasn't tired of childhood trivia. He was only tired of hearing me tell it.

I didn't want to stay trapped in that stifling air any longer, so I spoke up first.

"I'm checking out this afternoon. I need to go to the office and take care of some work."

Duncan's face changed.

"You haven't even recovered. Why are you in such a rush to get to the office?"

"The wedding's almost here. I'd like to wrap up what's on my plate ahead of time."

I answered flatly.

Beside him, Mia spoke up in a soft voice.

"It's fine, Susan. You go take care of what matters. I'll just stay here and keep him company."

Duncan frowned.

"Mia, you're too kind for your own good."

I had no patience left to watch the two of them perform, and I walked quickly toward the door.

Behind me came Duncan's cold, cutting words.

"Once she's alone and calms down, she'll realize no one's going to indulge her forever."

Not a ripple stirred in me.

I got to the office on time and finished handing off all my work quickly.

My manager looked at me and couldn't help but sigh.

"The overseas headquarters set aside a key position for you three years ago. They've been waiting for you all this time."

I thanked him quietly.

Afraid of how hard a long-distance relationship with Duncan would be, I had turned down the invitation from the head office abroad, again and again.

In the end, the only person cast aside without a second thought was me.

The company's confidentiality was airtight. No one knew about my transfer.

I went home, only to find the place in complete disarray.

Duncan was holding the spare key to my apartment, explaining without a trace of guilt.

"After you got out of the hospital, Mia was scared to stay in the room alone, so I brought her here to stay."

"The address and the spare key, you're the one who gave them to me before."

I saw Mia lying in my bed, and I spoke calmly.

"There's an empty guest room."

"Mia's delicate. The guest room's too dark at night. She wouldn't be comfortable there."

I said nothing.

So it turned out that as long as the person was Mia.

Duncan could give his favor without holding anything back.

Seeing me quietly gather my things, Duncan's face turned impatient.

"If you're throwing a fit, just say so. Don't try to scare me with this cold act."

I lifted my head and looked straight at him.

"I'm not throwing a fit."

"Then why have you been off about everything these past two days?"

I stopped what I was doing and asked him plainly.

"But from start to finish, you've been taking care of Mia and never once cared about me. Isn't that right?"

Duncan had nothing to say.

Something in me settled.

"From now on, I should learn to be on my own too."

The moment I said it, Mia came drifting over to the door.

She had a stack of papers in her hands, her voice bright.

"Duncan, these are the invitations and the banquet arrangements we talked about."

"You saved the best seats especially for my mom and dad. That's so thoughtful of you."

My whole body went stiff.

So all along, Duncan had been planning something else.

Mia looped her arm through Duncan's, affectionate, smiling. "I knew it. You've always had me in your heart."

She paused on purpose, then went on: "And my family too."

"You promised me long ago that you'd let all of us show up at your wedding, out in the open, where we belong."

The next afternoon, I went to the venue alone.

I hadn't even reached the banquet hall before the sight of it cut straight into me.

Every flower arrangement, every touch of decor, was styled exactly the way Mia liked.

The delicate dishes laid out on the tables were all her favorites too.

Several of them were foods I was clearly allergic to, foods I had told Duncan about again and again.

A staff member set the wedding invitations neatly in front of me.

I looked through the guest list. More than half the names meant nothing to me.

Then the staff member handed me a register.

"Miss Henson, this guest list was finalized personally by Mr. Barnes. We invited everyone strictly according to this book."

My fingertips went cold as I slowly opened it.

Mia's parents' names sat right where my own parents were meant to be at the wedding.

I suddenly thought of what Duncan used to say.

He always told me, "Susan, even though your parents are gone, I'll find a way to give you a perfect wedding."

Numbly, I kept turning the pages.

A small yellowed slip of paper slid out from between the leaves.

The handwriting on it was young and unpolished, a promise Duncan had written in his own hand as a boy.

And every word of it was a vow to Mia.

"Mia, no matter how far apart we are one day, I'll find you, I'll remember every address of yours, and I'll keep you safe year after year."

I froze where I stood.

The staff around me noticed something was wrong.

Probing, pitying looks settled on me one after another, until the chill of them ran through my whole body.

Expressionless, I tucked the slip away.

