Where the Stars Align for Us

The boy who'd looked after me for thirteen years,

Called me a retard and a psycho in the fourteenth.

On my birthday, he left me at a bus stop to leave with the new transfer student.

I have autism. I hid behind the bus sign until late at night.

His father dragged him over to apologize, but he refused.

"I don't owe her a thing! If I hadn't taught her to speak word by word, she wouldn't even act human!"

"I've been her babysitter for thirteen years. I'm done taking care of her!"

Suddenly, floating comments appeared before my eyes,

The male lead is jealous!

His twin brother pretended to be him and spent the day with the female lead. She didn't recognize him and kept calling him Liam.' He's so mad he dug his nails into his palms.

The female lead was born without empathy. The male lead is using this to make her understand his feelings.

I froze.

So that day, it was his brother who'd replaced him

Then maybe he could keep taking his place?

As soon as school was over, I walked to Liam Walker's desk.

The transfer student, Chloe, was standing next to him. When she saw me coming, she nudged him.

"Your little wife is here."

Liam was correcting Chloe's test paper. He didn't look at me or move.

I called him, "Liam, let's go home."

He didn't look up. "Go by yourself. I'm going to the library with Chloe."

I froze.

Chloe explained, "It's for final exam prep. You probably don't need to study, right?"

Autism makes it hard to deal with change.

In my mind, going home from school with Liam was a fixed rule. Now he told me to go alone, and I didn't know what to do.

So I reached for his hand. "Liam, go home."

After the third time, Liam still ignored me.

Chloe watched us pulling at each other and suddenly snorted. "She's like a robot."

She tilted her chin at Liam. "I thought you said Stella listened to you?"

Liam's expression darkened. He shoved me away hard.

Overstimulated, I screamed uncontrollably.

Classmates stared. Chloe hid behind Liam.

"Seriously? Is she insane?"

Liam dragged me out of the classroom.

Furious, he spat as we walked, "You're just a psycho who can't tell right from wrong! Why act like you can't live without me? You don't need to studyI do!"

I didn't fully understand. I asked, "Then are we going home?"

He'd already hauled me to the bus stop. He sneered.

"No!"

He turned back toward school. "Take the bus home yourself!"

My hearing's way too sensitive. All the traffic and people talking was just too much. With no one there with me, I didn't dare move. I covered my ears and crouched behind the bus stop, staying like that until it got dark.

I saw Liam and Chloe walk right past me. I called his name, but he just walked faster.

Bus after bus came and went. I kept hiding there until it was completely night.

Mom finally found me, pulling up in her car. When she saw me all curled up in the dark, her eyes got all red, she hugged me really tight.

She gave me my meds, then called Mr. Walker before taking me home.

The house was packed with people, some I knew and some I didn't know. Mom helped me change into this pretty princess dress, then led me into the crowd, and told me to cut the cake.

Oh.

Right. Today was my eighteenth birthday.

I didn't cut it. I'd promised Liam the first slice.

I ran to the balcony to wait for him.

The wind was really strong, making my eyes sting. I strained my neck looking for him until it ached, finally seeing Mr. Walker dragging Liam up the driveway.

Liam's face was swollen on one side.

Mr. Walker scolded him, "How could you leave Stella at the bus stop? She's never taken the bus by herself!"

Liam shot back, "Is she a stupid? Just swipe a card, get off at the stophow hard is that? What could possibly happen?"

Mr. Walker smacked the back of his head.

"What if she got lost? What if she got hit by a car? Could you live with that?"

Mom says if you see someone getting hit, you should stop it.

I was about to say something when Liam jerked his arm away and shouted at his dad.

"Why should I have to live with it? You're the ones who owe her family! I don't owe her anything! If I hadn't taught her how her to speak, she wouldn't even act human! I've been her babysitter for thirteen yearswhat more do you want from me?"

I just froze, then slowly put a hand on my chest.

It kind of hurt.

Mr. Walker pointed at Liam. "Youyou"

He stumbled over his words, finally just sighing, "But she only trusts you."

