By the Time You See This

I was a travel vlogger with a tiny following, yet two people spoiled me rotten.

My top supporter was my boyfriend, Liam, and the second was my best friend, Scarlett.

They constantly battled in my livestream chats, showering me with gifts like it was a competition, each determined to be number one in my eyes.

It gave me a headache, honestly.

But when a problem with my flight forced me home early, I saw the two sworn rivals kissing with a desperate, tangled passion.

Scarlett pulled away, breathless. "I have to go. Evie will be back soon."

Liam buried his face in her neck, his voice muffled. "Damn it. Wish her flight was delayed."

So it turned out, in this whole messed-up triangle, I was the inconvenient one.

Well, at least I wouldn't be in their way anymore.

This was my third year streaming. Id covered a lot of ground.

I recorded everything with my camera, stitching it together into my final life reel.

The title of the first video was: [By the time you see this, Ill probably be gone.]

The title of the last video was: [Liam, Scarlett if possible, I hope you forget me.]

Guess when it rains, it pours, right?

It started pouring just as I got home.

My first instinct was to call Liam to pick me up.

But then I thought better of it and put my phone away.

The rain was too heavy. No point making him drive out in this mess.

Now, standing outside my own door, rain dripping from my hair down my collar, soaking me to the bone, my first thought was:

Thank god I didnt bother them.

I slipped around to the fire escape and waited there quietly.

My wet clothes clung to me, unbearably uncomfortable.

Any other time, Id have barged straight into the bathroom for a hot shower.

But now, I just stared blankly at my toes, my mind completely empty.

It wasnt until I heard the front door open and close that I snapped out of it.

I walked over and entered the passcode as if nothing were wrong.

My hands were shaking, probably from the cold. I messed up the code a few times.

Just as I was growing frustrated with the screen flashing "Please wait one minute before trying again," the door swung open.

Liam peered out, a lazy grin still on his face.

"Forget something?"

His smile vanished the second he saw it was me.

"Evie? Weren't you on the three o'clock flight? Why are you back already? I was gonna pick you up!"

My watch showed 3:15. Liam awkwardly rubbed his face. "Damn, my memory's shot. I got caught up with some work stuff and totally lost track of time."

"It's fine," I said softly. "Work comes first."

"Can I come in? It's raining. I'm freezing."

Only then did the tension ease from his shoulders. He opened the door wider to let me in.

Id barely set my suitcase down when Liam spoke again, his voice sharp.

"Evie, why are you back so early? Your flights are always late."

I heard the suspicion in his voice. Inside, I echoed his thought:

If only it had been late.

Why, with just three months left to live, did I have to walk in on this?

On the way back, the plane hit a storm.

I sat by the window, watching nothing but churning black clouds, lightning flashing inside them.

The whole plane shook violently, tossing me around in my seat.

It was bad. You could hear people crying. All I did was clutch my bag tighter.

Truth be told, three years ago, when I first learned I had stomach cancer, I had cried just as desperately, gasping for air.

But living under deaths shadow for so long somehow, in that chaos, I felt weirdly calm.

The guy next to me yelled anxiously, "Silly girl! Grab the seatbelt! What are you holding that bag for? Got an urn in there?!"

I ignored him.

It wasnt an urn.

It was my last three years. My goodbye reel.

Only one thought crossed my mind then:

Thank god I brought the camera. If this plane goes down, at least Liam and Scarlett will hear my last words.

I pushed the memory away. "Bad weather. The pilot sped things up."

Liam finally noticed I was dripping wet.

He knelt to help me out of my shoes, then rushed to get me hot water.

He bustled about, taking care of me.

When he came back from the bathroom with a clean towel, he saw my eyes land on the rumpled couch cushions.

He hurried over and didn't even notice the towel fall to the floor.

"Just crashed here for a bit this afternoon. I toss and turn like crazy when I nap. Made a mess."

He smoothed out the cushions, then grabbed a handmade throw blanket, starting to fold it.

I stopped him. "It looks a bit dirty. Toss it in the wash?"

"Sure." Liam didn't question it. He scooped up the blanket and hurried towards the laundry room.

I knew that blanket was clean. Id asked Liam to air it out just a couple of days ago.