Looking at the carefully arranged hall in front of me, all I felt was how absurd, how laughable it all was.

Duncan wanted to use the excuse of marrying me.

At a wedding that was supposed to be mine, he meant to make good on the regrets and dreams he and Mia had carried since they were young.

He'd even gone so far as to let Mia's family stand in for the parents' seats that should have been mine.

But my Mama Grace was ill. She wasn't dead.

I lifted my eyes and spoke calmly to the staff.

"Cancel everything. The decorations, the banquet, the invitations. All of it."

Anything that wasn't mine, I didn't want a scrap of it.

The paperwork was almost done when Mia suddenly appeared in the banquet hall.

Seeing me there alone, she couldn't hide the smugness in her eyes.

"This is Duncan's big day, so of course I came with some friends to keep an eye on things myself."

The friends behind her didn't bother hiding their contempt, murmuring under their breath.

"So this is the woman Duncan's marrying. I heard she's just an orphan with no parents at all."

The one beside her pretended to hold her back, and every word landed like a knife.

"Don't talk about her like that."

Another simply scoffed.

"Was I wrong? Duncan said it himself, she's got no parents coming to the wedding.

So he brought Mia's parents in to fill the elders' seats, just so the wedding wouldn't be an embarrassment!"

They tossed the words back and forth between them, grinding what little dignity I had left into dust.

Mia watched the whole thing like it was a show.

When she caught sight of the slip of paper and the wedding book in my hands, she gasped at once, feigning surprise.

"I can't believe he still kept the diary Duncan and I wrote when we were kids."

"We were childhood sweethearts. Back then we really did promise we'd end up together."

"But Susan, you mustn't misunderstand. It was all just a childish joke."

Weariness settled over me, and I turned to leave that suffocating place.

But Mia blocked my way.

Smugness sat plain across her face.

"My mother's having surgery tomorrow, and Duncan promised he'd stay with me the whole time."

She glanced over at the staff.

Then Mia declared, certain of herself, "You'd better cancel the wedding. The groom won't be coming tomorrow."

A staff member couldn't help but speak up.

"The wedding is tomorrow."

"Listen to her. Cancel it."

I cut the staff member off with a nod of confirmation.

Now that Mia had said it herself, Duncan could accept it with a clear conscience.

At that, Mia laughed so hard she was practically trembling with it.

"Good, at least you know your place."

I didn't bother with her. I went straight home.

The moment I pushed the door open, I froze completely.

The house was a wreck, tables and chairs overturned.

Things were scattered across the floor, as if someone had fallen there.

Trembling, I crouched down and picked a battered little bracelet out of the mess.

It was the string bracelet I had braided for Mama Grace myself when I was four.

She had never once taken it off.

I tore through the whole house like a madwoman, but the huge place was empty.

I called Mama Grace over and over, texted her again and again, and got nothing back.

My birth parents abandoned me when I was small. Mama Grace was the one who took me in and raised me.

She used to play find-your-way games with me, and she told me again and again that if I was ever hurt or in danger, I had to reach out to the person I trusted most.

Even though Duncan Barnes had left me stranded at the worst moments more than once, I had always held on to those words.

So in my panic, I dialed Duncan Barnes without thinking.

More than a dozen calls in a row before he finally picked up.

Mia Fox's laughter came clearly through the earpiece.

"What is it?"

His voice was thick with irritation.

My voice shook. "Mama Grace came to see me, and I can't find her anywhere in the house."

A short silence, then only Duncan Barnes's cold, dismissive answer.

"Mia's mother just came out of surgery. I have to stay here with them."

"The director's a grown woman. She's not going to get lost."

"I can't even remember your address. How am I supposed to go running around looking for people?"

I bit down hard on my lip and forced back the sob.

"She's the only family I have."

But to him, my grief was just a tantrum.

Duncan Barnes's tone turned even more cutting.

"Mia's mother has a crisis this morning, and by afternoon your director goes missing? Susan Henson, if you want to throw a fit, you don't have to imitate Mia."

The cruelest words yet came down the line and drove straight into me.

"She isn't even your real mother. You're an orphan. You'll never understand the fear Mia feels, losing someone of her own."

