Nine Times Till Divorce

The ninth time Jacob Hayes rejected me, I was finally ready to give up.

That's when the Comments appeared, scrolling across my vision like a ghostly news ticker only I could see.

[Just one more time. The last one. He says yes on the tenth try.]

[He's just aloof and bad with words. He's crazy about her, you can tell.]

[Oh my god, his eyes are practically glued to her.]

I remembered my past life.

The tenth time worked.

We dated, got married, had a son.

He built an empire.

And then, one day, he'd said to me:

"Emily, do you have any idea what it's like for people who weren't born with a silver spoon in your mouth?

"I'm just helping her out. Stop being so dramatic."

So, no.

Not this time.

There would be no tenth time.

I wasn't surprised to see the Comments flicker to life.

But I didn't turn around.

I had no interest in confirming whether or not Jacob Hayes's eyes held any trace of me.

[Why isn't she turning around? Please! Just look at him!]

[His eyes are getting red. He's about to cry.]

I remained unmoved.

In fact, a wave of relief washed over me.

Thank god he hadn't said yes yet.

Thank god it was only the ninth time.

What I hadn't expected, though, was for someone as proud as Jacob to come looking for me.

He was standing at the edge of my family's driveway, a silhouette against the manicured lawn.

His lean, cool frame seemed to shimmer under the oppressive summer sun, making it hard to look away.

When he saw me, he held out a cardboard box.

"These are yours," he said.

"The things you gave me. I thought... you should have them back."

The June air was thick and hot, clinging to my skin even in a thin tank top.

I wasn't in the mood for a conversation.

I gave the box a cursory glance and took it.

His lips parted, as if he had more to say.

The Comments erupted again.

[She totally did that on purpose. The tank top. Smart move.]

Seriously?

It was ninety degrees out.

Nobody sits around their house in a turtleneck.

[He worked up so much courage just to come here. She should be grateful.]

[So what if there's a wealth gap now? In a few years, he's going to be the new star of the Boston tech scene.]

[Her family will be the ones trying to get on his good side then.]

Right.

All true.

The Comments were absolutely right.

Except for one tiny detail they always left out: his startup capital, in that other life, came from me.

The investment strategy was a tip from my father.

Of course, I wasn't stupid enough to argue with a ghost-commentary feed.

I just looked at Jacob, my expression a blank question.

"Was there something else?"

He frowned, a sheen of sweat dotting his pale forehead.

His gaze darkened with a hint of displeasure.

There was no denying Jacob was beautiful.

Devastatingly so.

It was the only reason I'd chased him so relentlessly in the first place.

Nine times.

The last one was right after graduation.

"It won't interfere with our studies now," I'd said, my smile wide with hope.

"You can at least give me a chance, right?"

He'd just shaken his head, his voice firm.

"We're not a good fit."

The first eight rejections were all variations of "we can't get distracted from school."

For the ninth, he'd finally changed his excuse.

In my past life, I had been ready to give up then, too.

But that's when the Comments had appeared.

I listened to them.

I turned around.

And just as they'd said, I saw his cool eyes brimming with unspoken emotion.

They told me his pride was the only thing in the way, that he felt he wasn't good enough for me.

So I followed him to his college town, lived a sparse life just like his to prove I didn't care about the money.

On my tenth attempt, he finally said yes.

"I'm planning on going to school in Boston," Jacob's voice pulled me from the memory.

When I looked up, all I saw was his back as he walked away.

[Oh my god, he's making a move!]

[He wants her to go to Boston with him! That's totally what that was.]

[She must be so happy. He's finally giving her an opening.]

[Dropping hints like that instead of just saying it... He's impossible, but I love it.]

I pressed my lips together and handed the box to the security guard at our gatehouse.

"Can you take care of this for me?"

I walked away without a second glance.

"Tsk, what a shame."

The voice belonged to Benjamin, my next-door neighbor.

He was leaning casually against a pillar of their garden gazebo.

He caught my eye and grinned.

"Don't tell me you're actually heartbroken over that guy."

A strange thought surfaced, a phantom memory from my past life.

Benjamin died young.

At thirty.

Which meant...

he only had nine years left.

A pang of sympathy hit me.

"You should take care of yourself," I said earnestly.

He just stared at me, completely bewildered.

The next time I saw Jacob was at our class graduation party.

The air was thick with the bittersweet feeling of goodbyes.

My long and very public pursuit of Jacob provided some of the night's comic relief.

"So, Emily," someone called out from across the table.

"You gonna ask our class genius out one more time for the road?"