Liam spat out, "No!"

Then he added, "I'm done taking care of her. I want my freedom! Anyone else can handle herjust leave me out of it!"

Mom says observing and listening helps me understand feelings.

But their words tumbled too fast. All I understood was that Liam didn't want anything to do with me anymore.

It was getting hard to breathe.

Then this row of floating comments started scrolling over Liam's head, right to left.

The male lead is totally jealous!

His twin brother pretended to be him and spent the whole day with her. She calling him Liam' the entire time. This jealous puppy is digging his nails into his palms!

Female lead has no natural empathy. The male lead is trying to make her understand how he feels.

Male lead? Female lead?

What does that even mean?

Liam turned to leave.

Mr. Walker called after him, "What about Stella's birthday party?"

Liam didn't look back. "She can't tell us apart anyway! Let Leon do it!"

The comments started speeding up.

Female lead, don't give up! He hasn't gone far. Just call him crying, and he'll come running back.

He made you a necklace! He's even planned when to kiss you!

Who picked this female lead? First a mute, then a blind girlnow an emotionless autistic? Poor devoted male lead!

Little autistic girl, if you don't recognize him soon, your Liam won't want you anymore!

Didn't want me?

As Liam disappeared from view, this panic just seized me.

I was about to run after him downstairs when a car pulled up to my house.

Someone got out. When he straightened up, I saw a face exactly to Liam's.

Our eyes met. He smiled at me.

I stopped.

My breathing

Suddenly felt okay again.

I'm autistic. I couldn't speak until I was five.

I have all the typical traits.

No eye contact. Can't hold a conversation. No social skills. Don't understand other people's feelings. Don't feel things strongly myself.

Luckily, my parents are rich.

After discovering my condition, they took me to countless specialists.

They even decided to build an inclusive preschool, accepting kids whose families couldn't afford the fees, so the teachers could help them play with mehoping that everyday interaction would eventually teach me to speak.

That's where I met Liam.

Our first meeting was outside the preschool. I'd chased a little girl out and snatched her lollipop.

The girl cried. Her grandma yelled words I didn't understand at me and pinched myarm.

I lay on the ground, screaming, when he walked by with his backpack.

He asked the grandma what happened first. After hearing the story, he bought a new lollipop from the convenience store to apologize for me.

The grandma left with the girl. Liam tried to lead me back.

I didn't move. I pointed at the store.

Liam patted his pockets. After a momant, he said, "Call my name, and I'll buy you one."

I did.

And got what I wanted.

He helped me and made me speak.

My parents were so grateful to him. They showered his parents with gifts until the families became close friends.

Soon after, Liam's parents sent him to live with us.

They arrived at our door while I was counting the balcony railings.

I overheard Liam and Mr. Walker's conversation.

"Why me? When clearly"

"Stella's autistic. She needs a companion with her side 24/7. She needs you."

"But I need you too!"

"Your brother's medical bills cost them who knows how much. We owe them. And our place is too crowded now. Don't worrythey'll treat you well."

Mr. Walker wasn't wrong. My parents treated him wonderfully.

His room was next to mine. He got new clothes and toys as me.

He even got a bank card. My parents said our allowances were for his to manage.

But Liam cried that first night anyway.

I followed the sound and curiously touched the water streaming from his eyes.

"I don't like you," he told me. "You're just like my brothernothing but a burden."

How could there be so much water in his eyes?

I kept wiping, and wiping, endlessly wiping.

He finally hugged me back.

My parents never demanded much from Liam, but he was stubborn. He said he was going tomake me useful.

He made me call him "Liam."

He'd hold my hand, teaching me when to say "hello," "no," "sorry," and "thank you."

He even copied my tutor,giving me tasks and handing out rewards.

Maybe it was the resources my parents poured in, or maybe some wires in my brain finally connected. With his help, I improved rapidly over those years, getting closer to what people call to "normal."

And I grew more and more dependent on him.

My parents had connections. Liam and I were in the same class from preschool all the way through middle school.