But remembering how theyd been tangled up on it I just couldn't stand the thought.

Id knitted that blanket for Scarlett. Liam had wheedled it away from her.

"No way! I'm your boyfriend! Your first handmade blanket has to be mine!"

Scarlett nearly punched him. "Liam, you have no shame! Evie made that for me!"

Theyd tugged at it like kids fighting over a toy, faces red, looking ridiculous.

Id had to coax Scarlett into letting go, promising her a bigger, prettier one.

A triangle might be the strongest shape, but for the three of us, it wasn't.

Over the years, stuff like this happened all the time.

My boyfriend and my best friend. Stuck in the middle, I was always playing peacemaker.

So how did they end up tangling together behind my back?

Since the cancer, my body felt like a rusty machine.

Getting caught in the rain caused it to break down again.

I was burning up, drifting in and out of sleep, when I heard Scarletts voice.

"How did Evie get so sick so fast? Liam, what were you thinking?!"

A cool hand touched my forehead. It felt so comforting I couldn't help but nuzzle into it.

Scarlett and I had been best friends since diapers.

I was always the sickly kid, skinny as a stray cat, turning red at the slightest effort.

Scarlett would always check my forehead, worried I had a fever.

Back then, it was Scarlett helping me to the nurse's office. Later, it was Liam who carried me.

Liam was my senior. He hit me with a basketball once during a game.

I saw stars immediately and sprained my ankle.

He felt awful and from then on took charge of getting my meals and water.

Every day, without fail, he came to check on my ankle and then carried me home.

After my ankle healed, he still brought me lunch daily.

Hed bolt out of class to grab my favorite dishes from the cafeteria line.

Scarlett used to whisper in my ear, "No free lunch in this world, Evie. Watch out. Don't let that wolf snatch you up."

Maybe Im just loyal to a fault.

Scarlett and I grew up together so she was my only real friend.

Liam took care of me and I fell for him.

When Liam found out how I felt, he was over the moon. Scarlett was furious.

"What's so great about that lunkhead? Anything he can do, I can do better! Evie, why can't you just like me?"

Back then, I hugged a sulking Scarlett, repeating, "I do like you. I like you too."

But you can't love two people at once. Liam and Scarlett both claimed the "main partner" spot, becoming sworn enemies.

Every time they met, it was sarcasm and sharp words.

One reason I made the videos was hoping that after watching them, they might ease up on each other, preferably without resentment.

Getting a terminal illness was nobodys fault but my own bad luck.

Maybe because I met the two best people in the world, felt the purest happiness God just had to take something back.

"Liam, did you give Evie her meds? Shell wake up feeling awful and thirsty. Go boil some water..."

Scarlett chattered on, bossing him around.

Liam said "Okay" twice. His voice held a warmth Id never heard before, none of the old tension.

"Scarlett," Liam said softly, "You barely left yesterday when Evie showed up."

Scarletts voice cut off.

I struggled to open my eyes a slit. I saw a hand jerk back and Scarletts face go deathly pale.

"Don't panic. Evie might not know. I tested her last night. Shes her usual self. She even brought us souvenirs from her trip."

Seeing how pale Scarlett was, Liam got flustered instead.

He shoved the hot water meant for me into Scarletts hands.

"Don't be scared. I'm here. Have some water. Calm down."

Scarlett took a sip and some color returned to her face.

She looked at Liam, then at me, burning up and unconscious, and suddenly broke down.

"We got away with it this time, Liam. What about next time? How long are we going to keep hiding this?!"

She paused, scrubbing tears away fiercely, her nose red.

"I can't take it, Liam. The guilt is eating me alive. Before Evie finds out... let's end this."

Liam jerked his head up. He grabbed Scarlett suddenly, pulling her tight against him.

"You talk about Evie all day long! How long are you going to play mommy to her?!"

"That high-maintenance princess just gives you endless worry, Scarlett! When are you going to think about yourself for once?"

"Scarlett, feelings aren't something you just hand off like a baton. It's not about who got there first. If we both want this, there's no reason to break up."

Liam's voice was firm. It took me back to that summer.

A blushing boy shoving a bouquet of sunflowers into my arms.

