He Loved Her, Not Our Baby

After her breakup, my best friend fell into a deep depression.

She decided every man was worthless, and every single day she pushed me to leave my boyfriend.

Jim Butler, at a loss, kept finding ways to win her over.

Treating her to meals. Sending her gifts and flowers.

The way he fussed over her, eager to please, looked like more effort than he ever put into me.

I assumed he did it for the sake of our future.

I never thought twice about it.

Not until that camping trip in the countryside, when Jim suddenly shoved me into the water.

My belly hit a rock, and the pain left me unable to straighten up.

He just pointed at the sorry state I was in and burst out laughing.

"Charity Pruitt, look at her. Doesn't Mary Henson look exactly like a drowned dog right now?"

Seeing Charity laugh through her tears, Jim quickly held out the grilled burger in his hand.

"There you go, that's a smile. Smile and you'll have an appetite to eat."

"As long as you don't object to me and Mary being together, I'll find a way to cheer you up every single day."

So his way of cheering her up was making a fool of me?

Pressing my hand to my throbbing belly, I suddenly felt it.

The three of us, our relationship, it had shifted into something different.

Yesterday morning, I'd found out I was three months pregnant.

I'd planned to surprise Jim with the news today.

But now, because of this little joke,

my baby had nearly died in the cold lake water.

I dragged myself up out of the water and called out without thinking.

"Jim, my stomach really hurts. Can you take me to the hospital first"

I called a few more times. No answer.

When I turned, I saw him and Charity laughing together a little way off.

Jim, who hated the smell of cooking smoke and never once set foot in our kitchen at home,

was standing in front of the grill now, sweat pouring down his face.

He held a fresh skewer up to Charity's lips, his face full of that eager-to-please smile.

"Lots of cumin, no chili, beef done medium. Try it, see if it tastes right."

"And if it gets too rich for you, here's the fresh-squeezed watermelon juice you love."

"The watermelon was chilled, and the juice is just squeezed."

No wonder he'd made a point of taking my things out before we left this morning.

It turned out he was clearing space so Charity could set up her juicer.

It left a bad taste in my mouth.

But I didn't know what to say.

After hesitating a moment, I took an Uber to the hospital myself.

Halfway there, Jim called on video.

"Mary, where did you go?"

"Charity couldn't find you just now and she was worried sick."

When I called him, he couldn't hear me.

But the second Charity asked, he panicked.

The one he cared about, was it me, or my best friend?

I turned my face away, feeling a wronged ache I couldn't explain.

"I'm not feeling well. I'm going to get checked at the hospital."

Charity leaned in beside him.

"What's wrong, Mary, where does it hurt? Do you want us to come be with you right now?"

Jim glanced at her, smiled, and said a few times that it was nothing.

Then he grabbed the phone back and dropped his voice low.

"Mary, can you stop making a scene?"

"It was just a joke. Do you really have to throw me a look like that?"

"There are so many people here. Do you have any idea how much you're embarrassing me!"

The one who was really humiliated was me, the one shoved into the water in front of everyone.

To get Charity to come on this trip, Jim had spent a whole week patiently begging her.

Washing dishes, mopping floors, saying every nice thing he could think of.

And me leaving early because I wasn't feeling well,

in his eyes that made me the difficult one, throwing a fit over nothing.

My body hurt too much. I didn't have the strength to argue.

I hung up in silence, got out of the car, and walked into the hospital.

The hospital was crowded today, and the air conditioning had been turned down very low.

I was soaked through, shivering with cold.

The farther I walked, the more wronged I felt.

Not long ago, Charity had run a fever.

The moment Jim heard, he'd been frantic.

He'd charged out into the pouring rain in the middle of the night, gone to Charity's place, carried her on his back all the way to the hospital.

Waited on her hand and foot, sat with her the whole night through.

And now? Would he come and take care of me?

I opened our chat.

I was still hesitating over whether to tell him I was pregnant.

Then a voice message came in from Charity.

"Since Jim worked so hard to cheer me up today, I'll do him the favor of staying for dinner."

"We won't be coming back tonight. Take care of yourself, get some rest."

At the end of the message, Jim's voice cut in, irritated.

"Why are you even telling her all this? We're not even married yet and she throws fits all day long. I can't keep indulging a nasty habit like that."

I hadn't sent my message yet.

But the answer was already plain.

Jim wasn't coming.

The hurt surged up again, and the words came out on their own.

"Doctor, you don't need to write the prescription."

"This baby. I don't want it."

This relationship. This man.

I didn't want them either.

The doctor frowned.

"Have you thought this through?"

"You're not in good health. If you terminate this pregnancy, it may be very hard for you to conceive again."

He seemed to read the conflict in my face, and he sighed.

"It's normal for young couples to quarrel. Don't gamble with something this important."

"You two clearly care for each other. Go home, give it some time, and come back once you're sure."

I nodded.

I took the medicine he prescribed and walked back in a daze.

It took forever to get an Uber.

By the time I got home, I was lightheaded with hunger.