Getting into the same high school was harder, but my parents donated a building to make it happen.

Freshman year, I got my period in class. Scared, I clung to Liam.

Liam pushed me away and ran to the school store to buy pads.

The stain ruined my pants and his too.

After that day, Liam suddenly moved out of our house and back with his family.

I couldn't adjust. I threw tantrums.

He stiffened, his ears turning red. "We need to keep our distance."

"No."

"Haven't you heard what the other kids are saying?"

I had. They called me his little wife.

But I didn't care.

"Liam, come home. I want to be with you."

His expression was complicated.

"Do you really want to be with me"

Then he shook his head. "Never mind. You wouldn't understand"

I didn't know what decision Liam made, but he changed.

He became stricter, more demanding, like he was trying to turn me into someone else.

Mom said I could just take it easy with learning, but he became obsessed with my grades.

He wanted us to go to Columbia University together.

Seeing me score in the 200-300 range on tests would make him angry.

He was anxious, and his anxiety spread to me.

I got irritable. Once, I even hit him with my pencil case.

He apologized but he didn't change his way.

"I know it's exhausting, but if you want to be with me, this is what you have to do."

But I was taking more medication. He didn't seem to care.

If I didn't do what he said, he'd ignore me.

I was terrified of being ignored. It made me panic, physically.

He'd been part of two-thirds of my life. All the rules I knew involved him. I couldn't imagine life without him.

So I kept giving in, until the transfer student, Chloe, showed up.

Chloe was loud and disruptivea huge variable in our stable routine.

She said she wanted to be friends and that she'd tutor me.

But her notes just confused me. She kept talking to Ethan, making him laugh.

She even took the reward stickers Liam bought for me.

I pushed her down.

Liam yelled at me for the first time, demanding I apologize.

He was completely focused on correcting my behavior, ignoring my reasons.

His shouting made me cry.

I apologized because I listen to Liam.

But to make it up to her, he gave Chloe the breakfast that was meant for me,

Bought her water during P.E.,

Tutored her instead of me,

Told her about my autism.

Chloe laughed at me in class.

"I heard you get 0-0,000 for every word you say. After all our talking, you owe me tens of thousands, right?"

"Liam says you're really obedientjust give you candy, and you'll do anything. Here, have some candy. Meow like a kitten for me?"

I didn't fully understand her words, but I recognized the meanness in her eyes.

I threw the candy back at her.

Liam demanded another apology. I refused.

"If you don't apologize, I won't take you to the amusement park this weekend."

He scowled. "You can't hit people, no matter the reason. An autistic person who's aggressive won't have any friends. Remember that."

He wasn't wrong.

But why did my chest feel so tight?

Mom said if someone hits or insults me, I can hit back.

I screamed, "I don't want to be her friend!"

Liam roared, "Stella!"

I ran away.

I didn't want to back down anymore.

Mom found out and took me to the amusement park anyway.

The sky was blue. The balloons at the entrance were pretty. I stared blankly at the fountain.

"Liam" showed up.

Mom told me to call him Liam.

He agreed and took me inside.

"Aren't you mad at me anymore?"

"Why would I be mad?"

"I hit someone."

"You had a reason, right? Were you being bullied?"

I nodded.

"Solving things peacefully is best, but if you can't, just protect yourself" He smiled. "I'll handle the apologies."

He seemed different.

Gentle. Spoke slowly. Walked slowly.

Whatever I did, he'd just watch with a smile.

I got cotton candy all over my hands. He didn't scold mejust wiped them clean, saying I ate with gusto.

Once, when I glanced back, I thought I saw an identical face, grimacing.

But "Liam" was right beside me. I didn't think too much about it.

That day, it had been his brother, Leon.

"Stella! Your Brother Liam is here! Come cut the cake!" Mom called out.

I saw Leon standing by the cake with Mom, smiling at me.

He wore a sharp suit that slimmed his waist and lengthened his legs. The fabric had this star pattern that matched his eyes perfectly.