A chorus of laughter followed.

"She got shot down again last week, right?"

"What number is that now? Nine?"

"Come on, Jacob, just give her a break. She's rich, she's hot. What's the problem?"

"Yeah, man. You could skip the next decade of grinding if you play your cards right."

The casual cruelty of high school kids.

As if that wasn't enough, the Comments chimed in.

[Shut up, all of you! He was just starting to open up. You're ruining it.]

[Seriously. Look at his face, he's furious.]

[He's working so hard to catch up to her, to feel like he deserves her.]

[God, his love is so humble and intense. I'm obsessed!]

Right.

Because having my unrequited crush serve as the entire grade's running joke for years was something to be proud of.

"Seriously, Emily, you should consider me instead," Andrew, the student council VP, said with a joking tone that didn't quite mask the sincerity in his eyes.

"What do you think, Jacob? You cool with me taking a shot?"

"Whatever," Jacob bit out, not even bothering to look at me.

The gazes that fell on me shifted from amusement to a mix of pity and scorn.

I could hear their whispers.

"Guess money can't buy you everything."

"It's kind of pathetic, honestly. Chasing him when he's so obviously not interested."

"I saw her dad on the cover of Forbes last month. Wonder what he'd think if he knew his daughter was acting this desperate at school."

[That's so harsh! Why isn't he defending her?] one of the Comments wondered.

But I knew the answer.

Jacob wouldn't.

Sensing the awkwardness, Andrew quickly produced a bouquet of roses he'd had stashed away.

"Hey, no pressure or anything, Emily," he said, his cheeks flushing a little.

"Just... congratulations on graduating. I just wanted to say something, you know? Before we all scattered."

The mood in the restaurant lifted, turning into a wave of whoops and cheers.

[Jacob's face is completely white. He had no idea Andrew was going to do this.]

[He cares so much more than he lets on.]

[He's terrified she's actually going to say yes to him.]

Amidst everyone's expectant stares, I politely turned Andrew down.

But when he insisted, I accepted the flowers.

"Thank you," I said, meeting his eyes.

In my past life, I wouldn't have dared.

I would have been too worried about Jacob's feelings.

But being liked by someone isn't something you should have to hide, is it?

"So Jacob's still the one, huh?"

Someone just couldn't let it go.

"Are you still going to chase him?"

It was time to put an end to it.

I smiled, a real smile this time.

"No, I'm done," I said, my voice clear and light.

"I'm tired."

The words fell into the sudden silence.

Both the restaurant and the Comments went completely still.

Across the table, Jacob's head snapped up.

"Why? I thought you were in love with him," whispered Jessica, the girl sitting next to me.

A flicker of something-glee?-danced in her eyes.

She was one of the wallflowers of our class.

Average grades, barely got into a state school.

In my past life, five years into my marriage with Jacob, she became his executive assistant.

Back then, her admiration for him was painfully obvious.

"I have feelings for you," she had told him once, "but that has nothing to do with you. Don't worry, I won't ever get between you and Emily. I just want to be near you. It's enough to just look up to you."

Jacob was working from his home office that day, and Jessica had come to deliver a report.

I was standing outside the door with a tray of coffee, frozen in place.

I listened as she confessed her feelings, and all Jacob did was look up at her, his expression unreadable.

Then, in that same cold voice, he started talking about quarterly projections.

He never fired her.

In fact, he gave her chance after chance, championing her career.

When I questioned him about it, his patience wore thin.

"I see a part of myself in her," he'd said, an edge to his voice.

"I want to help her. She didn't have your advantages, Emily. Stop being so dramatic!"

By then, the Comments were long gone.

They had vanished the day we got married, assuming it was a happily-ever-after.

They didn't know that a wedding ring can sometimes be the beginning of the end.

"That's ridiculous. How can she not like him anymore?" someone at the party scoffed.

"Just last week she was asking around about where Jacob was applying to college."

Jessica's face fell slightly.

[He's terrified.]

[The glass in his hand is about to shatter.]

[But now he knows she was asking about him... Look, he's smiling! The corner of his mouth just turned up!]

I instinctively glanced over.

For a rare moment, a genuine smile graced his face.

It was clean and bright, like a cool evening breeze in summer.

But this time, it couldn't find its way into my heart.

After the party, my driver was waiting to pick me up.

As I got into the car, Jacob suddenly appeared at the window.

"I sent you a list," he said, his voice low.

"The universities your GPA can get you into. You can take a look. They're all in the same college town, anyway."

My eyes drifted past him, to where Jessica was waiting for him a little ways down the street, her head bowed.