"Evelyn, be my girlfriend! I'll do a better job than Scarlett ever could!"

I closed my eyes again, too weak to keep them open.

Tears, hot and sour, spilled from the corners, soaking into the pillowcase.

So even our love confession had Scarlett's shadow in it.

I should have seen it sooner.

"Ahem..."

Hearing my dry cough, they sprang apart.

Scarlett rushed to my side, carefully offering me water.

"Evie? How are you feeling? Still awful?"

I took small sips from her hand. The scratchiness in my throat eased a little.

"Better," I whispered, giving Scarlett my usual smile.

She looked away, uncomfortable. "I'll... I'll go get some basic meds. Just in case..."

The moment she stood up, she swayed, covering her head as if unsteady.

"Scarlett!"

Liam was faster than my voice.

He caught her, one arm around her waist, the other cupping her face, his expression frantic.

"Scarlett! What's wrong? Where does it hurt? I'm taking you to the ER!"

Just as he was abou to scoop her up, Scarlett pushed his shoulders away, putting distance between them.

"It's nothing! Just got dizzy for a second, lost my balance. No need for the hospital. Evie needs you."

"Liam, honestly! Stop overreacting!"

Scarlett shot me a nervous, guilty look.

Liam stood there, pushed away, looking dazed. His head was down, expression hidden.

I saw it all, but pretended I hadn't.

"Scarlett, low blood sugar again? I brought you Belgian chocolate. It's on the table. Go grab some."

I called out to Liam. "Liam, help Scarlett find it. I got you something too. Don't go stealing hers this time."

Liam snapped out of it. He stiffly led Scarlett out of the bedroom.

The second they were gone, I couldn't hold back. I rushed to the bathroom, retching violently.

Acid and blood burned my throat, searing my insides.

I clutched my stomach, leaning over the sink, sweating bullets, shaking uncontrollably.

Id held it together with great difficulty while they were here.

Now the floodgates opened, and it was overwhelming.

The noise brought Liam and Scarlett running.

"Evie? You in there? What's wrong?"

I used the last of my strength to lock the door, then slumped to the floor.

The woman in the mirror was ghostly pale. A total wreck.

I wanted to keep it hidden, so I didn't want them to see.

But...

I stared at the strand of hair that had just fallen onto the floor.

Suddenly, I wasn't sure how much longer I could hide it.

"Ms. Chen, your condition has worsened."

I nodded calmly. Id expected it.

That day, locked in the bathroom, Id just picked up one fallen hair when another drifted down.

Fear flooded my brain. I touched my head.

Another strand came away.

Then clumps. I was shedding hair constantly, vomiting acid non-stop.

In just a few days, Id wasted away.

I looked too awful. So I rented a place alone, moved out without telling Liam or Scarlett.

"Ms. Chen, are you still opting for palliative care? Chemotherapy could offer some relief..."

The doctor spoke carefully, aware of the deathly pallor I couldn't hide.

I adjusted my wig. Managed a smile.

"Yeah. I'm scared of the pain. Don't want to put myself through that. Just give me something for the pain."

After picking up my meds at the pharmacy window, I turned and bumped into someone.

"Sorry."

The voice was instantly familiar.

I looked up straight into Liam's shocked eyes.

"Evelyn? What are you doing at the hospital?"

I opened my mouth, scrambling for an excuse, when the pharmacy called Liam's number.

"Dydrogesterone. Twice daily, one tablet. Monitor for mood swings. Avoid stress."

Liam took the bag awkwardly. "It's for my sister."

"Oh..." I started.

Another voice cut in.

"Liam, the doctor said I need to be careful in the first trimester. Stop stressing me out."

The tone held a hint of playful whining. For a second, I almost didn't recognize Scarlett's voice.

"Evie! What are you doing here?"

Now I sensed the weird tension between them.

Guess fighting for years breeds its own kind of intimacy.

"Scarlett? You're pregnant? Since when did you have a boyfriend? Why didn't I know?"

Scarlett's pupils dilated. Her fingers twisted her shirt hem, knuckles white.

"Evie, I..."

Liam cut her off, looking me dead in the eye.

"I'm her boyfriend. The baby's mine."