I saw a bowl of porridge on the table.

Without thinking, I picked it up.

I'd barely taken one bite when Jim frowned and slapped my hand.

"Mary, what's gotten into you, scrounging like this?"

"That's for Charity. Her period's almost due and she's not feeling well."

"If you want something to eat, order your own takeout."

Charity came out of the bathroom right behind him.

Toweling her hair, she shot Jim a glare.

"You awful jerk, picking on Mary again."

"It's just a bowl of porridge. If Mary wants it, let her have it."

Jim quickly untied his apron and went to her side.

He took the hairdryer like he'd done it a hundred times and started drying her hair.

"It's not about the porridge. It's that I can't keep spoiling her."

"There was food earlier and she wouldn't eat. Now she comes back and tries to snatch things from you. There's no excuse for that."

"If she's got the nerve to give me attitude, then she can go hungry. A few empty stomachs and she'll learn her lesson."

A while back, when Charity's reconciliation with her ex fell through, she couldn't eat.

I ordered takeout for her a few times, and she threw every bit of it back out.

Jim, afraid her body couldn't take it, kept finding new things to bring her.

Trendy designer cakes. West End bagels.

Charity only had to post on her feed that she felt like a New York steak dinner.

And Jim would take time off, ride the bullet train, and bring it back for her.

Now it was me.

And all I got was, "Then she can keep going hungry."

The back of my hand had gone red from the slap.

And my heart had gone cold all the way through.

I looked at the two of them and couldn't hold it in.

"Jim, which one of us is actually your girlfriend?"

Jim froze for a second.

Without thinking, he let go of the hand resting on Charity's shoulder.

But he recovered fast, and put on that displeased look again.

"Mary, are you out of your mind?"

"Charity is your best friend."

"You're the one who told me she was heartbroken, that she was in a bad way, so I looked out for her a little extra. For your sake."

"It's bad enough you're suspicious of everything all the time, but now you're jealous of your own best friend?"

"With a personality like yours, no wonder you've never had a single friend your whole life!"

Back when Charity first broke up with her ex, I'd told him about my childhood. About being shut out, being pushed away, being the girl Charity took in. Back then Jim had sworn to me, hand on his heart.

"It's okay. From now on, you have me."

"Your best friend is my friend too. I'll help you carry it."

And now he was calling me paranoid.

Saying I deserved it.

A thousand things rose up in my chest and stuck there, and not one of them would come out.

All I wanted was to get out of that suffocating room.

I was about to turn away when Charity beat me to it and burst into tears.

"Mary, why would you say that about me?"

"My boyfriend abandoned me, and now you're abandoning me too."

"Is that really all I am to the two of you? Someone that worthless?"

"Fine. If there's no room in this world for me, then I'll just die."

"Once I'm dead, no one will ever get in the way of you and Jim's happy little life again!"

With that, she shoved me hard and ran for the door.

My lower back slammed into the corner of the table.

I sucked in a sharp breath and grabbed at Jim's arm without thinking.

He flung me off.

He glared at me, and the anger in his eyes wasn't even hidden anymore.

"Go on, Mary. Make your scenes, keep making them."

"Charity's the only friend you'll ever have in this life. If anything happens to her, let's see what you do then!"

He didn't spare me another glance.

Jim went after Charity and slammed the door behind him.

The one making sceneswas that me?

My lower back ached badly.

I slid down and sat there on the floor.

For a long time, I couldn't pull myself together.

I spent the whole night sitting with the pregnancy report, miserable.

I turned it over and over, and in the end I decided to sit down and really talk it through with Jim.

Seven years together. That wasn't easy to come by.

I opened my phone, and the first thing I saw was Charity's new post.

"Love is acceptance. It's having someone to lean on. It's a shoulder that holds you up, steady and sure."

Posted five minutes ago.

Location: a high-end private screening room.

Charity, eyes still red, was leaning on Jim's shoulder.

The lighting was dim and yellow, but you could still make out their fingers laced tight together.

A mutual friend had commented below.

"You and Jim are together now? Does Mary know?"

Charity didn't reply.

Jim didn't explain.

It seemed like the answer had been there all along.

My heart gave one hard, twisting clench.

I deleted the long, careful message I'd written out.

I replaced it with one short line.

"Jim. Let's break up."

When I refreshed, the post was gone.

Right after, Jim's call came through.

"Mary, don't read too much into it."

"That trash ex of Charity's has a new girl, and she couldn't stand it, so she just asked me to play her boyfriend for a bit."

"We only saw a movie together yesterday. Nothing else, I swear."

Whether they'd done anything, I didn't know.

What I knew was that the movie they'd watched was the surprise I'd planned for Jim.

I'd ached for how hard he'd been working lately.

I'd wanted to carve out some time and give him a real evening, just the two of us.

But in his evening for two, there was no me.

I slid my hand slowly to my belly, and when I spoke, it was with everything tangled up inside.

"It has nothing to do with that."

"It's that your Charity's care has already outweighed mine."

I didn't want to be the spare part in this relationship.