Jacob followed my gaze and frowned.

"I saw some guys harassing her on the street the other day," he explained quickly.

"We live in the same direction, so she's been walking home with me lately. Don't get the wrong idea."

As we both looked at her, Jessica seemed to shrink, burying her face even deeper.

She was a world away from the woman she would become ten years later.

The woman who would get drunk, throw up all over herself, and end up wearing one of Jacob's dress shirts in my bedroom.

"You can't help him with anything, Emily," she'd sneered at me then.

"But I can."

The woman who would play the victim in front of him, crying, even falling to her knees.

"I'm not like you! I fought for everything I have! Please, don't ruin me."

And Jacob, his face a mask of fury, would pull her up and shield her behind him, glaring at me as if I were a stranger.

"You disappoint me," he'd said.

So.

It had started even back then.

My focus returned to the present.

"I've already decided where I'm going," I said calmly.

I rejected his offer, thinking he would understand.

Clearly, he didn't.

"I leave for campus tomorrow."

A month later, Jacob called me.

The Comments insisted he'd been holding back for weeks.

[He's been checking his phone every five minutes, waiting for a text from her.]

[The ice prince is finally coming down from his tower. Who doesn't love that!]

[But why does she look so... bored?]

"Mm-hmm," I said.

My gaze was fixed on the gardenias blooming over the wall of Benjamin's yard. They were beautiful this year. He was sitting in his gazebo, lost in a book.

"Once I'm settled in, give me a call when you get there," Jacob continued. "And Emily, you'll be an adult in college. Your parents work hard for their money. Try not to make a big scene, letting everyone know how rich you are."

I blinked. He was starting to sound like a nagging parent. Was I supposed to pretend to be poor just to soothe his ego? I wasn't an idiot.

"Actually, my parents make their money pretty easily," I replied.

For them, making another billion might be a challenge. But funding my entire college experience without blinking an eye? That was nothing.

The line went silent for a long time.

"Then don't bother coming to find me," he finally snapped, and hung up.

I stared at my phone, a little stunned.

It was only by glancing at the Comments that I realized he was angry.

Seriously, Emily? You know how proud he is. Why would you say that?

But she's not lying.

And asking her to pretend to be poor is pretty hypocritical, isn't it? Like he's ashamed of the difference between them.

Finally, a dissenting voice in the feed.

"Seen enough?"

Benjamin's voice startled me. He thought I'd been staring at him. He let out a short, mocking laugh.

I shook my head to clear it. "Have you been to the doctor for a check-up recently?"

His face clouded over. "Are you sick in the head?"

"I'm just trying to help you," I said, my tone more meaningful than he could possibly understand.

In his previous life, he hadn't had much family. He'd left his entire estate to me. Still, I had something of a conscience. I just wasn't sure if he'd written his will yet.

I left for college two weeks early, turning the drive into a leisurely road trip. My Instagram feed was a blur of roadside diners and scenic overlooks, racking up likes with every post.

Then, one day, a message from Jacob popped up.

Tomorrow's the last day for registration. Why are you still in New York City?

I've already registered.

His call came a second later.

"Where are you? Let me buy you dinner."

I smiled, the NYC breeze whipping through my hair. "I'm in New York," I said casually. "So that might be a little difficult."

"What?"

He was silent for a long moment, the confusion palpable even over the phone. He wasn't the only one. The Comments were in disbelief.

Are you kidding me? He worked a crappy summer job for a month to save up enough money to take her to a nice dinner, and she's pulling this stunt?

What, is she supposed to hop on a flight to Boston for a meal?

I don't know, guys I don't think she loves him anymore.

After a brief pause, a new consensus began to form in the feed.

I agree. The desperate, love-struck girl is gone.

Which might be a good thing, honestly. He never says anything. I'd go crazy if I were her.

If you love someone, you should shout it from the rooftops. Keeping it bottled up doesn't help anyone.

I pulled my attention back from the ghostly text and spoke into the phone.

"Jacob, I'm not going to chase you anymore. I meant what I said."

"Emily"

I hung up before he could finish.

I never thought he would come all the way to New York for me.

Less than a week into the semester, he was standing outside my dorm.

White button-down shirt, a bouquet of red roses in his arms.

My roommates watched with curious eyes as I walked out to meet him.

He held the roses out to me, his expression a mixture of nervousness and sincerity.

"I'm sorry about before," he began, his voice tight.

"I've had time to think, and... I do like you. The reason I kept saying no was because I didn't feel like I was good enough for you. I wanted to wait until I'd made something of myself before I accepted your feelings. But I realize now that if I don't do something, I might lose you for good."