I ran downstairs, slipped, and went crashing forward.

Leon tried to catch me. I slammed right into him, and we both went downtaking the cake with us.

Right in front of everyone, my eighteen-layer cake turned into a pile of rubble.

Leon landed on his back. I was sprawled out on his chest.

He made a pained sound but kept his hand on the back of my head, shielding me from getting covered in frosting.

The scene stunned everyone into silence.

"Stella! Apologize!" The memory of Liam's furious face popped into my mind.

It was a conditioned reflex. Terrified, I scrambled to my feet and hid behind Mom.

Mom helped Leon up. "Are you okay, sweetheart?"

"I'm fine." Leon shook his head, then smiled at me. "You aren't hurt, are you, Stella?"

I didn't answer. Staring at the ruined cream on his suit, I mumbled, "The first slice was for Liam."

Leon understood.

He picked up a chunk of cake from the floor and took a bite.

"Thanks, Stella." He grinned. "It's delicious."

I just stared at him, confused by the weird feeling in my chest.

Later, while everyone was dancing, I slipped away into the garden and called Liam.

Chloe answered.

"Stella? Liam's carrying me right now. He can't get to his phone. I put it on speaker. What's up?"

I felt a knot in my stomach but said, "It's my birthday today"

"Oh! Happy birthday!" Chloe chirped, then added, "Why didn't you tell us earlier? We can't come now. I sprained my anklewe're on our way to the emergency room."

The words burst out of me, "I don't want you here!"

"Hah"

I heard Liam's cold, sharp laugh.

"Just hang up," he said into the phone.

"What?"

"If she can't learn to be polite, hang up. She can call back when she's ready to apologize."

The line went dead.

I lowered my wrist, numbly listening to the dial tone.

"Beep beep beep"

I looked up at the sky. My eyes started to sting.

The comments had lied.

They said Liam would come. That he'd bring a necklace.

The stars were really bright that night. The air was cool. I stood on the grass, listening to the music drifting from the party, and my lonely "beeps" slowly turned into a hum that matched the melody.

It was a really sad tune.

"You memorized it after just one listen?"

Leon's voice came from behind me.

He moved so quietly. If I processed things faster, he'd have startled me.

I stopped humming and nodded.

He smiled, "Stella's so smart"

The corner of my mouth twitched upward. The sad music in my head faded away.

"This is for you." Leon handed me a small pink box. "Open it."

I did. Inside was a harmonica. Small and rectangular, with a row of neat holes.

"I don't know how to play."

"Just try blowing into it."

I did, and a bunch of screechy, disjointed notes came out.

Awful.

I frowned. Leon chuckled softly and gently smoothed my forehead with his finger.

"I believe you'll find the pattern."

His belief gave me a little confidence. I puffed out my cheeks, lined up the holes carefully, and haltingly played the sad melody I'd just been humming.

Leon started clapping.

"I knew it. Stella's a genius."

"Genius?" I shook my head. "No. I'm a retard."

Leon's smile vanished. A storm of emotions swirled in his eyes.

He looked heartbroken.

"Why would you say that?"

"I mess things up all the time. I only get scores in the two-hundreds"

"Stella, everyone's different."

Leon knelt down so he could look right into my eyes.

"You might not get the best test scores, but your hearing is incredible. Loud places are too much for you, but you can hear the smallest differences. That's your unique gift. You're not a retard. You're amazing."

I just stared at him blankly.

That tangled, confusing feeling filled my chest again. My heart felt like a pickled vegetableall wrinkled, and sour, and maybe a little bitter.

Leon pointed at the stars. "See them? They might all look the same from here, but every single one is different. That doesn't stop any of them from shining."

"I don't really understand."

Leon's smile was soft.

He ruffled my hair. "Just know they're all beautiful."

We stood there together, side by side, looking up at the stars.

A quiet peace settled around us. My heart felt like a kite, drifting upward up toward the starlight.

Finally, I asked the most important question.

"Can you always be my Liam?"

I got the answer I was hoping for.