I gripped the burning-hot phone, cold all over.

Just because Mia Fox said one word about being scared, he hadn't hesitated for a second to push back a wedding two years in the planning and stand watch through the whole surgery for the result.

But when the only family I had was in trouble, he thought one line about me being an orphan was enough to brush it off.

I said nothing more, and calmly hung up.

There was no one at the house, so I turned and ran straight for the hospital.

Mama Grace must have found out I'd been admitted, so the hospital was where she'd gone looking for me.

But the moment I reached the hospital, I nearly came apart at the sight.

Small, frail Mama Grace had been knocked to the floor by a single slap from Mia Fox.

Several middle-aged women closed in on her, yanking at her, clawing at her face.

"Stop it! Don't you touch my mother!"

I rushed over with my eyes red, shielding Mama Grace beneath me, letting their sharp nails rake across my skin.

Mia Fox scoffed. "Mother? You're an orphan. What makes you think you deserve a mother?"

"What's going on here?"

Duncan Barnes's voice came from a distance, and instinctively I started to call out for help.

But Mia Fox stamped her foot down on my hand.

I cried out, and Mia Fox turned and threw herself into Duncan Barnes's arms.

Her tears came pouring down.

"Duncan, this woman came up and accused me of bullying her daughter, and then she shoved me."

"I was only defending myself. My aunts were just protecting me."

In that instant I understood everything.

Mama Grace had gone to my house and not found me.

She'd come to the hospital to look for me, and instead she'd seen Mia Fox and Duncan Barnes wrapped around each other.

She'd wanted to stand up for me, to get me justice, and Mia Fox had twisted it all around, and she'd been beaten and humiliated in front of everyone.

I lifted my head and stared at Duncan Barnes, my voice raw.

"Mama Grace has been in poor health for years. There's no way she laid a hand on Mia Fox!"

Duncan Barnes avoided my eyes and delivered his flat verdict.

"Mia would never lie."

One weightless sentence, and he'd fixed the crime on Mama Grace, and my heart froze over completely.

The noise brought doctors and security.

I shouted for someone to help her, my eyes red, and watched them rush Mama Grace into the emergency room.

A sheet of writing paper slipped from her body.

The page was covered edge to edge, all of it Mama Grace's gentle reminders and worry for me.

"Susan, how have you been lately? Is Duncan good to you?"

"Susan, if you're ever hurt, come home. This will always be your safe harbor."

"Susan, I heard you were hurt and in the hospital. Don't be afraid, Mama's coming for you right away."

...

Soaked through with blood and sweat, most of the writing had blurred, hard to make out.

But I held that thin sheet of paper and cried without a sound, my whole face wet.

I sat outside the emergency room the whole night through, waiting until the sky broke into light.

Only when the doctor told me Mama Grace was out of danger, and the people from the orphanage came to look after her,

did I go home alone and finish packing.

Sorting through my things, I came across the old records.

Three times in the past I'd changed addresses, and every time I'd told Duncan Barnes right away.

Every message showed as read, and he'd never once cared.

Half an hour before the wedding was set to begin, I was already on a flight bound for a foreign country.

His messages were still sitting in my phone.

Mia's mom's surgery finishes in about an hour. Be a good girl and wait for me at home, don't throw a fit.

I ordered takeout for you ahead of time. Don't go passing out from low blood sugar like Mia.

It all just struck me as absurd.

The first time Duncan Barnes remembered where I lived, it wasn't out of love.

It was only because he'd watched Mia Fox's blood sugar drop, and it happened to remind him of the one he'd overlooked.

Without a second thought, I blocked every one of Duncan Barnes's contacts.

When Duncan Barnes finished dealing with the hospital and rushed to the wedding banquet hall,

he found the entrance crowded with invited guests, all of them held back at the door, unable to go in.

A staff member came forward, wearing an uneasy look.

"Mr. Barnes, the wedding was canceled by Miss Fox."

The color drained from Duncan Barnes's face.

"Canceled? Today is our wedding. Why would Mia be able to cancel it?"

The staff member looked thoroughly baffled.

"You told us before that everything at the reception was to follow Miss Fox's lead."

"Miss Fox said to cancel the wedding, so Miss Henson went through all the cancellation steps herself."