He took a breath.

"Emily, will you be my girlfriend? The distance doesn't matter. I can apply to grad school here. I-"

He trailed off, his words faltering as he met my calm, detached gaze.

It was clearly getting harder for him to speak.

In contrast to my composure, the Comments were in a frenzy.

[He came all this way for her. That has to be enough now, right?]

[So predictable. Girls love playing hard to get.]

[If you keep this up, you're really going to lose him, you know.]

But was I supposed to say yes?

Of course not.

I gently pushed the roses back toward him, ignoring the way the color instantly drained from his face.

My smile was polite, my tone firm.

"I'm sorry, but I'm not interested."

I was only now starting to truly appreciate the freedom my family's wealth afforded me.

If I wanted to travel, I could book a business class ticket on a whim, or a flight if I was in a hurry.

I didn't have to spend hours searching for the cheapest train seat or endure a sixteen-hour bus ride just to protect someone else's fragile ego.

Late-night pizza from a street vendor is delicious, but not if you have to eat it every day.

And if I saw a dress in a boutique that cost a thousand dollars, I could just buy it.

The freedom was intoxicating.

"Why?"

Jacob's voice was strained, laced with disbelief.

"We're not a good fit," I told him, using his own words.

His pupils contracted, his face a mask of pain.

But he was proud, and this grand gesture was clearly the extent of what he was capable of.

The Comments were quick to defend him.

[What a bitch. She chases him for years, and now that he finally comes around, she shuts him down? Poor Jacob.]

[Just wait until he's a tech CEO. She'll be crying then, trying to get back with him.]

[It's a clich for a reason: never look down on a guy when he's young and broke. Especially not this guy.]

But for the first time, there were just as many voices on my side.

[How is she the bitch? He's the one with the issues.]

[He ignored her and treated her like dirt when she was chasing him. Now that she's moved on, he suddenly shows up?]

[Classic. Men always want what they can't have.]

[Do you have any idea how exhausting it is to be with someone that emotionally stunted?]

That last one hit home.

I couldn't agree more.

His issues weren't my responsibility to fix.

They weren't an excuse to hurt me.

I couldn't save him, and I no longer wanted to.

In my past life, Jacob's excuse for promoting Jessica was always that she reminded him of himself.

They'd spend entire nights alone in the office together.

If she got drunk and called him, he'd drop everything to pick her up.

His explanation was always the same.

"I don't have feelings for her. She's my employee. It's strictly professional."

It continued until the affair rumors hit the media.

He demanded that I be the one to issue a public denial.

"It wasn't easy for Jessica to get where she is. You need to help her," he'd pleaded.

"There's nothing going on between us. Emily, she's not like you. She doesn't have everything handed to her."

I finally broke.

"What exactly do I have, Jacob? A husband who spends all his time with another woman for the sake of 'work'? A bank account full of money I can't spend on anything I actually want? A driver who has to report my every move back to you? Love? Freedom? Money? Tell me, which of those do I truly have?"

He didn't force me after that.

But then Jessica attempted suicide.

Right before she did it, she called him.

He rushed to her side, saved her, and then arranged for a new, high-powered job for her overseas.

"I sent her away," he told me, his voice cold and accusatory.

"Are you happy now?"

By then, I was too tired to fight.

He never knew that before she left, Jessica sent me one last text.

[You may have won, but he'll spend the rest of his life feeling like he owes me.]

"Hey, why are you crying?"

Benjamin's voice cut through the memory.

A moment later, his warm, dry fingers brushed against my cheek.

I looked up, startled, and he quickly pulled his hand back.

His gaze shifted to the figure behind me.

Jacob was still standing in front of the women's dorm, a stoic, miserable statue drawing curious glances from passersby.

"Did he do this to you?"

Benjamin's voice turned cold, and he started walking toward Jacob.

I grabbed his arm, stopping him.

"No."

It was just the weight of the past, the sting of old wounds.

These damn Comments had no idea how painful it was to be with someone like Jacob.

"Then what..."

Benjamin's voice was laced with a rare note of panic.

I wiped at my tears haphazardly.

"Whoa, Professor, you made your girlfriend cry? For shame!"

"We've got a whole durian in our room if you need something to kneel on, man."

A couple of Benjamin's grad students walked by, their teasing loud and cheerful.

He immediately looked like he wanted to punch them.

But instead of backing off, they just grinned and lined up in front of me.

"Nice to meet you, Mrs. Professor!" they chorused.