I'd had enough of being shut out and pushed aside back when I was a kid, and I was done with it.

Jim sighed.

There was anger threaded through the exhaustion in his voice.

"Mary, can you stop being so unreasonable? I'm exhausted, all right?"

"I have to work, I have to take care of you, and on top of that I take care of your friends for your sake. Maybe you could think about me for once?"

I was so tired.

Too tired to argue.

I hung up and blocked Jim's number.

Then I started packing to move back home.

Once I'd calmed down, I'd think it all through properlyhim, and the baby.

Halfway through packing, something felt off.

I lifted my head and looked slowly around the room.

The things had changed.

After Charity's breakup, she'd started staying at our place now and then.

Bit by bit, the photos in the living room had been swapped out for pictures of the three of us.

Jim and Charity leaned close together, smiling brightly.

I was crowded off into the corner, only half my head showing.

Charity's cartoon-print pajamas were hanging in the bedroom too.

Jim had bought three sets of them on his own, back then.

Mine had been too small and got returned; Charity's fit just fine.

After that, those two sets of pajamas had stayed in the closet of the master bedroom.

A bright, blatant announcement of Charity's unshakable place here.

Now those pajamas, and everything around them, seemed to be telling me without a single word.

"Mary, you're the spare one."

My heart hurt so much it felt ready to burst.

The tears I'd held back for so long finally fell, blurring everything in front of me.

My hands shook as I typed it in, over and over.

At last I dialed my mother's number.

"Mom, Jim and I broke up."

"Will you come and take me home?"

"I want to go home. To my own home."

My mother gasped, then said anxiously,

"What happened, sweetie? Weren't you two supposed to get engaged next year? How is it a breakup now?"

"All right, all right, stop crying first. Your dad and I are coming for you right now."

The two of them rushed back in no time at all.

My mother didn't ask a thing.

My father packed up my things without a word.

In that crowded apartment.

The things that were actually mine ended up filling just one small suitcase.

In the car I cried and told them the whole story, start to finish.

My father's hands gripped the wheel tight.

My mother held me and just cried.

Afraid I'd do something to myself, the two of them took turns taking time off to stay with me.

My old friends came around asking how things stood between Jim and me.

When they heard we'd broken up, one after another they sighed.

"Forget it. Honestly, you're better off split."

"There's something I never dared tell you. I was afraid you'd read too much into it."

"This whole time, a lot of us have run into Jim and Charity together."

"All over each other. Like they could barely stop themselves from making out right there on the street."

Someone sent me a screenshot of Jim's social media feed.

Seven years together, and he'd never once made us official.

Now his feed was full of Charity.

The two of them out shopping together, going to the amusement park together.

Going to every place I'd wanted to go, the places he'd never had the time to take me.

It would be a lie to say it didn't hurt.

A thousand kinds of hurt all pressed together into one thing.

"Let it go."

Jim and I were finished.

This baby, I'd raise on my own.

I made up my mind to forget the past.

And of all times, that was when Jim showed up at my family's door.

He pounded on it, roaring,

"Mary, get out here."

"Aren't you so clever? What kind of talent is it, hiding behind people's backs to run your mouth!"

The second I opened the door, Jim seized my wrist.

"Why are you out there telling everyone Charity's a homewrecker?"

"She was already in a bad place, and after she saw those messages you posted yesterday she nearly slit her wrists in the bathroom."

"You almost cost a person her life, do you understand that!"

Behind him, Charity was crying so hard she couldn't get the words out.

She choked them out anyway, between sobs.

"Mary, if you don't like me, just say so. Why would you destroy me in a way this vicious?"

"I know you've been jealous of me since we were kids, because people liked me, because I had friends."

"But I never hurt you, I never once thought about wrecking things between you and Jim. Why are you doing this to me!"

I had no idea what she was talking about. I wrenched my wrist out of Jim's grip.

"I didn't do anything!"

"The two of you behaved like that. How is that my fault?"

The shouting was loud enough now to pull the neighbors' eyes to us.

Jim couldn't stand losing face, and it only made him angrier.

"Still talking back. Apologize to Charity, now!"

"She already told me. When you were a kid, people froze you out because you were always smearing and lying about them behind their backs."

"She's too kind, always covering for you. I'm not that easy to fool."

"If you don't apologize to her today, I'll make you pay for it a hundred times over!"

"Don't forget, your promotion is still sitting in my hands."

The future I once gave up for love.

Now it was the leverage Jim used against me.

I let out a cold laugh and shook my head, not able to believe it.

"You're out of your mind."

I turned to leave.

Jim grabbed my hair and yanked me back, hard.

I had no guard up, no balance.

I went over backward and tumbled down the stairs.

My father had just come home from work and saw the whole thing.

He rushed forward, roaring in fury.

"Jim, have you lost your mind?"

"Mary's pregnant. How could you do something this cruel to her!"

Jim's eyes went wide in disbelief.

He reached out to help me up, full of regret.

But it was too late.

The pain tore through me from the inside.

I closed my eyes.

Blood spread across the floor.